The Diary of Mari Delrous: The Beginning of the Second
DECEMBER 2011
DECEMBER
DECEMBER 4TH 2011
NOOOOOOOOO
I diid such a stupid thing in the gamer world today! With all the pressure!
I switched WOW for AION!
Dad made me feel as if I had no choice when I was on the aion trial when Reiya showed it to me.
He has this grudge against blizzard right now so he wants to show them a message. And then it is what also sucks is that aion is just for windows so now he’s doing the whole windows for mac operation. NERDRAGE HAHA. Just kidding but you get the point.
Anyway so in class were doing a secret Santa thing. I got Jaylynn the new kid in the 7-8 class. She’s really awesome and we are good friends so yea! I don’t really know what to get her but I think I’ll figure something out. Although I kind of wanted Connor cause Id know exactly what to get him. But guess who actually did? ELISE!!!! Yet she had NOOO IDEA what to get him and even said she wanted anyone but him. A little harsh I think but ok! I don’t know why but Elise doesn’t seem to like him much.
Well okay maybe I do…
She says she thinks he’s bullying her. The other day she randomly cried out of nowhere because of him.
Honestly now I’m wondering what he did wrong.
And did she have to cry at the time I was extremely stressed and raged as it was?
I got “angry” That’s “ok” compared to raged. And so I ran up to Connor like:
“CONNOR YOU LITTLE BITCH!!” I said. Well Yelled. Then Drey (Jaylynns older brother) automatically after I said that started to laugh his head off. And then that made ME laugh. Thanks Drey XD.
Of course he didn’t know what he did either maybe Elise is losing it. Either way I felt so bad for that, I don’t enjoy yelling….usually. I’m sorry Connor. Its better though now I think he forgave me. Still though,
Could he at least stop calling me crazy and dumb all the time? I mean I don’t want to be dumb And if he is joking well I’m not laughing.
Sometimes I just wish I could kill this dumb blonde crazy side of me and be extremely normal.
No I don’t feel good being “myself” sadly. I just can’t stick to being one person and yet instead it’s like I’m actually a billion people in one body.
I know….it’s confusing isn’t it?
Everybody at school (well at least the girls) are actually starting to tick me off. Why are people killing me again?
They keep running up to me asking the same dammm question!
“MARI DO YOU LIKE CONNOR?!?!” They say with a crazy expression.
Well you know what I say?
“Maybe maybe not. Now shoo shoo!”
Okay maybe I don’t say shoo but I do say STFU in my head or better yet GTFO.
Plus even if I did like Connor, we all know how he would react to knowing I’d like him.
“Ew gross.”
Yeah that’s his reaction.
I’m not his type. He acts like it every day he says I’m gross and gives me faces all the time so yea, Never gonna happen….sadly…
OK ill be honestly sure yeah maybe I might have a few feelings for the guy.
But it’s not all good feelings. There’s actually this one feeling that’s trying sooo hard to snap me out of it and stop this crush on him. Because we all know how id end up heartbroken.
Not that my heart isn’t already broken.
Truly I don’t want to love at all. Why? Cause love is stupid. I don’t believe in love. Anymore at least.
I miss the dream…when I met Cavor….
DECEMBER 10 SATURDAY 2 AM
I Would have written earlier but I was too busy lying awake possessively sulking in my bed all day. Pathetic? Yes. So turns out who got me for the secret santa was Connor. He did pretty much the same thing as last year to Amelia *who moved away* except the difference is he didn’t get me any books or anything to remember him by, he just gave a giftcard. He wrapped it under a billion boxes so it took a while to open it I guess. What else he did was he took the time to switch my desk with his for whatever reason and yelled at me, “MERRY CHRISTMAS”.
