We're Young and in Love

And I Don’t Know If I Can Keep Up With You Now.

Josh POV

Oli left rather in a hurry this morning. He got a phone call from the shop at around 8am saying that they really needed his assistants and they wouldn’t be able to cope without him today. He wasn’t exactly thrilled receiving the phone call, neither was I to be honest as the call woke us both up and I wasn’t one for being woken up so early in the mornings. I tried to convince him to stay at home and make up some excuse why he couldn’t come in because he is the boss after all but he wouldn’t listen. Hannah hates it when he leaves, especially when all she wants is her morning cuddles from her daddy and I guess him having to say no and leave us put him in a bad mood, leaving me to sulk and a unhappy sobbing Hannah in bed.

Once I was done with mine and Hannah’s breakfast, I got us both dressed and decided to go along to the shop. If the shop is that busy, I’m sure they wouldn’t mind if I turn up and offer them extra help, as it was my job not so long ago. It was a grey gloomy day and Oli had taken the car with him this morning, so it meant I would had to walk to the shop, which I didn’t mind, I would just have to put the rain mac over the push chair and walk pretty fast to get there before it started raining. I put Oskar on his lead and began making my way to the shop.

~~~

When I got there, the Drop Dead shop was ridiculously full of people and everyone seemed to be running around everywhere and the shop just looked a complete mess. Lucky Hannah had fallen asleep on the walk here, cos she would actually freak if she saw all these unknown strangers around her. I stroll to the front counter knowing that’s where Tom would be and greet the other work colleagues who passed me as I approached the counter.
I walk behind the counter, placing the push chair on the far wall where I knew it wouldn’t be in anyone’s way and take Oskar off his lead which he runs and jumps up on Tom’s lap, which makes him stop what he’s doing on the computer and turns round to face me. You could tell he was stressed by the expression on his face and I was probably the last person he wanted to see right now but he sends me a small smile anyway and pats Oskar on the head.

“Josh this isn’t really a good time, Oliver is so busy right now and isn’t in the best of moods either.”
“I didn’t come here to see Oli, I came to help you guys out. And by the looks of it, you need me.” I say, taking off my coat and resting it on the push chair, ready to get on with some work.
“We do, but what about Hannah? Oliver won’t be too happy to see you here. We’re really rushed off our feet.”
“Hannah’s fast asleep so don’t worry about her and as for Oli, I can handle my husband. Just stop moaning and put me to work.” I say, rolling my eyes getting slightly annoyed that he won’t shut up and just let me offer them my help. When Tom sees that I won’t back down, he gives in and finally gives me something to do.
“Right. Well you can start by getting me some more gift bags and receipt rolls, we’ve got nothing left.”
“I’m on it.” I say, heading straight to the stock room and going over to the big card board box where we keep all the shops gift bags, then opening the cupboard and grabbing three rolls of receipt paper knowing one wouldn’t be enough. And I also grab five packs of stickers and a big load of leaflets to put in with every customers purchase. I put them all into a basket before returning to the shop floor.

“Mate, you’re an absolute star.” Tom says when he sees I’ve returned with more than what he originally had asked me to get. Don’t know why he’s so surprised, this was my job six months ago, it’s not like I don’t know what I’m doing here. I brush it off and start stocking up everything in they’re rightful place behind the counter and let everyone get on with what they were doing.

I hear Oli enter the shop floor, I can spot that strong Sheffield accent anywhere. I hear his voice get louder, irritation lingering his tone as he approaches his brother and hands him some files. I stay crouched down on the other side of Tom, as I was putting the packs of stickers in they’re rightful place on the shelves behind the counter and also hoping Oli wouldn’t see me because I didn’t want him to think I was here because I was bored at home and wanted to distract people from working. But Oskar gave me away as he was still sitting in Tom’s lap and he always gets super excited whenever he sees Oli, like every dog would do when they’re reunited with their master, jumping up with excitement and constantly swaying his tail back and forth.

“How did Oskar get here?” I hear him ask and I slowly peek up behind Tom’s thigh, giving my best big doe eyes look up at Oli hoping he wouldn’t be mad to see me.
“Josh love, what are you doing here?” Oli whines dragging a hand down his face, obviously annoyed.
“I came to help out.” I stand up revealing myself to him fully.
“No, its far to busy for any distractions. I can’t have you here and where is Han-“ he cuts himself off when he sees Hannah’s push chair against the wall and I saw the look on his face which basically showed he wasn’t happy for all of us to be here.
“Don’t even ask your mum to watch her cause she’s up to her eyeballs in paper work and doesn’t have the time to be distracted by Hannah.”
I frown, annoyed that he thinks we’re so much of a distraction and accusing that I would automatically give Hannah to my mum to take care of and stop her from working. What on earth does he take me for? I know it’s busy and I wouldn’t do that, I’m here to simply help out not to make things worse.
“I wasn’t even going to ask mum to watch her. Oli, she’s asleep she won’t distract anyone. I honestly thought I’d be doing you a favour by helping you out.”
“But when she wakes up she’s going to be groggy and want one of us Josh, you know what she’s like after her naps and it’s far too busy to stop working and see to her. I can’t be dealing with this today.”
And that was enough to piss me off. He’s made it clear that he doesn’t want me here.
“Fine, I’ll just go back home then.” I huff, throwing down the pack of stickers on the counter and walking over to Hannah in the push chair and putting my coat back on.

“Bro, we really do need the extra help and he’s here now and he’s already helped stock up the front desk. Just let him work today.” Tom finally decides to jump in when he sees the situation getting a little heated and unnecessary.
“Fine whatever, I don’t have time to stand around and discuss this. I’m sure you don’t need to be told what to do, just get on with it.”
I bite my tongue and glare at him, making sure I was giving him my best death stare instead as I thought about if I should even bother staying now.
I was so tempted to tell him to do one. He has no right to speak to me like that, I don’t care that in the shop that he’s my boss and yeah ok, I understand that he’s stressed out but I’m his husband and I came in to offer my assistants because I knew they would need it. I didn’t have to come in but I did cos I’m a decent guy like that and I knew how worked up Oli can get over work and I wanted to make it less stressful for him but now I wished I didn’t bother.

