With This Ink In Our Skin, We've Sealed Our Fate

“It's not about following your heart and it's not about keeping your promises. It's about security.

What's that supposed to mean?

Money. He's got a lot of money!

You smug bastard. I hate you for saying that.

You're bored Allie. You're bored and you know it. You wouldn't be here if there wasn't something missing.

You arrogant son of a bitch.

Would you just stay with me?

Stay with you? What for? Look at us, we're already fighting'

Well that's what we do, we fight... You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you are a pain in the ass. Which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a 2 second rebound rate, and then you're back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing.

So what?

So it's not going to be easy. It's going to be really hard. We're going to have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day. Will you do something for me, please? Just picture your life for me? 30 years from now, 40 years from now? What's it look like? If it's with him, go. Go! I lost you once; I think I can do it again. If I thought that's what you really wanted. But don't you take the easy way out.”

I could feel my phone vibrate next to my thigh; knowing who was calling, and what for. At this moment, I was invisible to the world. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, I just wanted to sit here, watch The Notebook, and eat a tub of ice-cream. I didn’t want to deal with the world today, and that was that.

“What easy way? There is no easy way, no matter what I do, somebody gets hurt.

Would you stop thinking about what everyone wants? Stop thinking about what I want, what he wants, what your parents want. What do YOU want? What do you WANT?

It's not that simple.

What... do... you... want? Whaddaya want?

I have to go now.”

What did I want? Why was I even here?

I felt the vibration again and sighed; reaching under my blanket to pick up my phone.

“Billy” flashed on the screen and I threw my phone down, and headed to the kitchen. I’ve been too upset to eat anything, and it felt like my stomach was about to eat itself. I pulled open a carton of eggs, grabbed butter and grabbed a pan out of the cupboard. I turned around to see a dark figure standing in my kitchen and I screamed; dropping everything I had in my hands.

“Dude, calm down.” Billy yelled, putting his hands up. My heart was racing a thousand miles a second. I glared up at him and chucked the paper towel roll at his head. Since that was the only thing I could grab at the time. I would have preferred something much heavier.

“What the fuck Billy, don’t sneak into some ones house!” I looked down and saw my carton of eggs smashed on the floor. “You’re buying me a new carton of eggs.”

I heard him chuckle and bend down to help me clean up the mess. “Well maybe if you’d answer my calls, I wouldn’t have to sneak in. I thought you were dead.”

“Well as you can plainly see, I am not dead; so goodbye.”

“Oh are you still mad at me? “ I didn’t respond so he sat down and propped his head on his hands. “I was actually here looking for Benji, but I guess I’ll bug you instead.”

I stuck my tongue out at him

“He’s not here, he left earlier; I thought he was with you guys at the studio?”

“No, he hasn’t talked to us all day.”

Well that was strange I thought.

Just then I hear the front door opening and Benji walked into the kitchen; he looked surprised to see Billy there.

“Hey dude what’s up?” He smiled and hugged him.

“Nothing dude, what’s up with you?” He said hugging him back.

“Where have you been Ben?” I asked. Wrong move; I seen the warning look in his eyes.

“Just went to go visit a friend” He said through a forced smile. He walked over to me and put his arm around me; squeezing a little too tight.

“What do you have going on tonight Billy?” Benji said looking back at Billy.

“Well I was going to see if you wanted to come to the club with us; Matt, Brian and them were going to come too.”

Great, just what I needed.

“Sure sounds like a lot of fun.” He looked at me. “Babe you want to come with us?” The sound of his voice said he wanted me to come, but the look in his eyes said I better decline the offer.

“No that’s alright; I have a lot of work to do tonight anyways.”

“Oh come on Kat, you are always working; come join the fun.” Billy pleaded. Obviously not knowing what a controlling freak his best friend is.

“No it’s okay, you guys have fun; guys night out.” I moved away from Benji and decided that I had to get started on work. I excused myself and walked upstairs; hoping to get away from him a tiny bit longer. I heard the door close downstairs and Benji stomp upstairs.

“WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?” Benji screamed as he slammed open the door. I jumped and turned towards him; seeing that his face was bright red.

“You like embarrassing me in front of my friends?” “He grabbed me and slammed me up against the wall; letting out a cry as my back smashed against it.

“I-I’m sorry.”

“What I do in my free time is none of your concern, bitch.”

I nodded and slid down the wall once he let me go. He kicked me in the side and pulled me back up; this time by the throat.

“I don’t know why you make me do this Kat; you know I love you. I’d hate to see you leave me.” I grabbed his hand, trying to pull away to get the tiniest bit of air I could manage.

He used his other hand to caress my face, looking into my eyes. “You’ll never leave, right?”

I shook my head frantically. “No” I rasped.

“Good” This time he let me go and walked away. “I’m leaving now, don’t wait up.” I watched him leave and as soon as I heard his car engine go, and speed down the road I let out a wail.

I don’t know why I even fucking stay. “Because he’ll kill you if you do.” My stupid mind reminded me.

I got up and decided to take a shower and head to bed.

2:30

Is what the digital numbers on the clock said when Benji decided to come home. He stepped into the room and didn’t turn any lights on; thank god.

I could feel the bed shift with his weight as he climbed in. Soon enough I could feel the cold fingers of his hand sliding up inside my panties.

Go away I kept thinking but of course it never turned out like that. He grabbed my shoulder and turned me onto my stomach, making my ass go up in the air. This was the usual routine; fuck me in the middle of the night, but he doesn’t want to see my face.

It doesn’t get me off anymore, so I just fake moan to not make him upset, and the horror gets done quickly.

Soon enough he spilled his seed inside of me and was fast asleep in his spot. I mentally sighed and wondered if this was going to be like this for the rest of my life. Sometimes I wish I was dead; maybe then I’d get some constant peace.