The Beautifully Tortured

Dean made himself comfortable in the chair, stretched his feet out in front of him and crossed his ankles before looking at the bemused doctor. "Are you done?" he queried, raising an eyebrow at his patient.

"Yup," he replied, shooting a small smile at him.

Doctor Novak studied him for a moment before glancing down at his journal, taking in his last note and looking back up. "You seem oddly happy today," he commented

"Why wouldn't I be? It's a beautiful day today and I've had pie."

The doctor nodded at his words, jotting down the reasons although he assumed that there must be something else behind the normally angered patient's happy mood other than a mere pie. "That's good to know."

Dean rested his arms on the back of the chair and felt at ease. "Surprised, Doc?"

"Not at all. However, with you in such a nice mood, I'd like to talk more about Sam."

For a moment he hesitated, moving forward in his seat and resting his elbows on his knees. "What about him?" he asked, suspicious of the doctor's intentions.

"I'd just like to know more about him, Dean. Just to get to know you a bit better, if you will," Doctor Novak reassured him, careful not to tempt the anger he knew that was tucked away beneath the surface. "Start with what he was like while growing up."

This made Dean pause as he had to remember the past, but despite the amount of memories he'd suppressed, he could still remember what Sam was like while growing up. How could he not? Sam was one of those brothers, the ones that knew they could get away with anything and everything without ever being told off. Not only had Dean ensured that happened but it was also something that Sam was good at – after all, Dean was the older brother so therefore anything that happened must be the older boy's fault, right? The younger brother was just a sweet little boy that could do no wrong. But all that never once removed his love for his brother.

"He was such an annoying kid," Dean recalled, smiling a bit. "God, I hated him at times because he just wouldn't give me my own space and it was always "Dean, what you doing?" and "Let me play, Dean" which drove me so mad at times."

Doctor Novak nodded at his words, noting down what was being said. Gaining a perspective on the only family that appeared to still be alive seemed to be the best way to connect with his patient, and although he had been getting somewhere with him in some previous sessions, most of the time he felt himself lose that progress through a misjudgement of words and Dean's inability to handle some things that were said. He just wanted a solid milestone of progress that he could document, and having Dean open up about Sam seemed the best way to achieve that.

After a moment of silence, he prompted Dean with a, "Go on."

He sighed and ran a hand over his face. "Then mom died and everything changed. Dad wasn't like he used to be and then we weren't allowed to stay in the house that mom loved so we were on the road, but two kids in the back of a car for days wasn't good. It was hard, ya know? Never being in one place for too long, and don't even get me started with school. Sammy hated changing school every few weeks but I made sure to always have his back in any school we went to, even when I moved on to high school. No one was going to pick on my little brother except for me."

"That was very nice of you," Doctor Novak commended, beginning to see more of his turbulent patient than he had before.

Suddenly remembering where he was, Dean sat back in his seat and shrugged nonchalantly. "It was nothin', Doc," he dismissed.

Not at all put off by his sudden change of mood, the doctor persisted on the topic. "And what is Sam like now?"

Dean seemed to visually relax now that he didn't have to think of the past and he rubbed a hand over his chin. "He's decent – other than thinking that I need these appointments, though. Never thought he'd do something like that, especially behind my back," he said, shaking his head at the thought. "But he made a good life for himself, considering our upbringing. We were always told that we'd never amount to anything and that kids like us have no chance in the world but look at him – a fiancée, a Law student, a house for Christ's sake. If that ain't someone who has achieved what life has, I don't know what else is."

"He seems very smart if he's a Law student," Doctor Novak commented.

"You're damn right he is. Right little nerd but mom would be proud of him." Dean smiled at the thought, happy that he had contributed to how Sam had turned out to be. Without him, Sam would not have had anything good within his childhood. He doesn't want to think about the possibility that Sam would have turned out like he did if he hadn't been there to look out for him.

However a question from the doctor brought him sharply out of his thoughts. "Do you think she would be proud of you?"

"What gives you the right to ask that?" he snapped, furious at the nerve of the doctor to ask such a thing. He was fine talking about Sam but his parents? Absolutely not. Especially his mother.

"It was just a question, Dean," he defended, not wanting to rile up the man. "I was just wondering since you talk about how well Sam seems to have done with his life and how proud your mother would be. Surely she would be proud of you after everything you've done for your brother?"

Dean clenched his jaw and breathed out of his nose, trying to calm down. This topic was not up for discussion – not for Sam, not for Doctor Novak, not for anyone. "Listen here, you don't know what the hell you're talking about. I've done things for my brother that haven't been good things but I did them because he's the only Goddamn person in this world that actually gives a crap about me. So I'm not going to talk to you about whether my mom would be proud of me because that is none of your damn business and I think this session is over with." With that, he stood from his chair and left the room without even a glance backwards. The sessions always seemed to crash and burn around him.