Make This Go on Forever

2 MONTHS LATER

Tour life was a lot harder than I thought.
Showers were few and far between, privacy was impossible, silence was unheard of. And on top of that... I had a baby attached to my hip.
On the nights she'd cry, I felt worst. Not only was sleeping impossible, but it also completely obliterated the band's sleeping as well. Of course they were all darlings about it, at least one of them would get up and help me calm her down. Tony was ecstatic we had come along, complications or not. But at least I had another girl on board with me, Kellin Quinn's wife Katelynne and her beautiful daughter. At stops, Katelynne and I and the girls would all stay on one of the buses and relax. Copeland adored Eloise, even without communication between the two of them. She would pretend play with Barbies, all communication from grunts and squeals. Tonight was one of those nights, as Katelynne and I sat on the couch watching the girls play on Sleeping with Sirens' bus.
"How's tour life treating you?" Katelynne asked, not tearing her eyes away from her daughter.
"It's tough. I don't know how you do it.." I admitted with a sigh. Katelynne nodded sadly, a hand rubbing the small of my back as I leaned on my knees.
"I know sweetie. But sometimes I think it's better, you know? You know what's happening, you get to be with your man, you don't need to worry about anyone else."
I froze, biting my lip. "Did Kellin...?"
Katelynne's eyes widened before bursting into laughter, scaring me. "Oh god, no! No. He's definitely never cheated. No, not him but... other people around, you know? Before Kellin and I were even engaged, the guys would throw parties on the bus and once fangirls catch on..." Katelynne sighed, shaking her head.
"Has anyone else, you know...cheated on tour?" I asked nervously, biting my lip. Katelynne didn't notice me though and continued.
"Oh yeah, like more often than not. Like I get it, you know, but still it's awful." She shrugged. "Whatever. As long as Kellin's being good I don't really give a shit."
I nodded, but I think she picked up on me being slow. Her face slightly fell once she realised the intensity of the topic.
"You know Tony would never." She reassured me, rubbing my arm. Surprising myself I leaned my head on her shoulder for comfort.
It was a few minutes of silence before we could here the sounds of the guys stomping onto the bus, loud as they could possibly be.
"Whoo!" Kellin shouted, shaking out his wet mop of hair as he walked in. Katelynne stood and he lifted her in his arms instantly, pressing a kiss to her lips. I reached down for Eloise and slung her diaper bag over my shoulder, a small smile on my face as I turned towards the door.
"Where ya going so fast little lady?" Kellin asked me, stepping forward and grinning. He placed his hand on Eloise's cheek, cupping her chubbiness and she smiled, looking up at him.
"Should get back to the bus, time for sleep for this wee one."
Kellin shook his head, stopping me. "The guys all went out, you should stay here." I could tell Katelynne wanted to protest, her mouth slightly agape as she looked between me and Kellin. Even without Katelynne's obvious disinterest, I wouldn't stay.
"Thanks Kellin, but I really ought to go. Tony will want to see Ellie." I smiled, embracing Kellin in a small hug. He gave me a smile and nodded.
"See you around Ana. Of course you have Katelynne's number if somethings wrong right?"
"Of course."
I left the bus, Ellie already getting heavier in my arms as sleep quickly took her. She sighed and murmurred, sleep making her eyes heavy. The bus was unlocked to my luck, as I got on quietly and set Ellie into Tony's bunk, a barrier of blankets for safety around her. In my few moments of luck, I ran to the shower and washed myself up. The conversation with Katelynne never left my mind, of course. It would dwell inside for days, months even, until something bad would happen. I cut the shower short, filled with worry of leaving Ellie alone. I slipped on a shirt of Tony's and got Ellie and a few blankets, the two of us going into the lounge area. I flicked through the collection of movies before settling on a favourite of mine, Pretty in Pink. I settled into the comfort of the blankets and watched the film in silence, with Eloise laid across my chest. Throughout the film, I couldn't get Tony out of my mind no matter how hard I tried. Where did he go? Clubbing? And what was he doing there, was there any girls with him? I shook my head at my insane mentality, jealousy not being a common trait of mine. I hated how it felt, a ugly swollen feeling deep inside of my chest. It wasn't until two movies later the thoughts settled and my mind cleared a little as sleep filled me.
"SHHH-SH-SHUT UP!" I could hear someone yelling as they stepped onto the bus. "THERE'S A BABY HERE!"
I woke with a groan, my neck killing me from the uncomfortable position. Eloise was still soundly asleep, tiny drool tracks on my chest fell from her tiny pink puckered lips. I heard footsteps advance, the door of the room opening.
"Aw An, we woke you didn't we?" Tony pouted, his eyes glossed over. He was wasted.
"Yeah. S'fine. Night Tone, please go to bed."
Tony froze in his position as he began to lean toward me. He straightened up, looking at me confused and hurt. "Ana what's wrong?"
I sighed, moving my body to a lying position on the couch. Something inside me made me feel resentful to him, made me feel he did wrong.
"Nothing, Tone. Go to bed alright?"
"What the hell Ana, what's your problem?"
"Just.. sleep alone tonight Tony. "
"What the actual fuck?" Tony said, gesturing grandly as his voice raised. I heard more footsteps and the door was thrown open, a less intoxicated Jaime coming in.
"What's going on?" He asked confusedly, a hand on Tony's shoulder that Tony instantly shrugged off.
"Ana won't come to bed. She doesn't want me anymore. Sh-she-"
"Tony, what are you saying? Go to bed, you're drunk. Sleep it off and I'll be here taking care of our child." I added snidely, feeling a little angered.
His face fell, his mouth opening and closing like a fish. He paused before turning on his heels and barely making it to the bathroom before the sounds of him throwing up filled the bus.
"I'm so sorry, Ana. It's my fault, I said we should go out tonight. I didn't want-"
"Hime it's fine. Okay?"
He nodded, sitting beside me. He reached forward and stroked Ellie's head a few times.
"Did you have fun?" I asked quietly.
He nodded, smiling. "Crazy night. I don't know what's happening but I'll keep Turtle out of your hair if you need."
I nodded, snuggling deeper into the couch. "Please."

