Trade

I stayed away from him for the whole week following that show.

The group of people who came over were a bunch of guys and their girlfriends. They wanted a singer for their band and asked me if I'd do it. I was absolutely ecstatic and said I'd think about it. I ended up staying out with them that night, and hanging out with them for the few days following until I decided I needed to talk to Oli about this.

As I walked back into the neighbourhood and knocked on his door, waiting for him to show, I felt like I was walking back into the bad experiences that had pushed me out of there. I realised how important this would be for me, being in a band, going to new places. But ultimately, Oli got to make the decision, and that killed me. He literally owned me. There was no doubt about it.

He answered the door and before I could even get out "hello" his arms were flung round me tightly. I hugged him back, realising how much I'd actually missed him, his smell, how I could feel his spine through his thin t-shirt, and yet he was still strong.
"Hi."

"Hi. Sorry..." He stood back to let me in, wiping his tear-stained cheeks.

"Don't be. How are you?"

"Fine. You?"

"Good...I've missed you though." He smiled.

"Glad to hear it. I've missed you so much, I'm really sorry Kellin."

"I know. And I'm not mad anymore. Those people who came up to me the other night...they're looking for a singer for their band. They asked me." Oli grinned and grabbed us both beers before sitting down in the living room with me, curling up on the couch like I remember.

"That's fantastic!!" We toasted and sat back laughing, sipping at the beer happily.

"Yeah, I just...I need to know if you're ok with it. I know what you said when I first came to you, but I need to know if anything's changed." Oli nodded but smiled after a while.

"Of course I'm ok with it. As much as I'd like to keep you here with me forever, I couldn't do that to you Kel. But you've gotta know I'm always gonna be around for you. I..still love you." Those words hit something in me that hadn't been touched in a long time.

"I still love you too." He moved over and hugged me tightly, pulling back and giving me a gentle kiss.

"Why I ever did that stuff...I don't know. I get why you don't wanna be with me just now, trust me I've been there. But whenever you're ready, if you ever are, then I'm here." I nodded.

"Thank you. I meant what I said, I'm not mad anymore, but with the band and everything, maybe now's just not the right time-" He cut me off by nodding.

"Don't worry - seriously. I'm totally ok with it. I'll even sign a sheet just in case you get shit from anyone about me giving you permission to do this." I nodded and he raced off to do it. I sat back on that familiar couch and sighed at the pain I'd felt during my time there. Then again, I'd also made some of the best friends of my entire life, met a man I loved with all my heart, gained experience making music, and raised my confidence to go back into the big wide world, which I was finally doing.

Probably, mostly thanks to Oli, who rushed back in then, showing me the paper. I laughed softly, holding onto his hand and pulling him down on the couch with me.
"Thank you." I leant against him and he cuddled me for a while before mumbling quietly:

"Wanna have another movie session? Y'know before you go off being all hot famous band singer like..." I laughed and nodded, he got up to put on a movie and I leant back, trying to shake the feeling I had that we were saying goodbye.

Halfway through the movie I got a call from Jesse, one of the guys who played guitar, and I moved to ignore it but Oli paused the movie.

"Answer it!! Go!! You're starting out, I know it's important. Go." I smiled gratefully and picked it up, pacing through different rooms, not remembering until I'd hung up that I wasn't able to do that before.

"We've got our first gig."

"That's fantastic!!" Oli smiled happily and I nodded slowly.

"What is it?"

"Nothing I'm just nervous..." He raised an eyebrow at me.

"It's in Florida....and it's in a few days." He shrugged.

"You're gonna be travelling around a lot in the beginning. I get that. Did you not realise?"

"I did...it's kinda crept up on me though, I just don't wanna leave you now."

"Yes you do. You're just gonna miss me. Anyway it'll only be a few gigs then you'll be back." I nodded.

"Kellin before you leave, cause I guess you've got other people to say goodbye to and stuff. I need to tell you how far you've come since I first saw you. You've totally picked yourself up and brushed yourself off, you're confident again and not afraid, you managed to move past that whole thing with Matthew, you've made tons of new friends, and now you're in a band heading off on your first show. I'm really, really fucking proud of you." I blinked back tears and hugged him tightly.

"And you helped me do most of that. So thank you. I can't really say how grateful I am to you because you've just done so much for me." He smiled.

"So I guess you've got other people to see..." I nodded.

"Call me when you get to Florida?" I nodded again and left with more hugs and goodbyes. Next on the list, Matthew.

He was happy to see me too, and over the moon when I told him about the band and Florida.
"Dude, that is just too fucking awesome!! I'm so happy for you Kellin. How's Oli? Is he ok with it?"

"Yeah totally."

"Then that's fantastic!! Pretty soon you guys'll be headlining Warped Tour..." We laughed and talked for a while more before I had to leave him too.

I visited my parents and texted Jack and Vic who met me and we hung out for a few more hours until I went to meet the guys.
"Here he is!! Man of the hour!!" Jesse yanked me into the house and the others all cheered.

"Dude, you do realise that you are the reason why we've FINALLY got a show?! We're really grateful man. And hey, here's to a great first show as a real band!!!" Gabe toasted and we all went along with it happily. I felt like I'd found more friends for life, and I couldn't have been any happier as we packed our stuff and headed for the airport together on what was probably the rowdiest car journey in the history of the universe.

It wasn't perfect. It was only our first show, and we didn't know how things would turn out. But it felt pretty damn good, and I knew we'd started something special here.