All My Heart

31st March 2015
New York, New York

Dan is sat in the dressing room, alone. It's not just a dressing room, though, because this is the dressing room in Madison Square Garden. This is somewhere he never thought he'd ever play at – back when this band thing was just something he randomly decided he'd quite like to do for a living. And it's not just a show at Madison Square Garden. This is their third show, and it's sold out. It's a great birthday present, really.

You Me At Six had become another British invasion, kinda like how One Direction had just appeared, like, everywhere how many years ago, only they were invading the rock/punk scene of music. But they weren't only famous amongst bands and/or singers of only their genre, because they'd did a track for the latest Marvel's movie (which was a fucking dream come true for all five of them and they celebrated so much that they don't remember what happened that night, till this day) and that was what made them practically sky rocket to fame in America.

They're still just five British blokes who want to make music, good music. The only difference is that they're actually getting stopped in the streets in America and they're getting asked for autographs and photos whilst just walking down the sidewalk and it's all mental, but so great.

It's almost perfect. Almost.

He never forgot about her. How could he? She was his best friend. She still bloody is. Doesn't matter that she just fucking walked out of his life with a goddamn note. Doesn't matter that he hasn't seen her in almost two years. Doesn't matter that every girl he sleeps with or, on the rare occasion, actually dates never seems good enough. Doesn't matter that he's still fucking in love with her, no matter how much he tells himself that he shouldn't be. None of that shit matters, because she'd been in his life since he was a child and she'd always been there, and he knows that although he shouldn't, he knows that if he were to ever bump into her again, he'd just take her back with arms wide open because she is his best friend in the whole entire world, and she is his whole entire world.

But he understands where she was coming from. Dan understands why she left. Kind of.

It's just. It's hard to think about. Like, he never noticed how true it was till she left. He never noticed how much he actually was an emotional crutch for her, and it wasn't healthy anymore. It never was healthy, in the first place.

(And he won't admit it to anyone but himself, but he'd been dependant on her, too. Too dependant. His emotions depended on hers. That wasn't right, and he knew it. Just didn't want to believe that it'd have to result in her leaving for them to get their own bearings back together.)

Dan snaps out of his thoughts when a hand lands on his shoulder, squeezing it. Everything goes back into focus and then the sound of cheering is drifting into his ears. Dan pulls an easy grin onto his lips, laughing as Matt's lips land on his cheek in a sloppy kiss. He's absolutely pissed drunk and he's going to go through hell later on because they're playing a goddamn rock concert and he's going to be hungover. Hungover because their tour manager's going to make him go to bed, so he'll wake up like a few minutes before the show, and it's also, like, ten in the morning.

His band mates are using his birthday as an excuse to get drunk way too early in the morning. ("But it's midnight somewhere in the world so that makes it alright.") His twenty-sixth, plus that tonight's their last night playing in Madison Square Garden, is their main excuse for getting pissed drunk at ten in the goddamn morning.

Dan would normally join them – be well on his way to getting hammered drunk, too, but he just can't find it in himself to do so. It happened the year before, too. He's just... sad. Because he's spent so many birthdays with her by his side that it doesn't feel right celebrating his birthday without her. Which is completely fucked up because it's Dan's birthday and last he checked, he is Dan and he doesn't need someone else to validate him celebrating his birthday but it's all weird and he just doesn't feel right anymore.

"Oi, mate, you alri'?" Josh slurs out, an arm slung around Abigail's shoulder. The girl's staggering under the weight he's putting on him, but she's smiling at him in that fond way that's just filled with so much fondness for the brown-haired man that it almost makes Dan's heart hurt because that could've been him in Josh's position, and her in Abigail's.

"M'great," Dan laughs lightly. "You look like you're having more fun than I am, though,"

"That's because you're not partying it up properly, then, 'innit?" Josh grins drunkenly. Fucking lightweight's only had, like, three shots of vodka and a couple of beers. "S'your fucking birthday, mate,"

Dan scoffs, "I know that, m'not daft, you fucking dickhead," he rolls his eyes playfully at the younger.

Josh gasps, eyes narrowing, "You're the fucking dickhead, fucking dickhead,"

"Sorry, Dan," Abigail finally laughs, rolling her eyes. "Ignore him. I'd do that, but he's bloody attached to me."

"Like a proper plague," Dan jokes and Abigail laughs again.

"Exactly," she smirks, and Josh is too busy staring at their surroundings to be offended. "Happy birthday, though. I'll come join you, buy you a pint or two, once I bring this one back to the bus," she nods over in Josh's direction.

Dan shakes his head, "S'alright, Abi. M'fine."

Abigail starts to protest, "But it's your birthday and – "

"M'fine, yeah?" Dan interrupts her, shaking his head again. He smiles at her, ignoring the almost pitying look in Abigail's eyes. "M'fine," he repeats again.

