Restless Insomniacs

Daria is magic, and god I want to taste her, feel her and own her in every sense of the word, but I am scared, scared of her and the way I feel but sitting here on her front lawn next to her in the darkness of night I think maybe kissing her isn’t such a bad idea, maybe it would make things better. Maybe it would make me better and I could finally sleep, because I haven’t slept in the longest of times and all of a sudden I am tired, really tired and if I were to lay back and close my eyes I would surely fall asleep but for once I don’t want to, lay back or close my eyes, I want to stay awake and that leaves me shit terrified.

I want to reach out and just hold her, not kiss her or fuck her but hold her in my arms until she feels as tired as I do and we can sleep, really sleep together and that seems fucking perfect. Maybe I am just drunk on the moonlight, or maybe I am falling in love. I choke out a cough at the thought because I certainly do not… I don’t… I can’t…

“Are you okay?” Daria asks me in her voice that is like sex and honey, sweet but naughty and now I want to kiss her, fuck her and possess her in the most primal of ways. But I won’t, because she is fragile and if I press too hard she might snap and god I am terrified of breaking her, more terrified of breaking her than admitting my feelings and that feels important.

“No” I don’t want her to ask anything else because I am scared I will tell her all that I am thinking and I really don’t want that, I just want to sleep, next to her. She doesn’t ask and I am eternally grateful, the stars are shining bright and I want to steal one and present it to Daria. I want to give her the stars and that seems corny and stupid but I do.

But a tiny part of me is terrified that if I present her with them she will turn away and refuse to accept them because I am me and I am awful and ugly. So fucking ugly. I hate her for a second because she is so… just so and I am not. I am wrong and awful and I should not be allowed this close to something so magical. I feel like pulling the curtain back and asking the magician his secret but a part of me is terrified to find out, so I will sit here with my heart in my throat pretending I’m not feeling everything I am feeling.

I am sitting next to Daria and god she is fucking magic.