I'll Bow for Your King When He Shows Himself

Once we were on the road again, I took the other pack of cigarettes out of my jacket pocket and began tapping them on my leg.

"You aren't allowed," Matt said, making me nearly jump out of my own skin.

I rolled my eyes at him. "You and I both know that I won. Your big ego just won't let me have the satisfaction," I giggled, already feeling tipsy.

He watched as I brought a cigarette to my lips and lit it, almost as if I'd been doing it my entire life, but I definitely haven't. I only smoke cigarettes when I'm stressed. And right now, I'm stressed.

I rolled down the window and immediately the van filled with cold air.

"I'm happy you're getting more comfortable with me," Matt said, out of the blue.

It wasn't that I was getting comfortable. It was probably 90% alcohol that was causing to warm up to him, and that left only 10% of me that was truly terrified.

"Well, you're Oliver's best mate. I have a feeling that I can trust you."

Matt cowered at the mention of Oliver, and he tried to hide it with a smile, but I could tell it wasn't something he wanted me to bring up. I didn't understand why, either, since Oliver was just a mate. Nothing more. But I had a feeling that I should just shut up then and there and not speak of him again.

"So, where are we going now?" I asked, filling the awkward vibe between us.

"There's this really nice cafe down the street from the cinema. It's open 24 hours. Frankly, I think we're both in need of some coffee," he answered, blowing smoke out of his mouth as he spoke.

I nodded my head and smiled at him. "That sounds great."

Since it was another half an hour to get back into London, we decided to continue on with our little game. "Truth, Dare, Roulette."

"Dare," I said immediately.

"Okay. I dare you to eat this cigarette butt."

I leaned my head against the head rest and sighed. "Are you fucking kidding me?" Laughter burst through my lips immediately after.

"It's a dare, Carrion." He held out the butt for me.

"Can I at least put it out so my insides don't explode?" I asked, laughing.

Matt sighed for dramatic effect. "I guess." He took the cigarette back and put it out on the bottom of his shoe. "And just for the record, I don't believe that would happen."

I held it in my hand, eyeing it with a look of fear. "This is so gross."

"Smoking them does the same thing to you, love." I gave him a guilty look.

I sucked in a breath and forced myself to put it in my mouth. Without breathing, I asked, "Do I have to chew it? Like what do I do?"

"I don't know, I didn't think you would actually do it!" he stated, freaking out.

My eyes grew big and I immediately swallowed it. "Then why did you make me do it!" I screamed at him.

"I didn't make you do it!"

I brought the whiskey to my lips and chugged it, tackling the burning sensation with an even worse fire. I stuck my tongue out of my mouth and groaned. "That was so gross, Matt," I said, my voice sounding funny.

"Don't even think that I'm kissing you now that you did that," he said, a disgusted look on his face.

I held out my arms. "Oh c'mon, Mattie. You know you want to." I unbuckled my seat belt and moved closer to him, wrapping my arms around his neck and licking his face.

"Ew," he stated, simply, and began wiping it with the back of his hand.

"I think what you mean is 'Yum." Coffee and cigarettes are the perfect ingredients to bad breath," I joked, drinking more Jack. "I did it though. I guess that means I'm the winner?"
"No no no no. Who said we're done?" He laughed.

"I did," I answered him.

"No, we aren't." He handed me a bottle of mouthwash and a pack of gum.

I downed the entire little bottle of mouthwash and swashed it around my mouth before rolling down the window again and spitting it out. Then, I took out a piece of gum and gave Matt one.

"All better," I stated, a giant smile on my face.

"I can't believe you did that."

"I don't refuse a dare."

"Somehow, I doubt that that is true."

I shot a look, my eye brow raised, and if to say, 'Do you really want to test me?'

"Your turn," he told me.

"Oh, what I'm going to make you do requires a lot of space, so I'm going to wait until we get there." A devious smile graced my face.

"But I haven't even picked which one I want to do."

"I have a feeling you'll know which one you want."

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Once we arrived at the coffee shop, I didn't realize the place would be as crowded as it was. Now, when I say 'crowded', I mean that there is a total of 10 people there, including Matt and I. That's something considering it was 11 on a Sunday night. I might have to remember this coffee shop.

I ordered a small caramel cappuccino (with water instead of milk, which isn't as good, but vegan), and Matt got the same thing, but with milk. Like a gentleman, he paid, and we sat in the back of the room, where there were no people. Books surrounded us in many cases, trapping us in, basically, a room of books, and I absolutely loved it.

"You're the last person I would expect to be interested in this kind of place," I told him, truthfully.

"Well, a friend brought me here a few years ago, and I just kind of fell in love with the atmosphere. This is actually the first place me and the band had ever played at, in public."

My eyes glanced at the walls, finding a picture of fetus Oliver in his too-tight skinnies and teased hair, eyeliner dripping down his face. "Holy shit."

Matt just nodded his head, as if remembering the entire show.

"So this place is really special to you guys?" Of course it is, Carrion, you nincompoop.

"It's kind of...like home."

I nodded and wiped away the coffee that spilled over the side of my plastic cup. "Tell me about your family."

