Don't You Ever Forget About Me

We were in our last period, language arts, fourth five minutes from the bell marking the end of the third Friday we've had this school year.

The teacher was droning on about things I already understood, Christian was working on a note to pass back, and I was still locked in the disbelief that the boy I'd missed so much for two years had finally returned. I still cut and burned myself, but far less than I had been. I'd been working on my promise to Christian to stop hurting myself, but the impending abuse at home wasn't helping with it. Christian's been trying his best to be as supportive as ever, and celebrates when I tell him I'd gone x amount of days without self harm, it was as if it weren't real.

I tried to sneak a glance at the note Christian was scribbling out but he was doing a great job of hiding it from me until he passed it. We were talking about anything and everything and we just happened to find our way upon music. I asked what his favorite artists were.

"Have you heard of My Chemical Romance? They're pretty good."

His note read as he passed it back. I furrowed my brows at the band name, it was definitely something I had never heard of before.

"No.. How about you show me some of their music. Can I come over after school?"

I sent back, knowing I'd be able to. It's been a daily ritual: go to school, pass notes in the majority of the classes, go to his place, some days stay the night, others go home. It'd become the only constant in my life I was okay with.

"You know you can. Can you spend the night? There's a lot of songs. Well, not a lot, but still."

I read his note and smiled to myself a little. I was definitely okay with this constant. I wrapped myself in it like a safety blanket.

"Not tonight, maybe tomorrow. I don't want to risk.. You know."

He knew how much I hated staying at my place, but we both knew that if I wanted the abuse to stay not terrible I'd have to go back. I also never wrote that my dad abused me on any of the notes, afraid a student would see and tell a teacher, putting me at a risk to be placed in a foster home and taken away from Christian.

"Oh, okay. Then I'll show you as much music as I can. I'm pretty sure you'll like it."

After I read the note and made sure the teacher wasn't looking I smiled at him and gave him a quick thumbs up, then signaled we should pay attention to the rest of the class.

Soon enough the class ended and we made our way to Christian's house.

"How about you sing me one of their songs?" I smiled at him. I knew how much he wanted to be a musician. I believed he'd make it as one, too. He had a beautiful singing voice and he knew how to play the guitar. He was trying to work on playing a ukulele. He learned how to play over in Boston.

"Hmm..." He thought, smiling back.

"Please? You have an amazing voice. I want to hear a cover!" I poked his arm a couple times.

"Fine, I think I have one you might like." He cleared his throat before he sang.

"Turn away.
If you could get me a drink,
of water. 'Cause my lips are chapped and faded.
Call my Aunt Marie,
and help her gather all my things,
and bury me in all my favorite colors.
My sisters and my brothers, still,
I will not kiss you,
'cause the hardest part of this is leavin' you."

My breath caught as I heard him sing, it was as if he got better with every word he sang. I could tell he put as much emotion into the lyrics as possible, and before I could blink it away a tear rolled down my face as the meaning of the lyrics sank in.

"So? You like it?" He asked, looking at me as we continued walking. "Hey, don't cry." He reached over and brushed one of the stray tears that rolled down my cheek. "Am I really that bad?" He tried joking.

"No, it's just.. It made me think of.." I murmured as more tears slipped down my face. I stopped and put my face in my hands. We were less than three minutes from his house.

"Oh, Victoria." Christian breathed with guilt and sadness lacing his voice. "I'm so sorry."

I dropped to my knees as I began to sob, and I barely noticed the pressure around my shoulders at first. I realized Christian had crouched next to me and was hugging my sobbing frame.

"I just miss her so much. I wish we'd found out sooner, then she wouldn't be gone and I wouldn't have an abusive father." I choked out, my sobs getting louder and racking my body more with every one that passed my lips.

"Shh. I know it's hard. It'll be okay. I'm here for you. Shhh." He said into my ear. Soon I realized the feeling of a panic attack coming on and tried to fight it.

