Remembering Sunday
One. (The Journal)
September 6th, 2013
I always wanted to keep a journal, but never thought it was possible. So, I figure it’d be easier if I just recap everything every few months. Welp, here we go.
I don’t think I could’ve dreamed up a better summer if I tried my hardest. Partially because of a boy, I know, so cliché, but whatever. I’ve been hanging out with the guy I’ve been crushing on since freshman year, granted we’ve always been friends but we never hung out outside of school. That is, until his graduation party. Do I need a back story on him? I guess it couldn’t hurt. I met Alex towards the beginning of freshman year because he was dating one of my best friends. (I know it’s bad but I developed a crush on him as soon as we met, why, I have no idea, I didn’t even know the kid.) I really didn’t talk to him much until he sat behind me in history class the next year. We became pretty decent friends, we’d make each other mixtapes and exchange CDs. I’d give him relationship advice, even though there was nothing I wanted more than for us to be together but I was still hung up on this other guy. We just became friends who’d talk when we were together, share our taste in music, and say hi when we passed each other in the hall. Junior year was pretty much the same. He sat behind me in English, we’d talk when we saw each other, exchange mixtapes, and say hi in the halls. But this time was different, he started dating this girl Nicole in the fall of junior year and I never understood them together. I never really had a problem with them until senior year. I had no classes with Alex so the only time I’d see him was in the halls and occasionally if we’d get lunch at the same place. Nicole played a huge part in us not talking. She was clingy, so they were always together when I’d see him and if we tried to have a conversation that didn’t include her, she’d make sure to steal all of Alex’s attention so we didn’t have much of a friendship senior year other than the occasional small conversations. But they broke up right before graduation and that’s when everything changed. I never thought I’d be one to end up happy when someone I care about is hurt but it was so much deeper than what it looked like. He’s a little bit broken and I could always sense that about him. I care about him so much and all I ever want is for him to be happy and he just didn’t seem happy with her. The first time we really hung out outside of school wasn’t his graduation party, it was our friend Heather’s. We’ll get to his party right after this. So of course, who’s one of Heather’s best friends? Nicole. I spent almost the entire night with Alex and I didn’t get too many nice looks from Nicole, probably because Alex was telling me the story of why they broke up, who knows, maybe she overheard. Whatever, so to his party. Well, first of all, my brakes stopped working on my car as soon as I got to his house so I was forced to stay late until I could get a ride home and I had to leave my car over his house for a few days. Anyway, I got to his house and gave him the mixtape I made him for his graduation/birthday present and he was so happy, he gave me the biggest hug. It was adorable. A little later I was sitting with a bunch of people at the table on his back deck and who’s there? Nicole. They were trying to stay friends even after the break up since they were together for so long. So of course she gets him something much cooler than what I did, Imagine Dragons tickets and they planned on going together. The rest of the night she was being really sloppy (alcohol was being served) and flirting with his friends, which was not cool considering it was his party and he doesn’t drink at all. I spent the entire night with him, trying to cheer him up doing whatever I could. We both have been trying to go to a concert together since sophomore year but every time there was one we’d go to, one of us had a reason we couldn’t go. Since he got me into most of the bands that I was planning on seeing at Warped Tour, I tried convincing him to go, but he didn’t wanna drop all that money on a ticket because he didn’t realize how many awesome bands were playing. So I gave up on getting him to go. The next day I got a text from him asking if I ever took my yearbook out of the car (we never got the chance to sign each others –again, Nicole’s fault-) and I told him I didn’t so he better go sign it. My dad went without me to pick up the car since I got stuck at work but when I got home to find the note he left for me, it made everything worth it. We didn’t talk much for the next week until I was at day one of Warped Tour that I was going to. I managed to make my way up to third row for The Wonder Years, who I just got Alex into so I was texting him about that and when we got back to Missy’s (my mini me/best friend), Alex and I continued talking and he was saying how he wishes he went and he should’ve listened to me. So the next day at day two of Warped, I decided to be a nice person and buy him a Wonder Years t-shirt and he was so excited when I told him I got him something, it made my day, despite the fact that I practically broke my neck in the blessthefall crowd. Oh well, it happens. So then a few days after my whole Warped Tour weekend, I had his t-shirt in my car so I texted him after I got off work and he told me to just come over. He was so excited when I showed it to him and we just hung out and talked for a little bit. He gave me a little neck massage which helped so much considering my neck was still killing me, and he told me that him and Nicole haven’t talked in a while and he’s not sure if they were still seeing Imagine Dragons together and if she bailed, I’d go with him. So the day of the show she bailed & I went with him and in the car after he looks at me and said "I've never spent this much time with you outside of school, it's weird" so I gave him a look and he was like "good weird". I was on top of the world. So then a few days after that, we start snapchating nonstop and one night I was out by his house with nothing to do and he told me to come over if I really was dying of boredom do so I did, of course, and we were hanging out just talking & watching TV. Then