Our Pain Will Shine a Light

Chapter 17
Ashley's POV

I woke up with my head aching and the light coming through the window made it even worse. I'm home...and now I have to explain to Andy. Groaning, I rolled over to see if he'd be sleeping beside me, but there wasn't anyone there.

"Andrew?"

There wasn't a reply, but I couldn't call again because my body wouldn't let me. I rushed to the bathroom and spilled my guts out.

"Morning drunkie."

"Shut up." I coughed.

"Yeah, yeah. I made you one of those stupid vitamin drinks. It's in the kitchen when you're done puking."

"Asshole."

"Back to you."

I was going to make another smart retort, but he had already turned his back.

When I was finished I got in the shower and brushed my teeth. I went into the kitchen for my drink, and going back into the living room, I noticed that Andy was sitting on the couch with his head stuck in his notebook like always. I approached him with my blended beverage.

"Thanks for my drink," I said holding it up with a nod.

"You're welcome shithead."

"So you're mad at me?"

"Yes. Dickhead "

"Can we talk about it?"

"You have work in two hours. You still haven't eaten, and it'll take you 45 minutes to get there, so no."

"Then come get breakfast with me."

"I've already eaten."

"Autumn..."

"Ashley..."

"Alright fine. At least give me a kiss."

He looked up at me and motioned me near with his finger. Moving toward him, I smiled and let him grab my chin. He closed his eyes and leaned in and just as I though he would kiss me he thumped me in the forehead.

"That's for scaring me."

"Gee thanks. I'm gonna leave now. I'll see you."

"Yeah whatever."

"That's how it's gonna be?"

"Have a good day Ash."

"You're really not going to kiss me?"

"Maybe later."
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My day at work was quiet. There weren't many people around, but Jake was nice to talk to.

I knew I was going to have to talk to Andy about what happened yesterday. I don't remember anything after the first bar I went to. All I know is that I left yesterday morning and woke up beside Andy the next morning.

"Ashley, time to close. I'll see you tomorrow yeah?"

"Of course. Have a good night."

"You too."
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When I got home Andy wasn't in the front, so I assumed he was asleep or something. As I got closer to the back I heard him crying. Oh shit.

"Andrew?"

He looked up and wiped his eyes.

"I didn't know you'd be home this early."

"This is my fault isn't it? Can I explain my actions, please?" He nodded and scooted over on the bed. "I guess I'll start with year one. There's not a lot to say. I mean, she was my mom, and she was gone A realization came over me that she wasn't coming back and it—it's...so hard. She was taken away from me and part of me feels guilty."

"But Ashley, it's not your fault."

"But I could have helped her. Maybe if I didn't go to school that day or maybe if I got a job I could have paid for rehab. There are so many things that I would change, but then I wouldn't have met you."

"Ashley please."

"Can I just say that I've grown so close to you and seeing you just makes me so happy. I just want what's best for you Andrew. You do something to me. I know I've said it before, but you do. Can I have my kiss now?"

"I would have kissed if you would have just apologized. You haven't done that you know."

"You're an asshole."

"So are you."

"I am sorry though. I shouldn't have scared you like that."

He grabbed my hand and looked up at with probably the most sincere look I've ever seen from him.

"Ashley, I'm here now. You're not alone alright? I know you're helping me, but I can help you too. And...and..."

"And what?"

"Last night we found you at your mother's grave and...and you told me—"

"That I love you."

"Yeah."

"Autumn, please, I don't want to break your heart. I like you a lot okay, but—"

"You were just drunk. I get it."

"Andrew..."

"Ashely, it's alright. Now come here."

I did as he told me and finally got that kiss I wanted.

"Thank you."

"Always. You know, when I moved to California there were so many times that I almost overdosed, and I missed my parents a lot. I still do, but now I've found someone who didn't just dismiss me or give up on me."

I smiled and kissed him again. We spent a minute or two just kissing then I grabbed his hands again.

"I want to meet them, your parents."

"That's funny."

"No, I'm serious."

"Ashley that's not possible."

"It is."

"Look, promise me that you won't call them."

"I can't do that."

"Ashley!"

"Okay fine."

"Say you promise."

"I promise Andrew."

"Thank you."

I kissed him again and we both laid back on the pillows.

"Work was okay today." I said, making small talk.

"That's good. No problems?"

"Nah. There wasn't really anyone there though."

"Understandable. Just wait until Saturday."

"True."

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The whole night Andy and I just talked. We shared stories and laughed and probably cried too.

Did I love him? Maybe. I don't really know what love feels like. I just know that if have a strong attraction to him, and whatever love is, this is the closest I've gotten to it.