Life Without the One I Love

“Now Kieta,” I knelt down in front of my little girl who looked back up at me with the same puppy dog eyes that her mother had, “I need you be good for grandma and grandpa, ok?”
“No,” she wrapped her arms around me.
“What you mean no?” I frowned trying to pry her from me.
“I don't want you to go,” she began crying as I set her at arms length.
“It not for long.”
“You say same thing and mummy never came home,” she crapled her hands at my shirt and held on.
“Kieta,” I sighed and pulled her into my chest. She didn't want me to go because she was afraid I would leave her too. That was never going to happen though, I would never leave her, “Do you want to come with me than?”
“Yes,” she sniffled before looking at me with her little red tear stained eyes.
“Ok but you need be good,” I looked at her sternly, wiping the tears from her cheeks.
“I will,” she nodded frantically.

There was no doubt in my mind that she would be on her best behaviour. Kieta was always an angel for me and she would be far too excited to see an ice rink again and her Uncle Sergei to ever want to act up.

“Why you have my skates daddy?” she looked up at me curiously as I stashed her tiny skates into my gym bag.
“If you good, we go skating.”
“Where we going?” her eyes widened with happiness.
““I have meeting with old hockey team, but it not be long and we go skating after,” I explained.
“Are you going to play hockey here?”
“For a little bit, until hockey in America starts again.”
“Ok.”

I know Kieta didn't really understand the lockout and there not being hockey in America but there being hockey in Russia but she was the kind of child who just went along with whatever their parent's said so it wasn't too hard to deal with. She trusted me to do what was in her best interest which was why we were here in Russia in the first place and not in the states.

I hadn't seen Kieta this excited about anything for a long time. She was sitting up straight in her car seat in the back and smile on her face as she swung her feet happily.

“You ready?” I asked looking at her in the rear view mirror.
“Yes, ice skating daddy, come on.”
“Ok, ok,” I rolled my eyes at her before pulling out of the driveway of my parent's place.

I couldn't argue with her being happy, it was the first time since her mother had passed away that she actually smile, big and genuine and that made me happy. It made a big difference in my mood too. When my baby was upset, I was heartbroken and when she was smiling, I was happy.

Kieta quickly became shy as I pulled her from her car seat and set her on the ground. She wrapped her arms around my leg making it difficult to get my things out but with four years of experience with a kid hanging off me, I managed.

I gave her the task of holding my hockey stick which she took to like a duck to water and walked proudly next to me into the big blue building.

“Zhenya, it's good to see you,” my old coach smiled as we entered his office, “I just wish it could be under better circumstances.”
“So do I,” I shook his hand happily.

I to wished it could have been under better circumstances. I wished Maria was still here, I wished there was still hockey in America. It just seemed like everything was going downhill. But at least I still had my princess.

“And who is this?” he knelt down in front of Kieta who smiled back at him.
“My daughter Kieta,” I ran my hand through her hair.
“You know, you look so much like your mother.”
“Daddy tells me that all the time,” she smiled up at me.

There was a knock at the door and a familiar face stood staring back at us.

“Uncle Gonch,” Kieta beamed breaking from my grasp to run into his arms.
“Hello Princess Kieta,” he wrapped her up in his arms.

Kieta loved her Uncle Gonch. He had a special place in both our hearts and I just hope that he would be a constant with us.

“Daddy said he is taking me skating,” she spoke up wrapping her arms around Sergei's neck.
“Did he? You love skating don't you?”
“Yes but once I have talked to coach ok?” I reminded her.
“We can take this out to the bench if you like while she skates,” coach interrupted.

I would much have preferred for her to wait like I had been saying all along but it was always other people's job to spoil my girl and I couldn't really say no to that face.

“Can we daddy?” she pleaded with puppy dog eyes.
“Ok,” I sighed giving in to her, “ice skating time.”
“With Uncle Gonch,” Sergei cheered and headed off towards the ice.

The most rewarding thing about being a parent is different for everyone but for the past weeks the rewarding thing was seeing a smile on my little girl face. It was I wanted when I woke was to see that face, bright and happy and when I didn't I tried and tried until she did. Because her happiness was all that mattered to me right now.

“Daddy look!” she beamed as she made it to the middle of the ice.
“That's it, you're doing such a good job,” I clapped.
“Are you coming?” she pouted.
“Go on Zhenya, we can talk once she's all tuckered out,” coach gestured for me to go on the ice too.
“Thank you,” I didn't even bother with my skates and jumped straight over the boards.

I couldn't miss out on another moment of Kieta's life. I had to be there for her no matter what and hockey was going to have to start coming second best.