"No, no not now." I whimpered as my body shook with sobs and my chest tightened with anxiety. I'd never had one in front of Christian, they'd always happened when he was asleep or not around.

He didn't question me, just held me as I tried to wait it out. It felt like an eternity as I the panic attack took over my senses and I continued to grieve the death of my mother.

What seemed like hours later I finally calmed down and laid my head on Christian's chest. "I'm sorry you had to witness that." I mumbled.

"It's alright, want to go listen to some songs? I can sing to you some more, just different songs. Get you a mug of tea." He suggested as he stood up. I took his extended hand and started wiping off my face.

"How long was I crying?" I whispered as we began to walk back to his house.

"Around a half hour. Not long." He informed me, giving me a comforting side hug as we walked.

"Oh."

We walked in the entrance of his house and went to the kitchen. I sat at the table and picked at my sleeves, waiting for the aftershock of my anxiety to fade. As soon as it was done Christian sat my mug of tea in front of me, and sat in the chair next to mine with his mug.

"I really am sorry I chose that song, you know. I didn't know that would happen." He apologized sincerely.

"It's okay. Like you said, you didn't know it would happen. It's over, I'm fine." I smiled at him to prove my point before I took a sip of tea. "Thank you for the tea."

"No problem. Want to take it upstairs while we listen to some music? We only have a few hours until you have to go." He said, I blushed when he said 'want to take it upstairs' but hid it with a sip of tea.

"Yeah, lets go."

An hour later I was feeling okay, and I was laying on his bed messing with his acoustic guitar as he played song after song.

"This song's called This Is How I Disappear." As soon as he said it the song began playing and I listened intently, enjoying the heavy intro.

I closed my eyes as the lead singer began singing.

"To un-explain the unforgivable,
drain all the blood, and give the kids a show!
By streetlight
this dark night
a seance down below."

I began to roll my head from side to side as an overwhelming feeling bloomed in my chest. I stayed like that the whole song, my eyes closed and slowly rolling my head.

"What did you think?" Christian asked as soon as the song ended.

"I loved it!" I exclaimed, opening my eyes, sitting up, and smiling. "Anything else?"

"Yeah, here." He smiled back and then typed something. Minutes later another song came on and we spent the rest of the day listening to music. I dreaded having to go home. But didn't I always?

"Hey Victoria." I heard Christian's mom say. Christian paused a song that was playing and looked towards his always-open door.

"Hey Mrs. Novelli." I said, smiling at her. I'd moved into a half leaning, half sitting position against Christian's headboard. I'd put the guitar away sometime during the tons of songs and thought a little while I listened.

"I think it's time for you to head home. You're welcome to come back tomorrow, like always." She let me know with a motherly voice.

"Oh, okay. Is it alright if Christian walks me home?" I asked. As I said that I realized I never really wanted to leave Christian's side, but convinced myself only in the friend-like way.

"Sure. It's become a ritual, hasn't it?" His mom laughed a little and Christian 'x'ed out of YouTube.

"Here, I'll get the cups and bring them down." Christian announced as he stood and stretched. He walked over to the nightstand and grabbed my mug after he picked up his own. His mom walked down the hallway and I got off of his bed, stretching when my feet hit the carpet as well.

We walked down the staircase and I waited as Christian placed the mugs in his sink and then we slipped on our shoes and walked out the door with a shouted 'goodbye' to his parents.

Once we made it five minutes from his house towards mine he spoke up. "You sure you don't want to spend the night? I don't want you to get hurt."

"Yeah." I said, slowing my pace. "But you know I'm going to anyway. It's life. Some people have it worse than others and vice versa. I only have to finish this year, then the four years of high school, and I can move out. Five years. It's not that long."

He grabbed the top of my arm softly, pulling me to a stop. "You shouldn't have to go through it at all." He whispered, capturing my gaze with his.

