Summertime Sadness

(Fast forward to draft day)

Nicole:

Today was the big day. Nate was being drafted! I was so excited, I couldn't wait until they called his name and he walked up and put the jersey on for whatever team he was going to. When we got to the Prudential Center in New Jersey I could tell Nate was getting nervous. As we were sitting in our seats people were coming up and shaking Nate's hand wishing him luck. I recognized a few people, like his teammate Jonathan Drouin and Seth Jones form the Memorial Cup, but other than that they were mostly strangers. As the clock ticked down on the big screen I noticed Nate was stuck in a cycle.

Look up at the clock, look around the arena, tap his feet, rub his hands together, take a deep breath, repeat

"Nate, stop it, okay. You're starting to make me nervous." I put my hand on his leg and he smiled an innocent smile. "Sorry, I can't help it." I grabbed his hand and quickly stood up. "Come on." "What? Where are we going?" "Let's go walk around or something, I just need you to stop this nervous cycle you're going through." "But, I don't think we have time." He pointed up at the clock and I laughed. "Nate we have thirty minutes! Come on." I pulled him away from our seats and took him out into the concourse area. "Um, Nicole, really I'm fine. Honest." I rolled my eyes and pulled him to the side away from everyone. "Nate, just admit it." "What are you talking about?" "Don't play dumb Nate. Tell me right now, what is it?" He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "Okay, I don't want to be here. I can't take all of this." I looked at him concerned. "What do you mean this?" He pointed toward the opening leading to the stands and main area for the draft. "I mean 'this'. I can't take it. I'm not ready for all of this Nicole."

I put my hands on his shoulders to calm him down. "Nate, if you weren't ready you wouldn't be ranked number one going into the draft. Trust me everything is going to be alright." "No, Nicole. Everything is not going to be alright." I gave him a smile but he pushed my hands away and walked over to a window. "See that? In twenty minutes, my life is going to be changed forever! I'm not ready for all of this to happen, not now. I'm just gonna tell whoever drafts me I want to play juniors for one more year." I shook my head. "Nate you can't be serious? There is no need for you to do that! You are ready! Forget juniors, forget Halifax, you are ready to go to Colorado, or Tampa, or wherever. Don't tell them you want to play juniors for another year!" "Forget Halifax? Forget my home, my family, you? It's not that simple Nicole, I can't believe you would even think that." "I never said it was easy, but you can't be stuck in the junior life, I know it may seem like a big step but you are ready for it. And I don't want you to forget me, your family, or the mooseheads, but there is no reason for you to stay."

He chuckled a bit and looked down. "You're really digging yourself a hole Nicole. No reason for me to stay? Our relationship isn't a reason to stay?" "Well, I mean why would you stay in Halifax just for our relationship if your good enough to play in the NHL? It seems stupid." "Now our relationship is stupid?" "No! Just listen for a minute! I don't want you jeopardizing your career for our relationship." I held his face in my hands trying to calm him down and he rested his forehead on mine. "I can't let you put me before your career. I don't think people would see that as a good thing." "But I don't want you waiting around for me. I hate the idea of leaving. I can't put you through that, I can't put myself through that." Tears formed in his eyes and I could tell he was being sincere. "What are you saying?" He sniffled. "I'm saying, if I make whatever team drafts me, we're done." I pulled my hands away from his face and stepped away. "No! No, Nate that's not an option. We can handle long distance. "Come on Nicole. Think about it, can you really stand text messages and phone calls for months? And maybe an occasional visit on holidays and breaks? I'm not putting you through that." "Maybe not at first, but I'd adjust, I would make it work." "How?" "Because I love you! Isn't that enough?" "I'm not sure it is anymore Nicole. I'm just not sure." He went back to our seats and I waited a minute to calm down and pull myself together before joining him and his parents.

-

Like expected,Nate went number one at the draft. I wanted to be happy, but I couldn't. All I could think about was Nate making the team and having to hear him say, it's over. I'm not ready for that, I know he isn't either, but he feels it's what right so I can't change that. For now we are back in Halifax, but Nate is leaving tonight for the Colorado Avalanche training camp. I decided to head over to his house to talk. I pulled in and took a deep breath. Knowing what I was about to say to him was hard for me to believe, but I knew I had to do it, if I wanted to have any chance at saving this relationship. I went inside and Nate's parents weren't home. I heard his music coming from his room and walked toward the stairs. As I walked up the staircase I heard the lyrics from the song being played, She had my heart, at seventeen. Man I fell so hard, I lost everything. Where she is now, I just don't know. How she got gone when I never let her go. I couldn't help but get upset at the song considering what we've been going through lately. I got to the top of the stairs and walked slowly into his room as he was packing a bag. He turned around as he heard me come in. He took a deep breath, "Hey." I looked around the room and replied, my voice a bit raspy from crying, "Hey." I walked over to his dresser and looked at the picture of him and I from when we first started dating while he zipped up his bag.

"Nicole-" "Wait, I, I've been thinking about it." I interrupted him and he stood there waiting to hear what I had to say. "And I've decided that, I'm not going to have this conversation again. I can't just sit here waiting for you to come back." He shook his head in agreement with tears in his eyes. "I don't want that either." I felt the tears now forming in my eyes and took a step toward him. "Then stay! Be the love of my life, just love me more then you hate the thought of leaving!" "I'm sorry Nicole. I can't do that." His voice was getting caught in his throat as he began to get more upset. "We both know I have to leave." He put the strap to his bag over his shoulder and started to leave. Is hook my head. "No, no no! Don't you dare walk away from me! I swear to god Nathan you talk one more step, we are done! Okay? No more surprises, no more make-ups, no more apologies. We are done!" The tears were streaming down my face as he stopped in front of his doorway. We were both breathing hard waiting for his response. He went to turn to look back, but stopped himself. He looked back toward the hallway and walked out. I stood in shock for a minute that he really left, but quickly ran down the stairs and out his front door.

As he pulled out of his driveway he looked over at me as I stood in his front yard with tears running down my cheeks. He put his truck in drive and in that moment, that was it, he was gone.