Meet Me by the River's Edge

" When everything is wrong I'll come talk to you
You make things alright when I'm feeling blue.
I'm here right beside you
I will never leave you
and I feel the pain you feel when you start crying
You are my best friend
and I love you, and I love you
Yes I do "

" "Jenna kissed me and it was just like you feared, for a second my feelings came back and kissed her back… Then I realized what I did and I pushed her away" he said and teared up again. He moved closer to her and now he noticed how much weight she had lost.
"Dear lord, how much weight have you lost?" he gasped and took her hands. Her wrists was so thin. The whole her was thin.
"15 pounds" she whispered.
"what?" he gasped.
"I can’t do this Alex" she cried.
"Please don’t say so" he said.
"I can’t do this" she said again and trembled. "

" WHAT ? ... WHAT ? This is where you stop it ... are you kidding me ? "

I was currently sitting in front of my computer screen yelling at the object out of frustration.

Why did I do that ?

Because I made the fatal mistake to read a fanfiction.

How did I end up here ?

Well, it started when Jack had left for tour, I wanted to keep tabs on him ... and also I was nosey and for the first time since we met I googled him and tried to find out more. Eventually I ended up on tumblr ... which then somehow lead me to start reading fanfiction ... you know for shits and giggles.

How was I supposed to know I would get so emotionally invested in these stories ?

The ringing of my phone got me out of my daydream.

I checked the ID and immediately answered as I saw the name ' Jack Barakat ' flash up.

" Jenna is a absolute bitch, I always knew it "

" Uh ... who's Jenna ? " Jack asked, clearly confused.

" She's a character from a story "

" Oh which story ? "

Okay awkward ... how do you tell your ... the guy you might someday potentially end up in a relationship with, that you're reading fanfiction ... about his best friend.

" Uh ... it's called Touched & Attracted, it's by uh ... an independent author. Very talented young woman. She's got a bright future coming for her, seriously she writes like a pro "

Jack was quite for a moment before he chuckled.

" It's fanfiction isn't it ? "

Damn!

" How did you know ? "

" Independent author Billie ? I'm not THAT stupid " he chuckled again and every time I heard him my heart made a little jump.

Since he left things were going good, no pictures of him with barely dressed girls, no blackout parties, and calls from him nearly every day. But I was still hurt and hesitant to let all my walls down completely.

" Yeah .. alright you got me there Sherlock "

" Well, stop it that shit is weird " he told me.

Stop ? How could he say that ? Max and Alex were basically my life now. I didn't really see it as being Max and OUR Alex, just some guy that looked like him and had the same name but I tried not to imagine sex scenes. I mean he was a friend after all and ... my best friends somewhat boyfriend.

" I may or may not be 67 chapters in already " I admitted sheepishly.

Now Jack's chuckle was a full on laugh. " Ah no Anabelle, Whyyyy ? "

" You don't understand Jack. Those characters ... they became my friends. You can't just leave your friends when times get hard or people around you start to doubt you. Friends don't do that "

As expected that didn't stop his laughter.

" Oh Shortie, I think you fell into a deep dark hole there. What's it about ? " He said after he had caught his breath.

" Haha .... it's about Alex and a girl called Max "

I heard Jack loudly gasping on the other end of the line.

" It's about Alex ? Not me ? I'm wounded. That was a low punch right in the ego "

" I'm sorry Jack. But you know ... reading sex scenes about you would get me too hot and bothered " I joked, knowing exactly what that would do to him.

" Hah yeah sure ... oh talking about Alex, when was the last time you've been talking to Clover ? Alex is trying to reach her since this morning but she wont answer. He's flipping shit over here "

Hmm...weird. When was the last time I had talked to her ? Probably yesterday at lunch when she brought me a coffee. She did seem weird then, I have to admit. Really distant and ...uncomfortable.

But ever since I knew Clover, I learned not to push her to tell me something, she would eventually come along.

" Yesterday at lunch ... You know what, I'm free now so I'm just going to pay her a visit before I head to work "

I heard shuffling in the background before Jack started talking again.

" Alright sounds good. Look shortcake, I have to go to sound check but I'll call you tonight after the show is that okay ? "

" That is fine Jacky Bee "

" ... alright, well then talk to you later "

" Yup yup, have fun and good luck "

" Thanks .. oh and ... I'm glad to have you back Billie "

" ... yea, we'll see about that " I wouldn't cave that easy ... right ?

" As a friend I mean, as ... MY Anabelle, My shortie "

" Go rock the stage Jacky " I told him before we said our final goodbyes and I got dressed and ready to head over to Clover's apartment that was conveniently located in the same building.

Of course no without bookmarking the fanfiction on my laptop and sending the author a nice message because HOT DAMN this girl had me sitting on hot coals with her fucking cliffhangers.



I knocked on Clover's door once ... twice ... three times; nothing happened.

So being the best friend I am, of course I was worried. Never before had Clover shut me out without answering my calls and not opening the door.

