Life Without the One I Love
The Motherland Is Meant To Be My Save Haven
“Daddy how much longer?” Kieta looked up at me from her plane seat next to me.
“Couple more hours, how about you sleep? It go faster,” I slipped my arm around her and pulled her closer to me.
“Ok,” she settled quietly tight against my side and closed her eyes.
Making the decision to go back to Russia while the lockout was on was hard, it was the reason Maria had been fighting that night of the accident. Russia while it was everything to me nothing good ever seemed to come of it. It wasn't much of a place to escape anymore, not when being in America had done so much good for me and my life and my family. Russia would always be where I was born, the place I was proud to be from and tell everyone 'yes I am Russian' but it wasn't the same, nothing would be the same without Maria. I knew with everything we had been through the guys were where home was now, Pittsburgh was my home. Some day Maria and I wanted to go back to Russia but now I don't know if that is what I want.
“Kieta sweetie, wake up.”
“No,” she grumbled and rubbed her face against my sleeve.
“Come on we here, see Grandma and Grandpa,” I reminded her but she wasn't going to budge, she was wiped out.
I sighed and scooped her up, juggling a four year old in one arm and both of our bags in the other, it wasn't an easy task.
As I walked out into the terminal I caught a glimpse of my parents standing together, arms around one another looking around for my return.
“Mama!” I called out and she perked up a smile covering her face as I caught her eye.
“Zhenya sweetheart, we've missed you,” she rushed over and wrapped her arms tightly around me squeezing my sleeping girl in with us.
“I've missed you too.”
“Talking on the phone isn't the same,” she cupped my face and pulled me down to her level to cover my face with kisses.
“Let him breath honey,” Papa appeared over her shoulder, a soft smile on his face.
“Never letting him out of my sight again,” she squeezed my cheeks.
“Grandpa?” Kieta mumbled as she stirred on my shoulder.
“Hello sweetheart,” he stepped forward and as reluctant as I was to let my daughter from my arms he took her.
“How are you feeling? How are your ribs?” my mother grabbed my free hand and latched on tightly.
“They are fine, just aches sometimes.”
“I love you Zhenya and I am just so glad you are here.”
I hadn't talked to my parents as much as I guess I probably should have, I was far too preoccupied. They would have been on the first plane to America had there not been any issues with getting visa's but they couldn't be there so seeing me now was the first they had since they heard about the accident. I couldn't begin to image what it would have been like being in their shoes, hearing about it and not knowing what was happening, even worse being on the other side of the world and not having anyway of getting there. They had it hard.
We got back to my parents house, my father still more than happy to be holding sleepy Kieta in his arms as we wandered through the front door.
“Denis we are home!” my mother called out and a few seconds later large footsteps came thumping down the hall.
“Zhenya,” a wave of relief washed over his features when he saw me, the same look my parents gave me, Gonch gave me and Sid. It wasn't the pity look I got from most people it was the 'thank god that you are ok' look.
“Hey,” I let myself get wrapped up in his arms tightly. I missed my brother, he was always there for me whenever I needed most, he might not have been on my side or been there when I wanted him to be but he was there when it was most important.
“How's everyone?” I asked referring to his family as he took our bags from me.
“They are good, Olga is going to bring the kids around later.”
“I am sure Kieta will love to see them.”
“How is she doing with all this?”
“She's ok, some days are good others aren't. Lately it has been a little harder but she's strong.”
“Daddy?” she tugged on the back of my jacket.
“Yeah sweetie,” I turned around and knelt down in front of her.
“I want to stay with you,” her sad eyes where enough that I couldn't deny her and scooped her up into my arms.
“Hello Kieta,” Denis reached out and stroked her cheek.
“Hi,” she didn't budge from where she was snuggling her face into my neck.
“How would you like it if Oleg and Alina came to play?”
“I don't want to play right now,” she wrapped her arms tightly around me.
“Not right now sweetie, tonight after dinner?” he squeezed her arm reassuringly.
“After dinner,” she agreed before screwing her eyes shut.
