Trade

The following days were frantic. Well, to be more specific, Oli was frantic.
I hadn't understood why. He tried to explain, he tried to tell me but he wasn't explaining properly. It wasn't making any sense.

When they arrived, they were a blur of fake kisses and hugs, fake smiles, fake everything. I knew they were an arrogant, fake polite sort of people, but I'd met worse people in my time, I didn't think they were all that bad. They fussed over my weight, my near inability to walk, and the entire time Oli's jaw was tense, his whole body rigid.

I just didn't understand it.

However, after Oli had taken me upstairs to go to the loo, and I tried to walk down by myself, I heard him talking to them.
"He's so skinny Oli, and ugly!! I mean, you could've got someone much better, and I hope you're making sure he knows that he's a slave. He will always be your, or someone else's slave, and he needs to be treated as such."

"He's not one of us, Oliver, you can't treat him as if he's on the same level as you. You're far above him, and he needs to know that, and that he is your slave. At the moment, it's almost like you're his!! I am very disappointed in you." His dad finished for him, I felt a kind of uncomfortable twisting sensation in my stomach and I sat down, trying not to cry.

"He can't fucking walk...because his last owner was determined to make sure he knew his place...I will never be the person that does that to someone. And if that disappoints you..then I have to wonder what the hell is wrong with the two of you." I felt a small part of relief at Oli's words, although it was beginning to sound as if he thought me beneath him too, and I waited for him to speak again.

"Oliver, that is unacceptable language towards us-"

"No it's not. I'm being honest. Something that the two of you have always failed to do. Kellin is the most amazing person I have ever met, and he's strong, he's survived this, and I don't even give a shit whether or not you guys can handle this anymore, I love him. I have since I first clapped eyes on him. You two...will either have to deal with that, or go."

"This is an outrage!!" I flinched, it was the first time anyone had raised their voice, and tears began to pool in my eyes, the relief that Oli had always been genuine with me, and the pain that he was losing the two most important people in his life because of me ripped me apart.

"Thought you'd say that." Oli's cool as a cucumber voice interrupted the rant his dad had flown off into and his mum came out of the room, looked at me for a while and sat down with me.
"Don't cry sweetheart."
"Don't treat me nicely, I know what you think of me, and I don't understand why, but-"
"But my only child is in love with you. So I'll get to know you, and love you too. I won't stop having contact with my son, and Harry will have to understand that." I nodded, still unconvinced, this woman was so two faced, I didn't know wether to believe her or not.
"I promise. And I'm sorry. I was judging the idea of you, not you yourself, a fault that I always tend to display when meeting new people. I will make an effort Kellin." I smiled gently and she smiled back at me, offering me a tissue.

Oli's dad came storming out and barked at Claire to go with him, she nodded at me and left too, not before saying goodbye to Oli and telling him that she'd be back.

Oli came and sat with me, he leant against me, surprising me, and I fiddled with his hair absent-mindedly. He was warm against me, I wondered if he could feel my heart pounding against his back.
"I'm sorry."
"No...your mum was nice. Really." Oli sighed.
"I can't...I just can't express...how I felt when they were saying those things about you...." I bit my lip so hard it started to bleed, hands dropping to the step either side of me.

"I...it was ok, they...it's just difficult for them to...understand..." I suddenly felt very young compared to Oli for the first time and I shuffled away from him slightly. He sat up quickly.

"Are you-"

"Sorry, I need to go to the bathroom." I stood up and Oli scrambled to his feet, grabbing my wrist. I flinched, turning back towards him and he slipped a hand back round my neck, kissing me roughly.

"Don't freak out on me...I'm sorry."

"I'm not freaked out!!" Oli flinched as my voice raised of it's own accord and I sat down on the step shakily.

"Then what's wrong?"

"I'm fucking frustrated okay?!?! You're older than me and better looking and experienced and I have never felt this way about anyone before and yet I don't even fucking know how to talk to you in that way!!! I can't even fucking walk and I just wanna scream and you're so nice all the time and.." I ran out of steam and leant forward on my hands, eyes shut. Oli was stood next to me, he didn't sit down.

"Sorry."

"For what?"

"I don't know....for what it's worth, I have experience, but not with anyone that's ever meant anything to me." I sighed and offered him a hand, he pulled me up and I gave him a hug, hating the way I wanted to get closer to him, and pull away at the same time.

"Okay...anger out the way, can I kiss you then we go get something to eat? Forget about all this?" I laughed at the face he pulled and nodded.

That night, I had nightmares. Bad ones.
Shadows was there, as were the guys who took me, Oli was taken, tortured and killed, I was mocked, sold, sold again,

There was an iron grip on me, then I was falling, falling, falling.

I sat bolt upright, smacking into someone as I did.
I scrambled back against the headboard, heart beating erratically in my chest.

Oli groaned and rubbed his head.
"S-sorry!!! I-I'm sorry-" He shushed me and shuffled closer, pulling me into a hug as I involuntarily burst into tears.
"You're ok. Promise." He took me back to his room and held onto me tightly. His smell and warmth slowly calmed me down and I fell asleep.

The next morning I woke up, tangled up in Oli's sheets and body, arms and legs a loose mess. His mouth was slightly open, hair messy, eyelashes long. His smell was a reassuring mix of warmth, his cologne, washing powder and sweets.
He was so adorable, but there was something wrong. And I think it was me.

I felt safe here. I'm pretty sure I was in love with Oli. He'd said openly that he had feelings for me, saved me from the Trade, stood up to his parents for me, as well as mine. He'd introduced me to his closest friends and asked me for help on their album.

Yet there was a hollow feeling inside me all the time. Every time he touched me or looked at me I felt the things that you should feel, but scared at the same time.

And I didn't know how to tell him.