Cougar

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PRESENT DAY
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I remember the dream quite well, actually. Too well, for my liking. I remembered the way – oh, geez. Everything.

I remembered it was snowing outside, or just really cold. I honestly don’t know why. I'm guessing I dreamt it happened during the winter or fall, which is really scary because it’s almost then end of fall in this here story.

I also remembered that it felt like it was wrong, just completely wrong.

You don’t know how badly I wanted to tell Ally.

Instead, I laid in bed on my own the next morning while Ally showered, and thought of the things to blame the dream on, other than myself.

Rebox was mentioned a few times the previous day. She could’ve still been in my mind just because of that.

I decided that I wasn’t up for whatever a day of work had to offer me and begged Ally to let me stay home. After a glare, she sighed at me.

“Fine,” she said, taking a seat down next to me on the bed. She pulled her foot up in front of her and began tying her shoe. “But promise me you’ll get up and do something, like clean.”

I gave her a look and she smiled. She’s such a mom sometimes.

I leaned back and rolled my eyes. “Yeah, yeah.”

“Good.” She stood up to give me a loud kiss on my forehead before running in place. A thing she rarely does to make sure her shoes are tied properly. Once she retightened the left one, she kissed me on the lips and then headed out.

I called after her, “Bring back Taco Bell or something!”

“Maybe!” she shouted back. I heard the front door close.

I pulled the covers over my head and rolled around for a bit. Knowing I wasn’t going to get comfortable enough to fall back asleep, I yanked the blankets off and sat up, grabbing my mobile from the bedside table.

I made a quick call to the school and let Sharon know I was feeling ill again.

As always, her response was a ‘get better soon, dear.’

I killed a few hours by sleeping and playing Bioshock 2. I, heh, like that series a lot, okay.

I was in the middle of fighting my way through the zillionth wave of Splicers and Big Daddies the Miss Sofia (Sophia?) Lamb sent after me when the TV screen suddenly went black. I, at first, thought Sofia had just cut the lights again, but, repeatedly pressing the trigger buttons, I noticed there was no sound at all.

Are

you

bleeping

kidding

me?

The TV was off. I saw that both my Wii and PlayStation power lights weren’t shining red or green. They were off too.

I was in the middle of a major boss battle. Goddddd.

Huffing out an annoyed sigh, I set my controller down and picked up the remote, flipping from the input channel to a few random ones. Static and the dreaded blue screen stared back at me.

What the eff.

Okay. Whatever. I clicked the power button, shutting off the TV and grabbed my iPod, deciding to waste my time with some Tumboner, but the app never loaded any posts.

I sighed irritated. No internet either.

I stared around the room. The lights were on, so we had power, but no cable or internet?

Clicking the sleep button, I leaned my back against the wall and let my head tilt to my left. The plush tiger Ally had named Tyger Oakley sat leaned up alongside my lamp with a purple ribbon tied loosely around its neck. I smiled at it then looked to my right.

Baby was lying under a pile of blankets at the moment, wheezing out every breath while her eyes were snapped shut, deep in sleep. I was tempted to kick her off the bed and wake her so I had something to entertain me, but instead I touched the tips of my fingers against my bedside lamp three times until it reached its highest voltage.

I sat there turning the lamp on and off until I quickly grew bored of it. I once more leaned my back up against the wall just as a meow startled me.

I gave a confused and bewildered look to Tyger Oakley, but then stared wide-eyed passed it at a grey cat as it came padding its paws against the room’s wooden floor. Upon reaching my bed, it jumped up and popped down on the mattress, then stared at the blank television set in front of us.

What…who…

I slowly tried to climb out of the bed and backed out of the room. I poked my head out to stare at the open door leading to the balcony. Ally must’ve left it open. She opens it to let Baby go and sit out there in the morning. A lot easier than going down three flights of stairs every morning just so Baby can look outside.

I looked back at the cat and went over to pick it up. Scratching behind its ears, I took it out with me to the terrace.

