Make This Go on Forever

"Please, please... go away, please!" I sobbed, leaning against the bathroom door as I slid to the floor in my white gown.
It was supposed to be the best day of my life. Instead, I've found myself pounded by an anxiety attack and unable to breathe. It had started merely by the sight of Joesph's arrival, sudden and unexpected. My mother always loved him, and had decided it was a good idea to bring him in to see me as I was getting ready. Big fucking mistake... if only I hadn't opened the door, if only I hadn't listened to the words my mother said.
"It's just too bad you didn't end up together, she deserves you."
Another strangled sob escaped my throat. My mother and I have had our differences, but to hear the words come out of her mouth that I deserved to be in an abusive relationship was the killer to my day. I had stormed out of the room instantly and found myself where I was, a mess on the bathroom floor.
"What's her problem?" I could hear my Mother on the other side of the door.
"I-um, Mrs. Reed, maybe you should um, go." I could hear Ali's hesitant voice from behind the door. I covered my mouth, my eyes looking up to prevent the mascara from falling onto the pressed white gown. I heard the sound of footsteps stomp away and moments later, quieter ones pittering towards me.
"Ana, sweetie, come out." Ali said, her voice against the door. I shook my head, even though she couldn't see me. I was simply overreacting, but the weight of the world felt as though it had been crashing around me. Was I so bad of a person?
"Please dear? We have 20 minutes..." She said, begging.
"N-no. I- I don't feel l-like it." I cried out, clutching at my belly. Today was not going how I wanted it to be.
I heard Ali sigh, and move away. Squeezing my eyes shut, I felt cool tears against my cheeks as I laid to the ground. Memories flashed through my mind all too fast.
Packing my bags, running away.
Kissing my best friend.
Lying on the cold floor of my apartment, waiting to die.
Ruining everything.
Ruining everything.
I gasped, strangled by my voice. I couldn't do this. No. They were all better off without me. I wasn't going to be a good wife, I wasn't a good mother. I was never a good person. I'd rather be lonely. My mother was right, I deserved to hurt.
I deserved to die alone.
Sputtering, I got up and straightened out my dress. I was doing what was best for everyone. I was going to leave, and never look back. Creaking open the door, I looked around to see no one in my hotel room. With a quiet gulp I turned to the bed, sitting down. My suitcase lay open near my feet, and I held my head in my hands.
No, I couldn't do this.
I started to cry harder, how could I get myself in so deep? Feeling sorry for myself? I continued to bury myself deeper away from everyone, making a wreck of myself. And here I was, a bride crying into her wedding dress.
I hadn't noticed the door open and the footsteps running towards me, and I didn't look up when arms lifted me to my feet, when my body leaned on his. Inside I allowed the last of my tears to come, choking until I was dry.
"No, no no baby. No." Tony whispered in my ear, one of my arms around his neck while the other was desperately clinging to his hand. We had begun to slowly spin, Tony making me dance. I began to laugh through the tears.
"I know. I know and I'm sorry. I was so stupid, I don't want to go."
"I'm here. I'm here. You're going no where, I'm here. And I love you." He said, shaking his head feverently. I looked up to see the tear tracks on his cheeks. "Everything we've been through, everything you've been through, doesn't matter after today. Okay?"
"I fucking love you so fucking much." I whispered, our foreheads pressing together. Tony let out a soft chuckle, his warm breath tickling my lips.
"Ellie's first word is going to be fuck, and it will be your fault." He teased.
We continued to spin the room in silence, dancing our first dance before our first dance. It wasn't until the sound of heels clacking into the room that we were pushed apart, literally. Ali stood between us, pouting.
"Okay okay we're all good. Now go! You've seen enough! You weren't supposed to act out the whole wedding." She shook her head, seriously frusterated. Tony nodded, chuckling slightly as he began to walk out the door. I grabbed his hand and he stumbled back towards me, our lips meeting for a moment before I pulled away.
"See you at the altar." I winked. Tony grinned before walking away, stealing glances from behind his shoulder until the door was shut behind him.