~~~

It was roughly around 2 o’clock in the afternoon and I hadn’t seen Oli since our little fall out this morning, which was fine with me because I was still annoyed at him. I was currently in the stock room with Lee, going through all the items of clothing and accessories we stored in the shop and writing down what we had sold out of, so at the end of the day we could do all the adding up and reordering. Even though today was pretty hectic and a little stressful I still manage to enjoy being back at the shop. I was back doing what I know and I was socializing with everyone and I was around people who were my friends which was great but it also made me realise how much I missed my life before I chose to settle down. Lee is a really a cool guy, we had a quick catch up while we were re stocking and he seemed generally stoked to see me back at work. He’s much closer to Oli than me because they met a few years back at Oli’s old job along with Matt and the three of them seemed to become really close friends. The only friends Oli really had to be honest but that was okay for him and I was happy that over the years Oli found it in himself to actually make some real friends because he really struggled with that in the past. I was thankful for Lee and Matt for sticking around and being true friends.

Thankfully Hannah had remained asleep for the last few hours, allowing me to get on with my job and give Oli some peace of mind, which made the day a lot easier and also a big fat I told you so in Oli’s face too. I knew everything would be alright and there was nothing to worry about being “distracted” and we’ve been able to get on just like any other day at the shop.

I kind of spoke to soon because when I returned to the shop floor with Lee, I see Oli trying to settle down a crying Hannah who had woken up and now in his arms craving his attention. He looked so annoyed and stressed as he was trying to calm our daughter while he was in the middle of talking to a customer. Oh crap, he’s not going to be happy with me...
I make my way over to the front counter and Tom sends me a warning look, basically telling me that I was going to be in trouble. I sigh, putting down the boxes of the new stock and then make my way over to Oli, I could see how frustrated he was getting and it actually hurt me to see he wasn’t even paying attention to Hannah properly, no wonder she was kicking up a fuss. Okay, I understand that we were crazy busy but I’m sure someone else could have dealt with the customer so that he could see to his daughter or to even send someone to get me from the stock room.

