The Beautifully Tortured

“Good afternoon, Dean.” Castiel welcomed once he opened the door to the waiting room and surprisingly found his supercilious patient waiting. He had made himself comfortable with his legs crossed and a woman’s magazine in his hands. The look of shock on the light-brunette’s face was priceless and the magazine was swiftly thrown down. He blew off the humiliation with a cool grin as he stood up and walked past the doctor, strolling into the office.

Though the blue eyed man would never admit it, he found Dean to be rather amusing when he witnessed his unruffled, manly exterior crumble away. But when he closed the door to his room, the miniscule amount of humour he allowed himself to feel was gone and his professional state was resumed.

Taking a seat on one of the comfy chairs in the centre of the room, he gestured for Dean to take the seat opposite him and waited as the man did as he was asked. Dr. Novak placed his journal on the table next to him and brought his full attention to his patient.

“So, Dean, how’s your week been?” he started off easy.

The man before him let out a loud sigh with a roll of his eyes. “Oh, it’s been just peachy, Doc. Truly. I can’t even begin to describe how exhilarating it’s been,” Dean replied, sarcasm oozing out of every word. Castiel had to refrain from rolling his eyes at his patient and so leaned forward in his chair instead.

“Sarcasm is your defence mechanism, isn’t it?” he accused.

Dean grunted and leaned back into the chair, eyes swiftly looking away from the intense stare. “I don’t know. You’re the doctor, aren’t you meant to tell me?”

“Why do you feel the need to challenge what I say?” But Dr. Novak’s question remained unanswered. So instead, he decided to go on a different route. “Okay, I want to try something. Close your eyes and relax.”

Dean’s eyes shot wide open, his hands flying up in a stopping action. “You ain’t gonna rape me or anything?”

“Please, Dean, just trust me,” he sighed and said “Thank you” when his patient complied.

“I want you to think about your first memory as a child. Think about that day. What was happening and how were you feeling?” Castiel’s deep voice smoothly articulated. After a minute of the same blank expression on Dean’s face, a small smile surfaced.

“Is this memory a fond one?”

“I guess,” Dean replied while still keeping his eyes shut.

“Tell me about it, please,” the doctor asked politely.

The room stayed silent for a few minutes until Dean cleared his throat, a smile quirking at his lips. “Dad, he couldn’t stop grinning the whole car journey to the hospital. He’d been there most of the day, I think. But when we got there, we went into this bright room where my mom was, her smile matching my dad’s.” He paused to chuckle for a moment, eyes still closed, “God, they were so happy.”

Dr. Novak couldn’t help the smile that made its way onto his face but he was glad no one would ever see the light expression.

“I ran up to my mom and saw this tiny baby wrapped up in her arms. I didn’t know what was going on until my dad spoke up, and was all “Dean, this is your baby brother, Sam. You gotta take good care of him, no matter what, ya hear?” That’s when I found the most important thing in my life.”

No words were spoken for at least 5 minutes, the two men busy in their own heads. One was reminiscing the moment his life changed, the other was marvelling at the slight progression he had made with his patient. When Dean opened his eyes, there was a look of vulnerability which surprised the therapist.

“Obviously your brother’s very important to you, which is completely ordinary, but what sticks out to me are the words your father said. You seem to have been put under the strain of caring for Sam at such a young age. That must have been tough.”

Castiel stared into Dean’s green eyes; the look holding just as much compassion as his words.

“Nah, it wasn’t so bad. I wanted to look out for him, I wanted- well, I still want -to be the best big brother he could have.”

Nodding his head, Castiel kept his gaze on Dean while he thought about what he had shared. He was pleased that the patient was finally opening up to him, even if it was only a small part of his life. The doctor knew he could help the troubled man tremendously, he just needed Dean to be as open as he was.

“What was your home life like when growing up?” Dr. Novak questioned, his tone still gentle.

“Uh, we moved around a lot,” Dean started, his eyes searching the floor for a way to describe his childhood. “When my mom died, my dad didn’t want to stay in the house so we packed up and began a road trip, I guess. School wasn’t that important to me but I made sure Sam got a good education, even if we didn’t stay in the same place longer than a couple months. I just needed there to be something stable in his life, ya know?”

“Of course. That was very noble of you to do that for him,” Castiel approved. “But I’m sure it can’t have been very easy for you to fit in, what with not going to school regularly to gain friendships. I’m just wondering if you envy Sam for having someone look out for him when no one did for you.”

As soon as the words were spoken, Castiel felt the room thicken with tension as the pair of green eyes in front of him hardened, the mouth set into a thin line and the strong jaw tense.

“Listen here, Doc. I would never envy Sam for anything. Yeah, I had a pretty shitty childhood and the only good thing to come out of it was him, but I would rather have that than it be the other way around.” Dean growled as he glared at the therapist, causing Castiel to sit back some more.

The two sat there in silence, their eyes trained on one another so intensely it could cut an outsider like a knife. The preservation Dean had for his brother was stronger than most people’s and it just made the doctor want to learn more about the angry man.

“I apologise for implying such a thing, it’s just that anyone else in your situation would have felt some form of jealousy. It’s only nature-”

Castiel was cut off by Dean swiftly standing up and getting right in the doctor’s face, snarling irately. “There’s one thing you need to get through that thick skull of yours, and that’s that I would do everything in my power to help my little brother. No matter what.”

After a few minutes of glaring, Dr. Novak tried to recover the session but was instantly shot down with, “We’re done for today.” He watched the bulky man storm to the door and throw it open, expecting him to exit just as fast but instead he heard the man breathing deeply, his body tensed and his hand gripping the door handle. There was a strained noise prior to the words “I’ll see you next week,” then Dean walked a little more calmly out of the office, leaving Castiel in a state of shock.

Although the session ended on a bad note, the therapist was rather pleased with the information he had gained and also the knowledge that his patient was using the breathing method. He wanted to work with Dean more, help him calm his rage and open up about the things he’s never been allowed to express before.

Castiel just needed the same willingness in return.