“I don’t know how you got up here,” I said to it aloud, putting it down on the patio, “but I hope you can get back down that way.”

I stepped back inside, ignoring it as it meowed at me, and closed the sliding door. I pulled the drapes shut after taking a look around outside one more time.

How did it get up here? Probably a tree or one of my neighbours’ balconies.

Oh, well. Not my problem. I’m allergic to cats, anyway. I couldn’t keep it here. I’d blow up like a balloon.

Anywho, with nothing left to do, I decided to do myself for a bit.

It was ‘eh,’ so I decided to take Baby out for another walk. When I was kicking the cat out of my house, I noticed that it wasn’t too bad out. A bit cold, but that’s perfect for Baby.

Ain’t it fuuunn,
liv’n in da real world?
dahdah do dahdah do
Ain’t it gooood,
be’n all alone?

eh. kinda.

I reached the picnic tables at the park and unplugged my ear buds from my iPod, realised that was dumb as soon as I unhooked Baby from her leash and replugged in my headphones. I watched Baby run around the park for a few minutes.

I don’t know, man. I like the new Paramore. I mean, Brand New Eyes is pretty different from Riot! and All We Know, and loads of people liked BNE, so…no surprise they’re growing up and trying something new with this album. Heaps of people will like it – and do.

Hayley’s still an angel, so. Hair’s quite a bit shorter and clothes are getting wilder, but…I’ll always love her.

Ain’t it good to be on yo’ own?
Ain’t it fun you can’t count on no one?
Ain’t it good to be on yo’ own?
Ain’t it fun you can’t count on no one?
Ain’t it fuunnnn
liv’n
in daaaaa
real wooorrrld?

“Having fun?” I suddenly heard from behind me.

‘Living in the real world?’ I wanted to say but just gave a confused look to who asked the question. None other than Rebox waltzed towards the picnic tables.

“Are you having fun,” I mocked her as she took a seat on the table, “skipping school?”

“I’m not skipping,” she said with a snarky smile as she swung her legs over, feet resting right next to where I sat on the bench. She informed me, “Doctor’s appointment.”

“Well, still, what are you doing here? Why didn’t you go back to school?”

“My mom gave me two options: Home or school? I chose home. I’m here because I am bored. What are you doing here?”

I Vanna White’d in front of me to Baby lying up on one of the bright red benches.

“My dog,” I said, pulling my headphones out of my ears. “She’s gotta shit somewhere.”

Rebeca smiled at me and then at Baby.

“She’s cute. Like you.”

I rolled my eyes and scoffed, muttering, “Smooth.”

Her grin widened. “Like you.” She didn’t give me time to think of a witty response before she dropped herself down to take the place of where her feet previously were. She boldly scooted closer to me until her knee knocked against mine.

I didn’t move away, but laughed uneasily and shifted slightly, hoping she would realise that what she was doing was going to be a gateway drug that would get me in a lot of trouble, and hopefully move away from me.

But she didn’t and while we sat in silence, she tipped her head to the side and propped it up on my shoulder.

“This is nice,” she sighed, slowly pushing her hand from her lap to mine.

I took in a deep breath, feeling every…bone in my body tense, and fought the strong urge to take her hand in mine.

Yes, hormones, I’m getting the message.

Her chin moved to rest on my shoulder. “Isn’t this nice?”

“It’s alright.”

She smiled, moving her head off of me, sitting up straight. “It’s cold,” she commented, tipping her nose up to stare at the sky. Her eyes flickered to me as she smiled again. She asked cheekily, “Warm me?”

Oh, I would love to.

Matching her tone, I said sharply, “I’ve heard Hell is pretty toasty this time of year.”

Her smile grew bigger. “Take me there sometime?”

“You’ve never been? Shocking.”

She pursed her lips, continuing to smile. “So,” she said, pulling her legs up onto the bench. She crossed them, turning towards me, smile falling into a smirk. “About that tutor session…”

*weird scoff* “What about it?”