“Where have you been?” he hisses when I reach him, stepping away from the customer. I automatically take Hannah from him and I hold her to my chest and bounce her lightly to calm her down.
“I was in the stock room.”
“I told you this would happen, I don’t need you disappearing from the shop floor and leaving our daughter to cry and then having colleagues pull me away from important business to calm her.”
“Are you actually serious?” I frown at him, feeling my anger bubbling up inside of me.
“Josh, I do not have time to deal with this right now. I told you how busy I am and can’t afford to be distracted by insignificant things; I have a job to get on with.”
“You think our daughter is an insignificant thing?” I scowl, incredibly insulted by what he just said.
“Fuck Josh, you know that’s not what I meant. Don’t start twisting shit.”
“I know exactly what you meant. Don’t worry, we’ll just go because your work is obviously more important and we’re nothing but insignificant things to you.” I hiss back, putting Hannah in her push chair who was still sobbing, not caring who was around to witness us arguing again.
“Just go home Josh!” Oli says in a whispered yell, his hands in balls of fist and stomping his foot in frustration before storming off back up to his office. What a fucking child.

I was so angry I wasn’t even paying attention on strapping Hannah in the push chair correctly; I just wanted to get out of here. I grabbed Oskar’s lead and clipped it to his collar, quickly throwing on my coat before walking past the front counter in a hurry.

“Josh, bro. Don’t go.” Tom calls out, stopping me in my tracks to turn and glare at him. I could feel how hot and bothered I’d become and I was biting my lip so hard to hold in my anger because I really didn’t want to cause a scene in the shop but I couldn’t hold it in.
“He can go fuck himself. I came here to help him out and that’s the thanks I get!” I seethed.
“Come on, you know he didn’t mean it.” He says, taking his older brother side but it only annoyed me more because he knew Oli was in the wrong.
“Don’t you dare stick up for him Tom!” I yell before storming out of the shop before anyone could stop me.
The three of us were kind of like brothers; Tom was the youngest who looked up to both Oli and I. In his eyes I was the down to earth, fun but caring brother, where as Oli was the older wiser, care free but fragile brother. He was the favourite; the one Tom always stuck up for.

I was beyond pissed off clenching my jaw tight to keep myself from screaming down the street in anger. I can’t believe Oli spoke to me like that in front of everyone, I don’t care if it was busy he was bang out of order to treat us like that. What he said was really hurtful, good job my mum wasn’t on the shop floor to hear him say that because she would have defiantly gave him a piece of her mind for sure. Insignificant things, that’s what we are to him apparently, well will see how insignificant we are when he comes home later and won’t be giving any signs of acknowledgement. Stupid arrogant prick.

It was raining heavily now and I only got to the end of the road to realise that I couldn’t walk back home in this weather, I’d get completely drenched and catch a cold for sure. I groan in frustration because I knew I would have to go back to the shop and get the car keys from Oli but his face was the last thing I wanted to see right now. And I knew if I went back all hell would break loose between us and I really didn’t want that.

I rest my fore arms on the handles of the push chair and hang my head as I let out a loud frustrated groan. Taking a few minutes to calm myself down before I decide to go back, not really caring that I was getting soaked in the rain the longer I stood here. A loud horn from a car breaks me out of my thoughts and I whip my head up in fright at the sudden loud noise and as I do, I see my best friend pull up along side the curb beside me.

“Get in.” he says as the window wines down and I’m instantly grateful that he bought a baby seat for his car when Hannah first came into our lives. Without another word, I quickly un strap Hannah and place her in the back and strap her into the baby seat as she still continues to cry but I then quickly fold down the push chair putting it in the boot of Vic’s car before picking up Oskar and sliding into the passenger seat.
“What were you doing standing out in the rain?” he says, driving off in the direction of my house.
“Forgot to shower this morning.” I mocked but he only shook his head without saying anything in response. What did he think I was doing out in the rain down the street from the shop?
I was escaping from my good for nothing idiotic family. Usually Vic was always my get away when things got too much, either it was with Oli not talking, or I was afraid of something or lonely, Vic was always the one I’d go to but these days he’s barely around. I couldn’t help but remind myself of the several phone calls he has ignored the last couple weeks from me and I wanted to know why he chose not to contact me back.