"Jeez, lovebirds. About time." Ali said, re-appearing. I rolled my eyes at her and took a seat at the vanity, pulling out the tube of mascara to re-apply. Her being my only bridesmaid, she went through the process of fixing my makeup, dress, and hair by herself until I was pristine again.
"You couldn't look more beautiful." She whispered, her voice thick. Looking to my best friend, tears were gathered in her eyes as she looked over me. I stood up and embraced her immediately, holding onto each other.
"Alrighty, let's get outta here." I said, wringing my fingers as I stepped towards the door.
"Ah ah ah, not so fast."
Ali turned around and pulled two items off the bed. The first being the veil, long and elegant with spanish lace around the edges reaching the floor. The second item, a lacy garter.
I blushed as I took the second item from her hands, bending down and shimmying it up my leg until it settled mid-thigh. After a moment of silence we both bursted out in immature laughter.
Ali turned me towards the mirror, both of us watching nervously as the veil was clipped to the middle of my hair. There was a tap on the door and we both smiled at each other.
"Ana?" I heard from behind the door. Opening it, I faced Vic and my father both standing nervously.
"We'll don't you two look dapper." I grinned, kissing each of them on a cheek.
"Ana, you couldn't look more...radiant. I'm proud to call you my daughter." My dad said, choking up. Still not entirely my favourite person, I nodded with a smile on my lips. I was going to forget every word my mother spoke earlier this day and focus on what was in front of me.
"You look gorgeous. All ready?" Vic said, his eyebrows high on his forehead as he looked me over. I blushed and linked arms with the two of them.
I bit my lip in anticipation. "Mentally yes, physcially no." I said, indicating my shaky hands and legs. I was nervous, vibrating as I walked. Vic and my father laughed. Walking through the hallway in silence, we now stood in front of the large wooden doors of the hall. Behind these doors lay my future and I couldn't be more excited. Having Vic and my father walk me down the aisle was more than I could dream of, both men being the two most influental in my life. One of them brought me into this world and the other saved me from it.
With a deep breath, the doors opened in front of us. The crowd stood as we walked in slowly, practising the step pattern Tony's mother taught us at the rehearsal the night before. The sounds of Tiny Dancer stripped down to a piano had filled the room, making me instantly teary. Tony picked the music, choosing my favourite song.
I took my eyes off of the bouquet of roses in my hand and looked up, instantly settling on Tony in front of me. Everyone blurred and dissapeared, him being all I see. Cheesy and true.
*****
"And now the vows." Our minister spoke, bowing his head and taking a small step back. My eyes met Tony's, both of us in tears. The moment I walked down the aisle we had both begun to cry and hadn't stopped until this very moment. Tony mouthed the words "I love you" before taking in a breath. He closed his eyes for a moment and began to recite, our fingers intertwined in front of us.
"Through the nightmares I'll save you from, the spiders I'll kill, the pain I'll heal, the love you feel, and every endeavour in your path I vow to protect you. Anabeth Catherine Reed, I vow to be yours in sickness and health."
Our fingers seperated as Tony was passed the ring, gently holding my palm in one hand and his calloused fingers sliding the ring on in the other. I gulped, the tears spilling. Tony and his fucking way of words. He smiled at me, his chin quivering as he attempted to not cry, and wiped my tears.
"I'm not as witty with words to top that." I said nervously, the crowd laughing. Tony rolled his eyes before looking serious, beckoning me to continue. Breathing in, the words flowed out.
"Antonio Perry. From all the years I have spent with you, this year is my favourite. I've made my mistakes and I've had my bad days, and through thick and thin you were here. And for you, I'd do the same. Tony, I vow to love you until my last breath."
Once finished, with shaky hands I slid the ring onto his tattooed fingers. When I looked up again, I faced a red-faced and teary Tony. Tear tracks marked his flushed skin, proving that these weren't the first he's spilled. I took my turn and wiped his tears as he did with mine.
"I didn't think I'd cry so much." He muttered, trying to look away. I laughed silently, agreeing with his words.
"Antonio Perry and Anabeth Catherine Reed, by the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, I pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride."
