Sequel: Elysian ›
Status: In Progress
Restless Insomniacs
Yale.
Before I even realise what is happening I have fallen into a familiar, achingly so, pattern with Daria, each morning I pick her up for school and we stop at the gas station three blocks from her house so she can get a big gulp to help with her restless night’s sleep and then we fight over the radio station as we drive, her preferring alt rock and me heavy metal.
I usually let her win because she has the sweetest smile when she is victorious and I just want that smile to stay around more often. It is too early on a Wednesday, and all I want is to go back to sleep but I am addicted to my pattern and I need to see Daria. So I pick her up and drive her to the gas station where she gets her morning big gulp.
We pull back into the morning traffic, Daria happily sipping on her giant drink. We have just settled on Rebel Yell by Billy Idol for music when Daria turns and stares at me with the oddest look, a question written all over her pretty face,
“What?” I ask glancing back at the road, scared if I stare at Daria too long I will get lost in her green eyes, it wouldn’t be the first time and that annoys me because I don’t want to feel anything for Daria. I want to be able to separate myself from these stupid feelings I have for the petite girl and live a perfectly normal life never letting anyone get close enough to know me, the real me.
“Nothing” She mumbles chewing on her bottom lip, along the way to falling into a pattern with Daria I have also gotten to know her a whole lot better, and I know her well enough to know there is a question pursed between her lips begging to be asked, and I wish she would. I wish she would just trust me enough to speak her mind. I don’t want to admit it hurts that she doesn’t.
“Tell me” I say looking away from her and stopping just in time for a red light,
“I just… We have this whole morning routine” She tells me as if I haven’t bothered to notice, I don’t want to tell her any different so I keep quiet and let her continue, “Yet I barely know you”
“What do you want to know?” I ask glancing at her than back to the road as she takes a large sip of her big gulp,
“Why… Why did you help me that day with Alex?”
“Because I saw something in you that I recognised”
“What?”
“Nope” I say holding up my hand to stop her next question, “It’s my turn princess”
“Okay what?”
“Why were you with Alex?”
“He wasn’t always bad,” She tells me truthfully and it hurts me that he hurt her so bad to brainwash her into thinking he was once a semi-decent guy. No decent guy can do that to a girl. I don’t care what Daria says or thinks. “After my dad… died”
This is the most I have learnt about Daria’s father is that he is dead and she is struggling to deal with that, “I needed someone and he was always there, and then before I knew it we were together and I was trapped in a cycle I couldn’t escape” I open my mouth to say more but Daria shakes her head smiling at me, “My turn princess” I can’t help but smirk feeling glad she is getting a little more comfortable with me to joke and smile and laugh, it makes me smile. “What is with you and Remy?”
“What makes you think there is something between me and Remy?”
“She hates me” Daria says with a ‘duh’ expression, I chuckle “Why else would she hate me other than being with you?”
I don’t know how much to divulge; I am not sure how much truth I want to give Daria at this moment. Remy and I aren’t technically anything but we are certainly more than nothing and I know this may hurt Daria to know the truth especially when she is just finally starting to open up to me and feel comfortable.
So I spin the truth in a way I know she will like more, much much more. “Remy thinks there is something going on between us”
“Us?”
“You and me poppet”
“But there isn’t?” She asks, I turn and stare at her intently for a single moment, maybe even less. Since the weekend when we had spent the night together things have been different, we are closer, more than friends almost but so much less than lovers.
“You tell me love,” I answer evasively, purposefully trying to get an answer out of her, Daria frowns down at her drink,
“You didn’t answer my question” She finally speaks still staring into the drink, scared to make eye contact with me, I won’t lie it does hurt a little.
“Perceptive” I say, trying to lighten Daria’s suddenly dark mood, changing lanes to overtake some grandpa doing twenty under the speed limit. “We were… sort of… together” I admit hesitantly, glancing at Daria to see her reaction, she is trying very hard not to react I realise and it makes me smile, because she cares. She cares about me and I think I like that, like a lot.