I took the spare key she gave me once and slowly entered her apartment.

It was an organized chaos, as always, but I couldn't hear Clover anywhere.

" Clove ? " I called out, hoping to get an answer.

From her bedroom I could hear shuffling.

" Clover ? " I repeated myself.

A mumbled 'here' came from her room and I quickly made my way towards her.

As I entered the room I felt like someone had punched me in the guts.

Clover was sitting on her bed surrounded by tissues. Makeup stained her face and tears were pouring out her eyes and running down her cheeks.

I hurried over towards her sobbing frame and pulled her closer to me, softly stroking her hair.

" Clove what's wrong baby ? Did something happen ? "

She meekly nodded into my neck.

" Yeah " her voice was timid and raspy from all the crying.

" Oh sweets do you want to talk about it ? You know I'm here Clove, I'm always here " I reassured her and softly combed my fingers through her bright red curls.

Clover sniffed but her sobs died down a little.

" I ... I messed up so bad Billie. I messed up. Alex is gonna hate me. He'll leave me Billie "

The first thought that came to my mind was "Fuck she cheated on him" but this was Clover. Clover wasn't one to cheat. She believed in fairy tales and happy endings and love at first sight and that whole soulmate shit. Clove wouldn't cheat.

" Clove he wont, you mean a lot to Alex. What is going on ? " I could only help her if I knew what was wrong.

" Billie. I ... on Halloween we, it just happened and we didn't think and ... Billie I'm pregnant "

Woah okay THAT was unexpected. Clove and pregnant ?

That was definitely not part of her plan, not yet. Clover was still a kid inside spending her day singing along with Ariel and Cinderella and drawing doodles on her wall.

" Uff, Clover are you sure ? " I asked her.

She nodded and pointed towards her bathroom.

" I did 8 tests this morning and they're all positive and I just came home from the doctors to make sure. She confirmed it. I am almost 7 weeks pregnant "

I took a deep breath trying to wrap my head around the idea of Clover becoming a mother. Just a few moths ago we were spending our nights at parties getting shitfaces and our days sleeping off our hangovers and now ... now I was in a somewhat-kind of- maybe-relationship and Clover was about to become a mom. Wow.

" Wow Clove. "

" Alex will hate me "

Think Billie, come on be a good friend.

" Okay listen, don't cry. This is not the end of the world. Alex wont hate you. I wont promise you he'll be there for you, but Clove we both know Alex, he's a good guy and he likes you a whole lot. He'll stand up to his responsibilities I'm sure. And you have your loving family, Clove your parents adore you and they will help you out I know that for a fact. And you have me. I'm actually quite good with kids, surprisingly. I have a lot of love to give you know. So I will help you with everything and love the little munchkin so much. Clover we'll get through this " I said and hugged her tighter to my body.

We laid down and she held onto me like she was afraid to float away as soon as she would let go.

" I'm scared " she murmured.

" I know;

... You need to tell him "

" I know "



A few days later I was coming home from a long day at the office, I finally had the job. Definite this time. They were happy with my writing and I was excited to work in a job that would be fun.

But it was not all fun, it was also lots and lots of work with deadlines and copyright and all that stuff.

Today had been a rather stressful day, in addition It was also that time of the month which made me extra cranky. Amazing.

Jack had called earlier and I could whine to him a little which made me cheer up a bit but when my boss came around putting some more paperwork on my desk to read through and edit later on ... well that kinda made my mood drop again.

I flopped down on my bed with a bowl of cheese flavors Doritos and a glass of ice cold coke and zapped through the TV channels before I was interrupted by my phone beeping with an incoming text.

It was Clover and her message only said 'Awww' and a link.

Naturally I clicked it and was directed to YouTube.

It was a video of an All Time Low show ... the show tonight that was over for about an hour now.
Man the kids are quick these days.

I clicked play and leaned back listening to the boys play the ending chords of 'Stella'.

" Okay okay guys I need you to help me with something " Jack said into the mic. I was betting on his next words being " Come help me masturbate freehand " or something along those lines.
But no ...

" ... I have a friend at home who had a really shitty day. Hell a really shitty life so far. And whenever I see how sad this friend actually is and how broken and how done with everything, It breaks my heart. And I've done my fair share of hurt to that friend and I regret it so much. That friend is the strongest person I know but even the best fall down sometimes and I want to make that person smile .... can you guys help me. There's a song, it's pretty old but we'll project the lyrics to the wall. I want you all to sing along please, just to make her happy. I just want to make her smile. It's called Moon River ... oh and someone please film this and put it on YouTube "

The crowd cheered and moon river started playing softly in the background while Jack and Alex started to play and acoustic guitar version of moon river.

And as they started to sing the lyrics...all the kids joined in. The whole crowd was singing my song. OUR song.

I wish I would've been there.

Lighters were raised and cellphones. It was magical.

