Sequel: Alkaline Eyes ›
Lithium Kisses
An Odd Situation
A/N: Remember how I said this was semi autobiographical? I never had ink squirted into my eye, but some dumb ignoramus got Indian ink all over one of my new hoodies and I was quite irate. And just to let you know, suicide and self-harm are never the answer. Most of us want to cut at least once in our lives, it's a human thing, but don't do it. It's stupid and the scars take a while. Pandora is based off of my best friend in real life, except with a much plainer name. Her name is Samantha and she still doesn't know how much I love her. I wish I could tell her though...:(
Excitedly, I told Pandora about my plan and the response was as I had expected, completely positive. I had taught my cute little Panda everything that I knew. Since she was pretty naive when I met her, I knew I had to show her how the ugly world truly worked before she was corrupted and emotionless like some of the alternative groups I knew of. I didn't want her to become a brainless anarchist and wear a dirty mowhawk because that wouldn't help anyone. I also didn't want her to become one of those girls that obsessed over anime since it was sexist and no girl has boobs that big in real life. I didn't want her to become a gothic person because they encouraged cynicism and strange tattoos. I didn't want her to end up a scary cholo or in a gang because they are uneducated and don't know anything besides how to fuck prostitutes and smoke drugs. I didn't want her to become a lot of things but I knew that emo and scene were perfect for her since she was shy and thoughtful already. Like clay, she had let me mold her into what seemed like near perfection. And like a cherry ontop a gooey sundae, she also adored Green Day just like I did. With her by my side, I'd never fucking lose.
While Pandora and I were in the nurses office, the principal had walked in to check on my condition. He asked how I was feeling, so I lied and said I was perfectly fine. To be honest, I was much too excited about my plan and wanted to get my approval from the principal. Since I was such a good student, and I was doing something for such a good cause, there was no way he could refuse me. "Hey, can I start a foundation to raise money for transgender kids so that they can get the change quicker and be able to live a good life quicker??" I asked way too fast, but I was too excited to deal with formalities right now. The principal looked as if he was contemplating my awesome idea for a second and then he frowned. He then told that I couldn't do that because 1. it would divide the school and cause a civil war between the students and someone would probably be killed. and 2. It might cause trangenderism to become a trend which would lead to the younger kids becoming corrupted.
I gasped but I understood: he was the North Korea to my Sweden and wanted to crush my sunny progressive philosophy into conservative ash. Normally, I'm a patient person around the ignorant since I live in a neighborhood full of cholos who couldn't even tell you how many states there were, but this was pushing it. I looked him dead in the eye and said "A cis like you is only hindering a great cause that will help out millions of people. But I won't let you continue because tolerance will always win in the end." Pandora gasped as if I had burned down the vatican. A cis is a person who hates transgenders because they aren't considered normal by society's standards, so it's a pretty mean insult. Yes, that's right, a studious person like me had insulted my principal. But instead of giving me detention or suspending me he just rolled his eyes and said "I don't have time for your crusades. I have more important things to worry about for the moment. Some band's tour bus just broke down in front of the school and I figured the shop kids needed some good experience so I'm giving them a project to fix the tour bus." This wasn't quite uncommon in a large town like this. Lots of smaller bands broke down all the time in front of the school. The school was like a boulevard of broken dreams for the drugged up and the washed out.
Feeling defeated, but not even close enough to giving up, I walked out and bumped straight into Billie Joe Armstrong! I did a double-take, almost knocking Pandora over in my surprise. Billie Joe Armstrong. Not a full cut-out poster but the real thing in the flesh!! Pandora fainted in awe. She looks so cute when she's utterly defenseless, it gives me a lot of ideas. But I couldn't blame her since it was Billie Joe. I was so happy I wanted to strangle myself with his red tie and run my fingers through his spiky hair. So there I was, just staring at him. He was a bit buzzed I could tell but that didn't bother me. He stared back me for a while until I blinked. Then he laughed. "You know, that's the first staring contest I've ever won. Thanks!" He slurred happily. I smiled.