She looks at him for a moment, then with a silent sigh, she nods. She manages to pry Josh's arm from around her shoulders and the young man pouts at her childishly (he's a very clingy drunk) and goes to hug Dan, pecking him on the cheek. "Happy birthday, Dan. Don't lose hope."

The corner of Dan's lips quirk up. Abigail's the only one who kind of knows what he's thinking and it's a bit surprising, because he'd never been, like, best mates with her or anything, but while the other guys were all up for taking him out for drinks till he got pissed out of his mind and eventually moved on, Abigail could see that all Dan wanted was for someone to tell him that he wasn't holding onto nothing. To tell him that what she wrote in her letter, about them maybe meeting again one day, – that that would come true, and they'd be able to start again. It's all he ever wanted since he accepted that she wasn't coming back.

(He accepted it when he came home from tour and went over to her flat, only to see that it was already vacated, and she was gone. He went back home, nursed a bottle of Jack, and fucking cried, because that meant that she really left and was never coming back till whenever she decided to.)

"S'hard," he mumbles in reply to Abigail's latter part of what she's said.

She just smiles, "You know that line? 'If you love someone, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were.' You're just waiting for her to come back now, because she was yours. She still is yours, and you know it."

Dan hums, nodding once. He takes a swig of the beer bottle he's got his fingers wrapped around, "But what if she doesn't come back?" He turns to Abigail.

"Don't lose hope, Dan. Just... don't lose hope."

"Why?" Dan asks, voice almost cracking. "Why do you want me to be so hopeful? Why?"

Abigail smiles softly at him, one hand cupping his cheek gently before sliding down to his shoulder. "Because I've never seen you happier than when you were with her. I've never seen you happier than when you're just thinking about her. She is yours, and you are hers. Nothing's going to get in the way of that, Dan. Nothing."

-----

Dan's at another pub. He's got the last show in MSG to play in two hours, and he's drinking alone in a pub in New York, on his birthday. He loves the lads, really, they're just a bit much at times. Matt and Max and Josh were also sloshed by half ten in the morning, so they were currently in the bus, sleeping. Dan's grateful for the time alone. He's got a beer, and he's sat by the bar, fingers idly drawing shapes on the countertop.

Shapes that form four specific letters, but no one has to know that.

He glances at the wall clock, and according to his calculations, he's got an hour and forty-five minutes till the show. He breathes a silent sigh, letting the bartender take away his now-empty bottle and slide him a new one. He straightens his spine slightly, almost jumping, when someone clears their throat. Dan doesn't know if they're clearing their throat to get his attention, so he doesn't turn.

Till they speak.

"Don't you have a show to play in a couple hours?" – and it's an all-too familiar English accent that's talking, leaving him tensing and the hairs on his arms stand.

Dan screws his eyes shut, telling himself that it's just imagination. It's just the alcohol finally taking an effect on his brain. His fingers tighten around the glass bottle as he gulps, shaking his head lightly whilst taking a swig from his bottle of beer.

"You coming to the show?" He asks anyway – a part of him wanting to hear the voice again so that he could determine if it was just his mind playing tricks on him or if the person he held most dear was actually there.

"Yeah," she answers, sliding onto the bar stool next to him as she waves the bartender over. She gestures to Dan's beer bottle, silently asking for one for herself. "Couldn't miss the one on your birthday. Wouldn't miss it for anything in the world."

He finally turns then, taking her in. His irises dart across her face – noting that she's still got that small scar above her eyebrow, small scar below her eye, but her face was still as perfect as he remembers it to be. His crystal blue eyes shamelessly trail down her body, not even bothering trying to conceal the fact that he was doing it; taking in her still model-worthy body in a simple t-shirt with cuffed sleeves paired with short denim cut offs and black Nike sneakers. Her hair's let down, still long and Dan's assuming it's still as soft as he remembers it to be. Lips pink, curled at the corners, eyes bright with life.

Perfect. She is perfect. She always had been, and Dan always knew it.

Dan turns away, chewing on his bottom lip as he focuses his gaze back to the nothingness in front of him. "What are you doing here?" He asks quietly.

It's loud in the pub, but she hears him. "I live here," she replies simply, her body still turned towards him as she takes a sip of her beer. "Not in this pub, but you know."

Dan cracks a small smile at that, but he can't chortle a laugh. "Thought you didn't want anything to do with me?" He mumbles quietly instead, going against himself when he's told himself that he'd long ago gotten over it.

"That's not true, and you know it," she says, and her voice is firm. Stern, almost, like she's appalled at the fact that Dan could even think that she wanted nothing to do with him.

"Then why'd you leave, Aria? Why?" Dan asks, finally turning to properly face her with glassy eyes. Don't cry, you fucking pussy. Don't cry. "I got the letter and I read it but I don't fucking get it, – " he kind of gets it but now that she's here, he's not going to lie anymore. He didn't fucking understand it, he doesn't fucking understand it. "Why'd you leave?" He asks and his voice cracks midway.

