Restless Insomniacs

I feel a deep and eternal sickness in my stomach and I don’t know if it is from the weed I smoke earlier today or how beautiful Daria looks. She is sitting in my sister’s cabin and I don’t even think I have ever seen anything as beautiful as she looks and that makes me feel even more sick.

It is a sickness so deep I think I might vomit any second. I want so desperately to reach out and clasp her cold hand in my warm one but I don’t dare. We don’t do that; we are just friends. The thought leaves a burning in my heart as if sandpaper is being rubbed against it and for a millisecond I think it might be breaking. I think my heart is breaking so I focus on Daria. She is not talking she is just… being.

She is sitting silently staring at the view from the cabin window and reminding me that ever the prettiest of things can be broken, which leaves me uncomprehendingly sad for a moment, but like always it passes and I am left staring at a girl who confuse my heart and my head.

There are a million things I want to tell her, like the fact that she makes my heart spin and my head hurt when I look at her, but none of this comes, instead all that does is a request, one I am not sure is even all that important.

“I want to meet someone important to you,” It seems such an odd request and I suppose in a lot of ways it is but I have this deep desire within my bruised heart to meet someone, the girl I am falling for, loves. Just so I can see if maybe she could ever love. I shake away the ridiculous thought because I am not in love.

“Why?” She asks a look of pure confusion on her wonderfully beautiful face. God I want to reach out and kiss her… I don’t.
“I want to know you love, you know me,” It is not an outright lie, but it is not really the truth either. Daria knows I want her to know me and I feel bad for manipulating her but I don’t know how else to get what I want.

“I don’t know everything,”

“In time poppet… But right now I want to learn more about you,” Daria looks at me for a painstakingly long second before dropping her gaze and turning back to the window staring out at the view, pondering for a moment my request.

“You can meet my Nona,” And like that I know I am in her heart. It may not be how I want it but I know she does love me, even if it just is as a friend.