That's when the school's infamous schizo came charging straight at Billie Joe full force. His name was Tim and he was the fattest person I had ever met, but that all cool because he had such a cute, cherubic face that every mother would want to smother. He was a pretty normal schizo though, and mostly sat in the corner talking to purple people and fighting away the lantern demons. Sometimes he'd freak out and threaten to take our stupid cis principal hostage but nothing major. Fat rolls were budging out of his star trek shirt, foam rolled down his chin and he was charging towards poor Billie Joe like an elephant on crack. Billie Joe stood there in a drunken stupor. I knew I had to do something. Out of the corner of my eyes, I noticed Billie Joe's signature Gibson guitar laying on the ground. Suddenly, I had a great idea.
Like a ninja, I swooped in and snatched up the guitar like an eagle. Luckily for me, Tim was so fat that he wasn't running very fast. If that dumpling would've sprinted towards me like that, I would've just pushed him over but this is Billie Joe we are talking about. I ran towards the lockers, jumped off of them par-core style towards Tim and started bashing him in the skull with the guitar as hard as I could. Blood spurted everywhere, but I didn't care. He was still standing but then he fell to the ground with a loud BOOM! A mini earthquake had just been caused and even the lockers were shaking violently. The guitar dropped to the floor as I looked at Tim's face. It was horribly bruised but nothing too bad, in my opinion. Billie Joe had finally realized what had just happened and thanked me profusely. "Wow, I was almost devoured alive by this motherfucker but was too drunk to notice. Thanks again!"
Everything was good. Everything was happy. Except for two things: Pandora was still passed out and Tim wasn't breathing. He also had no pulse. Still, I was proud. I had fought valiantly for Billie Joe in the face of my adversary and won. Tim would've had to of gone through life with such a boring name anyway, so I was doing him a favor in a way. Plus, he was schizo. Then, I realized, he was dead. Fuck, he was dead. I almost started crying and asked Billie Joe helplessly "What do we do with the body. I have a lot of great things to do in the world so I can't have murder on my permanent record..."
He thought for a second and then exclaimed "We need to offer Tim's remains up to the demons of rock in order to resurrect president Kennedy so that we can fix up fucked up idiot America". He then started clapping at his brilliant idea. I began to wonder if Billie Joe was even in the correct mental state. But he was drunk so I forgave it for now. In the end, Billie Joe and I dragged the body up to the school's nice and cool attic. No one ever went up there since it had been boarded up decades ago due to rotting floorboards. After we were done exerting ourselves with Tim, Billie Joe and I sank to floor, exhausted. "We'll never tell a soul about this, okay?" I asked. Billie Joe nodded. "Let's shake on it." I held out my hand.
Billie Joe apparently had other ideas. "No. LET'S FUCK ON IT!!" He shouted and began loosening his tie. I almost regretted telling him no but I was purely a lesbian and only wanted Pandora. He patted me on the head with understanding. "Ahaha, that's okay. Better to get down and dirty with the one you love then the one that will probably leave you anyway." We both laughed and sang "Haha, You're Dead" in honor of me killing Tim to save Billie Joe. "You were an asshole and now youur'e gone" We crooned together as we rummaged through Tim's bloodstained pockets. There was lot's of interesting things in there, like atomic fireball candy, a picture of the school nurse with some weird stains on it and even $50. Billie Joe stroked his guitar with a sense of sadness because it was broken. Then he smiled "It's okay, I have a million of these lying around. Let's do something fun. I know, since you want to hook up with the girl lying on the ground, I can give you kissing lessons!" I blanched at first because it's really not right for a lesbian to kiss a guy, even if it's playful or educational. But I figured, eh, I killed a guy, why not try other things?
