Sequel: Elysian ›
Status: In Progress
Restless Insomniacs
Daria
The hood is warm under my cold legs and I want it to burn me, leave me with a permanent mark because I don’t ever want to forget how good I feel, and I do feel good, fucking fantastic and that might be because of the big gulp or because Yale is sitting next to me, I don’t know. I don’t care, I just want to remember how it feels to feel happy, because it has been the longest time since I have felt this free.
I squeeze my eyes shut and try desperately to brand this feeling to my brain, Yale shifts next to me and I can smell him and god does he smell wonderful, like broken hearts and cigarettes mixed with something I can’t name. And I want to soak in his scent until it is branded to my nose, until it is all I can smell when I am trying to fall asleep at night, and I don’t care if that is weird because god he smells good.
I want to reach out and hold his hand until my arm aches but I don’t, I may be drunk on happiness but I am still grounded with sadness and that will always stop me from reaching out and holding Yale in the way I am desperate to be held. I take a long slurp from my big gulp and stare at Yale, he looks like perfection and I am not sure I have ever seen such a beautiful person, inside and out. And I don’t care what he says he is beautiful because he saved me and he cared when no one else did and dammit that makes him beautiful.
I know if he could hear my thoughts he would chastise me for being so hopelessly romantic and stupid, tell me I am just drunk on moonlight but I don’t think I am. And I don’t want to hear him tell me nothing matters because he does, he matters a hell of a lot… to me, I’m not sure if it qualifies as love what I feel but I know it is strong and I know it leaves me breathless and god I want to kiss him, feel him and possess him in a primal way that will leave him breathless like he does me.
But I can’t, because he is Yale and he is dangerous and that scares me, so I will sit on my hands until they go numb and pretend I don’t have feelings so strong they scare me. I chew on my lip and stare out at the stars, they are really quite pretty but they remind me of Alex and how much I miss him, and I do, miss him that is. I really do and that also scares me because how can I miss something so awful? What is wrong with me to miss something that caused me so much pain?
Yale sighs into the night time and I want to reach over and hold him, just feel him because I am so terrified of myself and my conflicting emotions, but I don’t and I never will and that scares me a little, the tiniest bit and I’m not sure why, but it does and I feel sad. But mostly, well mostly I just want to feel Yale and that terrifies me.
I squeeze my eyes shut and try desperately to brand this feeling to my brain, Yale shifts next to me and I can smell him and god does he smell wonderful, like broken hearts and cigarettes mixed with something I can’t name. And I want to soak in his scent until it is branded to my nose, until it is all I can smell when I am trying to fall asleep at night, and I don’t care if that is weird because god he smells good.
I want to reach out and hold his hand until my arm aches but I don’t, I may be drunk on happiness but I am still grounded with sadness and that will always stop me from reaching out and holding Yale in the way I am desperate to be held. I take a long slurp from my big gulp and stare at Yale, he looks like perfection and I am not sure I have ever seen such a beautiful person, inside and out. And I don’t care what he says he is beautiful because he saved me and he cared when no one else did and dammit that makes him beautiful.
I know if he could hear my thoughts he would chastise me for being so hopelessly romantic and stupid, tell me I am just drunk on moonlight but I don’t think I am. And I don’t want to hear him tell me nothing matters because he does, he matters a hell of a lot… to me, I’m not sure if it qualifies as love what I feel but I know it is strong and I know it leaves me breathless and god I want to kiss him, feel him and possess him in a primal way that will leave him breathless like he does me.
But I can’t, because he is Yale and he is dangerous and that scares me, so I will sit on my hands until they go numb and pretend I don’t have feelings so strong they scare me. I chew on my lip and stare out at the stars, they are really quite pretty but they remind me of Alex and how much I miss him, and I do, miss him that is. I really do and that also scares me because how can I miss something so awful? What is wrong with me to miss something that caused me so much pain?
Yale sighs into the night time and I want to reach over and hold him, just feel him because I am so terrified of myself and my conflicting emotions, but I don’t and I never will and that scares me a little, the tiniest bit and I’m not sure why, but it does and I feel sad. But mostly, well mostly I just want to feel Yale and that terrifies me.
♠ ♠ ♠
A quick filler.