Restless Insomniacs

Yale walks faster than I am able to keep up with, and as such I am forced to jog beside him. I feel stupid following Yale so blindly but I have no one else to turn to. Lara is pissed at me still for missing our double date and Alex has been suspiciously silent since our breakup, something I didn’t realise he was capable of.

We pass Alex and Lara and they watch me with confusion, wondering like I am who am I becoming. I want to run off to them, admit that I too have no idea either but Yale is pulling on my hand before I have a chance to run off. A few seconds later, we reach his car, me puffed and him fuming.

“I am so sorry,” Yale says looking for a moment far too endearing, I want to wrap him in a hug and tell him it is all okay, it is a frightening thought. I tear my eyes away from his face as he runs a hand over his face. He looks as tired as I feel, my body heaves a heavy sigh as we fall into his car, a mess of limbs and apologies.
“It’s okay,” I promise him truly meaning it. I need Yale to know this is not his fault, but rather mine.

He breathes out a cigarette stained breath and I suddenly realise that I too am addicted, not to cigarettes like Yale but rather to Yale. I am intoxicated, so intoxicated that the knock on Yale’s driver side window does not register with me for a good five seconds.

The knuckles that rap on the window really should look familiar considering how many times they have left me black and blue. But next to Yale under the steady stream of air conditioning they look brand new, and that scares me.

Alex is behind the knuckles with an angry look on his face, I wonder if he is going to hurt Yale. I wonder if he actually could fight someone his own size, or if Yale would overpower him. It did happen last time but that might have been due to the element of surprise.

“What?” Yale barks his face dark and for a micro second I don’t even recognise him. He looks so different to the boy who dragged me away from Remy and her cruel mouth.

“Get. Out. Of. The. Car. Daria!” Alex tells me through gritted teeth. I almost do as I am told, but Yale puts his hand on my knee and it renders me motionless. He has such warm hands and even through the material of my jeans I can feel him on my skin.

Yale mutters a string of curse words under his breath, some of them are new to me. It is Yale that gets out of the car to talk to Alex. They look so silly, like big birds, puffing out their chest with their fists clenched. The air is thick around them, I barely resist the urge to jump out of the car and pull Yale away from Alex. To save him like he did me. Only I am not sure Yale needs saving.

I look away for a second to my iPhone as it begins vibrating. As I look away from my mother’s caller ID, ignoring her call in the process, I see Yale throw Alex against his car, I feel the car move, and punch him squarely in the gut. The look on Yale’s face scares me, it is one of pain and anger. It reminds me so much of the face Alex would make before he left me with all my pretty bruises.

I wonder if Yale would ever hurt me the way Alex did, does. I hope not. Alex stares at me for a moment holding his stomach, he spits on the ground and turns away from me breaking me further in the process and I hate that after everything I am still attached to him, I fear I will be for the rest of my life.

“Sorry about that,” Yale says climbing back into the front driver’s seat,

“It’s okay,” I say as we repeat our earlier conversation, I don’t blame Yale, I really don’t.

Yale starts the car and we drive around for fifteen minutes before he pulls into a large lake housing area. Small cabins line the other side of the lake from where we sit, the lake is breathtaking, with it’s beautiful shinning water in the sunlight. I remember my father’s old cabin and how when I was a child he would take me there to go swimming ever night when we stayed there.

Yale and I exit the car, me in wonderment of the beauty before me, the trees line either side of the lake and I swear I could make it to the other side without drowning. Yale leads me by hand to a small cabin, the only one on this side of the lake. The lake is empty today and there is a dock with small paddle boats lined up next to us, I wonder how wonderful it would be to live here.

Yale explains that this is mostly a summer rental place, different families owning some cabins and some rented out, he leads me to the door of the loan cabin and unlocks the door. I step into the small cabin, the wooden walls are short and the layout is small.

There is a kitchen with nothing more than a hot plate and mini fridge, a couch sits in what I assume is the lounge room area. A bedroom branches off from the lounge room and in the centre wall is a fire place. I am not sure if it is usable from the rust and dust that dance along it.

“It belonged to my sister” Yale explains nervously running a hand through his hair, “She came here when things got… got tough” I don’t press Yale for more details though I am desperate for them, I understand what he is not saying, that his sister is dead and it still hurts. I understand keeping secrets.

For now, I am content to swallow the small truths he is able to give me. I hope he is content in doing the same thing for me.