We hadn't needed any further instruction. My arms were fast to throw around his neck as we kissed to make it official. It had felt like our first kiss, those initial sparks taking place in my stomach once again. Woops and shouts were audible from our friends, the most loudest being Tony's best men, Mike and Jaxin. We soon broke apart, out of breath. With grins on our faces we joined hands and began to greet our friends, giving away hugs and kisses as we celebrated. Tony squeezed my hand tighter and pulled me away after we both kissed our daughter. We ran down the aisle in euphoria as the attendees clapped and cheered, throwing the traditional grains of rice at us. Tony let me go for a fraction of a second to hold our car door open for me, tin cans tied to the back under the "Just Married" painted in the window. I slid into the car and he followed quickly, nearly landing in my lap before our lips feverishly met. Time dissipated as we traveled to the reception, never breaking away from each other.
"You're my forever." Tony spoke in a gasp, regaining his breath. I smiled and bit my lip, smirking.
"You're my fucking husband." I said, sounding like I was in disbelief. "We did it. We got married."
Tony laughed at my sudden realization, and met his lips to mine until we were interrupted by the car door opening. Mike yanked Tony out of the car, and he came inside with Jaime and Vic. Vic shut the door behind him, Tony locked out. He banged his fists at the window, causing the guys to erupt into laughter.
"You guys didn't have to trap my husband out to say hi." I laughed, rolling my eyes as they all pulled me into the biggest hug. It was a few minutes before we pulled apart, silently basking in each others presence.
Once we separated, Jaime shrugged. "We had our time with Turtle, we want to see you for a bit while we can."
Mike and Vic nodded in agreement.
"You look so stunning today, Ana banana." Mike said, winking. I blushed, recalling the old nickname from the first night I met all the guys so many years ago.
"Don't be nervous, you can just say hi to them. They've really wanted to meet you." Vic spoke quietly as he turned the knob. It had been a week since my arrival in San Diego and Vic had wanted me to meet his friends. I bit my lip nervously and nodded, following him inside.
"Hey motherfuckers!" Vic shouted as he dropped his keys by the door. He kicked his shoes off and I followed suit. We walked downstairs to a basement, finding Vic's friends playing pool.
"Ah, it's the lady! Ana Banana!" The tallest boy shouted, running up to me and pulling me in for a hug as if we had known each other forever. I froze but quickly softened into his hug, feeling the comfort I didn't know I was aching for.
"Ana, this is my little bro, Mike. Spiky hair guy is Jaime, and the turtle is Tony."
Shyly I waved at Jaime and Tony. Jaime took it as an opportunity to also hug me, squeezing the air out of my lungs.
"You're quite the cutie, aw. Vic never told us he found a friend shorter than him!" I laughed, the sound coming out naturally. I could tell that we were going to be friends.
Tony, the seemingly quieter one, came forward. He held out a hand, but instead of shaking it he held it in his grasp and led me to another room, ignoring the guy's looks.
"I didn't want to overwhelm you, I'm sorry about them." He apologized, blushing deeply. Reaching into a fridge he passed me a cold beer. "Hanging around us, you might want to drink a little."
I laughed and smiled. "Thankyou." It had come out in a whisper. Something about this boy had a feeling lodged inside my chest. His eyes stayed trained on me as I flicked the tab with my thumb and took a gulp of the bubbly alcohol.
"I wouldn't want to steal you for too long." He smiled, and led me into the other room. It was then I realised we didn't let go of each other's hand.
"Ana, you okay?" Vic asked me, eyebrows furrowed with a hand on my shoulder.
I nodded feverishly. "Remember the night you introduced me to everyone?"
All the guys began to laugh. "Definitely couldn't forget. It was like... friendship at first sight." Jaime said.
"We were so lucky to meet you, so lucky to have you here. You're so loved." Vic smiled, squeezing my shoulder. I swiped at the tears in my eyes.
"You're going to make me cry and I don't want to do that." Mike laughed, wiping at his own cheeks. We all laughed and hugged once more.
"PLEASE can you all COME THE FUCK OUT?" Tony shouted, his face pressed against the glass of the door. I grinned to myself and squeezed the door handle, bumping into his body as I tumbled out.
"We meet again." I said timidly, looking up at him looking down on me. He smiled and pressed a soft kiss to my lips.
"I love you."
"I know."