HEH im kinda sad though cause I remember him saying to madame (our teacher) that he hated the person he had for the secret santa or something like that the day we got the cards. Funny how he hates me. Everybody here says they hate him and he’s mean so they avoid him and talk behind his back. They also try to make me not invite him to my parties though I invite him anyway. Sometimes I can tell he feels alone. So I’ll play tag with him at the breaks when nobody else will want to. I’ll try to talk to him so he’ll feel better, and sometimes he’ll actually be really nice and funny. …Yet he still hates me….
Oh god please get me out of here.
Malia’s been kind of irritating me lately. She called me hopeless, slapped water on my eyes, and acts like she knows what it’s like being in my shoes. Elise does that too but she never called me hopeless. At least with me present. I still love Malia though. And Elise. They’re my closest friends here honestly.
To also lower the mood, my mother called me a brat today because of my apparent “vocal tone”
Damn you world.
Funny part is mom doesn’t understand there’s much worse tones and words given to me and other parents. When she was ranting angrily on the way back from the schools sleepover I spaced out in the thought of suicide right there. If I could just be locked up in my own world away from here oh how happily I would be away from my mother away from loose town, away from everywhere and everyone….
Why all this? What a burden.
I betcha my parents are wondering where they went wrong again. At least that’s the question I ask the most often. I’m probably going to die in 2020 so what’s the point of sticking around to watch the humans fall even more. Even my dad nodded to such words. He probably knows I won’t survive and if he doesn’t know he has it coming to him.
I feel pain right now. My head hurts and I feel lower then the ground. Is there anybody who can help me back up?
You know what irritates me?
When people say I’m tired.
Whenever I’m sad, stressed, depressed, possessed, on the edge, you name it, and it actually shows there’s always someone who just says “OHHH ITS ALL GOOD MAYAS TIRED….”
NO I AM NOT FUCKING TIRED. IM UP TO HERE WITH THAT PHRASE!!!
I’m sad all I want is a little love from someone who could actually understand all of this. But nobody does you think you know me but you don’t unless you understand what I feel and go through. Why do I feel so much hate? I cry every night in bed.
I could really use an actual hugs that holds something.
God please stop me from falling….I’m so lost…
DECEMBER 4TH 2011
NOOOOOOOOO
I diid such a stupid thing in the gamer world today! With all the pressure!
I switched WOW for AION!
Dad made me feel as if I had no choice when I was on the aion trial when Reiya showed it to me.
He has this grudge against blizzard right now so he wants to show them a message. And then it is what also sucks is that aion is just for windows so now he’s doing the whole windows for mac operation. NERDRAGE HAHA. Just kidding but you get the point.
Anyway so in class were doing a secret Santa thing. I got Jaylynn the new kid in the 7-8 class. She’s really awesome and we are good friends so yea! I don’t really know what to get her but I think I’ll figure something out. Although I kind of wanted Connor cause Id know exactly what to get him. But guess who actually did? ELISE!!!! Yet she had NOOO IDEA what to get him and even said she wanted anyone but him. A little harsh I think but ok! I don’t know why but Elise doesn’t seem to like him much.
Well okay maybe I do…
She says she thinks he’s bullying her. The other day she randomly cried out of nowhere because of him.
Honestly now I’m wondering what he did wrong.
And did she have to cry at the time I was extremely stressed and raged as it was?
I got “angry” That’s “ok” compared to raged. And so I ran up to Connor like:
“CONNOR YOU LITTLE BITCH!!” I said. Well Yelled. Then Drey (Jaylynns older brother) automatically after I said that started to laugh his head off. And then that made ME laugh. Thanks Drey XD.
Of course he didn’t know what he did either maybe Elise is losing it. Either way I felt so bad for that, I don’t enjoy yelling….usually. I’m sorry Connor. Its better though now I think he forgave me. Still though,
Could he at least stop calling me crazy and dumb all the time? I mean I don’t want to be dumb And if he is joking well I’m not laughing.
Sometimes I just wish I could kill this dumb blonde crazy side of me and be extremely normal.
