Make This Go on Forever

After a few hours and an improptu pizza dinner later, the guys were still over as we gathered around catching up, enveloped in Eloise. Nothing felt better than all of us together, it felt like home.
"The itsy bitsy spider, climbs up the water spout! Down came the rain and washed the spider out!" Vic sang to Eloise, gesturing along to the rhyme as she watched curiously. I've been observing the complete change in people when in presence of a baby, and I must say I should just use Ellie as a personal happy magnet. Maybe it's the enigmatic smile, the buttoned nose, or the chubby cheeks, but everyone has fallen in love with my baby. My baby. I still haven't gotten used to the idea that I helped create her. She's my blood, she's mine. I shook my head, smiling to myself.
"What are you smiling about?" Ana whispered, gripping onto my forearm as she twisted to search my eyes.
"Everything." I say,followed by a chuckle. She rolled her eyes and laughed along with me, continuing to tickle Ellie's toes. I moved my body so that Ana was sitting between my legs on the floor, all of us sat around Eloise. No one dared to tear their eyes away from her, she had us wrapped around her little finger. Eloise kept a full fist gripped on Mike's pinky finger, her tiny fingers practising the feeling of opening and closing them. I kissed Ana's head and wrapped my arms around her waist tighter, feeling her warmth. These little things were just what fueled me lately. I could never admit to Ana how hard it's felt lately, how hard it is with things not being as good as it could be. That sometimes, it's like Ellie doesn't have a mother. Like I don't have a fiancee.
Eloise shrilled, interrupting my thoughts. I was kind of thankful for it, I hated trailing myself off in those moments of doubt and self pity. She started to hiccup, little tears running from her eyes.
"Oh Tone, I need to go feed her. Guys, I gotta steal away your pride and joy." She winked, scooping up Ellie. There was an audible boo and moan from the little group, upset about Ellie being pried away.
"We really should go anyway." Mike smiled, standing up. Vic and Jaime nodded in agreement, getting up as well.
"See you soon little one." Jaime smiled, kissing Eloise's forehead.
"Oh, Turtle! Tonight Jonny's having a party. You in?" Mike smiled, looking up from his phone.
"No, I sho-"
"Go! Seriously Tony, you need a break." Ana smiled reassuringly, bouncing Eloise in her arms.
"You haven't been out for a while..." Vic agreed, pouting.
I pondered the idea in my mind for a little bit. As much as I wanted to stay here, they kind of were right.
"Are you sure it's alright babe?" I asked, worry in my voice. Ana rolled her eyes, nodding.
"You're a dumby. Of course it is. Now go!" She smiled, kissing me gently. I did the best I could to pull away and not give in to the urge of attacking her lips on mine.
"Love you guys. Now lemme go feed this monster." Ana giggled, side hugging each of the guys before heading up the stairs.
As soon as she was out of sight, Mike rubbed his hands together like a praying fly.
"Let's go party!"
*****

(ANA'S POV)
Gently, I lay Eloise's sleeping body down into her crib, pulling the blankets to her waist and pressing a kiss to her forehead before shutting the door behind me.
I sighed, a hint of a smile on my lips as I gathered a few toiletries and headed towards the bathroom. I began to run the water hot, placing candles on the sides and bubbles into the water. I undid the back of my dress and let it fall to the floor before slipping into the hot water.
"Ahh." I hummed contently. I picked up the book beside me and began to read, and relax. I was lonely without him, but also pretty glad that Tony had agreed to go out. He needed a break, he needed to be away from me. He'd never admit it, but I know things have been weighing on him.
It was almost an hour in the bathtub before I noticed my pruning skin and decided it was time to get out. I wrapped the towel around me, tucking into the side as I headed for my bedroom. With my legs soft and shaved, I rubbed in cream and dressed in a silky nightgown, with it's matching robe. It had been a gift from Tony last Christmas, and solemnly worn.
The idea struck me all at once, a lightbulb moment. Tony and I hadn't been physical in months... and I was feeling okay now, right? I smiled to myself slyly... my baby was in for a surprise.

I lay on the couch, my legs shining in the pale light that came from the window. My head tossed back as I relaxed, the TV humming as a distinct white noise as I waited. It was only a few minutes before I heard the click of the door.
"Ana?" Tony whispered, walking in as he pulled his shoes off.
"Over here." I cooed, attempting and failing miserably at sounding seductive. Tony walked in and froze, his eyes running over me.
"Wh-what are you.."
I stood up, and hushed him with a kiss as I wrapped my arms around his neck. He instantly replied, his body pressing into mine as he held me by the hips. I could taste the whiskey in his mouth and the linger of weed.
"Someone had fun." I pulled back, chuckling a little. Tony looked confused, before he nodded a little. His eyes were glazed, giving off the effect he was a lot more wasted than I thought.
"Gimme more." Tony pouted, backing me up to the couch. I nodded, biting my lip before running my tongue down his neck, making him shiver in anticipation. He layed me down and placed his body on top of mine, his knees straddling my waist. We continued to make out headedly for a few minutes, our hands groping for contact as we relinquished in what was lost.
It wasn't until Tony's hand slid between my legs that I stiffened, and felt the need to pull away. All sexual frustration fizzled, and instead left me in a daze of anixety and worry.
"I...fuck, no, Tony.. I c-can't." I pulled away, lifting myself out from under him and to the far side of the couch, curling up as I blinked away tears. What the fuck was wrong with me?
Tony nodded, but the obvious dissapointment was there. He sat down, holding his head in his hands.
"How long, Ana? Do you know how much I've missed you?" Tony suddenly choked, thick tears in his voice. I froze, unexpected of the emotion.
"Sex... it doesn't mean anything to me. But y-you.. Ana, I fucking miss you. You're.." He began to allow the tears to slip. "You're gone."
"You're just a ghost of yourself! Ana, where did you go? Where is that beautiful, loving, amazing woman I knew 8 months ago?"
My hand flew to my mouth as tears poured out. You fucking terrible person, I told myself. Look what you've fucking done.
"Please don't cry." Tony choked, reaching forward to me. I pulled away and off the couch, standing away from him.
"I'm.. I can't.. I'm so sorry. I love you." I whispered, before running up the stairs.
"Ana, wait! I didn't mean-"
I closed the bathroom door behind me, clicking the lock as well. I can't do this anymore. I've broken the only person I've loved with my entire being. I gave us a new life, and then I broke it all. I was the cause of unhappiness for everyone. Worthless.
My hands shook as I opened the medicine cabinet, and poured a glass of water from the sink.
I can't do this anymore.
I shook out the remainder of the medication into the palm of my hand, blinking at myself in the mirror as I tossed them into my mouth. Swallowing like food, I gulped away each of the pills.
I was just a ghost.