***
It wasn't until 3 in the afternoon that Tony shuffled in the kitchen and dining area, his eyes heavy with bags. He lifted his head at the sound of conversation between me and Vic, instantly smiling when he spotted me. I returned a shy smile and he sat beside me, kissing my cheek.
"How ya feel buddy?" Vic grinned, obviously mocking Tony.
"Probably better than you." He rebuttled, grumbling. Vic scoffed and rolled his eyes, getting up. Tony settled in closer beside me, his head resting on my shoulder before he reached for Eloise. She instantly curled up into his arms, her tiny gloved hands reaching up for him. The little booties kept her from scratching herself, now that her nails were growing longer.
"I missed you guys last night." He pouted, looking from Ellie to me. I nodded, gripping my coffee mug. "And I'm so sorry for going out, I know I should have-"
"Just stop, Tone. I don't care you went out."
He looked at me confusedly, smiling. "So everything's fine?"
I didn't respond.
"Well then tell me what happened, tell me what's wrong baby." He whispered into my ear, a hand curled under my chin.
"I just.. I'm worried." I admitted, wishing I didn't have to say my insecurities out loud.
"About what, darling?"
I sighed, and found myself pouring it all out to him. "I was talking to Katelynne last night and we got around talking about tour and it's tough and such and of course with a little baby you know, it's hard to know you put a damper on things, and we started to talk about how hard it is for you guys too and that how easy it would be without me here that you could, you know, cheat. And then you went out and all I could think was who you were with and what you were doing and I know that you could have so much better than me and I don't know why you picked me but I know you could go for anyone else and I just, Tony I'm scared and I don't know what I'm doing and I love you."
My mouth went faster than the pace of my brain as I admitted everything to him. He bit his lip, waiting for me to regain my breath and compose my thoughts before he caught me off guard and pressed my lips to his.
"You have all of my heart. Never would I even imagine being with anyone else but you." He drew in a shaky breath, continuing. "You and Eloise are my world, I want you to remember this. Every day. And while I was out-"
He stopped, smiling as he tugged on the neck of his tank. A taped down gauze was attached to his heart, the sign of a new tattoo. With a wince he pulled it back, revealing his new ink. In black script in a ribbon was two dates seperated by a heart, one the day we met and the other the day of Eloise's birth.
"Oh, Tony... I feel so terrible. I'm the worst-" I shook my head at myself, dragging my fingers on the tattoo as Tony wiped the corner of my eyes with his thumbs.
"Don't you cry. I'm so fucking happy with you here, please don't cry."
"You too, you pussy." I laughed alongside my tears, noticing the moisture in his eyes.
I fucking loved this man.