Meet Me by the River's Edge

" Do you picture me, what do you see?
Maybe a future full of unwritten things
We hope to write from what's been done
Look for a future no one else has sung "

If there was one place I really didn't want to be, It was a high school party filled to the brim with hormonal teenage boys.

Even worse, drunk hormonal teenage boys.

They were obnoxious, loud and either cared too much or too little about their personal hygiene. I mean seriously there's IS such a things as too much axe body spray.

But yet, that was the place I found myself at, trying to locate my newfound brother, in this crowd that was a complete train wreck. People were either clinging to each other or a red solo cup ... or both. Now don't get me wrong, I loved parties, there was just something about High school parties that made me cringe.

Maybe I never really got into them because I didn't have this experience when I went to highschool, maybe I was just too old to enjoy this already. I didn't know, all I knew was that I wanted to find Cooper as quick as possible and get his ass, and mine out of here.

" You have any idea where he is ? " Jack asked me, his lips level with my ear so I could hear him over the obnoxiously loud music.

" No clue. You wanna look down here and I'll go looking upstairs ? "

Jack nodded and placed a quick kiss on my head. " Don't let any horny guy get too handsy with you alright ? "

" Please ... I'm so sexually attracted to pubescent boys I can hardly contain myself "

" Yeah okay Miss Smarty Pants let's just look for your bro and get out of here "

With that we parted ways and Jack went in direction of the makeshift dancefloor, while I walked a slalom around the countless couples making out in front and on the stairs. Uncomfortable.

This house wasn't huge, it wasn't small either though. The upper floor had enough rooms for me to let out a deep sigh at the thought that I would have to look through all of them and probably encounter more than one teenage couple engaged in quite some intimate situations. Oh joy.

But that's the things you do for your sibling right ? And though it still sounded weird to me because we only met each other that day, Cooper WAS my brother there was no denying it. I couldn't just ignore that fact only because his mother made some poor decisions (mainly in which man she chose to get impregnated by) and because of what a dick his dad was, to the both of us. No, all of that wasn't Cooper's fault and I wouldn't blame him. I would be the best older sister I could be, I would be Cooper's Mattie. Oh how I wish they could've met.

The first two rooms were both locked and as I walked into the third one, I was greeted by just what I had expected. A couple making out, both only in their underwear. Beautiful, exactly what I wanted to see.

I quickly turned around and walked through the next door. Everything was dark but the corner of the room.

I saw Cooper cowered against the wall with one arm slung around his knees and the other fidgeting with his cell phone, the only source of light in the room.

" Coop ? " I tried to keep my voice steady and calm, comforting even. Though despite how collected I seemed, I was a bit worried.

His head snapped up and he looked at me with eyes wide as saucers, I can only guess that's also what his pupils look like.

" Billie "

" Hey kiddo, you ok ? "

He shakes his head quickly from side to side and his mouth forms a frown.

" Nu-uh. I feel like the floor is all squiggly and ... like a bouncy castle. "

" Okay come here buddy. We're getting you out of here and somewhere safe. Everything is fine, the drugs are just playing tricks on you kiddo. It'll wear of, trust me. "

Cooper looked up at me with his mouth opened in shock.

" How do you know ? "

" Oh trust me ... I do. " and I wished I didn't. But everyone does shit they regret sometimes .... right ?!

Somehow I was able to maneuver a dizzy Cooper down the stairs and lean him against the wall while I was desperately scanning the room for my boyfriend. Who was nowhere to be found.

" Jesus, Jack where are ... oh you've gotta be kidding me "

But no, no one was kidding me. My eyes weren't playing tricks on me. There stood my idiot of a boyfriend, beer in hand talking to the teen boys who were hardly allowed to drink yet.

I have to admit, I was a bit pissed.

I know who wouldn't be having sex for a while.

" Come on Coop, we need to take a short detour on our way out " I told my ... brother (still feels weird to call him that) and pulled him towards the kitchen counter where Jack was listening to some bloke, an amused smile playing on his face.

" Jack ... are you shitting me right now ? " He turned around and I could see a flicker of fear in his eyes as he caught sight of me, his enraged girlfriend. Good, fear was appropriate right now.

