All My Heart

The water was scalding hot as it ran down the exposed skin of my still-clothed body. I couldn't find enough energy to remove my clothes. I felt dirty. Disgusting. Used. My mind couldn't fully comprehend what had just happened. I was trying to wonder - was it a dream or was it a reality?

It's hard to decipher the difference between the two now. I don't even know if the pain I feel is merely my imagination or if my skin is really burning from the force of the water rushing down on my bruised skin.

How could he do that to me?

I stepped out of the shower, immediately being met with the sight of a girl. A broken girl. Her arms were bruised, as were her neck and the side of her face. Her clothes were torn and her skin looked pale. So pale. I tilted my head to the side a little, studying the girl - she did the same. That girl was me.

I looked broken.

Swallowing the growing lump in my throat, a few stray tears slipped down my cheeks. I slid down to the ground, my back against the bathtub.

I very much preferred the afternoon before... Before all of this. I'd been hanging out with my best mate, with me trying to study for a small exam I had coming up while he cooked us a feast. He ended up starting a food fight with me and the kitchen was thrashed. We'd laughed till we couldn't breathe and our stomachs hurt, because that was just how we were.

I'd met him because my mother had been best friends with his mother. Though he had an older sister, he was the one to play with me - merely because the age gap of three years was smaller than the one I had with his sister. We got on well, even when I was merely six, and he was nine, - when members of the opposite sex were supposed to have cooties. He became my best mate. He still is my best mate.

And I really needed him right now.

My shaky fingers reached for the phone I'd thrown onto the sink, noting the several missed calls and voicemails. My index finger hovered over his contact name for a moment before I finally dropped the finger, letting my phone dial the number I'd memorised long ago.

"Where the fuck are you?! Do you know how worried I've been?! Why wouldn't you answer your fucking phone?! It's almost two in the fucking morning!" He yelled immediately, barely even half a ring later.

"I'm sorry," I breathed, trying to contain the shakiness of my voice.

"Ari? What's wrong?" He immediately asks, traces of anger gone, just like that.

"I'm sorry." I repeat, biting back a sob. "I -- I need you, Dan. Please. I need you.

"Do not move." He orders, cutting the call. I hear the sound of car keys jingling and his heavy footfalls before he hangs up. He's coming.

I let my phone fall to the floor once more, dropping my head in my hands. I want to forget. I want to forget it all.

***

"Dan! Quit messing about!" I laughed, chucking the pasta that he'd just launched at my face back at him.

He grinned, exposing his row of teeth. "It's not like you've got anywhere to be," he teased, making a move to throw more pasta my way.

"Actually..." I trailed off sheepishly, knowing that he wouldn't like what I had to say.

Dan sighed, lowering his hand. "James?"

I nod. "James."

"When are you meeting him?"

"In about... An hour and a half." I glanced at the clock, shooting Dan and apologetic smile.

He waved me off, shaking his head. "Nah, it's fine. I'm supposed to meet Josh for a drink, anyway. 'Said he's having girl problems." Dan smirked, making me snicker.

"What did he do this time?"

"Beats me." Dan shrugged with a small laugh. "You go wash up and get ready to see your boyfriend." He teased, making me roll my eyes. "I'll clean this up."

"Damn right you're cleaning this up." I roll my eyes again, earning a towel thrown to my face.

Once I'd cleaned myself up and put on a set of clean clothes, as well as some make-up, I went back out into the kitchen. It was spotless, thank God, and Dan had just emerged from the bathroom, hair slightly damp from the quick shower he must've taken.

"I should go. I'll see you soon?" He outstretches his arms, pulling me into a hug.

I wrap my arms around his shoulders while his go round to wrap around my waist. "Yeah. Have fun with Josh. Love you to the moon and back."

He lets me go, giving me a soft kiss along my hairline, then walking towards the door. "Love you to the stars and above." He calls over his shoulder, pulling open my front door. "Call me after your date!"

"Will do!" I call back, heading into the kitchen as I hear him shut the front door to my flat close.

Two hours later, I'm at James' flat and he isn't drunk. He is absolutely hammered. I try to run as he starts to make a move to grab my hips and force himself onto me, I try to make my escape, but he hits me. Over and over and over again. His intentions of sex are forgotten, and he finds pleasure in hitting me instead.

He starts to rip apart my clothes, and I scream for help. No one can hear me. I scream again, he hits me. No one hears me.

***

It's a blur. I don't remember getting out of there. I managed to kick him hard enough to make his well-built body stumble back a few steps. As he advanced towards me again, I run. I run as fast as my legs can carry me. No one gives me weird looks, for the simple fact that it is well past midnight and no one is around.

I only remember his last words, and those words terrify me. As I sit slumped on my bathroom floor, awaiting the arrival of my best mate, his words repeat like a broken record in my head.

I will find you.