My Heart's Always With You Now.

“Can I speak to you?”

“What could you possibly want to speak to me about?” She hissed turning her back to me. She pulled her jumper tightly around her facing the wall and closing her eyes as if to ignore me.

“I want to speak about the other night” I muttered, I walked over to the bed seeing her body becoming rigid. I could understand her being afraid of me, I wouldn't expect her to get over the other night so quickly. I couldn't. Fear took time to over come and I knew that she was afraid of me.

“What's there to talk about?”

“I wanted to apologise” I blurted out, apologising was not one of my strongest points. I never had to apologise and I planned on never doing it again after today, but I knew for her sanity and mine that it would be the best option for this situation.

“Apologise? Because that's going to change everything isn't it Shadows?” She snapped, she shuffled around on her bed, sitting up and facing me with her arms wrapped tightly around her legs pulling them close to her chest.

“I'm not expecting it to change everything”.

“Fucking damn right!” She yelled, “what you did to me the other night was completely over the top! I understand you have a reputation and you want to stick by that, but you didn't need to do what you did to me!”.

I nodded my head, “I know and I'm sorry. I lost myself. I don't know why I did it, I wouldn't dream in a million years of hurting you like that, I don't want you to have to worry about me hurting you when I get angry”.

“Well it's too late for that” she whispered, her eyes softened a considerable amount as she noticed the pain that how now become obvious on my face, “I can't forgive you for what you did”.

“I'm not asking for forgiveness, I'm asking for a chance to make it up to you”

Her eyes widened, her hands shaking slightly as she processed the words that had just left my mouth. “But Shadows... I don't understand. Why would you want to make it up to me? I'm just another one of your whores that you have running around doing everything you want. And I am not about to allow you the opportunity to get close to me. You've hurt me enough already”.

I sat down next to her, my hands reaching out to stroke her legs. Natural instinct instructed her to pull away from me, leaving my head to lower towards the ground. Slowly her leg moved back in my direction and once again I extended my arm out to stroke her legs. My fingers slowly caressed her skin making her bite her lip and close her eyes.

I shifted my position and sat in front of her, I slid my hands from her legs up to her neck and slowly pulled her closer to me. My lips pressed against hers slowly, excitement running through my body at the sensation I felt. Her arms wrapped around my neck pulling me closer. I leaned away, seeing her eyes closed and her lips parted slightly. Almost as quickly as I'd pulled away, I pushed myself against her again. The kiss was more hungry this time, both of us feeling as though we needed something out of it.

I gently pushed her backwards and climbed on top of her, not once breaking the kiss. She opened her legs allowing me to position my body between them and get closer to her. My hands reached for the hem of her jumper. As I was about to pull it over her head I stopped. This wasn't right. I removed myself from between her legs and climbed off the bed. I took a deep breath before turning to look at her, her face showing hurt and confusion.

“Why did you stop?” She asked biting nervously on her lip, “did I do something wrong?”.

“I just don't want to do it. You're not good enough” I snapped walking out the door and slamming it shut. Once the door was closed I leaned against it, slowly sliding down it. I put my head in my hands letting out a growl of annoyance. Why did I stop? I couldn't even deny how much I wanted it. I wanted it a lot.

“You alright?” Brian questioned walking over to me, I nodded my head standing quickly.

“Why wouldn't I be?”

“Just asking, you look like something's bothering you” he said tilting his head to the side and staring at me intently, “If there's something you want to talk about you know I will listen don't you?”.

I nodded my head, “yeah”.

“You've been like this for weeks now Matt... it's not normal. You've never been like this before and I don't like it” Brian groaned desperately trying to get me to speak to him, “you need to speak to me about it. You can't keep pushing us all out”.

“I'm fine Brian! I don't need to speak to anyone!”

“Well okay then, but you know where I am” He said retreating back to his bedroom. I watched after him debating whether or not to go after him and speak to him. The truth was I had no idea what was making me act like this in the first place. I was as confused as he was. I didn't know what was making me so angry at times. I didn't know what was making me so silent and sad around the house. It didn't make sense to me so it certainly wouldn't make sense to anyone else.

I walked towards Jimmy's room knocking on the door, “come in!” he called from the other side. I pushed the handle down before walking in.

“Hey man” I greeted with a small smile, he turned to look at me with a blank expression on his face. He hadn't spoken to me properly in a week due to the incident that had occurred with Lauren. He had strong policies about hitting women unless they really were to do something wrong. Therefore, if one of the whores was to mess us about and do things we'd precisely asked them not to do, we would have to take care of it. He never had and he never would.

“Look you can ignore me for as long as you want Jim, but you know it's not going to achieve anything” I sighed, he raised an eyebrow before shaking his head.

“You just don't get it do you Matt?”

“Get what?”

“You can't just do things like that to people. You can't treat someone like that. Especially a girl!” Jimmy shouted, I slouched against the wall taking a deep breath, I was about to get a huge bollocking. “I am so angry at you, I can barely even look at you. You're changing more and more every day and it's beginning to scare me and I'm sure it's starting to scare other people too. You've never acted in such an aggressive manor before”.

“I know Jimmy, I don't even know what's going on in my own head. It's just that girl! She drives me up the wall. Every little thing she does makes me want to wrap my hands around her scrawny little neck and stop her breathing” I growled, he closed his eyes in frustration.

“Well we're going to put an end to it all now” Jimmy groaned, I looked at him knowing what he was about to say. No way in hell was I about to let it happen again.

“No. No way” I protested, he sent me a look of pure anger and I knew better then to disagree with him at this point.

“As of now she is being placed in my care. She will be 'mine' and if for any reason you touch her or even try and fucking speak to her, god help you Shadows”

I pushed myself off the wall leaving the room and slamming the door behind me, I hated the fact that people continuously disrespected me in my own home. They were not allowed to go against me by any means and recently that seemed to be the only thing they wanted to do. It was starting to grate on me, my anger building up more and more as the days went on. But I knew that I couldn't change Jimmy's mind. Once he had his mind set on something it would stay that way and I knew that if I wanted to claim her back then I would have a lot of making up to do.

The one thing that didn't make sense is why. Why did I want her back?