“Why have you been ignoring my calls?”
“I haven’t been ignoring them, I’ve just been busy.”
“Too busy to spare five minutes for a quick phone call?” he ignores my question and continues to stare at the road ahead which then I just smirk in annoyance and shake my head, looking out the passenger side window, staring at the rain droplets rolling down the glass.
Everyone seemed to be too “busy” for me lately and to be honest; I was getting sick of it. The last few times I’ve called Vic the calls have gone straight to voicemail, I’ve even left a couple of messages which he never returned and it was so unlike him not to get back to me, not even a text. I haven’t seen him since Hannah’s birthday party which was over two weeks ago, he’s been distant with me lately and I’m unsure of why. I know I have been seeing a lot less of him since me and Oli discussed that I was spending too much time with him when I should be focusing on our family but we still called or text from time to time. But now I get nothing.

“I know you’re pissed off with Oliver for whatever reason but don’t take it out on me Josh.”
“I’m not!” I complain, only realising then my attitude only confirmed that I was. I look back at Vic, his eyebrows raised and wide eyes basically saying “what the fuck was that then?” And I just huff, looking down at Oskar in my lap not saying anything else because I knew I was on the edge of snapping.

We remain to sit in silence for the rest of the car journey, the only sounds being heard were from Hannah babbling in the back and the sound of the car window swiper’s moving back and forth.
I then notice the car was filled with the over powering but delicious smell of Mexican food which was enough to make my stomach rumble in hunger. I turn my head to check on Hannah and give her a small smile when I see her settled and smile back at me but my eyes shift to the seat next to her and see the take out bag from the new Mexican restaurant in town. Looks like someone was having a late lunch but I don’t mention it as I wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone right now.

Vic pulls up outside my flat and the second I open the car door Oskar jumps off my lap and runs straight to the door. I take Hannah out of the baby seat, while Vic gets the push chair out of the boot for me and then climbs back into the driver’s seat of his car.
“You’re not coming in?” I ask, surprised that he seemed so eager to drop us off and leave us.
“I wasn’t planning to.”
“I just thought seeing as we haven’t seen you lately, you would like to come in for a catch up.”
He pulls a face and rubs his chin with his finger while he thinks about my request but the action immediately annoys me.
“I’m not forcing you Vic, jeez!” I say turning on my heel and stomping over to my front door. What is with everyone today? Seriously, am I that bad that no one wants to spend time with me anymore? I don’t even know what I’ve done for people to act like this towards me.
I hear him grunt and then hear the car door slam shut but I refuse to look back to see if he was coming or going. I struggled to get the door open as Hannah was placed on my hip crying because of the rain and holding the push chair in the other hand whilst trying not to step on Oskar who was under my feet and I was just getting more and more frustrated with everything and was literally seconds away from losing my shit. Vic soon comes up behind me and takes the keys out of my hands and opens the door for us without saying a word, knowing I was already in a mood and the best thing he could do right now was not say a single word because it would piss me off further.

~~~

I came back downstairs from changing Hannah’s nappy and putting her in some dry clothes as well as myself, feeling a little less stressed now I was home and in the warm. I walk into the kitchen to see that Vic was sat at the breakfast bar with the Mexican take out layed out on the counter waiting to be eaten.

“You’ve got enough food here for two people, were you meeting someone?” I say, scanning over the big portion of food before putting Hannah in her high chair and sitting across from Vic.
“Only Mike.” He shrugs, frowning down at his phone which only sparked my curiosity.
“Something wrong?”
“No.” he sighs heavily before slipping his phone into his pocket.
He seemed to be upset over something but I brushed it off because I knew if I asked he wasn’t going to tell me what was wrong anyway. My eyes flutter to his bag and I notice the bottle of wine poking out the top and I can’t help but instantly grab the bottle to inspect it.
“Since when do you drink wine? And red wine as well?”
“It’s for Mike.” He moans, seeming annoyed at me probably for being nosey and going through his stuff but oh well, he should know what I’m like by now.
“Mike drinks wine?” I asked, pulling my eyes away from the expensive bottle and raising an eyebrow at Vic.
“Mike drinks anything.” We both burst out laughing because the statement was in fact true.
“Do you have a date with your brother or something? This is expensive shit.”
“Not anymore seeing as we’re helping ourselves to the food and alcohol.”
“I’m sure he will understand that you’re helping out a friend in need.”
Vic pulls a small smile but it didn’t quite match his eyes but I pretend I don’t notice. Grabbing two wine glasses from the cupboard anyway, I open the bottle and pour us both a glass. I really needed this glass of wine, today’s been shit and right now chilling out with my best friend and a little alcohol seemed too good to turn down.