Billie Joe took me in his arms so that I was leaning against him, and caressed my cheek softly. My cheeks felt abnormally hot for some reason but I figured that he was transferring his body heat to mine and that's why I felt like that. He had a odd smell, like a mixture of sweat and cinnamon but it wasn't that bad. He pressed his lips gently against mine and slowly brushed aside my lips with his tongue. Our tongues collided as he showed me the ropes of making out, intertwining together in a rapid dance. My mind became blank as if nothing else existed besides Billie Joe. Not even the thought of Pandora entered my mind. Then he put his hand underneath my shirt, touching me in mysterious places I had never been touched before. I resisted the urge to moan because I realized that I was doing was wrong on so many levels. He was a guy and he wasn't my cute little panda so all of this was a definite no-no. I didn't enjoy it at all, so I pushed him away and smacked him. He looked confused. I sat there sulking quietly and then I burst into tears.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I wailed miserably "I FUCKED EVERYTHING UP!! SOME BITCH SQUIRTED ME IN THE EYE WITH BREAST INK! I CAN'T TELL THE GIRL I LOVE THAT I CHERISH HER WITH ALL MY BEING!! MY PRINCIPAL WON'T LET ME START A FUNDRAISER FOR ALL OF THE TRANSGENDERD PEOPLE TO HELP THEM GET SEX CHANGES AND I FINALLY MEET MY IDOL AND I KISS HIM AND NOW PANDORA WON'T LOVE ME AND...AND..AND..." Billie wrapped me in his arms, whispering in my ear that everything was going to be alright and that everyone has bad days once in a while. He asked me if there was anything else I wanted to get off my chest. "And...Tim smells really bad..." I sniffled.
Billie Joe held me silently for a few more minutes. Then he told me he was proud that someone my age was getting into politics. "Don't worry about your principal, he's a cis-tard" He said defiantly. That's when I knew I could trust him with everything.
We walked back downstairs. When Pandora saw Billie Joe, she passed out again. She reminded me of a doe. But, the guilt of kissing Billie Joe was writhing inside of me like a worm.. Pandora had the right to know what I had done but I was too ashamed to tell her. It was would ruin the pristine, angelic emo image she had of me. I was no longer be her savior and mentor. And I would no longer have any chance at fucking her either probaly. So I toke off one of my converse and smashed it into his head. He lost consciousness but probably wouldn't remember the kissing so it was okay. I'd make it up to him. The principal walked in along with Mike and Tre. Mike laughed at the site of Billie Joe passed out on the floor. Tre took one look and vomited all over Billie Joe's pants. I left school that day feeling terrible after hurting Billie Joe. Yes, it was necessary, but he didn't even learn my name.
Excitedly, I told Pandora about my plan and the response was as I had expected, completely positive. I had taught my cute little Panda everything that I knew. Since she was pretty naive when I met her, I knew I had to show her how the ugly world truly worked before she was corrupted and emotionless like some of the alternative groups I knew of. I didn't want her to become a brainless anarchist and wear a dirty mowhawk because that wouldn't help anyone. I also didn't want her to become one of those girls that obsessed over anime since it was sexist and no girl has boobs that big in real life. I didn't want her to become a gothic person because they encouraged cynicism and strange tattoos. I didn't want her to end up a scary cholo or in a gang because they are uneducated and don't know anything besides how to fuck prostitutes and smoke drugs. I didn't want her to become a lot of things but I knew that emo and scene were perfect for her since she was shy and thoughtful already. Like clay, she had let me mold her into what seemed like near perfection. And like a cherry ontop a gooey sundae, she also adored Green Day just like I did. With her by my side, I'd never fucking lose.
While Pandora and I were in the nurses office, the principal had walked in to check on my condition. He asked how I was feeling, so I lied and said I was perfectly fine. To be honest, I was much too excited about my plan and wanted to get my approval from the principal. Since I was such a good student, and I was doing something for such a good cause, there was no way he could refuse me. "Hey, can I start a foundation to raise money for transgender kids so that they can get the change quicker and be able to live a good life quicker??" I asked way too fast, but I was too excited to deal with formalities right now. The principal looked as if he was contemplating my awesome idea for a second and then he frowned. He then told that I couldn't do that because 1. it would divide the school and cause a civil war between the students and someone would probably be killed. and 2. It might cause trangenderism to become a trend which would lead to the younger kids becoming corrupted.
