Our Pain Will Shine a Light

Chapter 19
Andy's POV

Mom and Dad rented normal car but it was better than Ashley's and mine was still in the parking lot. Ashley volunteered to drive and we eventually pulled up to a nicer restaurant in another part of town.

"Welcome to Kennedy's. Best pastas in town."

"This is the first time I've been out with you," I whispered, lacing his hand in mine.

"Yeah but your parents are here, so I'm on my best behavior."

"But I won't be."

I smiled and kissed his cheek right by his lips. He tensed and tried to look at my parents out the corner of his eye. I smirked deviously at him, and we got seated in the restaurant.

We got seated and I took the liberty of settling my hand on his thigh. He gave me a look, but didn't do anything to stop me.

After we ordered mom took to asking Ashley billions of questions, but he didn't seem to mind too much.

"Ashley, I understand that there are some men named Ashley, but you have to admit that it's pretty uncommon."

"Yeah, here in America people find it particular, but some of my family is Irish and names like Ashley, Lesley, and others are really common there. And hey, I don't really mind. Just something else that separates me from the rest of the world."

"Unique way of thinking. So what about your job?"

"Oh I got a job at a music store, and I got my first pay check today. Andy here is working as a door man at a local club."

"Oh. Andrew, you didn't mention a job."

"Didn't think it was important."

"I'm just so proud. That's all."

Ashley winked at me and I moved my hand closer to the inside of his thigh. He tensed again, but I was only getting started.

"Yeah, I knew him, the guy who offered me the job. He was nice when—" I paused when the memory came back up.

"When Andy first went there with me. I have a friend who plays music there." Ashley looked at me, his eyes asking if I was alright. I told him yes with a small smile.

"Oh that's nice. So Ashley, do your parents live around here?"

I could hear him suck in a breath and I quickly removed my hand that was on his thigh and grabbed his, squeezing it tight.

"Ashley's mother died seven years ago, and his father isn't around."

"Oh I'm so sorry."

"No no. It's fine. It's just hard still."

"I hate to be rude or a bother, but what happened? I mean, I had an aunt who died from cancer and another who died from heart disease. Was it—"

"Mom, stop. Please."

"No, Andy it's alright." Ashley tried to claim.

"No it isn't. Mom, just cut the subject alright?"

"Andrew I have the right to ask, he said it didn't—"

"Mom! Look at him! He's only being nice to you because—"

"Andrew don't yell at your mother."

"Shut up Ashley."

His hand yanked free from mine and his chair scooted against the floor.

"Excuse me please. My sell phone is vibrating. It might be Jake from the shop."

He fake smiled and stalked off to the bathroom.

"Fuck." I said throwing my fork down. It made a loud clattering sound, but I didn't care.

"Andrew."

"I'm sorry. Just let me go talk to him. It's my fault. He's trying so hard, and I just made it bad."

"Then go talk to him son."

"Yes sir."

I went to the bathroom and Ashley stood there looking in the mirror.

"I'm sorry." He told me.

"No, it's my fault. I'm sorry."

"I just want to impress them. They're the parents of the man that I—"

"Can you please stop doing that."

"You're right. I'm sorry. Andy, can you just leave me alone. I'll be out in a second. Go catch up with your parents some more."

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

"Okay."

I kissed his head and tucked a piece if hair behind his ear. He looked at me gratefully, and I left the bathroom.

My parents were talking among themselves when I had made my way our. My dad looked up when I approached the table.

"How is he?"

"He's fine. Look, his dad walked out on them when he was young, and it made his mom lose her shit so she turned to drugs. She died of an overdose."

"Oh my god." Mom said putting a hand over her mouth. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know. I wouldn't have asked if—"

"He knows you didn't know. He'll be out in a second. Can we just eat now?"
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The rest of the night went smoothly enough. Ashley tried to pay for dinner, but my dad was insistent.

Mom and Dad got a hotel, but they were going to be back the next night. They dropped Ashley and I off, and we both plopped down on the couch.

"Are you as tired as I am?"

"Probably more Autumn."

"Carry me."

"You wish."

"Please."

"You asshole."

I groaned and chuckled as he lifted me off the couch and threw me over his shoulder. His hand slapped my ass, and I bit his shoulder.

"Watch it Purdy."

"Whatever Biersack."

He threw me down on the bed and pulled his shirt off. I did the same and pulled the covers back for him.

"You're adorable you know?" I said, propping my head up on my elbow.

"What me? No! I consider myself to be more of a hottie, you know, like the Andy Biersack hot."

"Mm, nice one."

"Why thank you."

"Welcome. Goodnight Ash."

"Night Autumn."

_____________________________________

The next day Ash had to go in for work, but my parents came over right before he left. He kissed me goodbye and waved to my parents. We just sat around mostly. Mom went out to get "decent breakfast" but dad and I stayed behind.

"Son, I know I don't voice my feelings like your mom, but I'm really proud of you."

"Gee thanks dad. It's fucking hard though. There's not a day that goes by that I don't miss it, but I'm not going to do it again because you guys and Ashley."

"You think about it?"

"Yeah, I think about it! It's so fucking hard Dad. Ashley's the reason that I'm breathing right now, and I know it sounds so stupid, but it's true and I—"

I sighed and put my hands in my hair. What the fuck is wrong with me?

"I have a question. Last night, you two were thick and thin and this morning you looked at each other with so much love, but the thing is that I haven't heard the words."

"I don't know Dad. He's afraid, but I am too. I'm afraid. I'm confused. I'm still unstable. Ash does this—thing every year on his mother's anniversary and he scared the shit out of me."

"What happened?

"He got drunk and disappeared. We found him in a cemetery. He told me he loved me and I wanted to say it back but he was drunk. The next day we talked about it and I wanted to say it, but—"

"Tell him. You won't regret it."

"Dad, I don't know though. I—"

"Foods here!" Mom yelled coming through the door with bags of food.

"We'll talk about it later," Dad said, before smiling at mom.

"Did I walk in on something?"

"No ma'am," I replied.

"Oh good, but we need to talk to you."

"About?"

"Well your father and I were thinking...maybe you could move back to Ohio with us. Your room is still yours. We want you to come back. I know how you feel about Ashley, but we want you home."

"Mom I—"

She was cut off by the door coming open. Ashley walked in with his hands in his pockets. He looked at the three of us, smiled and walked to his room.

"He shouldn't be home this early. I need to talk to him. You two should go. I'll talk to you about it later alright."

"Oh. Okay honey. Call tonight."

"I will. I love you."

"I love you too Andy."

"Me too. And do it son."

"Yes sir."

I hugged both of them and watched them leave.

I walked to Ashley's room and he was sitting with his face in his hands.

"Ashley, talk to me."