" Uh ... Billie uh ... oh you found Cooper "

" Yeah I found him while YOU started drinking with teen boys "

That's when Blondie McDouchebag opened his mouth.

" Hey hey, Sweetie. Come on, calm down. ... oh you're little Coop's sister. Damn. "

Shut up, little boy.

" Ok listen Blondie, wipe that smirk of your face first of all. Second of all, never call me sweetie again, and then I will not 'calm down' ... I will take my brother and boyfriend and get the fuck out of here and YOU can thank your lucky stars if I decide not to call the police and tell them that most of these people drinking here are underage, oh and there's illegal drugs going around. Understood, sweetie ?! "

He didn't stop or wipe the smirk of his face. No he kept going.

" First of all, this is my house and little Coop chose to come here and take the stuff. That is not my fault or problem. Second of all, you're a bitch and I can call you whichever name I prefer to call you ... "

" Woah Aaron dude, that's my girlfriend you better watch your words " Woohoo boyfriend of the year award goes to Jack. Or maybe not because he's the main reason I got into a conversation with this Aaron dude in the first place.

" Geez dude, grow a pair. But honestly, it was quite funny to see little Coop getting all paranoid and crying for his sister. I'm a bit surprised he wasn't crying for his mom ... but then again she's probably busy spreading her legs for all the seniors in his school ... I heard she blew Scott Fraser last week. He's a senior in high school what is wrong with her, huh Coop ?"

I could see that Cooper only understood half of what this Aaron brat had told him but the part he did understand, didn't sit too well with him. He started to bite his lip in frustration, trying to keep himself from doing something stupid in his drug induced haze.

And just like that I knew what I had to do, being a good older sister and all.

You have to know that I didn't get into fist fights often but I knew how to punch to make it count. See Trish, for example.

So that is what I did.

I pulled my fist back and smashed it right into Blondie's pretty baby face.

What's the quote from Fight Club ?

" I felt like destroying something beautiful " ... now granted, Blondie wasn't a bleach haired Jared Leto but he was pretty attractive for high school baby face standards.

It was the third person I had punched in the last few months, and they all had so desperately deserved it. Trust me, I usually wasn't a violent person at all.

Blood was dripping from the guy's nose and some girl hurried over with paper towels and started to nurse him while letting out some rather irritating squeals.

" You absolute bitch " she hissed at me. Like I cared.

" Hey Blondie you better stay the fuck away from Cooper or next time I'll hit a bit lower and then we'll see about that million dollar smile your daddy paid to get bleached. "

Everyone was quite. Except for squeaky chick who ... well squeaked and squealed.

I looked at Jack and it only took a second and a raise of my eyebrow for him to get into motion and we were on our way out of the house in less than a minute.

" Shortie, I'm sorry " Jack was reduced to sounding like a puppy who knew exactly he had done something wrong.

Despite being angry at his actions, I knew holding a grudge or giving him the silence treatment would just cause even more unnecessary drama and I really had enough of that for a while.

" I know. Let's just go "

In silence we walked towards our car and as I managed to get Cooper settle in the backseat, he looked at me with eyes full of wonder and a huge smile.

" Did you just punch Aaron ? "

" Hahaha, I most certainly did. "

" Thanks Billie, that's .... badass-ish "

" Thanks kiddo, you're badass-ish too " and with a laugh I closed the door and went to drive us lot back home.



Cooper took quite a while to fall asleep. Poor thing. He wasn't a bad person, I hardly doubt he was used to drinking. I guess he was just really confused and angry with all the shit going on in his life at the moment.

After I had tugged him into bed and was sure he was fast asleep, I had a good look at him. I mostly saw our dad in him. He was present in every inch of Cooper's face. His nose, his eyes, his lips, hell even the little mark above the eyebrow, it was all out father.

But there was something else I saw in him, and it wasn't so much his looks but more his personality and how he dealt with things. I saw me.

I saw pre-Jack, lost and hopeless, cynical, self destructive and confused Billie Harvey. And it scared me, because this was me shortly after Mattie passed away. I didn't want Cooper to get worse, start the sleeping around and the hard stuff. It wasn't worth it. I'd make sure he'd stay safe. It was my duty as an older sister to keep an eye on him.

