Lithium Kisses

A/N: I'm sorry for how random this chapter this. They had to adjust my medication since I have manic-depression. Shit hasn't been going well for me lately. I got my head smashed into my locker repeatedly today until I had a bruise. People can be garbage sometimes. Tomorrow, I'm going to show Samantha this story. I hope she likes it. So I can haz a question: what's your favorite Pierce the Veil song?

Months passed, and I was still only allowed to talk to Billie Joe for business purposes. That stupid, controlling wife of his was kicking my life out of control. Sure, it allowed me to become a lot closer with Tre, but he wasn't as fun or as intelligent as Billie Joe. Mike eventually made his way to us, but didn't apologize. In his own words "He was bored and wanted to bare witness to the country's demise first hand." The worst part was, I couldn't make him leave either since Andrienne and Tre wanted him around. Mike didn't even LIKE Tre either, so I was very confused. Tonight was the night of the inauguration, and I was determined to make it a great night for everyone to remember.

The white house was done being remodeled by now. It was all black with crimson accents and had cupcake patterned curtains. The inside was also completely remodeled as well, and Green Day was even built their own practice room and giant stage. They would now be able to hold out-sold concerts any time they wanted. I also, grudgingly, made sure to stock the refrigerator with plenty of beer for Billie Joe, since it seemed liked he couldn't live without it. Of course, there was still plenty of twinkies and hamster food for Tre as well. He wanted his own personal hamster wheel, but I had to put my foot down about that since it was a waste of taxpayer's money. The house was decorated in black and red streamers. I could hardly wait.

Before and after I took my oath, Blink 182 played in between. I swore on my American Idiot CD that I would definitely uphold everything that a president should. Everyone cheered enormously and Billie Joe once again looked extremely proud of me. He looked like he was about to cry from joy, but was holding back tears so that Andrienne wouldn't scold him for wasting his time on a "stupid worthless bitch" like me. Despite the happy evening, there was still an air of tension swarming around. Most of congress was there, looking bored and annoyed in their black suits and red ties. I made that a dress code requirement for them, in honor of Billie Joe becoming vice prez. Well, I was president now, so they had to listen to me. Speaking of that, I was able to enact my first executive order. It would require schools to provide special protection for emo students since they were the next stage in the evolution of the alternative scene. And bands like the Sex Pistols, Distillers and Rise Against would be banned from playing in the US. Especially, the Sex Pistols, since they were complete assholes and only spouted trash. Maybe I could hire someone to assassinate Sid Vicious for shits and giggles.

After the ceremony was over, the after party began. I knew I should probably keep an eye on Billie Joe since he'd be drunk within the hour, but I figured his stupid wife could take care of that. I had more important things to worry about, such as meeting everyone and looking after Tre. Tre was fucking determined to cause mayhem because I caught him pouring laxatives into the punch earlier before the ceremony. It was going to be a long night...

Everything was going smoothly. No one died, no one caught on fire and Tre didn't release a bunch of hamsters. But you know how Murphy's law goes, so I had to be at least somewhat paranoid. I looked around frantically, making sure everything was in check. Except, I couldn't find Billie Joe. Andrienne was talking to Deryck, from Sum 41. Of course she couldn't be trusted to keep an eye on her husband so that he wouldn't embarrass me. I walked through the crowds, trying to find him. There were empty beer bottles everywhere. The situation was drastically becoming more and more worrying. Finally, I decided to ask Andrienne if she had seen him. "Hey, have you seen Billie Joe?" I asked as nicely as possible without tearing her skin from skin.

"And why do you want Billie Joe?" Andrienne asked with an accusing tone. Fucking bitch. It's not like I'm in love with him or anything, you don't have to worry about Billie Joe running off with me.

"Alright, seriously, I don't have any bad intentions. I'm just trying to make sure his drunken ass doesn't embarrass me, you or himself. Do you get that?" I hissed back. But I didn't need to worry, because Billie Joe showed up just then. In his underwear, swinging his tie round and round. He was standing on the balcony giggling like a mad men. A lot of people screamed and covered their eyes as if they had seen the most horrible thing in existence. His tie was flung into the air, and several of the fans tried to catch as if it was a bouquet. I shoved roughly out of the way, and snatched it before they could, shoving it into my pocket.

Billie Joe leaped off of the balcony, landing right on the banquet table with a loud CRASH! I hurried over to him to make sure he was okay. He was perfectly fine, just completely fucking drunk. Billie Joe stood up, almost stumbled over and then uncorked a beer bottle with his ass. It made a loud POP noise. By this point, most of the guests were trying to pile their way out of the door. Mike was laughing his ass off while Andrienne ran out of the room. And...Tre was now in his underwear too, laughing wildly. Once again, I wondered how my favorite band managed to survive without causing the apocalypse all those years. I shouted at Tre to put his fucking clothes back on, and would've told Billie Joe the same thing, but I knew he wasn't going to listen. Tre didn't listen, he just stuck his tongue and threw a muffin at my face.