"If it means I get to spend time with you I'm fine with it. I'd rather be in an abusive home than in a foster home. At least with my dad I know I have more of a chance staying near you." I broke the stare and started walking, blushing as I realized he might think I meant I liked him more than 'just friends'.

"Victoria, stop." I did as he said and turned to face him, my face still burning.

"What?" I asked.

"Hug?" He said. He tried to smile but I knew he was hurting knowing I would have to endure my dad's anger.

I walked back over to him and let him wrap his arms around me, trying not to cry from the overwhelming sense of being needed and wanted. I buried my face in his shirt as I hugged him back.

"I don't want you to be sad because I have to go through this. I only spend a few hours there. I'll be okay." I mumbled into his chest. We broke apart and started walking to my house.

We arrived there too quick and I had to force myself not to say 'I take it back! I want to spend the night at your house. Please, don't make me do this.' I was the one who turned down the offer, not Christian. I knew he could tell I was trying not to run away towards his place by the way he was looking at me.

"Tomorrow?" I asked, looking into his eyes. I'd noticed they'd stopped flashing from blue to green and that they'd just stayed blue not too soon after he arrived back.

"Want me to come by?" He suggested, looking at the door. No doubt expecting my dad to burst out screaming obscenities at me and begin punching me.

"No. I'll try to be there by ten. Sound good?"

"Yeah. Tomorrow at ten. Be there or be square." He told me, wrapping me in a quick hug. I let myself indulge in the action, but made myself let go of the feeling as I saw him walk away.

I took a deep breath to prepare and opened the door. Instinctively I curled in on myself, trying to block my internal organs. I heard him stumbling through the house.

"Bitch! Where the fuck are you?!"

I stayed quiet, trying to sneak into my room.

"Oh, there." He said behind me. Seconds later I felt a fist slam into my back, making me stumble forward and lose balance. My hands flew out in front of me to soften impact and as soon as I hit the ground he was kicking at me. I tried to curl into a ball to protect myself but I felt my arms being pried from my stomach and being pinned above my head.

"No, no no no. Please, stop." I cried as he began punching me. I felt something slam into the side of my face and I blacked out.
*~*~*~*~*
When I finally opened my eyes I saw the sun was up. I tried standing but my legs were too weak. I looked down at my body and I saw my shirt was shredded, my pants were missing, and my underwear had a few holes in it.

"Oh no. No. No, no it didn't happen. Oh my god." I breathed, tears automatically streaming down my face.

I forced myself to stand and shakily made my way to my room. I looked for a different set of clothes and put them on quickly. I stumbled down the hallway after I dressed and stumbled as fast as I could in the direction of Christian's house.

I collapsed five minutes from his house. I began crawling as fast as I could, fearing that my father somehow followed me. As soon as I got to Christian's door I knocked as hard as I could, then fell back down. I curled into a ball and cried until someone answered their door.

"He- Oh my god Victoria! MOM! DAD! CHRISTIAN! HELP!" I heard Christian's older brother scream. Soon enough I heard the footsteps of people running towards the doorway.

"Help." I weakly choked out, extending my hand out before I passed out.
*~*~*~*~*
By the time I woke yet again I was laying on a couch that smelled like Christian's house. I heard someone whispering my name but kept my eyes closed and just breathed in the scent. It smelled like one of those apple and cinnamon candles.

"Oh, Victoria, please wake up. Please, please, please wake up." I heard Christian plead and I slowly opened my eyes. I suddenly remembered what had happened when I woke up at my house and I sat up quickly, surveying my outfit. My shirt was intact, my pants were there, I felt the pressure of a bra.. I was okay.

"Shh, take it easy." Christian said, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"NO!" I screamed, jumping away from his touch. "Do- don't touch me."

"Vicky, what happened?" His face held such sadness. "Victoria what did he do to you?" He begged in a low voice.

"He.. He.. Oh my god, Christian. I.. I can't go back. Please don't make me." I said, tears streaming down my face.