Allie

Breathe, Alyssa had to remind herself; just breathe.
The sleek black Audi slowed as Meagen pulled into the venue's wide and mostly empty parking lot.
She had decided. It was possibly the hardest, most heartbreaking decision she'd ever had to make- barring when she'd left England. Never look back, she'd told herself as she arrived at Heathrow.
That's what she had to tell herself now, she thought.
Never look back. She'd spent the past 18 months looking back, and now it was time for her to move forward. Alone.
She felt numb as she grabbed her purse from the seat beside her, and took hold of the handle.
She knew she had to remain focused, not get distracted. Hence her surprise as the door was yanked away from her hand, and she was roughly dragged out of the vehicle.
Alyssa let out a shriek of panic as she struggled to free herself from her capture, who she had yet to recognise. She struck at their nose with the palm of her hand, as the fight choreographer had taught her to do in such a situation. Of course, back then her assailant had been expecting the hit. Whoever had hold of her now hadn't such a warning. She felt the firm resistance of her attacker's nose against her hand and was propelled back towards the car.
"Jesus, Lyss! What the fuck?" Exclaimed a rough looking bearded man, tattooed with various explicit images, and one very distinctive phrase across his torso, which was crudely exposed with an unbuttoned flannel shirt.
"Oh my god! DIRTY!" Alyssa squealed, now for an entirely different reason, before launching herself at him for a spontaneous embrace.
"Yeah, yeah Lyssa it's me-" He said, slowly removing her from him. Alyssa looked up at him in confusion, and the wounded look in her eyes almost killed him inside.
"I gotta get some ice for this, we'll uh talk later..." he trailed off, slowly shaking his head as he walked away.
"What was that all about?" She asked, as Meagen came up beside her.
"What do you think?" The model replied solemnly.
"Because I punched him? Oh come on! He's had far worse, and besides he had it coming!" Alyssa rolled her eyes, struggling to catch up with Meagen, who'd began to walk away toward the venue.
It was a grand, spacious place filled with wide corridors and a plethora of design features. They were halfway to the boy's dressing room and Alyssa could hear the warm up act on stage already.
"For someone so smart, you're really god damned stupid" Meagen snapped suddenly, turning on her friend. "You think Pete and Patrick were the only ones that you hurt when you- You and Dirty were close- do you really think hearing that you tried to off yourself didn't affect him? It affected everyone. I mean, you didn't even call. No one had heard from you- hell, they probably thought you tried again and succeeded. You're so blind sometimes!" Meagen yelled and turned a corner, leaving a shocked and hurt Alyssa alone in the corridor.

By the time she found her way to the dressing room the boys were already on stage performing 'The Phoenix' as the first number. A crew member showed her backstage where Meagen was waiting, an apologetic smile on her face.
"I'm sorry, I had no right to say that to you!" Meagen yelled, struggling to be heard over the music.
Alyssa smiled and mouthed "that's okay" and grabbed a bottle of water off of the drinks table.
She returned and the two danced and sung along as if they were in the crowd with the rest of the fans.
Seeing Patrick was difficult for Alyssa, as much as she was enjoying the show. She knew that eventually they'd have to talk and Alyssa would undoubtedly have to share her decision with him- that was the worst part. She knew it would be more painful than anything she'd gone through before, and she hated the anticipation.
The set was almost over, and Alyssa was about to go and call Jen for moral support when something strange happened.
"Guys this show has been just amazing!" She heard Patrick's voice from the speakers, followed by the roar of the crowd. Alyssa looked up and moved closer to the stage in confusion- Patrick never introduced songs, that was always done by Pete.
"So, this is a song that I wrote for my solo stuff, but it was meant for fall out boy-" Patrick laughed, shrugging at Pete.
"And yeah, this goes out to a friend of mine, that I uh- I was-"
"An utter asshole to?" Pete cut in, and the crowd laughed along with him. Patrick didn't seem bothered.
"Well yeah! Um so I saw her a few weeks ago- for the first time in two years actually. So this goes out to her-" Pete said something in his ear, and for the first time that night Patrick looked uneasy.
Pete took over the mic while Patrick gained composure, gulping down a bottle of water in one.
"She's here tonight actually- you guys might recognise her. She is one of our best friends and I think, if we can persuade her, she might actually join us on stage..."