“Sort of?” She asks as hesitantly as I had spoken, we are charting uncharted territory at this point and it is scary and good all at the same time.
To know someone genuinely cares about me is making me feel almost light headed. I had thought for sure I would glide through life never getting attached and never having anyone feel attachment towards me, but I was wrong.
I was goddamn wrong.
“We slept together on a regular basis” I answer after a few beats of hesitation.
Daria nods and I am suddenly desperate to know if this bothers her, she is remaining very still and not reacting and my heart beats dully in my chest at the thought of my sexual escapades meaning nothing to the girl who simply won’t leave my mind.
At first I got to know her because she reminded me of my sister, but now there is something else driving me towards her all the time, something bigger than my sister and her death. Something important, but I am too tired to understand it at this particular moment.
“Listen love,” I begin, giving a speech that it is so practiced it falls from my mouth before I even really consciously realise it, “You don’t want to hear about my love life… It never ends well Poppet.” Daria doesn’t respond and I try to lighten the sudden intensity in my car, “Isn’t it my turn for a question anyway?”
“Yes,” She replies sounding numb.
“Why did you get in the car with me? That morning after Alex…” I trail off my thoughts darkening as I think if anyone ever hurting Daria. “I know you knew who I was, my reputation and all that, so why did you get in the car with me? I happen to know your friend Lara is responsible for half of the lies circulating about me,”
“Are they lies?”
“Love, it’s not your turn”
“Sorry… I don’t know… I just, don’t know” She says with a small shrug. After a small sip from her sugary drink she adds to her answer, “You were offering me something I wanted so desperately, a chance to escape, and at the moment I simply couldn’t refuse.”
Daria’s honesty makes me speak some truth of my own, “Some of them are lies,” When Daria glances at me with confusion I clarify, “The rumours, some of them are lies. You’ll just have to get to know me better to know which are which” I smirk as she rolls her eyes,
There is just something so infectious about Daria, in the morning sunlight after coffee and a cigarette she is the best thing to wake up to, even if it means bearing school.
I usually let her win because she has the sweetest smile when she is victorious and I just want that smile to stay around more often. It is too early on a Wednesday, and all I want is to go back to sleep but I am addicted to my pattern and I need to see Daria. So I pick her up and drive her to the gas station where she gets her morning big gulp.
We pull back into the morning traffic, Daria happily sipping on her giant drink. We have just settled on Rebel Yell by Billy Idol for music when Daria turns and stares at me with the oddest look, a question written all over her pretty face,
“What?” I ask glancing back at the road, scared if I stare at Daria too long I will get lost in her green eyes, it wouldn’t be the first time and that annoys me because I don’t want to feel anything for Daria. I want to be able to separate myself from these stupid feelings I have for the petite girl and live a perfectly normal life never letting anyone get close enough to know me, the real me.
“Nothing” She mumbles chewing on her bottom lip, along the way to falling into a pattern with Daria I have also gotten to know her a whole lot better, and I know her well enough to know there is a question pursed between her lips begging to be asked, and I wish she would. I wish she would just trust me enough to speak her mind. I don’t want to admit it hurts that she doesn’t.
“Tell me” I say looking away from her and stopping just in time for a red light,
“I just… We have this whole morning routine” She tells me as if I haven’t bothered to notice, I don’t want to tell her any different so I keep quiet and let her continue, “Yet I barely know you”
“What do you want to know?” I ask glancing at her than back to the road as she takes a large sip of her big gulp,
“Why… Why did you help me that day with Alex?”
“Because I saw something in you that I recognised”
“What?”
“Nope” I say holding up my hand to stop her next question, “It’s my turn princess”
“Okay what?”
“Why were you with Alex?”
