Trade

The next few days I continued to run on the treadmill, Shadows hadn't come round again and I decided to go out into town and buy some clothes for myself. Oli had left me a debit card, he said I could buy anything I wanted, he wasn't fussed about how much I spent. I wouldn't use much though, just buy a few things and get used to being around people again.

Maybe I could even apply for a few jobs, just small ones, try to get back to normal.

I went round a few shops, my heart pounding the whole way round, I knew no one wanted to hurt me here, but I was still scared. I thought about Vic, and Jack, my two best friends, we used to come into town and hang out all the time. Somehow though, I found it too difficult to call them, let alone see them yet. I just couldn't face them knowing that they knew what I'd been through.

I decided to go a coffee shop and sit down in the corner with a drink for a while, get my composure back, I was sat down with a hot chocolate when someone's voice came into my mind. Interrupting my train of thought.

"Hi." I looked up and felt almost ashamed when I realised I was relieved to see Shadows standing there.

"Oh, hey."

"Mind if I sit?" I gestured for him to do so and he did, fiddling with the cardboard thing around the coffee cup that stopped you from burning your hands.

"So you're out."

"Yep. First time."

"You look pretty shaken up."

"Can you blame me?" He looked down at his cup guiltily and I sighed, rubbing my forehead.

"Sorry." He shook his head.

"Don't be. How are your legs? You look stronger."

"They're fine actually. It's my mind that's taking a beating right now...being round all these people isn't easy." He nodded.

"God this is so fucked up." I murmured, looking around the shop.

"I know. But...maybe it's good that we..I don't know...at least be ok with being around each other. I don't still scare you, do I?"

"No. But that's cause I'm sick of being scared. And call me stupid but I was kind of relieved to see you." He looked at me in surprise, he looked happy and confused at the same time.

"You're a familiar face at least." He nodded and smiled. It was the first time I'd really seen him smile. It suited him.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"You and that guy...Oli? Is it?" I nodded.
"Are you like...together or did he decide that or..."

"Yeah we're together. And he didn't decide it, it just sort of worked out. He doesn't force me to do anything." Shadows blinked for a long time, looking guilty and slightly pained when he met my eyes again.

"That wasn't supposed to be a dig at you."

"Oh ok...and where is he now?"

"On tour with his band." Shadows nodded and stirred his coffee again, taking a sip.

"What's with the face?"

"Nothing."

I didn't realise until I'd got home, after he'd walked me back, that I'd actually had a great afternoon.
We'd talked, about real things, and laughed, he'd told me that his real name was Matthew, to call him that. And I felt a happy feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I decided to call Oli, and sat down on the couch, dialling his number.

It rang for the longest time, I was about to hang up when his voice sounded out breathlessly from the other side of the line.
"H-hello?"

"Hey! How are you?"

"A-alright." His breath came out heavily, I frowned.

"You sound weird, out of breath. You ok?"

"Yeah! Yeah, sorry...we uh...we just got off stage like...so I'm well tired haha, sorry. How are ya? I've been proper worried."

"No need!! I've been great actually, went into town for the first time today...I'm walking properly now."

"Oh god...Kel that's so great..." He sounded choked up.

"Are you crying?"

"No! No just...I'm sorry Kellin."

"Why?" I shook my head, Oli sounded really upset, I wanted to know what was going wrong.

"F-for not being there for you...I guess....sorry...oh, Kel I've gotta go, sorry. Kisses?" I laughed unconvincingly.

"Yeah, kisses. Hopefully I'll talk to you soon?"

"Definitely. Ok, bye."

"Yeah-" He hung up and I was left looking at the phone. What was wrong with him? What was going on?

I felt a bit slighted then, and was glad that me and Matthew had stayed out late enough for me to just shower and go to bed.

Just when things were starting to go well, it seemed they were beginning to get complicated again.