Our Pain Will Shine a Light

Chapter 19
Ashley POV
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"Ashley, talk to me."

"Are you leaving?" I asked without looking up.

"What are you talking about?"

"You were talking about leaving."

"Ashley I—"

"Are. You. Leaving?"

"I don't know Ashley."

"You don't know?"

"I miss them so much Ash. It wouldn't hurt to spend a year or two back home."

"So you are going to leave me?"

"Ashley, I didn't say that."

"But you'll have to. You know long distance relationships don't work."

"We can make it work."

"No, we can't."

"Ashley—"

"Andrew you can't. You're my Autumn. You're the man I—"

"God Ashley! Stop doing that! Is it really that fucking hard to not say I love you? Don't fucking say it if you don't fucking mean it asshole!"

"But Andy I do mean it this time. I love you."

"Yeah right, you just don't want me to leave. You could have though of something better to lie about, you know."

"Andy..."

"I'm leaving this place. Don't wait up."

"You're leaving? What does that mean?"

"It means that if I stay in this house with you even longer then I'm going to lose it!"

"Fine! Leave!"

He just looked at me and shook his head. Within a few seconds he was out the door and walking down the street. Fine. It's alright. I'll let him cool off.

_____________________________________

About two hours later Andy came home and walked right past me and into our room. Gonna be stubborn? Fine. Be that way.

He came back into the living room in his club uniform, but he still didn't say anything.

"Cat got your tongue?"

"Shut the fuck up."

"Oh, that's mature."

"Ashely, I'm not in the mood. I'm just going to get my coffee and leave."

"You don't have to go in for another two hours."

"I'm taking the bus because I'd rather be there with random people than ride in a car with you."

"Andrew, did I really make you that upset?"

"Yeah, you did!"

We stared at each other for a while then he fixed his coffee and walked out the door.

That fucking kid! All I do is support him and look after him. I told him I loved him. Isn't that what he wanted?

Clean I need to clean to calm myself down. I'll do the kitchen, start the laundry, do the bathroom, and dry the clothes.

I started on the kitchen and did all the dishes, put them up, and cleaned all of the counters.

When I finished up in there I went to our room and the bathroom with a laundry basket. I picked up all the clothes and took them to the washing machine that fit nicely in the pantry.

I started going through the pockets and at the bottom of the basket were these little ziplock bags that I knew all too well.

No. No. No. No. No. Not this again. Please not this. Please please please.

I started breathing hard and my eyes swelled up. A whimper came from my mouth. What was I supposed to do? I rushed to the bathroom, but instead of throwing the bags down the toilet, I threw my guts down instead. Too many memories of mom, and that day I found her dead invaded my mind. How could he do this? I flushed the toilet and turned on the sink. I don't know what was going through my head. I wanted to throw things and shout and slap him.

That fucking kid!

I dialed his number and waited for him to answer, but I hung up before he could. What the hell was I going to say? "Oh I found your drugs." No.

All I can do is wait for him to come home.

I spent six hours pacing, drinking, and going over what I wanted to say to him. His shift would be over at 1, when the club closed, so I was up for a long time. Finally though, he walked through the door. I wasted no time to yell.

"Andrew what the hell is this?"

He froze and backed up slowly.

"Oh my god—Ashley I—"

"Let me see your arm," I demanded.

"Ashley, I didn't take it."

"Andrew, let me see your fucking arm!"

"Ash, calm down. You're scaring me."

Without thinking I rushed to him and yanked his arm up to my face. I examined it, but I didn't find anything. He jerked away with fear, but that didn't change anything.

"Andy, why the fuck do you have these and why would you be stupid enough to hide it in your jeans when you know I do your laundry?"

"Just give the stuff back to me, and we can move past it."

"Move past it? My mother fucking died because of this stuff, and you want to move past it? I can't fucking believe this!"

"Ashley, listen to me!"

"No! You listen to me! Yeah, you've been through some shit. Yeah, you've seen some things, but don't you ever for a second think that you're a victim. I've been through shit too, and I'm not about to watch another person that I love fall deeper into this and fucking die!"

Before I could stop him, he snatched the bag and grabbed my keys off of the table.

"Andy, what the fuck are you doing!"

He ran out the door and I tried to chase him but he had a head start. I screamed and pulled my hair.

After spending an hour, crying over the phone to a sleepy Roberta, Andy walked through the door. I hung up the phone without an explanation, and stared at him with death in my eyes.

"Where the fuck were you?"

"I was giving the drugs back. Here."

He held out a $50 bill and looked up at me.

"It was my own money by the way, but since I was being a little bitch. Here you go."

I took the money from him and tossed it on the floor.

"Well, are you gonna say anything?" He asked rolling his eyes.

I let out a chuckle of disbelief.

"Andy, since you've been here you have been stressing me out so much. I'm 25! I shouldn't have gray hair! You, you're a little dangerous and trouble some kid! I don't know why I let you stay here so long! I'm so fucking tired of you doing all this foolish shit!"

"Oh what, so now you're kicking me out?"

With a snarl, I pushed him against the wall. He hit his head, but I didn't care.

"And your mouth. You've got a dirty one, and I can't stand you for that either. Not to mention you're so rude and inconsiderate."

Tears were starting to leak from his eyes but he didn't say anything.

"I don't care if you cry. Cry all you want. You're such a pain in my ass, and I can't stand you."

"Ashley—"

I paused and gripped his chin pulling his lips to mine in a soft and tender kiss.

"I don't understand," He confessed, his voice shaking.

My eyes softened, and I smiled a little.

"But you're my Autumn. You're the best thing that's happened to me in a really long time, and as much as You stress me out, you're my solution for everything and—and I love you."

"Ashley—"

"No, just hear me out. I don't know what I'd do without you. And I heard your mom asking you to come back, and I felt guilty for not wanting you to go. You can if you want. I'm not the boss of you, but know that I won't be whole without you."

He pulled me to him in a fiery kiss, and I let him. I pulled back and looked into his eyes that were rimed with something I haven't seen before.

"I wasn't going to go silly. There were other reasons that I moved. I've always wanted to come to California, and now that I've found someone like you. I can't give it up. I love you too Ashley."

"You love me too?"

"Of course I do!"

"Then why'd you walk out earlier?" I asked, my confusion clear.

"Because Ashley, you were nearly in tears and it was because of me. I thought I had made you hate me, and I didn't want to see you like that."

"Well I don't hate you. I love you."

"I love you."

"I love you." I said again, my smile growing bigger and bigger.

"I love you too silly."

He put his hands on the wall by my face and kissed me again. His body was really close to mine and I could feel the beat of his heart moving rapidly against mine. He jumped and I caught him, putting my hands under his thighs to hold him up.

"I love you." I said between our heated kisses.

"Bedroom." He muttered.

"Will do."

I carried him to my room and tossed him down on the bed.

"This isn't going to go like the last time right?"

"No. I promise."