Trade

The next few days were difficult. I had to try and eat more, which was painful and made me feel sick, but I did it. Then on the fifth day of me being at Oli's, when he came to get me in the morning, I told him I wanted to try walking.
He stood by the bed, arms at the ready to catch me in case I buckled, and I forced myself onto my feet. I stood there for several minutes and me and Oli smiled at each other.
"Oh my god you're standing!! That's fantastic!!" I grinned and, with new found confidence, tried taking a step, at first my legs shook dangerously, and Oli reached out, I took his arm and gave myself a second, before trying another one. By the time I reached the landing, I was shaking with exertion and Oli carried me the rest of the way, but we were both ecstatic at my progress.

"Seriously this is so great, you're progressing much faster than I would've expected, but we can't push it ok? Baby steps...literally." I smiled at him again. That was the other thing, I was smiling and laughing again, I could talk normally again, and I felt safe with Oli, and Jordan, although he left that day. Oli helped him move his stuff out, and so was gone for a few hours. It was scary for me to be by myself in that big house for the first time, and of course, because it was old, sometimes it would creak or there would be a crack of the floorboards or the boiler would make a noise, but after a while it became reassuring and I wasn't scared anymore. I watched some TV - a total godsend, I didn't realise how much I'd missed it. When Oli returned he was exhausted and happy to see that I was ok.

"Was worried about you." I smiled, drawing my feet up to my bum on the sofa, resting my chin on my bony knees.
"I was ok. How's Jordan?"
"Yeah he's alright. He'll probably be back in a few months."
"Can I ask you something?"
"Sure."
"How come you live here? In the US? I mean..you're English right?"
"Yeah. Me and all the lads are from Sheffield, city up north of England...except for Jordan, he's from London, and when we first went on tour we loved New York, like so much, so we decided to stay. Pretty simple really." I nodded.
"Yeah I used to as well...I've always loved this city...but I guess I've seen the bad side of it now." Oli looked at me sadly.
"Yeah I s'pose...wanna play a game?"
"Sure, what?"
"Don't mind...how 'bout racing?" I played some racing game with Oli on the Xbox for a few hours before I got fed up of being on the couch.
"I need to try walking again."
"Kellin you shouldn't-"
"I know!! I just...I feel like I can..." Oli sighed and nodded, I fought to my feet again and tried a few steps. My joints began to hurt and I perched on the sofa arm, fighting back tears of frustration.
"It's ok Kellin, you're weak, you haven't had a chance to gain weight or muscle yet, give it a while." I just nodded and Oli's phone went off.
"Sorry I've been waiting for this call. One sec." He left the room and I tried walking a few more times before giving up and sitting back down.

When Oli came back he looked tense and I wondered what was wrong, choosing not to ask.
"I've gotta go out tomorrow for a while, you be ok here by yourself?"
"Yep."

That night I made a nest in the bed and Oli came into the room. He walked around for a while awkwardly, I just watched him.
"Do you...are...are you comfortable, here? Do I still scare you?"
"Yes, and no, not at all." He just nodded and left, leaving me slightly confused.