I'll Bow for Your King When He Shows Himself

Paula's maniacal laughter lashed out again, almost causing me to make a mistake on Harry's arm. I winced and set down my gun.

"DO YOU GUYS MIND? I'M TRYING TO WORK, UNLIKE YOU," I yelled at them, growling under my breath. "Inconsiderate bastards."

But the laughing didn't stop, and soon enough insanely loud dubstep music was playing over the stereo. I slammed my gun down again, scaring Harry half to death. "Sorry, man." I produced my phone and headphones out of my pocket, turning the dial all the way up and putting the buds in my ears. "Do you mind?" I asked over the blaring sound of The Hush Sound. I didn't wait for Harry's answer. I just picked back up my utensil and began finishing the small feather on Harry's arm.

I became engrossed in my work, pausing only to wipe away excess blood and ink. Soon enough, three hours had passed, and I was finished with the piece. I wiped off the paint from my hands on my apron and pulled my headphones out. "Okay. Sorry about that, Harry. My co-workers are kind of douches."

Harry laughed and watched as I rubbed a wipe over his new tattoo, removing any unwanted substances. I opened a drawer and pulled out some vitamin cream. As I applied it, I went through the usual chorus. "So don't clean it to much or rub it too hard. Don't swim until it's fully healed. Avoid sunlight. Blah blah blah." I smiled and handed him a brand new bottle of Vitamin E cream.

"You never disappoint me, Carrion," Harry said, smiling and inspecting the new ink on his arm. Harry got up off of the chair and walked up to the front. I began cleaning up around the area, whistling under my breath. The music had stopped, and was replaced by the quiet sounds of Tigers Jaw, meaning everybody had left for the day. Which made perfect sense since it was about ten at night. I sighed deeply and turned around, bumping into somebody.

"Oh God. I'm so sorry," I said, watching as my bucket of cleaning supplies crashed to the floor. I looked up into the eyes of Oliver.

He fell straight to the floor, picking up the mess I had made. "No, it was my fault Carrion. I shouldn't have scared you like that."

"How long have you been standing there?" I asked, my voice rising.

He looked up at me, thinking I was going to yell. "Not long. You were really...in the zone. I didn't want to disturb you."

"Um. Thanks? I guess?"

Oliver's quiet laugh rang through my ears and he pushed the last bottle into the bucket, then tucked it under his arm. "Are you ready to go?"

I completely forgot about the party. I looked up at Harry who was drumming his fingers across the counter and looking through a piercing magazine. "Ya. Let me just go help Harry out really fast."

I walked up to the front desk, Oliver in my peripheral vision as Harry paid. He set the bucket down in the sink and strutted back up to me, sitting on the counter and waiting patientally. I sucked in a breath and turned fast, making it seem like I wasn't watching him.

"Thanks, Carrion," Harry said with a small smile, and then he was out the door.

I turned to Oli and sucked in a breath. "So."

"So."

There was an awkward pause and I just sat there, tapping my foot.

"Have you eaten today?"

I looked down at my lap. "Not really. Once I'm here, I don't get breaks."

He opened his hand and pushed it out to me.

I stared at him, wondering what that meant.

"Well, come on," he laughed taking my hand in his and pulling me up to my feet. "I know this place with awesome stir fry."

I allowed him to lead me outside, letting me lock the shop doors behind me. Out front parked a white van with huge dents in the doors.

"I know it's not what you expected, but we have to have something to carry all six of us." He smirked and opened the passenger door for me. I stepped in and was immediately hit with guy smell. I tried my best not to look around the cab while Oli walked around to the other side. "It's no limousine, but it gets us from one place to the next." His smile was still perched on his face as he turned the key, starting up the van. Loud dubstep music screamed out of the speakers immediately, but I didn't jump. I concentrated on my breathing to make it seem like I wasn't nervous.

Oli started driving through downtown London and straight into the city, with all of the flashing lights and street lamps. There were barely any cars on the roads, seeing as it was already almost eleven.

We sat in silence for quite some time, until Oli turned down the music enough so I could hear him. "You're not talking very much," he said, in hushed tones.

I wrapped my jacket around me tighter and shivered. In reply to him, I shrugged.