I knew this was going to be hard for my little girl and it was going to take a long time for her feelings to settle down but she was strong and we could do this together, just the two of us.
“Couple more hours, how about you sleep? It go faster,” I slipped my arm around her and pulled her closer to me.
“Ok,” she settled quietly tight against my side and closed her eyes.
Making the decision to go back to Russia while the lockout was on was hard, it was the reason Maria had been fighting that night of the accident. Russia while it was everything to me nothing good ever seemed to come of it. It wasn't much of a place to escape anymore, not when being in America had done so much good for me and my life and my family. Russia would always be where I was born, the place I was proud to be from and tell everyone 'yes I am Russian' but it wasn't the same, nothing would be the same without Maria. I knew with everything we had been through the guys were where home was now, Pittsburgh was my home. Some day Maria and I wanted to go back to Russia but now I don't know if that is what I want.
“Kieta sweetie, wake up.”
“No,” she grumbled and rubbed her face against my sleeve.
“Come on we here, see Grandma and Grandpa,” I reminded her but she wasn't going to budge, she was wiped out.
I sighed and scooped her up, juggling a four year old in one arm and both of our bags in the other, it wasn't an easy task.
As I walked out into the terminal I caught a glimpse of my parents standing together, arms around one another looking around for my return.
“Mama!” I called out and she perked up a smile covering her face as I caught her eye.
“Zhenya sweetheart, we've missed you,” she rushed over and wrapped her arms tightly around me squeezing my sleeping girl in with us.
“I've missed you too.”
“Talking on the phone isn't the same,” she cupped my face and pulled me down to her level to cover my face with kisses.
“Let him breath honey,” Papa appeared over her shoulder, a soft smile on his face.
“Never letting him out of my sight again,” she squeezed my cheeks.
“Grandpa?” Kieta mumbled as she stirred on my shoulder.
“Hello sweetheart,” he stepped forward and as reluctant as I was to let my daughter from my arms he took her.
“How are you feeling? How are your ribs?” my mother grabbed my free hand and latched on tightly.
“They are fine, just aches sometimes.”
“I love you Zhenya and I am just so glad you are here.”
I hadn't talked to my parents as much as I guess I probably should have, I was far too preoccupied. They would have been on the first plane to America had there not been any issues with getting visa's but they couldn't be there so seeing me now was the first they had since they heard about the accident. I couldn't begin to image what it would have been like being in their shoes, hearing about it and not knowing what was happening, even worse being on the other side of the world and not having anyway of getting there. They had it hard.
We got back to my parents house, my father still more than happy to be holding sleepy Kieta in his arms as we wandered through the front door.
“Denis we are home!” my mother called out and a few seconds later large footsteps came thumping down the hall.
“Zhenya,” a wave of relief washed over his features when he saw me, the same look my parents gave me, Gonch gave me and Sid. It wasn't the pity look I got from most people it was the 'thank god that you are ok' look.
“Hey,” I let myself get wrapped up in his arms tightly. I missed my brother, he was always there for me whenever I needed most, he might not have been on my side or been there when I wanted him to be but he was there when it was most important.
“How's everyone?” I asked referring to his family as he took our bags from me.
“They are good, Olga is going to bring the kids around later.”
“I am sure Kieta will love to see them.”
“How is she doing with all this?”
“She's ok, some days are good others aren't. Lately it has been a little harder but she's strong.”
“Daddy?” she tugged on the back of my jacket.
“Yeah sweetie,” I turned around and knelt down in front of her.
“I want to stay with you,” her sad eyes where enough that I couldn't deny her and scooped her up into my arms.
“Hello Kieta,” Denis reached out and stroked her cheek.
“Hi,” she didn't budge from where she was snuggling her face into my neck.
“How would you like it if Oleg and Alina came to play?”
“I don't want to play right now,” she wrapped her arms tightly around me.
“Not right now sweetie, tonight after dinner?” he squeezed her arm reassuringly.
“After dinner,” she agreed before screwing her eyes shut.
I knew this was going to be hard for my little girl and it was going to take a long time for her feelings to settle down but she was strong and we could do this together, just the two of us.