Scintillate

In the beginning, there was nothing. Nothing was everything.

Then, without warning, it all came rushing back. It was all so immediate. Sensations, light, objects with form, came pouring in. At first it was too much to take. It was painful and disorienting. Slowly, after some period of time, I began to make sense of it. I was in a room alone, laying on my back in a bed. The room was sparse and relatively small. There was another bed to my left with a small table between the two. A closet door was opposite the other bed, and in the far corner of the room was what appeared to be the entrance to a small bathroom. A small square window was on the wall next to the bathroom, revealing only tree branches and a bright blue sky. All of the walls were white. Closer to the bed I found myself in was another door. I didn’t know where it led.

I didn’t know where I was, or for that matter, who I was. This didn’t seem so alarming at first, but as time passed, my anxiety over the confusion began to increase. Normal thinking processes came naturally to me so I’d assumed it would only be a matter of time before I remembered the major details of my life. So far, no luck. It wasn’t long before I was struggling to stifle panic. I made an attempt to sit up. A burning pain shot up through my gut into my chest and sent me back into the bed writhing and groaning through clenched teeth. The pain was dizzying and made the panic worse. I couldn’t do much besides suffer through it. It eventually abated to the point that I could lie still and try to focus again. I moved my hand up to my chest and felt a gauzy sort of material covering most of my torso. I wasn’t wearing any clothing. The gauze was covered in dried blood stains. I closed my eyes and tried to rest, unsure of what to do. Surges of throbbing pain would come and go. My mind was racing.

After a couple of minutes, the door near my bed opened slowly. An old man who looked like a monk of some kind entered the room. He wore robes with hues of the sunset, reds and oranges and yellows. He was completely bald and had a grey beard that flowed down to his chest. His face was streaked with lines of age, but he appeared amicable. He seemed surprised when he noticed that I was awake and rushed to my side.

“How are you feeling?” the man asked. His voice was deep and warm.

“Been better,” I managed, still clenching my teeth.

Without another word, the man placed his hand on my forehead and closed his eyes, smiling the entire time. A moment passed and he lifted his hand and opened his eyes.

“You should be alright to remove the bandaging,” the man said to me. With that, he backed away and silently slipped out of the room.

The surges of pain didn’t come back. I couldn’t make sense of it. Did that man just heal me? I shook the idea off, laughing to myself. I was disoriented and having some sort of amnesiac moment. Get a grip.

I sat up, this time without any difficulty. There were clothes at the foot of my bed – black shorts and a white v-neck shirt. I tore the gauzy material from my body. A thin scar drew a straight line from the left side of my chest straight down to my pelvic bone. Oddly, there were no blood stains on my skin. I stood and put the clothes on, walking into the bathroom to throw away the wrapping. I looked at myself in the mirror. My hair was wavy, dark brown, and reached about halfway to my shoulders. My eyes were the same shade as my hair. The right eye had a tiny streak of red going straight through the top right corner of the iris. I looked unfamiliar to myself. It was an extremely uncomfortable moment. I tossed the wrapping and left the bathroom, heading through the other door.

This room was larger, a combination of a living room and kitchen. The corner to my right was reserved for cabinets, a stovetop oven, a refrigerator. Out in front of me there was a table which sat very low to the floor and had four mats surrounding it like cardinal points on a compass. The monk sat at one of the mats. Two sofas lined the walls, forming a disconnected L-shape. Large windows to my left and front revealed that we were on the coastline of a beach, right at the outskirts of a thick forest. In the far right corner was a door presumably leading outside.

The man looked up at me and his smile widened a bit. “It’s good to see you up and about.”

I looked around, trying to gain focus. My mind was still shaking the cobwebs. “Can you…do you think you could explain what’s going on here? I’m really confused.”

“I was hoping you could do that,” the man answered with a slight shrug. “My name is La Gen. What’s yours?”

I drew a blank. Waves of panic rushed into me. An uncomfortable sensation of heat billowed in my gut. “Felix.” A lie. The first thing I could think of. But why that name? Was I subconsciously remembering my real name? Or just trying to rationalize the amnesia? I tried to appear as collected as possible.

