Don't You Ever Forget About Me

Like the three weeks before, I was awake that night. I couldn't stop rerunning the message he sent to that girl over and over in my mind. I knew I'd never have a chance but I never really accepted it. I should have. Maybe then I wouldn't be so messed up about it.

I understand how he could overlook me, though. I have plain blonde hair and my green eyes aren't very pretty. They're bland. My body's covered in scars and my virginity belongs to my father. If that doesn't scream disgusting I don't know what does.

Eventually I gave up just lying there on the couch and walked into the kitchen. I sat down at the table and checked the time on the microwave. 3:30, I had three hours until Christian and I would have to make our way to school. I put my head in my hands as I thought about what it might be like if Christian liked me instead. If Christian had written me a note describing the little quirks about me he liked.

Soon enough I found myself crying. Not just at how I'd never have a chance, but how my mom wasn't here to talk with me. I knew I could go to Christian's mom but I knew that she might tell Christian, or maybe even his brother, Phil. Phil was graduated from highschool, and thinking of moving to England. Actually, I think could talk to Phil; he seemed trustworthy enough.

I went to find a piece of paper and a pencil and found them soon enough. I quickly scribbled out a note explaining that I wanted to talk to him after school and tip toed down the hallway his room was located in. I slipped the note under the door, thanking nothing that the gap was large enough. I went back to the kitchen, thinking about anything and trying to keep my thoughts off of Christian and focusing more on other things.

"Can't sleep?" A voice suddenly shook me from my thoughts and I jumped about a foot high. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you. I saw your note, want to talk?"

I watched as Christian's brother Phil walked from the doorway and sat in the chair opposite of me. I was facing the doorway to the kitchen, I must have been really deep in thought.

"I never really sleep." I said, quietly. "And yeah, I'd like to talk."

"What about?" Phil asked, and as I sighed I saw his face make it's way into a concerned expression in the weak light from above the stove.

"I'm kinda embarrassed to talk about it, it's just I can't really talk about it to your brother because it involves him, and I don't really want to talk to your mom because I'm afraid she'll tell him about it.. But I've seen you as a brother figure for basically my whole life so I guess the prize goes to you." I rambled.

"Okay... So, what's been troubling you?"

"I'm going to sound like a silly fourteen year old girl, but I, y'know, like your brother. But, he sent this message to a girl in our grade saying he liked her, and that girl's friend rubbed in my face. I don't know why they hate me so much.."

Phil listened as I talked and thought about what to say in the moments after I stopped talking. "I have to say the cliche, you know that. You're going to have to confess sooner or later. I won't tell Chris because you don't want me to, but you will have to tell him."

"I know, but I don't want to make me living here awkward. I still don't think I belong here but I don't want to go to my dad's.. And then he sends that message to Kelsey." I placed my head in my hands and ran my fingers through my hair.

"Victoria, he won't shun you if you tell him you feel the way you do. We both know he won't do that. He let you sleep in his room before, he's comfortable with you. He won't let something like you telling him you're into him ruin your, what, seven year friendship? Six years?"

"You know about me spending the night?" I gasped, looking up at Phil quickly, eyes wide.

"Yes, I know about you spending the night. I knew nothing was happening so I didn't tell my parents." He started laughing at my expression.

"Oh." I blushed and looked at the table.

He laughed a bit more before he spoke again. "So, is that all you wanted to talk about?"

"Yeah.. Thanks for listening. You promise not to tell your brother? You have to promise."

"I promise. Please don't mess up my Buffy The Vampire collection." He laughed.

"Good, now I won't have to hide anything." I smiled back at him.

"I'm going to head off to bed, I'll talk to you later. You're going to have to tell Christian, you know."

"I know."

Phil got up and walked out of the kitchen and out my head in my hands as I thought about me having to tell Christian. Not even a minute thinking about it gave me incredible anxiety and I forced myself to stop thinking about it. I ended up laying my head on the table and laying there until somehow I fell asleep.

I woke up to someone saying my name and the smell of cooking poptarts.

"Hmm?" I mumbled as I picked up my head. I noticed within a second that I hadn't had nightmares.

"Victoria, come on. We have to get to school and you have to eat." Christian told me.

"Meh." I replied, sitting up and letting Christian push the plate of the two cooked poptarts in my direction. I began eating and tried not to stare at him. I had a sinking suspicion he heard what I'd said to his brother last night. I tried my best to push it away and focus on the poptarts.

Soon enough we were off to school and it was a normal day.

I'd decided that I'd wait outside of one of the classes we didn't share so we could walk to class together and get a couple extra words in before we had to switch to notes. Time was running out for the time between classes and almost everyone had come out of the classroom. I decided to stick my head in to see if he was still in there, but when I opened the door a little bit I heard voices.

"Hey, Novelli. Why do you hang out with that chick, anyway? She's so fucked up, man. You'd be so much cooler if you dropped her. She's a drag, and she's an ugly emo bitch. I don't get why you'd even make an effort to talk to her."

"You don't know what's happened, and you don't know how long we've been friends." I heard Christian say. But his voice was weak.

"Yeah, yeah. She claimed to be raped and she cuts. I bet she wasn't even raped. I don't even think she took it to the police, did she?"

At that point I ran to class. I didn't want to hear Christian say the truth about how much he hated me. I sat in my seat just before the bell rang. I watched the door, waiting for Christian to walk in. When he did I looked away and wouldn't look at him. I paid my entire attention to the teacher, and in the last class after that I did the exact same. Christian tried nudging me several times, but I wouldn't look at him.

When we were walking back to his house he spoke up. "Okay, Victoria. What's up? Why won't you talk to me?"

"Because, I.." I paused, thinking if it's be okay for me to tell him I overheard the conversation that the one boy and him had.

"Because you what?"

"I don't know. I'm sorry." I said, twisting my mouth to the side.

He looked at me like he didn't believe me, and I expected for him to call me out. But instead he stopped and held his arms open, asking for a hug. I knew Christian would never hurt me, but I was still afraid of people. But I walked up to him and hugged him anyway, pushing away thoughts and just focusing on the hug. It was a short hug, but it made me feel better.