I gasped but I understood: he was the North Korea to my Sweden and wanted to crush my sunny progressive philosophy into conservative ash. Normally, I'm a patient person around the ignorant since I live in a neighborhood full of cholos who couldn't even tell you how many states there were, but this was pushing it. I looked him dead in the eye and said "A cis like you is only hindering a great cause that will help out millions of people. But I won't let you continue because tolerance will always win in the end." Pandora gasped as if I had burned down the vatican. A cis is a person who hates transgenders because they aren't considered normal by society's standards, so it's a pretty mean insult. Yes, that's right, a studious person like me had insulted my principal. But instead of giving me detention or suspending me he just rolled his eyes and said "I don't have time for your crusades. I have more important things to worry about for the moment. Some band's tour bus just broke down in front of the school and I figured the shop kids needed some good experience so I'm giving them a project to fix the tour bus." This wasn't quite uncommon in a large town like this. Lots of smaller bands broke down all the time in front of the school. The school was like a boulevard of broken dreams for the drugged up and the washed out.
Feeling defeated, but not even close enough to giving up, I walked out and bumped straight into Billie Joe Armstrong! I did a double-take, almost knocking Pandora over in my surprise. Billie Joe Armstrong. Not a full cut-out poster but the real thing in the flesh!! Pandora fainted in awe. She looks so cute when she's utterly defenseless, it gives me a lot of ideas. But I couldn't blame her since it was Billie Joe. I was so happy I wanted to strangle myself with his red tie and run my fingers through his spiky hair. So there I was, just staring at him. He was a bit buzzed I could tell but that didn't bother me. He stared back me for a while until I blinked. Then he laughed. "You know, that's the first staring contest I've ever won. Thanks!" He slurred happily. I smiled.
That's when the school's infamous schizo came charging straight at Billie Joe full force. His name was Tim and he was the fattest person I had ever met, but that all cool because he had such a cute, cherubic face that every mother would want to smother. He was a pretty normal schizo though, and mostly sat in the corner talking to purple people and fighting away the lantern demons. Sometimes he'd freak out and threaten to take our stupid cis principal hostage but nothing major. Fat rolls were budging out of his star trek shirt, foam rolled down his chin and he was charging towards poor Billie Joe like an elephant on crack. Billie Joe stood there in a drunken stupor. I knew I had to do something. Out of the corner of my eyes, I noticed Billie Joe's signature Gibson guitar laying on the ground. Suddenly, I had a great idea.
Like a ninja, I swooped in and snatched up the guitar like an eagle. Luckily for me, Tim was so fat that he wasn't running very fast. If that dumpling would've sprinted towards me like that, I would've just pushed him over but this is Billie Joe we are talking about. I ran towards the lockers, jumped off of them par-core style towards Tim and started bashing him in the skull with the guitar as hard as I could. Blood spurted everywhere, but I didn't care. He was still standing but then he fell to the ground with a loud BOOM! A mini earthquake had just been caused and even the lockers were shaking violently. The guitar dropped to the floor as I looked at Tim's face. It was horribly bruised but nothing too bad, in my opinion. Billie Joe had finally realized what had just happened and thanked me profusely. "Wow, I was almost devoured alive by this motherfucker but was too drunk to notice. Thanks again!"
Everything was good. Everything was happy. Except for two things: Pandora was still passed out and Tim wasn't breathing. He also had no pulse. Still, I was proud. I had fought valiantly for Billie Joe in the face of my adversary and won. Tim would've had to of gone through life with such a boring name anyway, so I was doing him a favor in a way. Plus, he was schizo. Then, I realized, he was dead. Fuck, he was dead. I almost started crying and asked Billie Joe helplessly "What do we do with the body. I have a lot of great things to do in the world so I can't have murder on my permanent record..."