"Look, Carrion. I don't want you to do this unless it's something you want to. Don't think that you have to go just because Andrew said so."

I released a sigh I had been holding since we pulled out of the parking lot. That was exactly what I was doing. I don't know this guy. Sure, I know of him, but that's not the same. He could be completely different from what everyone says, and it terrifies me that I have to stick around long enough to see who he truly is.

I ran a hand through my hair and looked over at Oli, who was staring intently at me. "Pull over."

He furrowed his eyebrows. "What? No, Carrion, I'll take you home-"

"I don't want to go home, I want you to pull over."

Without turning on his turn signal, he drove the car over to the side of the road and put it in park. A few feet away stood a tall tree with low branches. I swung my door open and walked quickly over to the base.

"Carrion, what are you even doing?"

I smiled and grabbed a hold of a branch, swinging my legs over the side. I then pulled my legs up and leaned against the trunk.

I looked away from the white van, across the field on the other end of the tree. I heard the engine cut off and footsteps trudging through the snow. "Are you going to come down?"

I bit my lip to stop the laughter from escaping my lips. My head peered down at his smiling face. "Do you ever think about your funeral?" I asked him sincerely.

His smile immediately disappeared.

I watched him as he crawled into the tree with me, the branch luckily thick enough for both of our weights.

"Do you?" he asked, keeping a small distance between us.

I rolled my eyes. "I asked you first."

His eyes watched the stars sprawled out in front of us, as if he were searching for the right thing to say. "Honestly?" I nodded my head. "All of the time."

His eyes softened after he said that, like he'd been meaning to say it out loud for a really long time. "Ya?"

He shrugged. "Well, ya. I'm sure everybody does at one point."

I swung my legs down on either side of the branch so they were swaying below me. "But I mean, is it something that's always there? Permanently etched into the back of your mind?"

All he did was nod.

"What do you think it will be like?" I asked, completely serious.

He cracked a smile. "Why are you so interested?"

I returned the grin. "It's just interesting. Psychology is one of my favorite things ever."

"Psychology. So like...depression and schizo?"

I nodded my head, biting my lip and cracking open the dry skin. "Well?"

Oli rubbed his chin. "I really don't think it matters. Just as long as it's pain free."

"You want to die in your sleep?"

He shrugged. "Why? How do you want to die?"

I looked out over the field again. "As painfully as possible."

He didn't ask me why. He didn't even look away from my eyes, like most normal people would do. Most normal people would call me stupid and stop talking immediately. Most normal people wouldn't understand what I was saying and think I was insane.

But Oli understood. He looked at me with this knowing in his eyes. Still, he didn't speak. He lifted his hand up and rubbed his thumb along my bottom lip, wiping at the blood from the cracked-open skin. I looked at his hand as he did it, and watched as he slowly pulled away.

"You don't have to go with me if you don't want to, Carrion."

I sighed, my breath showing before us. "I do want to go. I haven't been out in a really long time. It's usually a really big hassle when I have to haul Andy everywhere..."

He nodded his head like he understood. "Do you want to go? I'm starving, and you can't drink on an empty stomach." He winked at me.

I winced at that. "Oli..." I wanted to tell him about my past, especially if it would save me from tonight, but he smiled widely, acting like everything was okay. So I simply smiled back, without showing teeth. Instead I said, "Thank you for taking me away from my own thoughts tonight."

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

We had eaten at this Vietnamese restaurant on the way to his friend's party, and he was right. It was amazing. I'd have to take Andy there eventually.

Right now, we were sitting in the car, quietly listening to a mix CD he made consisting of Touche Amore, The Swellers, and Seahaven. I strongly approved of his music choice, since everything we've listened to together at this point was amazing.

We didn't talk to each other. We just sat, enjoying each other's company. It didn't even feel weird anymore. I was slowly growing used to him being around, even though I had only known him for a few days. We had talked about really personal things, and he seems like he understands everything I'm going through. I needed to remind myself to look up his band once I got home.

"Are you okay?" Oli asked, taking a hand off the wheel.