Her tone changed when she saw I had also rolled my eyes.

“Look, I’m being honest. I really can’t fail another paper.”

“And I’ve tried to help you,” I reminded her. “I’ve told you, you can stop by at any time and you haven’t.”

“I don’t have the time. I do have time now.”

Knowing better, I gave her a narrow look and stared in front of me, trying to locate my dog again. Baby still hung over by the bench.

Rebeca sighed. “Remember my last speech? It was terrible.”

That it was. She gave a good presentation, but the typed copy she had to turn in…was shit. There were so many grammatical errors and spelling mistakes as if spell-check and proof-reading weren’t included in the Brazilian version of Microsoft Word.

That was her downfall. Everything else was great; she knew what she was talking about, but it didn’t translate well onto paper. I could excuse it, but the written speech counted for more than half the grade, partly because a few of the students don’t enjoy presenting in front of class, and do better when writing it.

I don’t know why I’m telling you this. It probs doesn’t matter. Just another explanation, I guess.

Wait. Yeah, it does. Shush, me.

Rebeca continued to plead with me.

“I mix up my words with other ones. I know that. I use the wrong ones. But I do know what I mean to say. I just can’t word it right on paper. I know what you said about keeping the tutoring in school, but I really need help. All I need is guidance. I promise.”

I kept my indecisive stare on her. I thought about Ally and how pissed she would be at me if I gave in to Rebeca’s offer, in the first place, let alone if something happened. I thought about how pissed I would be at myself.

But then…I thought about what could happen over at Rebeca’s house, really, really thought about it.

One, she could be one-hundred percent serious and all she really wants out of the situation is a better understanding of the English language. I leave her house without having to make up any lies. But, two, she could be lying or trying to bribe me. Isn’t it a thing that students will sleep with their teachers to get their grades up? She better know I’m not so easily persuaded. I’d sleep with her, but her grade would stay the same. I’m stingy like that.

Thing is…if I did sleep with her…I couldn’t stop thinking about how good it could be. That was all I needed. Someone new.

I knew I could always find someone my own age, but I’ve been doing that and it’s not any better. I didn’t want someone my own age. I wanted her. Growing up, I was the student that slept with their teachers; what was it like the other way around? I wanted to be in Ally’s place.

My mind wasn’t letting me acknowledge that the problem was me and not the age of the people I had sex with. I wasn’t able to consider that everything could backfire from my stupid ‘what if.’

It didn’t let me look at Rebeca and tell her no.

I ended up sighing in defeat at her, to which she took as a success, her smile growing.

I said hesitantly, “Fine,” but before she got too excited, I asked, “I don’t see a bag with you; what’s up with that?”

“I wasn’t expecting to see you here,” she said with a laugh. “My stuff’s at home.”

I raised my brows at her, still feeling like I should turn back now.

She added, “Come with me, we’ll go study there. It’s getting cold, anyway.”

Go with her? To her house? Uh. The longer I sat there in uncertainty, the more hesitant I became of the situation. There was no doubt in my mind something could and would happen if I went with her.

Yet…I slowly stopped caring.

Still on guard, I focused on the park around me, zoning in on Baby.

“My dog,” I said, the uneasiness still in my voice. “I have to take her home.”

“She can come, too,” Rebeca insisted. “I’m sure my mom wouldn’t mind.”

Her mom was home. Good or bad? I was teetering on good; nothing could happen if her mum was there. Then again, would her mum even let me in the house?

I was back in the responsible adult mode. The less chances of anything bad happening, the better.

Upon hearing this new information, I was filled with confidence. Yeah. I could do this.

“Great!”

We ended up sitting at the park for a few more minutes until Rebeca said that we should get to her house before ‘the weather got colder,’ so, after hooking Baby to her leash, we made the ten minute trek to her home.

It was a silent walk, mostly. None too shabby, really, but she did do that super lame thing where she ‘accidentally’ kept knocking her hand against mine. I ignored her like a boss.

I’m getting a little weird. I don’t know why.