He looked away from me, his smile completely fading, as if I'd hit a touchy subject. "Um, there's really nothing to say. There's my mum and my dad."

"You're an only child?"

"You could say that. I kind of praise you for keeping such an awesome relationship with Andy."

I shrugged and smiled. "Well, I'm sure if he wasn't sick, then we wouldn't be as close." But even as soon as I said it, I realized how horrible that sounded coming out of my mouth, because Andy was my entire life, even before he got sick. I feel like, without the circumstances, we'd be the same people, living together in a small apartment in London, but with a small twist; we wouldn't be struggling. And I told Matt this, excusing myself for even trying to lie about it.

"How about you tell me about Andy?" he told me, looking down at me with nothing but amazement in his eyes.

I smiled even wider. "I don't really think there's much to say. You see the way we look at each other, the way we act around each other." Then my words caught in my throat, because, no. He didn't know. He wasn't Oliver. And it's weird how I associate them as the same people, because they weren't. One person cared, and the other was only there because he could be. Now, who's who is a completely different subject. "I mean. Just from when you picked me up," I corrected myself. "Without him, I don't know where I'd be. He's helped me through everything, addictions, problems with myself, anger. He's taught me all that I need to know. He's the person who taught me how to channel my hatred and anger into art."

I didn't know why I was telling Matt Nicholls this. It could have been the alcohol, but it could also be the fact that I've wanted someone to ask me about my brother for the longest time, to see how much I actually care about him and how every step I take is crucial to his, and my, life.

As if he was thinking about me, Andy's ringtone sounded through my cell phone that I had mysteriously forgotten about through this entire scenario. "I'm sorry," I told Matt. "I don't want to be that girl on dates who answers her phone, but-"

"Go ahead," he told me, smiling.

I stood up and walked to the bathroom. "Hey, Andy. What's up?"

"I think you need to get home," my brother said, nothing but anger in his voice.

I didn't question it. He was probably pissed at me. "Okay."

I walked back out of the bathroom after cleaning myself up a little bit, making it seem like I haven't been drinking tonight by wiping off the smeared make up, and approached Matt with a warm smile.

I sat down without saying anything and sipped at my hot cappuccino. "That bad, huh?" Matt asked, a smirk playing on his lips.

"I think he found my hidden stash." I didn't say of what though. It first started out as a joke, but it turned into something more serious, because that was probably what it was. But still, I laughed.

"So, I should get you home?" he asked, looking disappointed.

"Sorry, Mattie. Looks like we can't make out while watching the sun rise today." He laughed and stood up, holding his hand out for me. I didn't know what to give to him, so I decided on my cappuccino.

"Give me your hand, you dummy." I laughed embarassingly and grabbed his hand, lacing my cold fingers through his warm ones. We walked out into the freezing night air where it turned out it had started snowing. I pulled my beanie down more over my ears and stepped closer to Matt.

He walked me to the van and reached to open my door, but my body blocked him from it.

I leaned against the van and pulled him close to me by the collar of his shirt, making sure our faces were inches from each other. "Truth, Dare, Roulette."

His eyes glanced down at my lips for a slip second before making contact with my eyes again. "I have a feeling where this is going, but I'm going to say truth because I don't want you to go home yet."

I expected it. I wrapped one arm around his neck and arched my back to get closer to him. "Do you want to kiss me?"

"On second thought, roulette," he said, smiling.

"Never have I ever had anybody bypass this question," I said, jokingly, but without smiling.

He thought about it for a minute. "So I guess I shouldn't joke around the subject anymore?" He said it like a question.

I nodded my head and closed the space between us, bringing his lips down to mine. I brushed mine over his, teasing, but he wasn't reacting. I could feel everything in him tense up, and I felt so stupid that I even considered he wanted this. Instead of kissing him, like I planned to, I whispered. "I had a great time, Mattie."

I turned around to open the van door for myself.

"I want you to do what you want to me, Carrion." His voice turned gravelly, even as he whispered it in my ear, and it sent waves of complete seduction through my body.

In one swift movement, I was pressed up against the van, and we were making out as if our lives depended on it. My arms made their way around his neck, and he managed to pick me up so I can fold my legs so they circumference his waist.

It was fucking hot.

Even in negative degree weather.

I was happy that he understood that he didn't have to be careful with me. It was apparent that he understood, since I groaned when he slammed my back against the door. It wasn't because we were both still a little drunk. It wasn't because he felt like he needed to. It's because it was something he had been craving to do since I first walked out of my apartment. And I could physically feel how much he needed me.

As he moved his lips down to my neck, I seized up. He stopped then, understanding what was happening.

"Sorry." He set me back down onto solid ground, and I silently cursed myself for being a cock-block to myself.

"It's okay."

"I was too strong wasn't I?"

"No, you weren't."

"I took a chance and now I feel-" I cut him off by kissing him again, this time more slowly, savoring the stillness of time and the way I could feel every breath as his heart beat against my chest. He brought up his hand and rested it against the door behind me. To leave him hanging, I trailed tiny kisses down his chin, to his Adam's apple, finally landing on his collar bone. He sucked in a breath as I bit down on the skin.

"It's okay, Mattie."