I could feel the tears rising in my eyes. " I just want to make her smile " those words were running through my head.

As the video ended I clicked to my message board and started writing away a message to Clover thanking her for the notice. I was spending a lot of time with her lately, considering the situation. She hadn't told Alex yet and every day I was telling her to do so, but she always chickened out so she left it for the next day...and the next ... and the next.

The guys would be home soon though and I hoped she would be able to talk to him face to face then.

I then opened a new text for Jack.

" Hey, saw a part of your show tonight. That was so amazing Jack I wish I would've been there. Thank you, you succeeded it made me smile ... REALLY BIG. Sending you lots of hugs.
xx Billie "

Just as I slipped under the sheets my phone signaled a new message ... from Jack.

" That's all I want to do, every single day. Sleep well Shortie, hope you dream of me ;)
xoxo Jack"

And with a smile on my face I fell into a deep content sleep .



" My boobs hurt "

" I know, you said that about 12 times now "

" But it's true. You have no idea how annoying it is "

" Well, the little human needs some milk when it's here so I guess that's what you have to deal with "

Clover and I were currently walking through the mall shopping for Christmas presents.

Baltimore was covered in a fine layer of snow, Christmas was just around the corner, the boys were coming home soon and Clover was a whining pregnant woman.

She complained about EVERY SINGLE THING. But I tried to be patient and go easy on her. I mean she had enough stress already.

Alex had asked her to spend the 26th with him and his family. She said yes, of course she did, but ever since her nerves went on overdrive. She still had to tell him about the baby.

As for Christmas, I was going to curl up and watch movies that would make me cry. Like every year. Clover was at her parents and then at Alex place so that left me with ... no one.

One year I went to a bar but that was even more depressing than spending time alone.

Jack told me he would come see me after Christmas because he hadn't seen his siblings for quite a while and wanted to spend as much time as possible with them, and I understood. I mean I wasn't his girlfriend after all and he could do however he pleased. It's not like I wasn't used to being alone on Christmas.

" Okay so I got Alex a book about space a nice shirt and ... well this little one here " Clover joked and pointed to her stomach. She insisted on the fact that she already had a tiny bump. That was bullshit she was still thin as always but I simply agreed to not cause another argument.

" Yeah then Alex is done. Your parents ? "

" Yup done "

" Brother and to be Sister-in-law ? "

" Done "

" ...Me ? "

" I wont tell you Billie " Clover chuckled and lightly pushed my arm.

" Meh, It was worth a try "

We decided to have a little break at the Chipotle located at the food area. Clove was huriedly digging into her steak salad while I munched away on my burrito.

" What are you gonna get Jack for Christmas ? " she asked while stuffing her face further.

" I already ordered a Raven's blanket thingy. Looks awesome and really cozy and cute. And I have something else being customized at Guitar Center where we're going to head next "

" Oooh you got something customize. Didn't you want to keep it on the low level ? With Jack I mean ? Babysteps and all "

I was taking baby steps. I was. Right ?

" I am taking babysteps. Really trust me Clover. I know what I'm doing "

She only shrugged her shoulders and went back to eating.

After lunch we headed to Guitar Center where I picked up Jack's custom made Jack Skellington Guitar Case. It looked awesome. He would love it.



"Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Let your heart be light
From now on your troubles will be out of sight, yeah"

Yeah right Christina Aguilera, not only is your version of this song fucking horrible, it's also bullshit. I can still see all my troubles crystal clear.

"Here we are as in olden days
Happy golden days of yore, ah
Faithful friends who are dear to us
They gather near to us once more, ooh
Through the years we all will be together"

Together yeah sure. Pff I haven't spent Christmas with anyone else since Mattie.

Mattie. Christmas with Mattie was great. We always went over to Nolan's place and had dinner with them on Christmas eve and then we would go home and both sleep in Mattie's big bed Christmas morning we would get the presents (we had made for each other) and take them to the river's edge and sit there and later go to the little cinema where they showed Christmas movies for 1$ on Christmas day. I love it so much.

That's when I made a decision, I was gonna see my sister tonight.



It was a freezing cold Christmas eve and although I was dressed in a big cozy sweater and my coat and warm boots, I still felt the cold wind seeping through my clothes.

As I reached Mattie's grave I brushed the snow off the headstone and sat down. I quickly sent Clover a Merry Christmas text telling her were I was, just in case I might freeze tonight.

" God sis, you have no idea how much I miss you. Mattie I miss you so much "

I started to talk to her, started to tell her about my life, about Jack and basically everything that has been going on with me. And of course eventually that left me sobbing.

Crying and cold on the cemetery ground. What a great Christmas.

Just as I wanted to get up, I felt warm strong arms being wrapped around me. Which left me scared shitless for a second, before I was engulfed by the familiar scent of cologne that stuck to my favorite Skunk haired boy.

And sure enough, as I turned around I was met by those two dark eyes I'm falling so deeply in love with, over and over again.