Rebeca took the lead up the steps onto the front porch of the little brown house.

As she unlocked the door, I tightened my grip on Baby’s leash, becoming anxious. What was I doing?

Nothing, I told myself. Her mum’s here; I have my dog with me. All factors of a good ol’ cock-block. Nothing was going to happen. Nothing.

When Rebeca finally pushed the door open, she stepped in and moved to the side and smiled at me when I didn’t move from the porch.

“You comin’?” she asked, laughing slightly.

“Pfft. Yeah.” I remained in the same spot, my legs turning to stone. Move, motherfucker. God damn.

But I couldn’t. I had a bad feeling about this.

My free hand was suddenly being squeezed and I blinked at Rebeca as she continued to smile at me, grabbing my hand in hers. She cupped my hand with both of hers and started to pull me inside.

I dragged Baby in behind me and relaxed when I was engulfed by the warm air trapped inside her living room. Like a big boy, I ripped my hand from hers with pride and stood in the centre of the room while she closed the front door.

I scanned the living room as something to do and didn’t hate the place. It was an average living room. Couch, TV, DVD bookshelf, coffee table, aaaannnd stuff. The usual.

I half-hoped, half-dreaded to see her mum chilling on the sofa, but it was uninhabited. I was about to ask Rebeca where her mom was when Rebeca spoke instead.

“My things are upstairs.”

“Oh. Okay.” I stupidly expected her to tell me to wait here while she ran up to get it. As an alternative, she smiled at me. Again.

“Well…” she trailed, “come on.”

“Upstairs?” I said. “With you?”

“That’s where my things are,” she laughed, legit skipping over to me. My hands tensed when she gripped her hands around them. Again. “I can’t study down here.”

How the hell does that incite you to hold my hands?

Despite my hands starting to get clammy and a bit tingly, I didn’t yank them away like I did before. I stood there and let her unravel Baby’s leash from my death-grip. I watched her walk Baby into the room I assumed was the kitchen. She led her towards the backdoor.

“She can play out back,” Rebeca offered so kindly, opening the screen door. Baby jumped at the sight of the outdoors and ran out, ditching me.

No. Why. That’s my dog. what. are. you. doing. She’s one of our cock-blocks.

I made a weird grunting sound in protest, but it must not have been out loud because she did nothing other than smile at me, shutting the door after Baby bolted out of it.

She skipped back over to me and grabbed my hands, pulling me towards a staircase I had just now noticed was there.

I stilled half-heartedly prayed for her mum to pop up out of nowhere.

Reaching the room I suspected to be hers, Rebeca pushed open the door. Stepping inside, she pulled me in with her. I pretended not to notice when Rebeca shut the door, still thinking, for some reason, that her mum might hear and storm up here and yell at me to get out of her room.

Where was she, anyway?

Rebeca basically groped the wall, searching for the light switch, eventually found it, and flipped on the lights.

Woah. This is a sweet room. There were posters of bands and all that cool stuff everywhere, but, as expected, unpacked boxes resting at the foot of her bed.

Ugh. Her bed.

Rebeca sprang forward and kneeled on the mattress before twisting to sit on her bum. She patted the spot next to her and I stared at it.

I slowly joined her as I began to talk.

“So…how exactly is this ‘studying’ thing going to happen? Do you need me to proof-read a rough draft or something?”

“Actually,” she said, suddenly bending over to grab her bookbag. She scooted herself right next to me, bringing the bag onto her lap. “I was thinking maybe you could just give me a grammar lesson, like the different words that sound the same but mean different things.”

“Oh, like you’re and your and all those? Homophones?”

She nodded.

“I am terrible at those.”

Well, I knew that stuff. Kind of. She pulled a notebook from her bag and handed it to me, and then a pencil. Even with the notepad being in my possession, Rebeca leaned over to flip to a blank page. She let her eyes flutter up to mine quickly.

Seeing them dart to my mouth, I leaning away from her slightly. I looked down at the paper and clicked the eraser of the pencil to kick out lead.

