Arms

Belen grinned as the determination grew on Matt’s face as he curled his fingers in an odd angle. She observed his tactics of learning ASL on his own terms glancing at the book that he got for himself. His green eyes focused on his hand with each letter until Belen tapped his hand finished with her enjoyment of his attempt.

Shaking her head, she pointed at his hand and his eyes, wagging her finger at him. Demonstrating how to sign, her eyes were focused on him as her fingers moved fluidly together to form the alphabet. Matt sighed, rubbing his eyes with his tired hands. “Bloody hell this is difficult. How do you manage to move your hands all the time? Isn’t it exhausting?” He still isn’t used to her eyes on his lips as he spoke, shifting in his seat she finally shrugged.

“It’s not a big deal to me. My hands are used to it. Now practice some more.” She emphasized on the last word before she started mouthing the alphabet and signing along with Matt. Belen agreed to help him learn sign language didn’t mean she is going to go easy on him. If he wanted to learn, he needed to be dedicated and she is eager to see how far he is willing to go.

Once again Matt followed Belen’s strict instructions and avoided staring at his hand while he memorized the alphabet. He should be used to memorization; he does it all the bloody time for work, but this? It is a whole other level of study.

His hands started to cramp up with the extensive flexing of his hands, Belen mercifully let him take a break. “You’re doing really well.” Matt wouldn’t have believed her if she didn’t have that childlike smile etched on her lips.

“Ah, you’re just saying that.”

“I mean it. It takes dedication to learn a new language especially something as active as this one. It means a lot to me that you actually want to learn.”

Matt grinned, getting praise from her felt wonderful. Even though he didn’t know if she did with her being a professor and all, he will gladly take it. “Couldn’t disappoint my girl.”

Heat softly brushed against her cheeks as she read the words from his lips. His girl? Isn’t going a little bit fast to proclaim her as his? Belen didn’t know what they were and it made her nervous seeing that he is jumping to conclusions with his openness and eagerness.

With shaky breath, she wrote what she felt. It is never her intention to hurt someone’s feelings, but she rather let them know beforehand than to let them dive straight into nothing.

Belen felt her heart wrench at the flash of disappointment in Matt’s face when he read her message.

“F-friends? Was it because I was going so fast? I didn’t mean to press you-”

She waved her hands frantically as she told him that it wasn’t him. She isn’t ready to be in a relationship and her initial thought of this was friendship despite their relations the first night they met. A huge part of her wanted him in her life, not romantically, but still there being the great person that he is.

“Is that okay?”

Matt forced a smile as he patted her shoulder awkwardly, “Okay? It’s more than okay! It’s fantastic!” The small part of him was yelling, screaming that he is a fool for accepting such terms. He didn’t want to be just friends with her, but that’s where she put him.

In the friend zone.

The worst possible zone that he could hope for.

Somewhere in his mind, he feels a twinge of jealousy of the man that takes her heart wishing it was him instead.

Was it his personality that made women deflect him as boyfriend material? Matt is fully aware that he is a hyper lad, possibly borderline ADHD, but still he can be romantic. He has done plenty of things that boyfriends do for their girlfriends, but at the end of the day they always said the same thing.

‘I’m not ready for a relationship.’

Code word for, I don’t want to date you.

He has asked his mates what qualities that he had that had him not be taken so seriously. The girls in his group happily told him that he reminded them of a puppy: adorable, hyper, and someone to cuddle with. Then they quickly added like any group of friends would tell him that any girl that is too blind to see what a great catch he is doesn’t deserve him.

Well then that is possibly every girl on the planet.

Picking at his shoes, he coughed to break the tension before he came up with a poor of an excuse to leave. Matt didn’t care if she could see through his lie; he needed to get out of there.

With a quick pat on the head, a friendly gesture that he adapted while being around Belen, he departed.

Sadness wrapped itself around Belen as she sat quietly in her room rethinking of the possible ways that could have been better to say it. There is nothing she could have done better. She had to believe that. Still, it felt horrible to see the dejected look on his face.

The vibration of her phone hit her full force; checking her phone it reminded her of the real reason she had to push for the platonic friendship.

Waiting on a bench with half of her hair pinned back by the seashell clip she made herself, she scoured the park. Scuffing the heel of her boot against the pavement her mismatched eyes glowed when a man possibly a little taller than her came her way. Lifting herself from the bench, she embraced him tightly before pulling back and greeted him with a small kiss.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

Lacing his fingers with hers, he asked her what she wanted to do. Belen shrugged her shoulders swinging their hands together. “I’ll let it be a surprise then.” He grinned. “By the way, before I forget. I want you to meet a friend of mine, think you’ll like him. Great company.”

“Friend? You want me to meet a friend of yours? I hope this isn’t a subtle way of getting me to agree on a threesome because it’s not happening.”

“What? No, Len. I think you guys would get along great, that’s all. But, if you ever reconsider-” Belen punched his arm as he winced, retracting his body from her. “Okay! I’m sorry!” He laughed before pulling her in and pressing a kiss on her temple.

“You better be. I’ve done a threesome before and it’s a lot of work I rather not go through again.” The look on his face was priceless, the color drained from his face and the shock expression only made her stoic face crack. Silent laughter erupted from her lips and it only took a few seconds for him to realize she was lying.

“Belen! That’s not funny!” He whined.

“ I’m sorry, Ha’ri. I couldn’t help myself.” Taking a step forward, she pecked his cheek before giving him a toothy grin. “Why don’t you take me to this surprise you speak of?”

Ha’ri mumbled under his breath before he scooped her up in his arms and took her away from the park and under the gaze of curious bystanders.