Andrienne ran back inside with a squirt bottle and spritzed Billie Joe in the face. "Bad Billie Joe, bad. You've been a very bad boy." Andrienne snarled frantically. He meowed loudly and batted the bottle away. The room looked dishearteningly empty now, and even congress had left in complete and utter disgust. There was a few people still left, mostly the members of all the pop-punk bands I liked, but they were only staying out of pity. If only there was something I could do...

I sprinted towards Billie Joe and tried to beat him in the head with my converse, but he caught me by the arm and pulled me close to his face. He sniffed me for a second and then whispered "Hey, if it isn't the goddess of fuck. I liked you. You bled so well..." My face felt abnormally hot. I tried to tell him to let go but I was too embarrassed to say anything. I felt a large blunt object smack me in the head. I fell to the floor, clutching at my throbbing head. Andrienne had hit me with a wine bottle. She looked irate, I could see the veins in her temple throbbing.

"You...you filthy little emo whore. I KNEW you had something going on with Billie Joe, I JUST KNEW IT!" She shrieked like a fruit bat. I tried to calmly explain that Billie Joe and I had nothing going on, but that if she had analyzed herself, she would see why Billie Joe was looking around at other women and guys. But Andrienne wasn't listening, no. Instead, she was staring at the emergency case in the corner of the room that contained an axe with a hungry, psychotic look in her eyes. Shit. She and I both dashed towards the case at the exact time, but she beat me to it. Scattering glass all over the floor, she hoisted the axe in the air. Tre was huddled in the corner now, crying.

"YOU, YOU JUST HAD TO RUIN EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE, DIDN'T YOU? I'M GOING TO HACK YOU INTO LITTLE PIECES AND FEED THEM TO THE STARVING KIDS IN AFRICA!!" Andrienne shrieked and then leaped towards me. I ducked out of the way, fearing for my fucking life. If only I could use George Bush as a shield. But then I rememered, I was the prez! I pressed a button the watch which enabled it to shoot laser beams. I aimed it at her, but she tumbled out of the way. Andrienne pushed something on her back, and then all of a sudden she was flying towards me in a jetpack. Holy fuck, what do I do? She was speedingly towards at me 100MPH.

I looked at all of the new buttons on the presidential watch. I randomly picked one and teleported to the top of the balcony. Then, I grabbed Billie Joe's from my pocket and dangled it over the balcony. Andrienne's head was instantly got in it, and she was choking. I watched gleefully. Eventually her sputtering breathes ceased and she limply hung there. I let go of the tie and Andrienne's body dropped to the floor with a sickening thud. Triumph flooded my veins. Now I could go back to being Billie Joe's best friend without his annoying wife hanging around. She was useless anyway. I sauntered back downstairs to check out my latest accomplishment up close. Fucking shit, Andrienne was still breathing ever so slightly. I looked around quickly. Tre was still sobbing in the corner, Mike had left and Billie Joe was drawing on the walls in his own shit. Perfect. I slung Andrienne over my shoulders. She was light probably because she wan anorexic and only ate celery all day. Tiptoeing quitely, I made my way to the kitchen across the room.

Inside the kitchen, there was a giant meat grinder. Dumping Andrienne on the floor, I grabbed a large cleaver. She woke up around this time and struggled to break free. I could smell the fear in her eyes. Deciding that hacking her up would be just far too difficult, I stabbed her in the stomach to immobilize her and than threw her into the meat grinder, turning on the switch. Luckily for me, her shrill pathetic screams were muffled by the constant whirring of the machine. When she had been ground into a pulp, I painstakingly scooped out the meat and molded it into burger patties. I licked a little bit of the meat off of my fingers. It tasted better than cow. Then I wrapped each stack of patties in white butcher paper. Grabbing a pen, I wrote "Send to Africa's Hungriest Children" on the front of each package. Oprah would be proud. I felt truly satisfied with my hard day's work. On my way out, I dumped the bag full of packages into the hands of the postal carrier. She looked overwhelmed completely.

My mind was exploding excitedly. Not only did I vanquish an enemy of mine, but I also contributed towards a great cause! Today had been awesome. Tre was still crying. I reached into my pocket, found a hamster, and handed it to him. He cuddled it for a second and then dropped it on the floor. "But Heather, Mr. Ham-Ham is dead..." He sniffled. I rolled my eyes.

"Just pretend it's a stuffed animal, okay." I pleaded in frustration. Tre looked frightened for some odd reason. His eyes grew wide.

"I, I don't think I like you any more Heather." Tre sniffled. That's okay. You weren't supposed to. As long as you and the rest of Green Day continued to write awesome songs, everything would work out just fine for you. I patted him gently on the head, figuring he was just going through a phase, and then walked over to Billie Joe. He was snorting something strange off of his arm. His eyes were bloodshot and tired.

"Where did my wife go?" Billie Joe slurred. I just grinned.

"She's divorcing you. I think she ran off with Lil Wayne since she wants him to be her pimp." I said innocently. Billie Joe took another swig of beer and then puked everywhere. He was so cute. I called for security so they could carry him off to bed.

It had been eventful first day day as prez. I was pretty tired too. But no matter what, NO ONE would stay in my way.