“Alright,” I mumbled, trying my hardest to neatly write down one of the words she seems to have the most trouble with. I read, “‘Since’ – when would you use that word?”

For the first time in a while, I saw the look of completely and utter ‘oh, poop’ go across her face.

“Uhh…‘since’…like...” Her lips brunched up and she took a guess. “When you know something, right? Like, common sense?”

“Close, but not at all. That’s sense – s-e-n-s-e.”

“Oh. Right.”

It was all yippee-skippy for a while. She seemed to stay genuine until we got to the commonly misused words that even people whose first language is English mess up.

I scribbled on the line ‘your,’ and asked her if she knew when to use that one.

She stared at it, then at me before her eyes shifted to her bed.

Again, she was wrong.

“That’s the one where it’s…like, ‘You’re on my bed.’ You are.”

“Sort of. Whose bed is it?” I asked, hinting.

“Mine?”

“Right, so it’s yours – y-o-u-r. The other one would be y-o-u-apostrophe-r-e.”

“Oh.” There was that sign of a smile in her voice as she asked, “So, then, that one would be used like, ‘your bed, your clothes, your mouth, yourself’ and all those?”

“Mmhmm. What about ‘they’re’?”

“Well, if ‘you’re’ means you are, then ‘they’re’ is…they are.”

“Use it in a sentence?”

“They are,” she repeated to herself and looked around her room. Her eyes glided to me and then to her bed again. She said, “They’re on the bed.”

I nodded at her correct usage of the word, jotting down the example and the non-contraction version of ‘they’re.’

We went on with the grammar lesson, her examples still involving her bed each time, until I decided she had had enough practice.

Rebeca took the notebook from me and stuck her bum back up in the air as she flipped back over to set the notebook on her bedside table. It was a nice butt, I’ll give her that. However, when she purposely inched it towards my face, I bit back a laugh and averted my gaze to the turned off telly sitting on the other side of the room.

Rebeca plopped back down next to me, getting my attention as she asked, “Can you help me with noun words? Like, what…” She pointed towards the television set. “I know that’s the TV, but some words I mix up. It would be nice to know if I’m saying the right word.”

I shrugged, already foreseeing all the innuendos she’d think of.

“Right, so…” I scooted myself back a bit so I could glance around her room. Motioning to the lamp resting on her bedside table, I asked her about that.

“Lamp,” she said after a moment of thought.

“Yup. And this?” I pointed up at the ceiling.

Pause as she thought, and then, “Wall?”

“Ceiling,” I corrected, shaking my head, causing her to flick her hands up in exhaustion.

“See, this is what I mean. Why is that called a wall,” – she gestured to the literal wall, - “but that is the ceiling? It’s still a wall.”

Huh. Yeah, what the heck.

“I see where you’re coming from,” I said, “but, in Portuguese, are wall and ceiling called different things?”

She scrunched up her lips.

“…yes, but I just think they should have the same word. It’d be so much easier.”

I actually laughed, nodding in understanding. Rebeca suddenly elected to take over by saying, “What’s this – the lotion?”

A circle container filled with pink lotion sat on one of the boxes Rebeca must’ve decided to use as a table. I read the label ‘I love…raspberry and blackberry.’ Weird name for a lotion, but okay. Next to it was a pack of pencils and a random book or two.

I nodded up at Rebeca as she continued to ask the questions.

She quickly pointed from object to object, asking the same thing.

“And this?”

“Laptop.”

“This?”

“Dresser.”

“That?”

“Curtains.”

“…This?”

I hesitated.

“Blanket.”

“Under that?”

I raised my brows momentarily at her, but said, “Bed. You already knew that.”

“Just wanted to make sure,” she smiled. The tip of her finger pointed towards my feet. “What are those?”

“Shoes.”

Her finger flicked up. “Those.”

I took in a deep breath and let out a sigh.

“Pants.”

“That?”

“Shirt.”