Zombieland came on so we end up both laying on the bed watching it. He knows if you poke me in the sides, I will jump so he starts doing that and somehow we ended up cuddling during the entire movie and he was just being really cute, playing with my fingers, pushing my hair behind my ear, and holding me tight when the clown popped up on the screen (I’m deathly afraid of them). He almost kissed me three or four times but it didn’t happen. When the clock turned to 2AM, I finally said I had to leave since he had to be up early for work the next morning and I didn’t want to keep him up all night. He walked me out to my car and hugged me for a good couple minutes and finally let me leave. All I wanted was to hang out with him the next night but he had family over and by the time he could’ve left, it was too late. At this point we were still snapchatting all day and I got into a fight with my ex-best friend and he could tell I was upset and insisted on being there for me to vent to. So I did, and he said some of the nicest, realest things to me that night that I will forever be grateful for him. So the night after that, I was at Walmart and he said if I bought blank CDs, he'd make me my mixtapes so I buy them and head over to his house and we were sitting around watching a movie while he was making the CDs and I was making plans with my friend Autumn to buy the polaroid package for Sleeping With Sirens’ tour. He gave me his A Day To Remember sweatshirt since it didn’t fit him anymore and I was saying how I don’t have any of their merch and that was weird considering they’re one of my favorites. It was almost midnight and I had to leave to pick up the little brother and his friends so Alex walked me out carrying my keys and his yearbook (so I could sign it and give it back whenever) and we were looking at the stars for a little bit, I let him drive my dad’s car around for a little (No one else touches that car, it’s his baby. But love-struck me, I let Alex drive it around) and then when we got back he hugged me goodbye and then wouldn’t let me go. He just stared at me waiting for me to do something, so I got up on my toes and he kissed me. Then he was just stalling time cause I didn't want to leave and when he finally let me leave he grabbed my hand, pulled me back towards him and kissed me again. It was magical. Then he came and visited me at work the day after that for a few minutes. When I gave him his yearbook a couple days later, that was the last time I saw him. He stopped answering my texts and snapchats and things just got weird between us for no reason. I suppose I shouldn’t overthink anything or get upset over it but I fell for him so hard. Our relationship this summer was everything I’d ever dreamed of. He is starting to talk to me again like nothing happened, which is nice, but I don’t know what to make out of anything. He’s away at college eight hours away and I’m stuck on Manhattan, which was always my dream, I guess not all dreams that come true end up how you expect them to. Whatever, heres to hoping Alex comes to his senses and hopefully we end up together or something. I hope.
xoxo-Michelle
I always wanted to keep a journal, but never thought it was possible. So, I figure it’d be easier if I just recap everything every few months. Welp, here we go.
I don’t think I could’ve dreamed up a better summer if I tried my hardest. Partially because of a boy, I know, so cliché, but whatever. I’ve been hanging out with the guy I’ve been crushing on since freshman year, granted we’ve always been friends but we never hung out outside of school. That is, until his graduation party. Do I need a back story on him? I guess it couldn’t hurt. I met Alex towards the beginning of freshman year because he was dating one of my best friends. (I know it’s bad but I developed a crush on him as soon as we met, why, I have no idea, I didn’t even know the kid.) I really didn’t talk to him much until he sat behind me in history class the next year. We became pretty decent friends, we’d make each other mixtapes and exchange CDs. I’d give him relationship advice, even though there was nothing I wanted more than for us to be together but I was still hung up on this other guy. We just became friends who’d talk when we were together, share our taste in music, and say hi when we passed each other in the hall. Junior year was pretty much the same. He sat behind me in English, we’d talk when we saw each other, exchange mixtapes, and say hi in the halls. But this time was different, he started dating this girl Nicole in the fall of junior year and I never understood them together. I never really had a problem with them until senior year. I had no classes with Alex so the only time I’d see him was in the halls and occasionally if we’d get lunch at the same place. Nicole played a huge part in us not talking. She was clingy, so they were always together when I’d see him and if we tried to have a conversation that didn’t include her, she’d make sure to steal all of Alex’s attention so we didn’t have much of a friendship senior year other than the occasional small conversations. But they broke up right before graduation and that’s when everything changed. I never thought I’d be one to end up happy when someone I care about is hurt but it was so much deeper than what it looked like. He’s a little bit broken and I could always sense that about him. I care about him so much and all I ever want is for him to be happy and he just didn’t seem happy with her. The first time we really hung out outside of school wasn’t his graduation party, it was our friend Heather’s. We’ll get to his party right after this. So of course, who’s one of Heather’s best friends? Nicole. I spent almost the entire night with Alex and I didn’t get too many nice looks from Nicole, probably because Alex was telling me the story of why they broke up, who knows, maybe she overheard. Whatever, so to his party. Well, first of all, my brakes stopped working on my car as soon as I got to his house so I was forced to stay late until I could get a ride home and I had to leave my car over his house for a few days. Anyway, I got to his house and gave him the mixtape I made him for his graduation/birthday present