“Well, Felix, I am very happy to see you up and about. I can’t say much for sure except that we found you unconscious in our woods,” La Gen said. “You were very badly wounded. We were certain that you were dead given your condition, until we noticed that you were still breathing, just a little. Alis is a very compassionate girl, and she wouldn’t take no for an answer. So we brought you back here. Fortunately, we were able to nurse you back to health and tidy up some of the damage. What exactly happened to you out there?”

Who exactly is ‘we’? Who’s Alis? Try as I might, I couldn’t remember anything. I had so many overbearing questions. I wanted to ask him if he’d healed me. I wanted to ask if he was a freak wizard of some sort. I wanted to ask if my mind was playing tricks on me and all of this was some very elaborate illusion. I opened my mouth to answer, but couldn’t find the words.

Just at that moment the door to the cottage opened and a girl walked in. She was barefoot, wearing a light blue dress, adorned with images of butterflies, that reached to just above her knees. Around her neck was a silver necklace with a heart pendant that appeared to be made of sapphire. Her hair was a slightly darker blue, a deep turquoise shade. It looked long, but it was tied back in a bun, her bangs flowing off to the side. Her eyes matched her hair perfectly. She was remarkably beautiful. She carried a woven basket full of food and various ingredients. When her eyes landed on me they opened a little wider. She broke into a smile. “You’re awake!” she gasped. “How are you? Do you feel rested enough?” Her voice was silvery and soft, very feminine. When she used an ‘s’ sound there was a very slight ‘sh’ tone to it.

For a minute I was entranced. I couldn’t even respond. She looked unreal, like something out of a fantasy book. She set the basket down on the table and walked over to me. She picked my hands up gently, examining my arms, looking up and down my figure with a concerned expression. Her skin was silky smooth. After a moment she seemed satisfied that I was okay, and sat on the mat opposite La Gen, sorting through the basket of food.

“Alis, this is Felix,” La Gen said. “He’s still a little confused about things right now. Perhaps we can help him become a little more comfortable in his own skin.” He looked at me knowingly. They were both smiling warmly. Their gentle presence was helping to take the edge off the frenzy taking place in my mind.

“It’s very nice to meet you, Felix. My name is Alis Josephine,” she said very formally.

“Hi,” I stammered, moving to sit on one of the sofas.

“I hope you’re hungry. I brought hope a ton of stuff to eat,” Alis said brightly.

I hadn’t given much thought to basic necessities. “I could use a bite,” I replied.

“Well alright then,” she said. She began picking up the items she’d laid on the table and brought them to the kitchen area. “After we eat I’d be happy to show you around, if you aren’t familiar with the area. Most people don’t know about this place. Are you from around here?”

“No,” I said. I wasn’t sure whether it was a lie or another forgotten truth.

“I didn’t think so, that would be very unusual. It’s pretty much just our little family out here,” Alis said, while busying herself preparing the food. “You’ll be safe and sound here until you feel recovered and ready to go home.”

I don’t know where home is.

“I think I need some air…excuse me,” I said quietly. “I’ll eat when the food’s done.” Nobody responded. I stood and went out the main door.

Outside was a wooden balcony with a railing. We were on the second of the cottage’s two floors. to the left side of the balcony was a stairway that wrapped around the side wall and led down to the sand. The beach appeared completely unpopulated, clean and unspoiled. Palms swayed in the wind as the waves lapped at the shore. The beach appeared to stretch endlessly in either direction. The sky was a bright cloudless blue. The air smelled of sand and salt water. I sat on one of three wooden rocking chairs, running my hands through my hair, still trying to shake off the unnerving feelings I was having. A wave of panic would hit me and I’d be fighting back tears, gripping the arms of the chair with white knuckles. Then it would subside, and I would sit back and try to catch my breath. It was truly a peaceful place, when I could ignore the fear. Unfortunately, my peace of mind was momentary at best. It wasn’t long before I was gripping the chair again. I was the child who’d lost his security blanket. Only in this case, the security blanket was sanity. It was identity. An eternity seemed to pass in that chair, looking for answers inside myself, trying to piece things together, if only I could even find the pieces.