She pushed her finger forward and touched…very, very close to my…junk. I flinched away from her, but she didn’t back off.

“That?” she asked, finger pressing against the zipper.

My face exchanged itself with the sun.

“…zipper,” I said, hearing my voice go up several pitches. She caught the vocal change, too, and began smirking.

“And…” Her hand made strange gestures as she tried to figure out how to word herself, almost like we had gone back in time to a number of weeks ago when she first came here. She felt like, “Under that?” sufficed.

I balled my fist up against my mouth and looked at her, furrowing my brows.

“My…boxers?” I ended up asking, feeling everything thought of mine turning bad and so God damn uncomfortable.

“Under that?” she asked again, rubbing her finger down a few more times. A very…pleasant feeling was felt by yours truly and another sharp intake of breath was taken.

My hormones were bouncing out of control. I couldn’t – ugh.

My hand stayed clutched and I shook my head at her.

“That’s inappropriate,” I said in full-on falsetto, grabbing her wrist with my hand. I set her hand on the bed and patted it, pushing a forced smile up at her. I cleared my throat, going about halfway back to my normal voice. “That’s…inappropriate. Where are your parents?” I asked quickly before my heart exploded. “Your mum?”

“Out,” she said quietly, deviously.

“Where at?”

“Work.”

“So she’s not here?” All the cock-blocks aren’t here like I thought they were. There was no way I was leaving this room without a guilty conscious. I knew it.

Rebeca did too.

She continued to smirk, like a big ol’ bitch as she shook her head. Her fingers came back into contact with my junky-junk.

“But what is it? What is it called?”

My teeth clenched and my hands recoiled back, clamping together again.

“You know,” I mused, narrowing my eyes at her. Her smile brightened.

“I know what they’re called in Portuguese. Not English. Tell me.”

aksdfghjkloiyresdfsn. Maybe if I tell her, she’d go away? But…okay, scientific name or slang?

Before I came out of my mental conundrum, Rebeca grinned again.

“It’s very close in spelling and pronunciation,” she said, tilting her head to the side. She started to move her finger up and down again. “But I call them a ‘caralho.’ All my friends do. In English – it’s your dick, isn’t it?”

My brain emerged from my body and flew away.

She ran her teeth along her bottom lip, eyes becoming intense.

“Can I see it?”

I’m dead. I have died. My heart clocked out after experiencing a lifetime supply of heartbeats in two seconds.

“My…?” I couldn’t get myself to say the word, but there was one word I wanted to scream.

Yes. Yes, you fucking can.

“Your dick?” she said again. “Can I see it?”

“Uh.”

Rebeca must have took my brain dead replies as the ‘yes’ they tried to hold back, because she slowly began to unbutton my jeans. I didn’t stop her. I couldn’t. She kept my gaze, pulling the zipper down.

She repositioned herself onto her knees and grinned up at me before poking her finger up against the thin material.

On instinct, my hips jerked forward and then back just as quickly.

“Does that feel good?” she asked quietly.

“Maybe,” I admitted nearly inaudible.

Her grinned turned back into a smirk. She slowly pulled herself onto my lap, making sure her hand never stopped touching me. She leaned forward until her nose touched mine. “It does,” she said teasing. “I know it does.”

Her lips moved to push up against mine and did softly. I didn’t pull away. I moved my mouth in time with her, letting the kiss intensify. Even when she gripped her free hand onto my shoulder and the other slipped into my boxers, I didn’t stop her.

She pushed me until my back touched the bed, her hand stroking quickly.

It felt…amazing.

She moved at the right speed, dreadfully stopping to pull away and unbutton her jeans. She towered over me, hands going back to what they were doing before. Her free hand crept from my arm down to grab my hand. In an instant she was pushing it down the front of her jeans. Without her orders, my fingers cupped her and pushed inside.

Her breathing hitched and she stopped kissing me to drop her head down between my shoulder and neck. Her hands went immobile to grip the sheets. Letting out a shaky breath, she grabbed onto my shoulders and fell next to me on the bed, pulling me on top of her.