~~~

I slouched down next to Vic on the sofa, my head resting on his shoulder with a full stomach and happily enjoying my second glass of wine. This was really good stuff, the guy sure knew his wine and it seemed to have helped relax me from my bad mood and forget all the unnecessary events of today and that’s what I needed. Usually, Vic would have reacted to my close contact, like for example he would have rested his head on top of mine or knotted his fingers in my hair or even placed his hand on my thigh but he did nothing of the sort. He was more interested in pulling stupid faces at Hannah who was giggling in his lap and admiring him to even notice I was sat beside him, let alone using him for a pillow. He’s been rather distant with me, this isn’t like him at all and I can’t help but think that something is wrong. We were so close for so long and I know I’ve recently told him we needed to spend less time with each other but this was becoming a joke. He barely speaks to me now, he never wants to spend time with me or Hannah anymore, I don’t even know what he’s up to these days, he seems so secretive all of a sudden and I know if I don’t say something now I’m afraid that we will keep growing apart and I will end up losing my best friend. And that wasn’t an option.

“You gonna fill me in on what’s been happening in your life the last few weeks?” I kept my eyes fixed on my glass of wine in my hand, casually stirring the red liquid around in the oval glass as I waited for Vic to answer. He didn’t reply straight away but when he did he sighed before murmuring a couple words.
“Not much. Just working.”
“Why are you being so secretive with me?” I frown at my glass as I spoke, irritated by his answer.
“Josh there’s nothing to say.”
“Why do I have this weird feeling between us then?”
“Maybe you should lay off the wine.” I feel him turn his head to look down at me and I push myself off of him.
“Don’t blame it on the wine, you know full well what I’m talking about Vic. Come on, what’s going on?”
“There’s nothing going on Josh. You told me that you needed to spend less time with me to spend with your family and that’s what I’ve done. I’ve given you the space you’ve wanted and now you’re moaning at me for respecting your space? What the hell do you want from me?” he demands his tone filled with annoyance and his responds only reminded me of when Oli called me a spoilt brat… never happy with anything and always have something to complain about.

I was actually embarrassed at how much I crave his attention, not only Vic but Oli as well. If I wasn’t satisfied with the amount of attention from either of them I would always turn into an attention seeking 5 year old and throw a tantrum until they gave me what I wanted. Which they always did. Yep, spoilt brat for sure, no wonder no one wants to be around me anymore, I’m too much of a god damn drama queen and no one wants to put up with it anymore. I felt rather uneasy and upset with myself at the realisation because I knew if I carried this on I was going to end up alone with no one at all.
I also knew how much it hurts Vic whenever I tell him we need to spend some time apart, even though now he pretends it doesn’t bother him but I know it does, I can read him pretty well and I actually need to grow up and stop torturing the poor guy for once.

“N-nothing. I just hate it when we don’t talk…” I say mumbling down into my wine glass feeling myself get upset over the subject.
“Are things getting on top of you and Oliver again? I thought things were going well?” Vic asks obviously noticing my unhappy mood.
“They are. Well, they were. Before you picked me up earlier he had ago at me for no damn reason, I only came to help him out at the shop and he just threw it back in my face.”
“Maybe you need some alone time together, I bet it’s not easy being full time parents.”
“I love being a dad and so does Oli, it’s the best feeling ever. There’s not a moment when I don’t want to be with either of them.”
“What I meant was just you and Oliver. Spend the day together, go out on a date, fuck him senseless, I don’t know what you two like to do together. Just do something with each other where you’re not worrying over Hannah or stressing over work, forget life for 24 hours and have some fun.”
“What the fuck Vic?” I was speechless. I just stared aimlessly at him with wide eyes and my mouth hanging open. Okay something must have happened the last couple weeks because there is no way in hell Vic would have said that to me before. I never thought I’d see the day that my best friend would tell me to fuck my husband senseless and enjoy it. And yes, it was great advice too.