and he was so happy, he gave me the biggest hug. It was adorable. A little later I was sitting with a bunch of people at the table on his back deck and who’s there? Nicole. They were trying to stay friends even after the break up since they were together for so long. So of course she gets him something much cooler than what I did, Imagine Dragons tickets and they planned on going together. The rest of the night she was being really sloppy (alcohol was being served) and flirting with his friends, which was not cool considering it was his party and he doesn’t drink at all. I spent the entire night with him, trying to cheer him up doing whatever I could. We both have been trying to go to a concert together since sophomore year but every time there was one we’d go to, one of us had a reason we couldn’t go. Since he got me into most of the bands that I was planning on seeing at Warped Tour, I tried convincing him to go, but he didn’t wanna drop all that money on a ticket because he didn’t realize how many awesome bands were playing. So I gave up on getting him to go. The next day I got a text from him asking if I ever took my yearbook out of the car (we never got the chance to sign each others –again, Nicole’s fault-) and I told him I didn’t so he better go sign it. My dad went without me to pick up the car since I got stuck at work but when I got home to find the note he left for me, it made everything worth it. We didn’t talk much for the next week until I was at day one of Warped Tour that I was going to. I managed to make my way up to third row for The Wonder Years, who I just got Alex into so I was texting him about that and when we got back to Missy’s (my mini me/best friend), Alex and I continued talking and he was saying how he wishes he went and he should’ve listened to me. So the next day at day two of Warped, I decided to be a nice person and buy him a Wonder Years t-shirt and he was so excited when I told him I got him something, it made my day, despite the fact that I practically broke my neck in the blessthefall crowd. Oh well, it happens. So then a few days after my whole Warped Tour weekend, I had his t-shirt in my car so I texted him after I got off work and he told me to just come over. He was so excited when I showed it to him and we just hung out and talked for a little bit. He gave me a little neck massage which helped so much considering my neck was still killing me, and he told me that him and Nicole haven’t talked in a while and he’s not sure if they were still seeing Imagine Dragons together and if she bailed, I’d go with him. So the day of the show she bailed & I went with him and in the car after he looks at me and said "I've never spent this much time with you outside of school, it's weird" so I gave him a look and he was like "good weird". I was on top of the world. So then a few days after that, we start snapchating nonstop and one night I was out by his house with nothing to do and he told me to come over if I really was dying of boredom do so I did, of course, and we were hanging out just talking & watching TV. Then Zombieland came on so we end up both laying on the bed watching it. He knows if you poke me in the sides, I will jump so he starts doing that and somehow we ended up cuddling during the entire movie and he was just being really cute, playing with my fingers, pushing my hair behind my ear, and holding me tight when the clown popped up on the screen (I’m deathly afraid of them). He almost kissed me three or four times but it didn’t happen. When the clock turned to 2AM, I finally said I had to leave since he had to be up early for work the next morning and I didn’t want to keep him up all night. He walked me out to my car and hugged me for a good couple minutes and finally let me leave. All I wanted was to hang out with him the next night but he had family over and by the time he could’ve left, it was too late. At this point we were still snapchatting all day and I got into a fight with my ex-best friend and he could tell I was upset and insisted on being there for me to vent to. So I did, and he said some of the nicest, realest things to me that night that I will forever be grateful for him. So the night after that, I was at Walmart and he said if I bought blank CDs, he'd make me my mixtapes so I buy them and head over to his house and we were sitting around watching a movie while he was making the CDs and I was making plans with my friend Autumn to buy the polaroid package for Sleeping With Sirens’ tour. He gave me his A Day To Remember sweatshirt since it didn’t fit him anymore and I was saying how I don’t have any of their merch and that was weird considering they’re one of my favorites. It was almost midnight and I had to leave to pick up the little brother and his friends so Alex walked me out carrying my keys and his yearbook (so I could sign it and give it back whenever) and we were looking at the stars for a little bit, I let him drive my dad’s car around for a little (No one else touches that car, it’s his baby. But love-struck me, I let Alex drive it around) and then when we got back he hugged me goodbye and then wouldn’t let me go. He just stared at me waiting for me to do something, so I got up on my toes and he kissed me. Then he was just stalling time cause I didn't want to leave and when he finally let me leave he grabbed my hand, pulled me back towards him and kissed me again. It was magical. Then he came and visited me at work the day after that for a few minutes. When I gave him his yearbook a couple days later, that was the last time I saw him. He stopped answering my texts and snapchats and things just got weird between us for no reason. I suppose I shouldn’t overthink anything or get upset over it but I fell for him so hard. Our relationship this summer was everything I’d ever dreamed of. He is starting to talk to me again like nothing happened, which is nice, but I don’t know what to make out of anything. He’s away at college eight hours away and I’m stuck on Manhattan, which was always my dream, I guess not all dreams that come true end up how you expect them to. Whatever, heres to hoping Alex comes to his senses and hopefully we end up together or something. I hope.
xoxo-Michelle