She quickly locked her mouth onto mine, fingers hastily tugging her jeans down and off, along with her bottoms. Her legs hooked around my waist, pulling me down.

What she wanted me to do next was obvious, but what I wanted came first. I took my hands from her hips and used them to spread her legs even further apart before pushing her knees back to lay flush against her chest. I pulled away from the kiss, putting my lips on her inner thighs. She let out a grunted moan and it got throaty when I pressed my tongue into her.

Her hands gripped my hair and I continued to eat her out until she began to shake, then I pushed two fingers into her, my thumb circling over her clit.

She began to laugh in shock, but held the pad of her palm against her mouth as she moaned again and again.

When I felt that she was getting close, I pulled away and I wasted no time pushing inside her, connected my hips to the back of her thighs. We both breathed out a small moan, kissing each other harder.

An intense feeling built up in the pit of my stomach and I jerked my hips forward to get deeper. Her arms snaked around my neck and tightened when I quickened my pace, locking my hands around the back of her knees and pushing them to touch her chin.

The position hurt her, but she didn't tell me to stop. Instead, after she grimaced, her eyes drifted shut and she groaned into my mouth, biting hard on my bottom lip. She opened her eyes and kept them on mine, letting the pleasure she was feeling show clearly as she broke the kiss to take sharp breaths, angling her head so that she could stare down and watch as I fucked her.

She suddenly grew impatient and her hands gripped onto my hips. She moved them back and forth roughly, making me go faster and harder. It wasn't long before she grabbed at my jeans and yanked them further down, hands retreating to my waist and then at my jawline.

Her nails dug into my skin, but only for half a second. Her hands abruptly tore away to clutch the sheets underneath her. She dropped her head back, eyes gliding shut.

I took the moment to sit back and spread her legs, moving them to latch around either side of my waist. I aggressively kissed her neck, sucking at the skin without a second thought.

Knowing she was about to cum, and wanting it to be the intensity she hoped, I kept my thumb swirling against her clit.

Faster and faster until she couldn’t hold it in any longer.

Her eyes rolled back and she came. Minutes later, I did too.

I pulled back and let it drip out of her. Her forehead pushed up to touch mine as her eyes watched. She leaned up to kiss me, hands holding onto my forearms. They slid down my back and she pulled me to lay on top of her completely, moving her chin to rest on my shoulder.

I closed my eyes and sighed into her hair, feeling serene.

Why couldn’t sex always be like this? So satisfying?

The serene silence didn’t last long before a whole new wave of emotions fled through me. My eyes shot open and my heart dropped.

A sixteen year old student was lying naked underneath me.

I grabbed her hands and tore them off of me, sitting up.

Did I really sink so low?

“What’s wrong?” she asked shocked as I swiftly zipped my jeans back up.

“Nothing,” I said, getting off her bed. “I have to go.”

“W-what? Why?”

I clutched the door handle and swung it open, leaving her room without a real explanation. I could hear her jump out of the bed and quickly pull some clothes on as I ran down the steps.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

To my relief, the living room was empty and so was the kitchen. I zipped through it to the back door, opening it just as Baby spotted me from the porch swing. She hopped off and ran up to let me grab her leash.

I entered the living room when Rebeca came jogging down the stairs in nothing but a oversized jumper, the same question being asked.

“Why are you leaving? Did I do something?”

I still avoided a direct answer, making my way to the front door.

“I’ll see you later, okay? I just have to go now.”

Her eyes looked so hurt and confused as she watched me open the door to leave. “I’m sorry,” she blurted, voice cracking. “I, I…I wanted you to like me. I wanted to have sex with you, and…I…” She stopped talking to cover her mouth, staring at the floor. She whispered, looking up at me, “Please don’t tell. We can just forget it happened. Can’t we?”

I was never going to be able to forget how much of a fuck-up I was. I couldn’t bring myself to answer her. If I tried to talk, I knew I would break down. I stared out the door before stepping onto the porch.