Vic chuckles lightly to himself when he sees my reaction and turns his attention back to Hannah and places her on the floor on her feet and holds her little hands as she stood in between his legs. He humours her by giving her a dazzling smile and tells her how clever she is which makes her smile back her adorable smile and it makes my heart go all warm and fuzzy. She still couldn’t walk yet but she could stand on her own pretty well if you let her go of her, so hopefully she’ll be walking some time soon.

“I don’t mind babysitting if you need someone to.” He offers and I gawk at him in surprise yet again.
“You’d do that?”
“Why wouldn’t I? I can see life is getting on top of you and I think you both need some time out to focus on yourselves and your marriage. And all the tension and stress isn’t good for Hannah either, if you two are a lot happier that means she will be a lot happier too.”
“Okay, who is this imposter and what has he done with my jealous pig headed best friend?” I question and Vic simply rolls his eyes but smirk at my ideal description of him. I couldn’t help it he was full of surprises today, and I kind of like how grown up he was being about the situation.

Vic has never been the biggest support of my marriage to Oli, he always had something to say about it, mostly negative. But over the years he’s learnt to deal with it and accept it because he knew Oli and I were forever, whether he liked it or not. He’s been by my side the whole time though, watched me go through the good and bad times of my marriage and he never once left my side. He’s my get away when things get tough and he’s always had something to say because deep down I know he still feels something for me… so I guess its abit weird that he’s supporting us now because for so long he was against it. It’s such a good feeling and actually a relief to see him act like this towards my marriage and in fact want us to work things out between us. I loved when Vic was like this, so accepting and wise and gave out such good advice, he wasn’t often like this but when he was it was great. I honestly have the bestest friend in the whole world.

A little while later we’re interrupted by the front door slamming shut and Oli comes strolling in like he was ready to explode on me but stops in his path when he sees me still leaning on Vic’s shoulder on the sofa. He doesn’t say anything just stops and glares at the both of us and I knew that trouble was on the horizon now. He pulls a face and makes some sort of noise in disgust and turns his back to us and places his hands on either side of the breakfast bar as he hangs his head seeming very wound up and frustrated.

“I better be getting back.” Vic says, probably feeling he’s overstayed his welcome and didn’t want to hang around any longer for things to get worse. He stands up from the sofa kissing Hannah on the cheek and sitting her down on the sofa beside me.
“Think about what I said.” He mutters and I know exactly what he means without him saying anything else. I sigh and nod at him in responds because I knew I was in for a ear full from Oli now and its going to take a lot to turn this around and get him to agree to us having some personal alone time together.

Vic quickly grabs his things and leaves, not even bothering to say goodbye to Oli because we both knew that wouldn’t be a good idea. When Vic’s finally gone Oli pushes himself away from the breakfast bar and crosses his arms to his chest as he frowns directly at me.

“Well that’s exactly what I want to see when I come home from work. You snuggled up with Vic drinking wine and playing happy families with our daughter.” He snaps, jumping straight into an argument.
“It’s wasn’t what it looked like.” I roll my eyes and lean back on the cushions downing the rest of the wine in my glass. Kinda glad Vic left the bottle behind because I was definitely going to be needing the rest of it after this fight with my husband.
“It never is with him.”
“Oh whatever.” I whine as I lean over to grab the bottle of wine from the coffee table but Oli rushes over and grabs the bottle before me.
“I think you’ve had enough don’t you think?” he glares but I just frown in annoyance and reach for it out of his hand but he steps back from me.
“Just give me the bottle!”
“No!” I try to reach for it again but he shoves my chest harshly and I fall back against the sofa unkindly.
“Fuck you!” I yell, throwing my head back and covering my face with my hands and grunt in hurt and irritation. That wasn’t the first time Oli had pushed me away in anger, hence why I wasn’t so shocked by his forceful actions. I was craving the last bit of wine so badly and even though I did feel a little light headed and probably shouldn’t drink anymore, I still wanted it. But on the other hand I knew Oli was going to be a prick about it and I really shouldn’t be making the situation any worse but he’s pissed me off so much I can’t help but bite back.