“He wasn’t always bad,” She tells me truthfully and it hurts me that he hurt her so bad to brainwash her into thinking he was once a semi-decent guy. No decent guy can do that to a girl. I don’t care what Daria says or thinks. “After my dad… died”
This is the most I have learnt about Daria’s father is that he is dead and she is struggling to deal with that, “I needed someone and he was always there, and then before I knew it we were together and I was trapped in a cycle I couldn’t escape” I open my mouth to say more but Daria shakes her head smiling at me, “My turn princess” I can’t help but smirk feeling glad she is getting a little more comfortable with me to joke and smile and laugh, it makes me smile. “What is with you and Remy?”
“What makes you think there is something between me and Remy?”
“She hates me” Daria says with a ‘duh’ expression, I chuckle “Why else would she hate me other than being with you?”
I don’t know how much to divulge; I am not sure how much truth I want to give Daria at this moment. Remy and I aren’t technically anything but we are certainly more than nothing and I know this may hurt Daria to know the truth especially when she is just finally starting to open up to me and feel comfortable.
So I spin the truth in a way I know she will like more, much much more. “Remy thinks there is something going on between us”
“Us?”
“You and me poppet”
“But there isn’t?” She asks, I turn and stare at her intently for a single moment, maybe even less. Since the weekend when we had spent the night together things have been different, we are closer, more than friends almost but so much less than lovers.
“You tell me love,” I answer evasively, purposefully trying to get an answer out of her, Daria frowns down at her drink,
“You didn’t answer my question” She finally speaks still staring into the drink, scared to make eye contact with me, I won’t lie it does hurt a little.
“Perceptive” I say, trying to lighten Daria’s suddenly dark mood, changing lanes to overtake some grandpa doing twenty under the speed limit. “We were… sort of… together” I admit hesitantly, glancing at Daria to see her reaction, she is trying very hard not to react I realise and it makes me smile, because she cares. She cares about me and I think I like that, like a lot.
“Sort of?” She asks as hesitantly as I had spoken, we are charting uncharted territory at this point and it is scary and good all at the same time.
To know someone genuinely cares about me is making me feel almost light headed. I had thought for sure I would glide through life never getting attached and never having anyone feel attachment towards me, but I was wrong.
I was goddamn wrong.
“We slept together on a regular basis” I answer after a few beats of hesitation.
Daria nods and I am suddenly desperate to know if this bothers her, she is remaining very still and not reacting and my heart beats dully in my chest at the thought of my sexual escapades meaning nothing to the girl who simply won’t leave my mind.
At first I got to know her because she reminded me of my sister, but now there is something else driving me towards her all the time, something bigger than my sister and her death. Something important, but I am too tired to understand it at this particular moment.
“Listen love,” I begin, giving a speech that it is so practiced it falls from my mouth before I even really consciously realise it, “You don’t want to hear about my love life… It never ends well Poppet.” Daria doesn’t respond and I try to lighten the sudden intensity in my car, “Isn’t it my turn for a question anyway?”
“Yes,” She replies sounding numb.
“Why did you get in the car with me? That morning after Alex…” I trail off my thoughts darkening as I think if anyone ever hurting Daria. “I know you knew who I was, my reputation and all that, so why did you get in the car with me? I happen to know your friend Lara is responsible for half of the lies circulating about me,”
“Are they lies?”
“Love, it’s not your turn”
“Sorry… I don’t know… I just, don’t know” She says with a small shrug. After a small sip from her sugary drink she adds to her answer, “You were offering me something I wanted so desperately, a chance to escape, and at the moment I simply couldn’t refuse.”
Daria’s honesty makes me speak some truth of my own, “Some of them are lies,” When Daria glances at me with confusion I clarify, “The rumours, some of them are lies. You’ll just have to get to know me better to know which are which” I smirk as she rolls her eyes,
There is just something so infectious about Daria, in the morning sunlight after coffee and a cigarette she is the best thing to wake up to, even if it means bearing school.