High Hopes

"More! Pour more, woman! We're having a heart to heart which means a shit ton of wine." The vivacious blonde giggled, holding her glass out to me insistently. I could only smile and do as she asked, unable to believe where I was at this very moment. I was in Jeremy Renner's house, sitting on a couch at three in the morning with none other than Jennifer Lawrence.

My phone changed songs, beginning to play "Let Her Go" by Passenger. Jennifer looked at me and raised her eyebrows. "You know what that means. It's a sign. Talk about him."

I rolled my eyes. We had spent the last few hours talking about many things. We talked about things only some girls find interesting, she told me about her boy problems, we had stalked people on my Instagram since Jen didn't have one, and now it was my turn to talk about boy problems. Where to begin?

"What's there to talk about?" I asked, finishing my glass of wine and pouring some more. Classy drunk ladies.

"Well, start with your break-up. What happened? Jeremy said you two were best friends and then you started dating and like, a minute later you guys broke up and weren't speaking."

I winced. "Well, when you say it like that we sound stupid."

"It is stupid. You two are perfect human beings and you could've been a power couple. Why give that up?" She said. She was always half sarcastic and half genuine, so I wasn't sure whether to thank her or smack her.

There was a pause in conversation and I decided to be real. "I've only done a few movies and he's, well, he's Tom Hiddleston. He's a big deal. I wasn't ready for that. And so we broke up. And he fought me on it and then it didn't end well and that was that. I'm a really stubborn person so I wouldn't talk to him. We talked tonight though."

Jennifer gave me a big smile, her eyes lighting up. "How'd it go?"

I started to tear up, thinking about him, and my grandmother, and my issues with all of it - with life in general. "I'm a mess," I said through tears.

Jennifer set her glass down and grabbed me, scooping me up in her arms and shushing me like the older sibling she was to me. She rocked me half to sleep, but I stayed awake for her words of wisdom. "You know he's a good guy, Grace. He might've said something he didn't mean, or maybe he did something stupid, or both. But he's good. He's one of the good ones. Sometimes we need help, you know? This life is hard. Don't let him be one of your complications, because that's not what he is. He's the guy that helps you get through the day. And you're that for him too."

She was right. "I know I shouldn't be scared, because I love him. But I am."

She nodded, untangling herself from me and returning to the wine. "It is scary, feeling like everyone is watching your every move. But you're not dating everyone, you're dating him. Or at least, you better be. Next movie premiere I want to see you there on his arm. I want to see that smile on his face, like 'Yeah I'm the luckiest man here', because that's what he'll look like."

"I owe him a really big apology," I admitted.

Jen's eyes lit up. "I have an idea!"

---

"Boy I miss you, said I really doooooo," I sang along to the Fifth Harmony song while I worked in the kitchen. I was hoping the cinnamon roll smell would waft into the sleeping bear's room and wake him up.

Jennifer had gotten Jeremy to leave the house and let me cook breakfast in hopes of actually getting my shit straight with Tom. And I had agreed. I was finally ready.

I was getting nervous waiting for him, so I turned up the song and sang at the top of my lungs. "NOW I UNDERSTAND THAT WE'RE BETTER TOGETHER."

"I knew that was you singing," Tom mumbled, causing me to jump. I hadn't realized he was there, but at least my attempt to wake him up worked. "By the resemblance the sound had to a dying cat."

"Rude," I shot back, not having to think about it. "No cinnamon rolls for you."

He laughed, taking a seat at the kitchen's island. Everything I had made was finished, so I started to plate it all. "How's your head?" I asked.

He rubbed at his eyes as I placed the food in front him and then walked around, sitting in the chair next to him. I noticed that when I sat down he had turned his body to face mine. I don't know why, but I liked it.

"It could be better," He smiled his cute little smile. "Thank you for this, I appreciate it."

I took a deep breath. This was it. "It's just my way of saying sorry, I guess. I've been a real bitch to you. I'm stubborn, which is why I refused to talk to you. I'm a mess and headstrong and I didn't want to be anybody's problem. I was hurt by what you said, but I should've heard you out when you tried to apologize. I guess I realized all of that last night, after you so gracefully passed out."

Tom stared at me with his big, blue eyes. He hadn't touched his food. Instead, he listened to what I had to say with his hands in his lap. He smirked at my last few words, looking down at his hands embarrassedly. "It's okay, Grace. I am and always was here for you. I've been hoping that you'd be ready to forgive me for quite some time now."

I smiled shyly. "Ta da?" I brought my hands up in gesture of myself and the food.

We spent the rest of the morning talking about random things, like which hot sauce was best. I contended that Tabasco was the way to go, but Tom stood by Sriracha. I smiled at his dumb face - at how he defended his hot sauce so eloquently and passionately - and I knew. This was the man I was in love with. I was glad to have him back.

My phone buzzed and I fished it out my purse. It was my alarm because I had to go to a fitting for my latest movie. "Crap, I've gotta go Tom."

"Wait, Grace, I want to ask you. Will you go to the Thor premiere with me?" He asked, his expression hopeful. I slid off the chair slowly, not sure what to say. The familiar feeling of wanting to please him but being scared to be seen with him publicly came rushing back.

"Tom, I hope you don't get the wrong idea. I want to be friends right now."

"As my friend, then. I'll have Luke make sure everyone knows." Tom was determined.

I shook my head. "I don't think so, Tom. Isn't the premiere in a couple of days, anyway? I think I'm busy."

He nodded in understanding. "At least come to the after party. As my friend, I want you there."

I sighed. "I'll think about it."

Truthfully, I was scared. I was worried I'd do something stupid, or something that I'd regret, or possibly both. I'd wanted to be his friend again a lot more slowly than he did, evidently.

"Well, I suppose I can't complain about that. You know I'll bug you about it all week though!" He smiled as I grabbed my stuff and pulled my shoes on. Once I was ready to leave, I held the gift I'd made for him tightly. I didn't want to give it to him. I was realizing it was stupid, and childish. But I'd spent a lot of time on it, so I grew a pair and placed the mix CD in front of him.

"Uh," I paused. He looked up at me with wonder on his face. "I made this. For you. It's stupid. I don't know, we both like music so I thought maybe you'd appreciate it. Like. A peace offering?"

Gosh, aren't I smooth?

"Um, but don't read into it too much. Well, read into some of the songs. I don't know. I'm gonna go now. I'll talk to you later."

I quickly walked out, cursing to myself. The fact that he still made me nervous after all this time was a pretty good indication that I should not let him go. As if I could have ever let him fully go.