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Making the Monster Bleed
Making the Monster Bleed
I walked in the door expecting Loki to be waiting for me just inside. I had spent longer that I planned at the library doing research for the novel I’m writing. I had told him I would be just a few hours. I had been gone for nearly six. Whenever I returned home late Loki was always pacing the front hall worried I was never coming back. He had some pretty severe abandonment issues that seemed to fit with his low self-esteem issues in just the wrong way.
I was surprised at first that Loki was nowhere to be seen and then my blood ran cold with fear. He had tried a few times, in the months that I had known him, to commit suicide. He also had fallen into the routine of ‘making the monster bleed’ as he called it. His arms were covered in criss-crossing scars as well as a long line that ran from wrist to elbow on each. I sprinted to the bathroom, praying I wasn’t too late.
I stopped in my tracks as I spotted him sitting on the tiled bathroom floor with his back resting against the tub. He was twirling one of his daggers in his hands and tears were streaming down his cheeks. As I moved to sit next to him I noticed the dagger was clean of blood as was the rest of the room including my beautiful God of Mischief. I sighed in relief as I sat.
Loki moved his head to my shoulder and wrapped his arms around me tightly, “I thought you weren’t coming back,” he wailed into my neck.
I reached to pull his face up so he would look at me, “I will always come back,” I said vehemently, “No matter what you do I will always be yours and you will always be mine.”
His tears slowed and he handed the dagger in his hands to me. When he did it turned into a beautiful glass rose. “I love you,” he whimpered, “I didn’t do anything, I waited for you. I didn’t…” his voice trailed off and he sounded so vulnerable.
“I am so proud of you,” I said pulling him into a kiss, “We WILL get through this. I promise you we will. What triggered it today?” I asked, dreading the answer, but needing to know if I had something I had to watch out for other than being three hours late returning home.
“Thor stopped by, he tried to convince me that my banishment to Midgard was an easy punishment for what I had done. He tried to convince me that Odin had been lenient.”
I could see in his eyes that there was something else, something more beneath the surface. “And?” I asked. He just stared at me. “Give me the rest of the story Loki,” I commanded in a stern, but loving voice.
Loki closed his eyes and sighed, burying his head into my neck before complying. “I told him I did not mind being on Midgard so much anymore and he laughed at me and said ‘Why? Because the Midgardian whore you are currently latched onto like a leech is fulfilling your needs?’ I got angry and lost control and my Jotun side took over. I saw myself in the mirror, I need the monster to bleed. You have to let me make him bleed,” his tone was so broken I didn’t know what to say. I just squeezed him tight and rocked us slightly from side to side.
“I can’t let you hurt yourself,” I whispered with tears streaming down my cheeks.
“I have to, I have to!” Loki cried. “The monster needs to bleed.”
A thought popped suddenly into my mind. “Let me meet this monster,” I said.
With my words Loki pulled out of my embrace and stared at me in shock. “No, I would never,” suddenly his shoulders slumped, “okay,” he mumbled, “I will show you, then you can run from me like everyone else.”
I didn’t bother correcting him as I was hoping what I had planned dispelled all of his doubts, about me leaving at least. He slowly began turning blue. It started at his fingertips and toes and worked its way all over his body. When the change was complete he looked at me with hollow red eyes.
I reached out and stroked his cheek. He flinched at first as if he was expecting a slap. Eventually he relaxed into my touch and I started running both hands over every inch of exposed blue flesh. He was a bit on the cold side, but what else would you expect from a Frost Giant? I ran my hands back up his body and wrapped one in his long, jet-black hair and the other cupped his face. I pulled him into a soft kiss. I tried to infuse that kiss with every ounce of love I possessed.
When we pulled apart Loki stared at me with an unfathomable expression. It seemed a mix of hope and fear and something that I couldn’t identify. “You still like me like this?” Loki asked with child-like vulnerability.
“Oh, Loki, I love you. It doesn’t matter if you are azure and crimson or alabaster and Jade. I love you no matter what.”