" Hey Shortie ? " I heard Jack call my name from the living room. He was sat on the couch, the same sad puppy look on his face he's been sporting ever since we left.

" Hmm ? "

" Come here for a second " he beckoned me over and I followed his request, sitting down sideways on his lap and linking my fingers behind his neck.

" Yes, Jack ? "

" Look, I'm really sorry for earlier. I was looking around for Cooper and asked this guy and he said he knew where Coop was and then he started talking to me and I didn't even notice what was happening. I'm sorry for being such a useless boyfriend. I should've been the one punching him as well, not watching my girlfriend do it. I'm just really new to this relationship thing and I'll fuck up once in a while but I hope you can forgive me. I'll try to be better, I promise. "

What a dork. Seeing he was honestly sorry over what happened and hearing that he acknowledged his wrong doings and was willing to change his behavior, was making me feel all warm on the inside.

" It's ok. No more freaking out over little things, we said that didn't we ? It's fine, no hard feelings. And it was actually quite fun seeing pretty boy's face after he got hit, by a girl "

" Pretty badass girl that is "

" I know right ? Gosh, I'm such a kickass chick. They should give me my own reality show. "

" What would that be about ? You punching high school douchebags in the face ? " Jack laughed and buried his face in my hair before placing a few soft kisses to my neck.

" MTV's - The True Fight club "

" I'd watch it "

After having another laugh over it, we looked at each other with pleasant smiles on our faces.

" I love you Anabelle "

" I know "

" Oh my god are you serious ? I was being romantic and you're ruining the mood with a star wars quote. You absolute fucking nerd, oh my god. "

" You know what, Jack ? You like me because I'm a scoundrel. There aren't enough scoundrels in your life. "

" Just shut up, nerd "

And with that we made our way to the bedroom to fall asleep after quite the eventful night.



It was the next morning that I found myself sitting at the kitchen isle next to a cranky Cooper while Jack was out getting breakfast for us.

" You okay kid ? "

" Could you please stop calling me that ? I'm not THAT much younger than you, Billie. "

" It's cute though, I'm gonna stick with it. "

" Ugh, I was expecting you would. "

I ruffled his hair before getting up and turning on the coffee machine. There's nothing better than a strong black coffee to start the day.

" You want some coffee, ... kid ? "

Cooper looked up, hair messy and eyes still laced with sleep and exhaustion from last night.

" Nah thanks. Uh ... hey Billie, thanks for ... you know, everything you did last night. For coming to get me, taking care of me ... and punching Aaron. "

" Hey, we're siblings now, we have to stick up for each other. "

A genuine smile spread on Cooper's lips and for a moment my heart stopped. Every time I looked at him, I only ever saw our dad in his features but apparently I hadn't watched close enough. Because I knew this smile, I had seen it so many times when I was younger. This wasn't only my dad's smile, it was also Mattie's.

" I know you don't like my mom very much so ... it means a lot that you stood up for her and defended her honor, or what is left of it, when I was too fucked up to do it. "

" This wasn't about your mom Coop, this was about me having your back. Because we're family now. I try to be the older sister to you that Mattie was to me. I'll never be as awesome but I can try. "

Cooper looked at me like he was contemplating whether or not to say something.

" What's it, spit it out ? "

" Uh, well ... would you tell me a bit about Mattie ? She was my sister too after all, I'd love to hear about her. "

This was nice. Cooper was such a lovely boy and I wished I could give him all the good and nice things in life and keep him from the bad.

" Sure. You would've loved her. You have the same smile by the way. She was fierce and selfless and she made a mad chocolate cake, like oh my god it was so good. Mattie was the most fun person ever and she always knew how to make people smile. She was just one of those radiant personalities that just make you happy for no apparent reason. You would've loved her, and she would've loved you ... unconditionally. "

" She sounds amazing. "

" She was, she really was. "

" Hey Billie uh, I feel so weird asking this and it's okay if you say no but uh ... would it be okay for me to stay with you for a few days ? I had a fight with my mom and I know I could go to my grandma but ... I don't really like it there either so ... would that be okay with you and Jack ? I mean I understand if it's not ... "

I quickly placed my hand above his mouth to keep him from rambling further.