“Watch your damn mouth!” he scowls, I know he hates anyone swearing in front of Hannah and I didn’t like it either I just couldn’t help it from coming out of my mouth. He’s been nothing but an asshole to me all day and I was getting fed up of his shit.
Over the last few weeks I’ve notice a sudden change in my husband’s behaviour. At first it was just minor things such as him getting annoyed easily over the smallest things or giving me the god for saken silent treatment which I absolute loathe. I thought it was all down to work stress that’s when I suggested him to start working from home instead which helped at first but it didn’t last long. He snaps at me constantly, pointing out things which irritate him about me which were all totally unnecessary. He’s started lashing out a lot lately too… which was never an aggression Oli ever had before. Despite growing up being abused and neglected by his father, not once had Oli ever fought back or shown any sort of violence what so ever… Not until that time at the shop we had fallen out and I went to apologies and he grabbed hold of my hips and threaten to move me out of the way…

After that little incident it’s become a regular habit, it’s not all been aimed at me though, but like he will do things such as hit the kitchen counter or stomp his foot or throw something across the room whenever something has pissed him off. Three days ago he punched the wall because he didn’t agree with someone over the phone, I’m not sure exactly what the heated discussion was about but that he got extremely angry and took it out on the wall. His knuckles are still pretty fucked up from the impact.

I’m not exactly sure what’s causing all this aggression but I’m beginning to worry. I know Oli would never hurt me or Hannah say the least but these little outburst are starting to get out of hand and concerning, especially when they’ve come out of nowhere. Honestly, I know my husband would never hurt a fly but lately I wouldn’t put money on it… perhaps this one to one time is a lot needed than I thought. I could talk to him, distress him, get down to the bottom of it and put an end to it for good hopefully. Our little bonding times do usually work and that’s exactly what we’ve been lacking recently.

Oli picks up Hannah who had started crying from the raised voices from us both and walks away with her back into the kitchen without saying another word to me. Ugh, what the fuck was all that? I curse at myself still lying on my back with my hands over my face knowing I was doing the complete opposite to what I was supposed to be doing. I didn’t want things to get worse between me and Oli, I was suppose to take Vic’s advice and make things better but here I am being a whiney bitch and refusing to keep my mouth shut.

~~~

After what felt like forever of me sulking on the sofa and not once did my husband give me any sort of attention, I give up and pull my hands away from my face to see what Oli was doing which didn’t involve me.
He was sitting on the far end of the sofa feeding Hannah her bottle and just acting as if I wasn’t even here. I sigh to myself, I really do need to get a grip and think of a way to sort things out between us. I sit up slowly, ignoring the wine rushing to my head and making the room slightly spin, I crawl across the sofa over to him.

“Baby?”
“How much have you had?” Oli whips he’s head round to look at me and I stop and sit up on my knees beside him.
“I’m not drunk Oli, I just want to talk.” I bite my lip and lean my head on the side of the sofa. I wasn’t drunk; maybe a little light headed from the wine but I was still able to have a serious conversation with him.
“Well I don’t want to talk to you when you’re like this. Sort yourself out first then maybe, we’ll talk.” He says getting up from the sofa with Hannah still in his arms and going upstairs to get away from me.
“Oli wait.” I call out, following behind but stop at the bottom of the stairs as my sudden fast movements made my head go all dizzy and I grab hold of the banister of the staircase to steady myself. Shit, maybe I did have a little more than enough, that second glass of wine when straight to my head.
“Oil please?” I call out again not wanting us to leave things like this but the response I get is a door slamming shut from upstairs indicating my husband was being a complete dick and didn’t want to talk to me right now, let alone see.