Alyssa felt a shove from Meagen, and soon enough was being tugged on stage by Joe. She and Patrick shared a panicked glance for a second until her false confidence mechanism set in.
She smiled and waved at the crowd, and made her way over to Pete.
"So this is miss missing you" Patrick finished, and the lights dimmed.
"Don't panic, no not yet- I know I'm the one you want to forget" Patrick briefly glanced over to her, and his face fell at the sight of tears in her eyes.
"Cue all the love to leave my heart, it's time for me to fall apart..." He strode over to her, microphone in one hand and his guitar hanging loosely from it's strap. He took her hand and pulled her towards the centre stage, still singing. Alyssa felt like she could hardly breathe, and she knew that were she to talk it would simply come out as a choked whimper.
"Now you're gone but i'll be okay
your hot whisky eyes will mend the pain" Alyssa smiled at him and wiped at her eyes as he sat her down on a block at the front of the stage, the crowd watching from behind her completely forgotten. Patrick looked back at her, both worry and affection in his cerulean eyes.
He stepped back behind the stand, placed the mic in it's hold and picked up his guitar once more, this time looking out to the crowd as they 'aw'ed and cheered.
"Maybe I'll burn a little brighter tonight, let the fire brearhe me back to life"
"Baby, you were my picket fence- I miss missing you now and then.
Chlorine kissed, summer skin. I miss missing you now and then..."
Patrick looked at Alyssa, raw emotion in his eyes as he sung the next line, and she thought she saw a glimpse of tears.
"Sometimes before it gets better, the darkness gets bigger. The person that you'd take a bullet for is behind the trigger....
oh we're fading fast- I miss missing you now and then"
Alyssa could barely meet his gaze, and she almost abandoned the stage right then and there, until she caught sight of Meagen backstage, smiling and cheering. Alyssa could have sworn she saw her friend mouth "I'm proud of you," but the harsh lights manipulated her perception, so she turned her attention back to Patrick.
He'd taken the mic off the stand again, as the song didn't require his guitar during the verses.
Instead of focusing on her this time, he turned his attention back to the audience, as if to downplay their 'fall out' and keep the crowd and the fans happy.
"Making eyes at this husk, around my heart. I'll see through you when we're sitting in the dark.
So give me your filth, make it rough- let me, let me trash your love" He returned to the mic stand for the bridge with unfathomable precision, as if he needn't skip a beat during the awkward transfer. This time he also looked into her eyes, as if the words he was singing were meant for her and her alone. However, this time he sung with a slight smile on his lips and it was evident that the two were happy to see each other alive and well. Although, happy was probably the wrong word. Less uncomfortable was probably a more adequate description, Alyssa thought wryly as her mood began to lighten.
"I will sing to you every day, if it will take away the pain.
Oh and I heard you got it got it so bad-" He leant away from the mic and gestured for the crowd to sing this part. He and Pete shared an elated laugh, and he sung the chorus again.
By this point, Alyssa was grinning and singing along to the music, and even got up to take a selfie with Pete.
'Back with the gang! Missed you losers ;) @petewentz @PatrickStump @trohman @hurleyxvx' She tweeted, after giving Pete a peck on the cheek- to which the crowd went crazy.
It was nearing the end of the song, and Pete nodded toward Patrick who was singing the last lines of the song. The beat had died down and there was nothing but a gentle melody, and Patrick had once again discarded his guitar and made his way toward her. It was a profoundly personal moment to be shared with an arena full of strangers, but she was too taken aback with the look in his eyes to notice.
"Baby you were my picket fence, I miss missing you now and then..."
Before she could process what had happened, the lights went out and she was being ushered off stage. She vaguely heard Pete say something about her to the crowd, to which they cheered, before then saying goodbye to them and telling them they'd be out by the buses after the show.
Once she was safely backstage, she managed to calm down. What was it she'd decided? Why? Did she have a logical reason to resent him, or was it all because she was scared?
Scared of what she'd just felt out on the stage, scared of losing that feeling.
"Hey..." She heard a breathless voice from behind her.
She turned and was met with none other than the person causing all her inner confusion.
"Hey," She replied, before being pulled into a hug. The contact didn't freak her out, as it would have done before. It was nice.
"Look, I've gotta go shower and meet the fans outside- but wait out back, okay? We have... stuff to talk about..."