He thought for a second and then exclaimed "We need to offer Tim's remains up to the demons of rock in order to resurrect president Kennedy so that we can fix up fucked up idiot America". He then started clapping at his brilliant idea. I began to wonder if Billie Joe was even in the correct mental state. But he was drunk so I forgave it for now. In the end, Billie Joe and I dragged the body up to the school's nice and cool attic. No one ever went up there since it had been boarded up decades ago due to rotting floorboards. After we were done exerting ourselves with Tim, Billie Joe and I sank to floor, exhausted. "We'll never tell a soul about this, okay?" I asked. Billie Joe nodded. "Let's shake on it." I held out my hand.
Billie Joe apparently had other ideas. "No. LET'S FUCK ON IT!!" He shouted and began loosening his tie. I almost regretted telling him no but I was purely a lesbian and only wanted Pandora. He patted me on the head with understanding. "Ahaha, that's okay. Better to get down and dirty with the one you love then the one that will probably leave you anyway." We both laughed and sang "Haha, You're Dead" in honor of me killing Tim to save Billie Joe. "You were an asshole and now youur'e gone" We crooned together as we rummaged through Tim's bloodstained pockets. There was lot's of interesting things in there, like atomic fireball candy, a picture of the school nurse with some weird stains on it and even $50. Billie Joe stroked his guitar with a sense of sadness because it was broken. Then he smiled "It's okay, I have a million of these lying around. Let's do something fun. I know, since you want to hook up with the girl lying on the ground, I can give you kissing lessons!" I blanched at first because it's really not right for a lesbian to kiss a guy, even if it's playful or educational. But I figured, eh, I killed a guy, why not try other things?
Billie Joe took me in his arms so that I was leaning against him, and caressed my cheek softly. My cheeks felt abnormally hot for some reason but I figured that he was transferring his body heat to mine and that's why I felt like that. He had a odd smell, like a mixture of sweat and cinnamon but it wasn't that bad. He pressed his lips gently against mine and slowly brushed aside my lips with his tongue. Our tongues collided as he showed me the ropes of making out, intertwining together in a rapid dance. My mind became blank as if nothing else existed besides Billie Joe. Not even the thought of Pandora entered my mind. Then he put his hand underneath my shirt, touching me in mysterious places I had never been touched before. I resisted the urge to moan because I realized that I was doing was wrong on so many levels. He was a guy and he wasn't my cute little panda so all of this was a definite no-no. I didn't enjoy it at all, so I pushed him away and smacked him. He looked confused. I sat there sulking quietly and then I burst into tears.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I wailed miserably "I FUCKED EVERYTHING UP!! SOME BITCH SQUIRTED ME IN THE EYE WITH BREAST INK! I CAN'T TELL THE GIRL I LOVE THAT I CHERISH HER WITH ALL MY BEING!! MY PRINCIPAL WON'T LET ME START A FUNDRAISER FOR ALL OF THE TRANSGENDERD PEOPLE TO HELP THEM GET SEX CHANGES AND I FINALLY MEET MY IDOL AND I KISS HIM AND NOW PANDORA WON'T LOVE ME AND...AND..AND..." Billie wrapped me in his arms, whispering in my ear that everything was going to be alright and that everyone has bad days once in a while. He asked me if there was anything else I wanted to get off my chest. "And...Tim smells really bad..." I sniffled.
Billie Joe held me silently for a few more minutes. Then he told me he was proud that someone my age was getting into politics. "Don't worry about your principal, he's a cis-tard" He said defiantly. That's when I knew I could trust him with everything.
We walked back downstairs. When Pandora saw Billie Joe, she passed out again. She reminded me of a doe. But, the guilt of kissing Billie Joe was writhing inside of me like a worm.. Pandora had the right to know what I had done but I was too ashamed to tell her. It was would ruin the pristine, angelic emo image she had of me. I was no longer be her savior and mentor. And I would no longer have any chance at fucking her either probaly. So I toke off one of my converse and smashed it into his head. He lost consciousness but probably wouldn't remember the kissing so it was okay. I'd make it up to him. The principal walked in along with Mike and Tre. Mike laughed at the site of Billie Joe passed out on the floor. Tre took one look and vomited all over Billie Joe's pants. I left school that day feeling terrible after hurting Billie Joe. Yes, it was necessary, but he didn't even learn my name.