Belen’s worries were washed away temporarily as she spent the entire day with Ha’ri. It only took half the day for her mind to settle on Matt’s reaction this morning. The look tore at her gut leaving her exposed and vulnerable. She felt guilty for what she did to Matt and within that guilt she ignored Ha’ri’s rambling of how funny one of his students was during recess.

“Len.” The soft touch sent her jumping from her seat. When he asked if she was okay, she gave him a sparkly smile reassuring him that everything was fine and that she felt tired since she stayed up last night tweaking her dissertation.

Concern etched on his face as he held onto her hand and signed with the other. “If you don’t feel up to meeting my friend, you don’t have to.”

“No! No! You went through all this trouble and it will be great meeting someone else in the education field.” Still, Ha’ri looked unconvinced. He brushed it off as he opened the door to a small bar.

Suddenly Belen felt like all eyes were staring at her. Nibbling on her bottom lip, she followed Ha’ri like a child clutching to the tail of his coat. Her eyes were casted down as she felt him greet his friend. She didn’t get a good look at him until she peered up.

Blood running cold as she saw the familiar green eyes that made her feel guilty less than twenty four hours ago. When Ha’ri introduced her to him, she barely paid attention as she awkwardly stood there.

“Nice to meet you.” Matt slowly signed, that made her heart wrench. It learned that only hours prior and now she felt stupid. How can this be such a small world that Ha’ri is friends with Matt? Quickly, she signed ‘likewise.’ Refusing to leave his gaze.

“So,” Matt’s eyes flickered to the man beside her. “How did you two meet?” The British man kept his hands clutched tightly together absolutely infuriated at the woman in front of him.

She lied to him.

Oh, she is a sly one. They have only been seeing each other every now and again, but he felt like a connection with her only to find out she is with someone? He felt sick to his stomach pursuing a taken woman.

He didn’t listen much as Ha’ri the man of many words shared the story of how the two met. Matt wanted to speak to Belen, get a few answers before pretending that he didn’t have feelings for her. They weren’t serious or deep, but he has taken quite a liking to her. He fancied her if he were to admit it.

Taking a large gulp from his beer, he cringed at the watery taste disliking the American beverage. It was odd; the beer was cold, bland and just horrendous. Blimey, can someone get him a better drink?

The next round he ordered something a little more stronger and universal that no one could get it wrong. Whiskey; cannot go wrong there. Swallowing the small amount in one swig, Ha’ri laughed, “You alright there? I think you should take it easy there, buddy.”

“What can I say? Had a bad day.” He muttered, in his peripheral vision he saw the confusion on Belen’s face as he said it. His lips barely moved and the habit of repeating himself almost kicked in until he remembered that he shouldn’t even waste his time. “I’ll be right back.”

Scooting out of his seat, Ha’ri called out, “Hey, care to get Len a drink?” He spun on his heel walking back and waited for either one of them to tell him the order. Belen looked flustered as she showed him what she wanted.

Matt glanced at Belen seeing she refused to meet his gaze. Taking the responsibility of getting her drink, it didn’t take long for him to wander back to the booth to see Ha’ri has gone missing.

“Where is he?”

Belen tapped at her cell signaling he had a call. Matt made it his incentive to get to the bottom of this and with a few drinks in him he made more guts than he had before.

“Married? Why the bloody hell didn’t you tell me you were married?”

Belen bit gnawed on her lip, shrugging her shoulders. “Oh, don’t give me that. I understand we had a night together, but after that night we had a series of events together! You should have told me! Instead I made a bloody fool out of myself to please you!”

“I didn’t know what to say! I didn’t think this would be that serious!”

“That serious? Are you fucking kidding me? Is that why you didn’t call me those first few months before you were reconciling with your husband or whatever relationship you two have.”

“I actually wanted to call you, but I was scared! And no I wasn’t reconciling with my husband then.”

“Then what? What are you doing sleeping around? You should have a wedding ring or something, but you don’t…I slept with a married woman! I may not be religious, but I do have morals.”

Belen shook her head as she typed furiously on her cell, “ Don’t assume that I’m a woman that spreads her legs for every man I meet. I don’t remember what happened between us that night, but I did feel like something could have happened.”

Matt couldn’t believe he is reading this, like it was some type of excuse to go behind that poor man’s back and sleep around. “You’re unbelievable. What has he done that made you want to do this? Were you bored of his cock and wanted something different? I have news for you, Belen. I don’t go for any of this. I don’t care if you are in a shitty relationship, you are married. If you want a divorce then divorce him already, but dragging him along like this is the worst crime you can ever commit.”

He paused, leaning back when he saw Ha’ri returning back to his seat. “What did I miss?” Belen looked in the other direction fighting back tears. Matt didn’t understand where she was coming from. It wasn’t like that at all and yet he assumed the worst of her.

“I was just telling her a little about myself.”

She thought he would understand, letting her voice her opinion, but when she wanted to speak her truth…his eyes forbid her from opening up. There lied judgment and preconceived notions of her. Belen can’t handle that so she drew blanks as she wordlessly and carelessly wrote words that only pissed him off even more.

When Ha’ri wrapped an arm around her, she stiffened. Her husband wasn’t abusive, never laid a hand on her. He’s loving, kind, and thoughtful, but she couldn’t leave him. Even though the love as died years ago, she had to stick by him. Her beliefs forbid her from divorcing him. Funny how she believed in that yet she committed adultery.

Looking up again, she watched as Ha’ri gave her a kiss on the cheek praising how wonderful she has been to him. The couple has been on and off for two years now and Ha’ri has mastered the façade of being happily together.

Guilt will eat away at her. Guilt will definitely kill her and she had no idea how to solve this problem.