Dan and the Drain Monster

Daniel Howell has been in a lot of embarrassing situations. From tripping in front of hundreds of strangers, forgetting the most basic of socially acceptable practices and that one time his jeans fell down and there was a hole in the front of his underwear – he's no stranger to that blush of shame that creeps onto your face whenever something horrendous happens.

Today however, he may have hit a new low. He'd been having a bath, a nice relaxing one with scented bubbles and gloriously hot water and that had gone fine, he was feeling lovely and relaxed as he pulled the plug and stepped out of the tub. Towelling himself dry though, he notices a few stray bits of hair curled in the drain, and okay, that's kind of gross. They definitely weren't there before, so it's obviously his hair. And Dan's a nice guy, doesn't want to leave Phil to come in and be grossed out and it is his hair so he dutifully bends over the tub, towel around his waist and reaches for the hairs. They're kind stuck, so he pokes his fingers into the little drain slots, whatever they're called, and tugs a little. They don't budge, so he pokes his finger a little deeper, kind of frightened about the possibility of a drain monster biting his finger clean off but determined all the same.

Until he goes to pull his finger back a little and he can't. He wiggles it around, tries putting a little force into his pulling but to no avail. His finger might be stuck in the drain as monster bait. He's not going to panic, he's not. The only real problem is that he's home alone and his phone is in his room. And the monster. And the fact that he's stuck in a fucking drain in a bathtub.

He's not entirely what to do. He considers screaming for help, but the idea of any kind of emergency services breaking the door down to find him is simply too terrible to think about. The embarrassment of Phil finding him like this is bad enough.

He has a brief moment of genius when he thinks that he might be able to use his bubble bath to lubricate his finger enough that he can slide it out, until he remembers that he put it back in the cupboard after he used it. Because he's organised like that.

He's not mildly hysterical as he puts his body weight into pulling until he thinks his finger might detach from his body, and as he's not entirely sure if that's possible he decides to quite while he's ahead.

The warmth of the bath has worn off, and his hair is cold where it sticks to his neck and Dan tries to rearrange his towel to cover as much of his body as possible as he steps back into the tub – no point standing outside it, might as well try and get as comfortable as possible as he waits for Phil to return.

Which he will. Hopefully soon, before the monster gets him.

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Time passes infinitely slowly when you're stuck in a bathtub with no clocks. Dan's got no idea how long it's been, but it feels long enough that the apocalypse might be nigh. He's cold, his legs ache and his trapped fingers feel kind of fuzzy.

He doesn't fall asleep exactly, but he does rest his head against his knees and try to imagine himself to be just about anywhere else. Even inside a volcano would be preferable.

Finally, finally he hears the front door open, the thudding of Phil's sneakers against the hall because he can never take them off quietly like a normal person.

He listen to Phil opening the kitchen, presumably making himself coffee and suddenly Dan's embarrassed all over again. Phil's going to have to rescue him because he's stuck in a fucking drain. Still, he doesn't actually want to stay in here forever.

“Phil?,” He calls, tries to sound more upbeat than he feels, “Can you come into the bathroom for a sec?”

Footsteps make their way down the hall, and he can see a shadow outside the door, “If you're going to scare me or you're naked covered in Nutella i'm not coming in” Phil says, and Dan can't help the snort of laughter despite his current situation.

“I'm not naked, I swear” He says, “I just, I need some help”

The door opens, and Phil's head pokes around the corner, obviously still suspicious about Dan's request. His eyes widen when he spots Dan in the tub.

“Dan, what are you doing?”

Dan sighs, “I'm uh, i'm stuck.”

“You're what?” Phil comes into the bathroom proper, approaches the bathtub.

“Igotmyfingersstuckinthedrain” Dan mumbles, feelings the blush of shame spreading across his cheeks.

There's a weird moment of complete silence as Phil leans over to see that Dan isn't playing a joke on him before he bursts into laughter.

“Oh my god” He shrieks, “You're serious”

Dan tries to be patient, knows that if their roles were reversed he'd absolutely be laughing at Phil, but it's been a long time and he wants to get out.

“Phil, please you can laugh all you want when i'm free, but please” He says, tone pleading.

Phil, to his credit, manages to stifle most of his giggles as he reaches to examine Dan's trapped hand.

“Have you tried just you know, pulling?”

Dan resists the urge to whack Phil right on the top of his pretty little head.

“Do you think i'd still be in here if that'd worked?”

Phil giggles again, before glancing at Dan. “Sorry. Uhm, what do you want me to do?”

“Get something to get me out, obviously”

“Okay, wait here” Phil says, dashing away and Dan groans, because he loves Phil but he's kind of useless during a crisis.

He can rustling from somewhere in the house, and can only pray that Phil might have a semi-reasonable solution instead of like, using an action figure of some sort to try and pry him out.
The last thing he's expecting Phil to return with is the bottle of lube from his bedside table. Dan is equal parts horrified and amused.

They're going to lube his fingers out of a drain. A story to tell the grandkids, for sure.

“Of all the things Phil why-”

“It was the first thing I thought of!” Phil says indignantly, “But if you don't want my help by all means I can go”

“No! Please get me out”

It's an awkward process. Despite Dan's earlier affirmation that he wasn't naked, he's kind of only covered by a towel and whilst him and Phil are familiar with each other, it's kind of weird because it's the least sexual situation ever. Dan does not want to get hard while Phil is leaning over him, peering in to the drain, head awfully close to his dick.

Phil squirts what's probably an excess amount of lube onto Dan's fingers.

“Now wiggle” He commands, and Dan does.

Nothing.

“You're not trying hard enough”

“I'll try you hard enough” His fingers hurt okay, what he can feel of them.

Phil reaches for his hand then, wraps bony fingers around Dan's wrist.

“Don't scream.” He says, and before Dan has time to ask why he would be screaming Phil gives an almighty yank on his arm and Dan, of course, screams bloody blue murder.

“PHIL!” He howls, “You could've ripped my fingers off!”

“But you're free, aren't you?”

Dan can't argue with that.

A few minutes later finds Dan dressed in his pyjamas, curled up next to Phil on the lounge with his mac and a cup of coffee. Phil still letting out the occasional snicker.

He makes a mental note to avoid the bath for a while.