The door opened and Alis poked her head out. “Dinner’s ready,” she said. I stood and followed her inside.

The aroma of the food went straight to my salivary glands. They responded appropriately. My stomach voiced its approval. There were three plates at the table, full of seasoned rice, chicken, and a side of mixed tropical fruits. A glass of juice sat next to each plate. Alis and I took a seat at the table. I started eating immediately, snarfing it down at a faster pace than Alis or La Gen. They didn’t seem to mind. Neither did I. It was delicious. The meat was savory and zesty, the fruit sweet and juicy. I’d finished my entire plate before the other two were even halfway done. I hadn’t realized how hungry I was. I probably could have eaten more, but I was happy with what I’d been given. The anxiety seemed to ease a bit; perhaps the hunger had exacerbated it.

“You really know how to cook,” I said to Alis. “That was great.”

She looked up at me and smiled broadly. Every time she smiled, her eyes glowed for a split second. “Thank you,” she beamed. La Gen looked up at her and smiled as well, then went back to his meal. They ate slowly, carefully. La Gen exhibited patience in everything I’d seen him do, and eating was no exception. I leaned back and rested on my hands, letting my stomach digest. The anxiety was still present but it was beginning to lessen. I sat silently, letting my caretakers finish their food out of respect. When they were both finished, Alis stood promptly and collected the dishes, taking them to the kitchen area to wash them.

It was only a minute or two before I was feeling uneasy again. La Gen must have noticed somehow. “We’re going to help you get back on your feet, Felix. Try not to give in to the fear,” he said. “I assure you that everything will work out. Give it time.” I could sense his genuine concern. Again, his very presence was somehow calming me down.

“Thank you, really,” I said. “To be honest, I can’t really remember much before…before I woke up here. It’s kinda freaking me out. I feel like I’m dreaming.”

“Do you know who attacked you? Can you remember where you come from, or why you came here?” asked La Gen. He was being tactful in probing my mind, but that didn’t make it any less uncomfortable.

“No…no, I can’t remember anything.”

“I’m sorry, it must be very frightful. I promise that you are safe here with us, and that your assailant is not among our family. The memories may come back to you in time. For now, let’s try to focus on the present.”

“Yeah, sounds good to me,” I said. I tried to smile at La Gen, but it came across half-heartedly. He smiled back at me.

“Shall we?” asked Alis, turning from the sink.

“Yeah,” I replied. I stood and followed her out the door.

“We’ll be back,” Alis said. I shut the door behind me.

We went outside and down the stairs. The sand was soft on my feet. We began to walk down the coastline. Neither of us spoke at first. It was nice to be here, surrounded by nature, not letting my thoughts get the best of me, even if only for a moment. The cottage was the only building in sight. The rest was only nature. To our right was the water, to our left were the woods.

“So…where am I?” I asked.

“This is Sapphire Beach,” she answered. “It’s been home to our family since before I was born. Out there is the Sapphire Forest. Like I said, we’re pretty much the only ones who know about it. It’s the only way to keep it peaceful out here. The village of Amoria isn’t too far away, but we like to keep to ourselves as much as possible. This place is our secret miracle.”

“How many others are in your family?”

She paused for a second. “Many. Most of them are away right now, but they’ll be back soon enough. La Gen’s been so kind to take all of us in. And yet somehow the world has always provided enough for us to get by.”

Take all of us in? So I wasn’t the only one who’d been brought here under unusual circumstances. We continued walking in silence, until the cottage was out of sight.

“I’m sorry you’re having a hard time right now, Felix,” Alis said. “I’ll help you in any way that I can.”