I was daydreaming...or I guess nightdreaming, staring out the window at the fresh falling snow. I whipped my head towards him and smiled. "Ya. I just kind of died for a second."

He laughed at that. "I could tell. You weren't really all...here," he joked, motioning to his face.

I shrugged. "I do that a lot. And the problem is I'm not even thinking when I do it. I'm just kind of here."

"You have to be thinking about something."

I shook my head. "Nope. Absolutely nothing. How do you think people meditate?"

He had no good answer. He just put his hand back up on the wheel and stopped talking. A few minutes later, Oli turned on his turn signal and turned left, into a small driveway surrounded by trees. This driveway was, if that's even possible, longer than Oliver's, but it was thinner and the house didn't even compare.

We pulled up to the front that was surrounded with cars. They were parked everywhere; in the bushes, on the lawn, etc. Strobe lights were set up outside and there were hundreds of people outside, dancing and laughing to the screamo music blaring from the speakers.

I'll be completely honest. I have never been to a party before. Sure, I've partied, but nothing compared to this. If anything, it was with a hundred people and we were cramped in a basement somewhere.

Oli laughed at my shocked face and put the car in park. "Did you die again?"

I laughed at him and opened my car door. The freezing air brushed at my cheeks, sending me shivering. "So, how's this going to work out?"

He stood next to me and shrugged. "Matt's here. I can introduce you to the rest of the band, if you'd like. They're really great."

I pushed a strand of hair behind my ear and rubbed at the scars on my wrists, already growing nervous. I wasn't good with people. I was known for having panic attacks in rooms with only three people in them.

But I just nodded my head and followed him up to the house. He walked ahead of me, nodding his head at everybody he passed by.

We walked through the front door, and if anything, it was less crowded than it was outside. There were barely any people in the living room, just a few people making out on the couches, and a small group of men were huddled in the kitchen with red cups in their hands.

"Oliver!" all of the guys called out, growing excited and throwing beer everywhere. "We thought you'd never show up," Matt called out. His eyes landed on me and he smiled, cheekily.

"Carrion." He nodded at me, and I blushed. I was beyond nervous now. "How are you?"

"I'm okay. You?" I asked.

He grinned, wide. "I'm amazing."

Oli spoke up again. "Guys, this is Carrion MacArthur. She did my tattoo."

"Oh, no way. You're a tattoo artist?" a blonde guy asked.

I nodded my head.

Oli introduced me to everyone. "Matt Kean, Jona Weinhofen, Lee Malia, and you know Matt Nicholls."

Everyone shook my hand and I started warming up to them.

"Do you want something to drink? We have some of everything," Jona asked me.

This was the difficult decision. What exactly was I supposed to say to that? "Oh I don't drink." No. They'll ask you why and then you'd either have to lie or tell them the truth and neither of those sounded like the right choice. I guess one drink couldn't hurt...

"Um. Just a beer is fine."

Oli threw me a can from the cooler, grabbing his own, and we opened them in sync. I decided on just sipping at it, making it last so I wouldn't go back for more. "So, Carrion. How long have you been doing tattoos?" Matt Kean asked me.

I set down my drink on the counter. "I've been doing it for a living since I was eighteen. But uh...I've been drawing and painting since I could pick up a pencil."

"So you didn't even have to have any school for it?"

I shrugged. "INKstruction was a pretty new place when I arrived. I think they were just taking what they could get. They definitely got lucky, I guess."

Matt Nicholls spoke up next. "Maybe you could do one of mine soon."

I smiled. "Ya. Sure."

Oliver sighed. "Okay. Well I'm going to go wander around a bit."

"Me, too. Let's see how many girls we can impregnate tonight," Jona said, laughing. Oliver rolled his eyes and they all left the kitchen.

I stood there awkwardly, clutching my drink in both hands. Matt Nicholls and I were the only two people left in the kitchen, but at the moment it felt like there was nobody else in the world, even though there was music thumping the entire house. I just felt so lonely.

"You're bored," Matt said. It was even a question.

I shook my head slowly. "I'm not bored. I'm just...I don't know. Nervous, I guess." I looked up into his eyes and he looked like he was about to ask me why. "I need to make a call. I'll be right back."

I had no intention of coming back.