Rebeca grabbed a hold of my shirt. “No, please!” she wailed, trying to pull me back. “Please don’t hate me. I’m sorry.” I tugged myself away from her and walked briskly to the sidewalk. I kept walking until I reached a familiar building.

I was going to lose absolutely everything if anyone found out about this. If Ally finds out…she’d leave me, but I needed to tell someone.

I entered the Miami Valley Hospital with Baby at my side.

Kara sat at the receptionist desk, dallying away on her phone. At the sound of me running through the lobby with a dog trailing behind me, she jumped to her feet.

“Uhm, excuse me. No dogs allowed. Do you have an appointment?”

I ignored her and sprinted to the lift. I impatiently jabbed the call button and bolted inside when the doors opened. I pulled Baby in with me. My back fell against the wall and I angled my head up to stare at the bright ceiling lights as the doors slowly closed.

I clutched my hand against my chest, feeling my heart began to pound louder and louder. My throat tensed greatly and choked back a cry. I let my tears cascade down my cheeks.

It was starting to hurt to even breathe. I didn’t feel like I deserved to breathe anymore. My chest ached. I needed someone to break down to and it seems like the third floor was light years away.

Reaching the second floor, the door opened automatically to an empty hallway. It remained open before closing and slowly getting me to the third floor. The door chimed open and I stepped out into the hall. Kasler’s door was wide open and I made a run for it, Baby tagging right along.

Kasler’s eyes widened at me and she skidded her chair back from her desk to stand up.

“Tyler? What’s wrong?”

I collapsed onto the long sofa, dropping Baby’s leash. I pushed my face into the palms of my hands as Kasler gently placed her hand on my shoulder. I thought of all the times Rebeca did that and jerked my shoulder away from her.

“I fucked up,” I panted out. “I always fuck everything up.”

Though obviously shocked, Kasler sat down next to me.

“What do you? What happened?”

“I slept with her.”

“W-who?”

I gritted my teeth. “Rebeca.”

“Rebeca?” she repeated. I could almost hear her eyes widen. “The student?”

I nodded stiffly, the tears welling up again. “What do I do?” I looked to see her staring at me in disbelief. “What do I do?” I asked again. “She’s going to hate me. I can’t live if she hates me. I can’t.”

Baby had been licking my hand ever since I sat down. Now she had dropped her paw on my knee along with her head. She started to whimper sadly. The only times she’d ever seen me cry was right before I got out a razor blade.

Right now, I longed for something sharp.

I wanted to die.

Unable to speak, Kasler once more placed her hand on my shoulder. I didn’t snap at her to get away. I let her console me as I bawled like a baby on her couch. She remained silent the entire time. Soon I couldn’t cry anymore and sat there.

It’s not like that helped anyway. Nothing seemed to help. My therapist didn’t know how to respond and crying was pointless and made me feel even more pathetic.

I had to tell Ally. No matter how pissed I knew she would be at me, that felt like it was the only thing I could do. Clearing my conscious was my only option.

Kasler ended up giving me and Baby a ride home. She says it’s the least she can do. I think she’s just afraid I’ll throw myself in front of a train if I walked home on my own. We made it there a little after two. I thanked Kasler and treaded up the stairs to my apartment building and plopped down on the couch. In an hour, Ally would walk through the front door. I’d tell her about everything that happened not even an hour ago.

I waited numbly for the time to come, and after about ten minutes of sitting, there was a knock at the front door.

I crinkled my brows at it and then at my phone.

2:26 p.m.

Ally shouldn’t be getting home yet and it couldn’t be Ellie either. School’s not out til thirty-five.

I had to force myself up to answer the door. At the last second as I was reaching for the door handle, I considered it might be Rebeca, but…she doesn’t know where I lived…did she?

Well, there’s only one way to find out. I took in a deep breath and grabbed onto the latch. I pulled it open and stared blankly at who was on the other side.

Two police officers.