“That’s very kind of you,” I said. My gut was wrenching. Tears began to well up in my eyes and I stood still, unable to compose myself. I hated it. It made me feel weak. I tried to fight it, but the tears started leaking out. Without saying anything, Alis turned and hugged me. She was about a head shorter than me, so her face was level with my chest. She was rubbing my back softly, holding me, not speaking. I hugged her back and tried to breathe through whispering sobs. I was shaking uncontrollably. The smell of her hair was comforting, but I was beyond overwhelmed. It was too much. Nobody should ever have to feel like this.

“Holy shit,” my voice cracked. I let go of her and practically collapsed to the ground. My lungs were heaving in and out. I couldn’t think straight.

She sat next to me and held me again. “I’m sorry. It’s going to be okay.” She started petting my hair. “Shh, everything is going to be okay.” I hated being talked to like a child, but for some reason, in this moment, coming from her, it was okay. I hadn’t been able to stop feeling like a lost child the entire time.

“Here, I know what to do. Come with me.” She took my hand and helped me back to my feet, then started walking toward the woods. I followed her. I’d almost been able to relax myself to the point that I could formulate thoughts. We walked through the woods for some time, stepping over roots and broken branches. We’d occasionally pass a few birds. The birds, oddly enough, stayed perfectly calm as we walked by, watching us curiously. Alis would stop every now and then and look around apprehensively, as if trying to identify her location. Then we’d keep walking. I had no idea how to navigate through these woods, but I trusted Alis.

After awhile we came to an area where the trees formed the border of a circular clearing. In the center of the clearing was a small fountain made of stone, with water gently babbling down into a large bowl at the bottom. It was surrounded by large plants that had a strange odor. Alis walked over to the plants and plucked a bud off one of them. She tore a piece of the bud off, and put it in my hand. “Eat it,” she said.

“What is it?” I asked, looking at her pensively.

“Trust me, it will help,” was all she said. She ate the other half of the bud.

Hesitantly, I put the bud in my mouth. It tasted pungent and skunky.

“Here, have some more.”

I ate another piece. The taste was somehow pleasant, albeit extremely strong.

“Do you feel better?” Alis asked me.

“I can’t tell,” I said, hitting the pipe again. I searched my mind for the anxiety, the fear, the despair. It was at that moment that I realized my mindstate had completely shifted to something very strange and different. It wasn’t unsettling in the least. It was actually a very light, enjoyable feeling. I felt as if a boulder had been lifted off my body. The sunlight appeared to have taken on a slightly more orange haze. My eyes felt heavy in their sockets. My gut had none of the tightness or pain that’d been with me since I first woke up. I laughed, not knowing what exactly I was laughing at. “Actually, yeah, I do feel a little better.”

Alis's eyes flashed with delight. “I’m so glad!” She hugged me. I hugged her back. I felt good for the first time that I could remember.

"It's the medicine man’s plant. It does wonderful things for our hearts and our bodies. We’ve been growing it out here secretly for some time now.”

“Why secretly?” I asked.

Alis looked at the ground. “Some people don’t want this plant to exist.”

I found that hard to believe. “Why not?”

“…They have their reasons.” She ground up the rest of the bud she’d broken off the plant and we ate the rest of it. By the end of it, I was in a much more relaxed state. My body felt sedated and my mind had stopped its frantic pace. I’d been able to lay down in the moist grass and relax for a little while. Alis examined the plants, making mental notes as she went. I laid there and cherished this relief that I’d wanted so desperately.

“We’re gonna get you through this, Felix,” said Alis. “I’ll be your friend. Please don’t be afraid.”

“I’m not,” I said, looking up at her. The whites of her eyes had turned pinkish, contrasting with the turquoise of her irises. They still glowed like they always did. “I’m not afraid anymore.”

“Good,” she smiled. “Any time you start to feel that way again, let me know and I’ll take you out here.”

“Thank you,” I said. “I don’t know what’s going on. But given the situation…I could definitely be in worse hands.”

“I promise we’ll be good to you.”

“Thank you, Alis,” I said. “Thanks for taking care of me. I think I owe my life to you…right?”

She smiled and blushed a little. “No, don’t mention it. I couldn’t just leave you out there. Just think of it as a favor, from one friend to another.”

I smiled and closed my eyes.