" Yes. No questions asked. You can stay here for as long as you want. ... I mean technically this is Jack's place so we should ask him but ... you know that's all just little details. "

" Thanks Billie that means a lot "

" No problem. Mi Casa es su casa "

" Yeah alright I dropped out of Spanish class last year. "

As the two of us had a laugh about Cooper's comment, the door opened and Jack walked in, arms packed with grocery bags while his phone was held between his head and his shoulder.

" Alright. ... Yes I'll let her know. ... We'll be there, thank you very much. See you then. Have a nice day goodbye. " he said and placed the bags on the table and ended the call.

" Who was that ? " I asked curiously, while snooping through the bags for some food. I succeeded, finding a box of donuts that I quickly opened and handed over to Cooper who looked at me with hunger filled eyes. Teenage boys have a ridiculous metabolism.

" That was the attorney ... they want us to come to the office. It's about Georgie ".

My heart dropped to my stomach. This was it ! This was either me becoming a foster mother, or losing our case.

" Billie ? " Jack tried to get my attention.

" Yeah ? "

" We'll be fine. No matter what happens, we'll be fine. "

I knew he meant well, and I really wanted to believe in his words but I knew deep down in my guts, that should we not get Georgie to live with us, it would crush me.



My legs were twitching as I found myself sitting at the attorney's office later that day.
One of my clammy hands tightly held onto Jack's while the other nervously twirled my ring around my finger.

This was horrible. I hated waiting. Waiting and not being able to do something about the situation was completely and utterly against my nature.

I can only imagine how much of a pain in the ass I was right now but Jack never showed anything but love and support for me. I'd have to remember to show him just how grateful I was to have him here with me.

After what felt like an eternity, the door swung open and the attorney walked in. I couldn't read her face. She didn't show any emotion that could've given away how the social services had decided.

As she greeted us she granted us both a warm smile but that didn't help to calm my nerves, not in the slightest. People always smile warmly before they tell you bad news.

" So, a decision has been made. " she said as she sat down at her desk.

A decision has been made ? Where are we ? America's next topmodel ?

" That's why we're here, isn't it ? " I know, I know. Turn down the sass Billie, this is important.

" Yes. Anabelle, I really wish I could bring you some good news but unfortunately you probably wont see them as any good. "

Ok, this was it. No Georgie.

My grip on Jack's hand tightened and I could feel him squeeze back in reassurance.

" So we wont get Georgie to live with us ? " Jack asked, knowing I wasn't able to form any words.

" No. I tried my best but social services don't see you as capable when it comes to raising a young girl. "

" Not capable ? I am 21 almost 22, not 12. I've managed worse things than a moody child. I know Georgie better than anyone else. Georgie isn't meant to live in Chicago or anywhere else for that matter. She's supposed to live here, in Baltimore, where she was born and where her mother was. "

The attorney nodded her head with a sympathetic smile on her lips.

" That's what I said. And they understand and agree. That's why they found a foster family for her who lives here in Baltimore. Which means you could see Georgie as often as you like. I've met the family and they are incredibly sweet. They have a little boy already and he is nothing but happy and joyful. Anabelle, trust me I wouldn't let Georgie live somewhere that wasn't a safe environment for her. We also see it as a very important factor that you get to see her regularly, being as you're the closest thing to a family that she has. Anabelle, she will be part of a loving household, I promise you "

Not as loving as if she'd live with me. I knew I should've been grateful, happy even that they managed to get her out of Chicago and back home to Baltimore, but happy was the last emotion I felt in that moment.

" Anabelle ? "

" Huh ? "

" I really am sorry but I need you to trust me on this. Georgie will have a good and happy and safe life from now on. I guarantee that. "

I was only capable of giving her a short nod. I knew it wasn't her fault and I really was thankful for all the work and initiative she had put into this case but in the end, the result was not what I had wished for and no amount of sympathetic words could mend that wound.

" I will of course keep you up to date and we will arrange a meeting with the Willsons as soon as possible. I am sorry Anabelle. "

" You did all you could, thank you. " It wasn't me that said those words, it should've but it wasn't. It was Jack. He stepped in as my tongue, my conscious, my good manners because I was too much of a wreck in that moment.