"Because what we'd become... It wasn't right, Dan," Aria says softly, nothing but sincerity glistening in her blue eyes. "We'd become one person, and we lost our own sense of independency. I was depending too much on you for... for everything, and you were right there – letting me do that. You didn't even realise it but it was the same for you." Dan realised it. "You were so dependant on me... It's like... like we just lost ourselves as an individual person and merged together, or something, and that wasn't supposed to happen, no matter how much I do love you."

"Love." Dan mumbles under his breath. She didn't say loved, she said love.

Aria nods with a weak smile playing along her perfect set of lips. "I told you I'll always love you. And I know it's hard to believe but I'm still completely and utterly, head over heels in love with you. I know you don't trust me and you probably just think I'm taking the piss – but I swear to you that I'm not. I never stopped loving you. I told myself, when I left, that it was for the better – and it was – but I hated myself for leaving. I told myself that you'd find someone else to fall in love with, treat like how you treated me, not have to take care of and be so cautious around like you were with me, but I couldn't ever forget you. You're my best friend in the whole entire world, and I am in love with you, with no if's, and's or but's attached to that sentence."

"I – " he cut himself off, not knowing what to say. Dan sighs softly, turning away to take a swig from his beer bottle, instead.

"I understand if you want me out," she speaks softly with a sad smile on her face, one that hurts to see when he glances at her for a brief moment. "I'll leave, and I won't come back, and I'll try to get over you. I will," Aria nods once, more like she's trying to convince herself more than she's trying to convince him. He looks at her, body facing forward but head turned towards her.

She gulps visibly, "But unless you look me in the eye and tell me that... Unless you look me in the eye and tell me the words that you don't love me anymore and you never will love me again, and that you would rather you never see me again, I'm not going anywhere."

Dan is silent for a moment, eye contact with the young woman before him unwavering. And when he finally speaks, although he'd said it in the softest tone whilst sat in a rather loud pub, it sounds like the loudest thing he'd ever said to his own ears. "I don't want you to leave," he breathes out, gulping a bit. "I can't – I – " he shakes his head. "I can't live without you, Ari. Even if you didn't love me the way I love you, I still can't live without you. I need you."

"But now I'm questioning if you love me the way that I love you," she, too, speaks softly.

Dan cracks the smallest of smiles, body turning to face her, a hand reaching to cup her cheek. "I never stopped."

Aria smiles back at him, letting out a breath he placed as relief. She leans into his touch as her eyes flutter shut. When she re-opens her eyes and Dan's got the view of her beautiful, beautiful eyes again, he's so much closer than he was before. He'd edged forward, closer and closer, without even properly realising it, because he feels like if he wasn't close enough, she'd just vanish.

"I am in love with you, Daniel Flint – and I always will be in love with you."

"I love you," he breathes out, slowly getting to his feet and moving so that he could stand in between her legs. His head ducked down while hers tilted up so that their foreheads touched. Neither of them seem to give a shit that they're in a pub and there might even be people watching them. None of that matter, because it's just the two of them now, and finally.

"I love you, to the stars and above. I always have, and I always will."

"I love you, to the moon and back," she recuperates, and her voice is as soft and cautious and almost-shaky as Dan's is. Her eyes flutter shut as Dan moves his head to place an elongated kiss upon her forehead. "I'm sorry," she mutters under her breath.

Dan shakes his head, pulling away to smile at her. "Hey," he coos softly, and she slowly opens her eyes. Her eyes are glassy and she's blinking back tears and he smiles a little wider, thumbs going under his eyes. "Don't be, yeah? Everything happens for a reason, and I like to think that you leaving was for the better," his smile's a little bigger now. "After all... We've come back to each other, haven't we?"

Aria smirks, that adorable little smirk that he's missed seeing in person so much, biting on her bottom lip as she cocks her head to the side a little. "Cheesy, but still cute."

"It's you and me against the world, remember?" Dan smiles, pulling her up from the bar stool and immediately winding his arms around her waist to pull her as close to him as he physically could.

Aria smiles, nodding, and hugging him as tight as he was hugging her. Dan was still smiling as he nuzzled his nose into the crook of her neck and took in the familiar smell that he'd sought comfort in, the smell that he identified as home. It mattered not that he was miles and miles away from his actual home, because he'd never felt at ease ever since she left. Every time he was home, it never truly felt like home, and Dan finally figured out why. It was because his home was literally where his heart was, and his heart was never returned back to him.

Home is where Aria is. Aria is home. Aria will always be home.

Dan moves his head forwards slightly, so that his lips could press into the warm skin of her neck and his lips curl up into a small grin when he feels Aria shiver ever-so-slightly from the contact of lips-against-skin.

"We will be... unbreakable," Dan whispers against her skin.

Aria smiles, turning her head so that she's able to kiss his temple. "My heart is yours, Dan Flint."

"And you still have all my heart, Aria McAllister. You still have all of my heart."