No I don’t feel good being “myself” sadly. I just can’t stick to being one person and yet instead it’s like I’m actually a billion people in one body.
I know….it’s confusing isn’t it?
Everybody at school (well at least the girls) are actually starting to tick me off. Why are people killing me again?
They keep running up to me asking the same dammm question!
“MARI DO YOU LIKE CONNOR?!?!” They say with a crazy expression.
Well you know what I say?
“Maybe maybe not. Now shoo shoo!”
Okay maybe I don’t say shoo but I do say STFU in my head or better yet GTFO.
Plus even if I did like Connor, we all know how he would react to knowing I’d like him.
“Ew gross.”
Yeah that’s his reaction.
I’m not his type. He acts like it every day he says I’m gross and gives me faces all the time so yea, Never gonna happen….sadly…
OK ill be honestly sure yeah maybe I might have a few feelings for the guy.
But it’s not all good feelings. There’s actually this one feeling that’s trying sooo hard to snap me out of it and stop this crush on him. Because we all know how id end up heartbroken.
Not that my heart isn’t already broken.
Truly I don’t want to love at all. Why? Cause love is stupid. I don’t believe in love. Anymore at least.
I miss the dream…when I met Cavor….
DECEMBER 10 SATURDAY 2 AM
I Would have written earlier but I was too busy lying awake possessively sulking in my bed all day. Pathetic? Yes. So turns out who got me for the secret santa was Connor. He did pretty much the same thing as last year to Amelia *who moved away* except the difference is he didn’t get me any books or anything to remember him by, he just gave a giftcard. He wrapped it under a billion boxes so it took a while to open it I guess. What else he did was he took the time to switch my desk with his for whatever reason and yelled at me, “MERRY CHRISTMAS”.
HEH im kinda sad though cause I remember him saying to madame (our teacher) that he hated the person he had for the secret santa or something like that the day we got the cards. Funny how he hates me. Everybody here says they hate him and he’s mean so they avoid him and talk behind his back. They also try to make me not invite him to my parties though I invite him anyway. Sometimes I can tell he feels alone. So I’ll play tag with him at the breaks when nobody else will want to. I’ll try to talk to him so he’ll feel better, and sometimes he’ll actually be really nice and funny. …Yet he still hates me….
Oh god please get me out of here.
Malia’s been kind of irritating me lately. She called me hopeless, slapped water on my eyes, and acts like she knows what it’s like being in my shoes. Elise does that too but she never called me hopeless. At least with me present. I still love Malia though. And Elise. They’re my closest friends here honestly.
To also lower the mood, my mother called me a brat today because of my apparent “vocal tone”
Damn you world.
Funny part is mom doesn’t understand there’s much worse tones and words given to me and other parents. When she was ranting angrily on the way back from the schools sleepover I spaced out in the thought of suicide right there. If I could just be locked up in my own world away from here oh how happily I would be away from my mother away from loose town, away from everywhere and everyone….
Why all this? What a burden.
I betcha my parents are wondering where they went wrong again. At least that’s the question I ask the most often. I’m probably going to die in 2020 so what’s the point of sticking around to watch the humans fall even more. Even my dad nodded to such words. He probably knows I won’t survive and if he doesn’t know he has it coming to him.
I feel pain right now. My head hurts and I feel lower then the ground. Is there anybody who can help me back up?
You know what irritates me?
When people say I’m tired.
Whenever I’m sad, stressed, depressed, possessed, on the edge, you name it, and it actually shows there’s always someone who just says “OHHH ITS ALL GOOD MAYAS TIRED….”
NO I AM NOT FUCKING TIRED. IM UP TO HERE WITH THAT PHRASE!!!
I’m sad all I want is a little love from someone who could actually understand all of this. But nobody does you think you know me but you don’t unless you understand what I feel and go through. Why do I feel so much hate? I cry every night in bed.
I could really use an actual hugs that holds something.
God please stop me from falling….I’m so lost…