I stood and pulled Loki up with me. Loki changed himself back to normal as we walked. I maneuvered us to the bed and helped him into pajamas and tucked him into bed. I changed into my nightgown and slid in behind him, holding him firmly in my arms as my beautiful God of Mischief settled into a peaceful slumber. I followed soon after.
I was surprised at first that Loki was nowhere to be seen and then my blood ran cold with fear. He had tried a few times, in the months that I had known him, to commit suicide. He also had fallen into the routine of ‘making the monster bleed’ as he called it. His arms were covered in criss-crossing scars as well as a long line that ran from wrist to elbow on each. I sprinted to the bathroom, praying I wasn’t too late.
I stopped in my tracks as I spotted him sitting on the tiled bathroom floor with his back resting against the tub. He was twirling one of his daggers in his hands and tears were streaming down his cheeks. As I moved to sit next to him I noticed the dagger was clean of blood as was the rest of the room including my beautiful God of Mischief. I sighed in relief as I sat.
Loki moved his head to my shoulder and wrapped his arms around me tightly, “I thought you weren’t coming back,” he wailed into my neck.
I reached to pull his face up so he would look at me, “I will always come back,” I said vehemently, “No matter what you do I will always be yours and you will always be mine.”
His tears slowed and he handed the dagger in his hands to me. When he did it turned into a beautiful glass rose. “I love you,” he whimpered, “I didn’t do anything, I waited for you. I didn’t…” his voice trailed off and he sounded so vulnerable.
“I am so proud of you,” I said pulling him into a kiss, “We WILL get through this. I promise you we will. What triggered it today?” I asked, dreading the answer, but needing to know if I had something I had to watch out for other than being three hours late returning home.
“Thor stopped by, he tried to convince me that my banishment to Midgard was an easy punishment for what I had done. He tried to convince me that Odin had been lenient.”
I could see in his eyes that there was something else, something more beneath the surface. “And?” I asked. He just stared at me. “Give me the rest of the story Loki,” I commanded in a stern, but loving voice.
Loki closed his eyes and sighed, burying his head into my neck before complying. “I told him I did not mind being on Midgard so much anymore and he laughed at me and said ‘Why? Because the Midgardian whore you are currently latched onto like a leech is fulfilling your needs?’ I got angry and lost control and my Jotun side took over. I saw myself in the mirror, I need the monster to bleed. You have to let me make him bleed,” his tone was so broken I didn’t know what to say. I just squeezed him tight and rocked us slightly from side to side.
“I can’t let you hurt yourself,” I whispered with tears streaming down my cheeks.
“I have to, I have to!” Loki cried. “The monster needs to bleed.”
A thought popped suddenly into my mind. “Let me meet this monster,” I said.
With my words Loki pulled out of my embrace and stared at me in shock. “No, I would never,” suddenly his shoulders slumped, “okay,” he mumbled, “I will show you, then you can run from me like everyone else.”
I didn’t bother correcting him as I was hoping what I had planned dispelled all of his doubts, about me leaving at least. He slowly began turning blue. It started at his fingertips and toes and worked its way all over his body. When the change was complete he looked at me with hollow red eyes.
I reached out and stroked his cheek. He flinched at first as if he was expecting a slap. Eventually he relaxed into my touch and I started running both hands over every inch of exposed blue flesh. He was a bit on the cold side, but what else would you expect from a Frost Giant? I ran my hands back up his body and wrapped one in his long, jet-black hair and the other cupped his face. I pulled him into a soft kiss. I tried to infuse that kiss with every ounce of love I possessed.
When we pulled apart Loki stared at me with an unfathomable expression. It seemed a mix of hope and fear and something that I couldn’t identify. “You still like me like this?” Loki asked with child-like vulnerability.
“Oh, Loki, I love you. It doesn’t matter if you are azure and crimson or alabaster and Jade. I love you no matter what.”
I stood and pulled Loki up with me. Loki changed himself back to normal as we walked. I maneuvered us to the bed and helped him into pajamas and tucked him into bed. I changed into my nightgown and slid in behind him, holding him firmly in my arms as my beautiful God of Mischief settled into a peaceful slumber. I followed soon after.