I don't remember walking out of the building or getting into the car. It was all a blur of sounds and pictures and moment that later on in life would hold no significance.

They didn't see me capable of raising a child. I knew there was a big possibility of that happening, I should've been prepared for this outcome. So why did I feel so incredibly lost and broken right now?

Maybe it was because deep down in the furthest and most negative corner of my being, the one I tried so hard to mute, right there I knew that they were right. I was hardly capable of managing my own life, a kid is a whole different story.



I didn't notice where we were driving, hell I didn't even properly realize we WERE driving at all. It was all just a gray goo to me at the moment. It would pass, I was sure about that (I've been through worse), but it still sucked and It still made me feel sad and ... like a failure.

" Billie ? " I looked up and was met with Jack's worry filled eyes.

We had stopped.

I scooted up a bit to look outside properly but didn't see much. We stopped in some driveway, trees around us making it almost impossible for my dazed mind to register just what driveway we were parked in.

" Where are we ? " I asked, voice laced with confusion.

Jack took a deep breath. That's never a good sign is it ?

" Ok listen, I didn't want to do it like this ... or now. I wanted to have more time to make it special, make it perfect and not overwhelm you with it. But I guess today you need something positive to happen and ... I sincerely hope you will like this. "

Oh my god, was he going to propose ? I think I might throw up.

" That ... that didn't answer my question. "

" Uh ... well, let's get out and you'll see. "

He hurried out of the car and quickly came around to my side opening the door for me and holding out his hand. Cute things like that told me I made the right choice when I decided to take a chance with Jack.

We walked up the driveway until we reached the house at the end, and I immediately knew where we were, but why we were here was still a mystery to me.

" This is Rose's old house ... why are we here ? "

" Well ... it WAS her house, now It's mine. "

I was dumbstruck. Why in the world would he buy a house?

" What ? Why ? "

" Look, I'm gonna tell you this but you have to promise me you wont get mad. I mean no harm or offense. I love you. Okay ? "

What was going on ? I was so confused.

" Yeah ... okay. "

Jack scrunched up his face as if he was reconsidering his words one last time before he let them leave his lips.

" Okay so when I heard about the whole Georgie thing, I knew that you had your mind set on it. It was your one true goal and the thing you wanted with all your heart. BUT I knew that there was quite a big chance that it wouldn't work like you had planned it and I knew it would crush you. Now I know this is about Georgie having a good life and you loving her and all and trust me I would've loved to have her live with us. I fully trust our attorney and I think the parents will be lovely and if not we can always try again. But maybe we really aren't fully ready for a child. Maybe they'll do a better job then we would do. ...And I think this all might be a bit more about you then her. Because despite everything you still feel a bit incomplete and with Georgie you'd have something to take care of and something to keep you busy."

" Jack what the ... "

" Ah, I'm not finished. It's okay Billie. It's okay that you feel like that I know it was all with the best intentions for Georgie. Now I thought about something else that you'd really want and ... and I remembered your dream. About writing a book and all."

" I can't do that, I have a job that takes time. I need to work to pay rent and shit "

" See, that's the thing. You insist on paying rent even when you live with me ... this house is already bought. No rent. You love it here, there's water and nature and happy memories here if this isn't a place to get your creative juices flowing I don't know what is. Take a year, sit down and write. Work towards your actual goal. Do something for you, something selfish but not destructive. ... and your favorite place is close. "

" The River's Edge "

" Yeah. I actually wanted to work on the house a bit more before I'd show it to you but ... that didn't work. "

And suddenly I knew why he had bought the house and it was so simple, and it was so clear.

Because he loved me. He did it because he loved me.

What a peculiar feeling, to be 100% genuinely and deeply loved by another person.

" Okay. "

" Huh ? "

" Okay, yes let's do it. Let's move here, let's work on the book, let's life ! "

Jack had me picked up and off the ground in a matter of seconds. If I didn't hate dirty dancing so much I would've made a 'lift scene' reference. (But let's be honest that movie is outdated and overrated and Baby is not a name.)

After kissing for what felt like hours, Jack put me back on my feet and looked at me with so much adoration in his eyes, I felt like I could move mountains.

" I have one more question ? "

" Yeah ? "

" Can we get a puppy ? "