Life Without the One I Love

I didn't really want to be spending time anywhere other than curled up in my own bed thinking about how pathetic my life was going to be now but Sergei wasn't going to give me the chance for that to happen.

"Uncle Zhenya!" Victoria and Natalie cheered as I walked in the door.
"Shhh, Kieta's asleep," I shushed the excited girls as my princess stirred on my shoulder.
"Are you staying here?" Victoria asked curiously behind us as Sergei and I headed upstairs with our stuff.
"For a little bit," I admitted.
"How long?" She bounced beside us.
"A few days."
"Ok Vika go back downstairs, we will be there soon," Sergei shooed his youngest away.

"Is Kieta going to sleep here with you or do you want to put her in her own room," Sergei hesitated with our bags.
"She stay here," I shifted her in my arms trying not wake her so I could pull the blankets back and put her down as she stirred quietly.

"Daddy?" She mumbled her tiny eyes cracking open in just the slightest.
"Go to sleep sweetie," I wanted to leave it at that so she would sleep but her adorable face and out stretched arms, I couldn't leave her there.
"Stay with you," she wrapped her arms around my neck so I picked her up again.
"You come with me you need wake up," I ran my hand through her hair.
"Ok," she struggled to open her little eyelids but I would give her points for trying.

"We go wash face," I took her across the hallway to the bathroom and set her on her feet. She stayed latching onto my jumper tightly, her face hidden as I lent over her to reach the sink and dampen a cloth for her.
"Feel better," I promised as I held the cloth for her and helped her wash her face.

"Better?" I doubled checked as she pushed the cloth back into my hands.
"Yes," she went back to holding onto my jumper tightly as I wiped the basin down and wrung the cloth out before hanging it up to dry.
"Come on," I grabbed her hand as her other one went straight to her mouth where she sucked her thumb while we headed back downstairs.

"Kieta don't suck your thumb," Ksenia scolded softly and Kieta did as she was told sneaking her other hand into mine.

"Would you like some lasagne?" 
"Please... Kieta you want lasagne?" I looked down at the little girl who was extra quiet.
"Yes please," she spoke so softly I almost had to get her to repeat it but I picked Kieta up so she could point out how much she wanted.
"Good girl," I planted a kiss on her temple and set her back on the ground where she still continued to linger nearby instead of going to play with her cousins. 

I knew my little girl was tired but I never likes to see her this way, I wanted nothing more than a smile to be on her face at all times. Seeing her happy always made me happy.

"Zhenya your not helping your ribs by doing that," Ksenia frowned when I pulled Kieta up into my lap as we sat down at the dining table for dinner.
"They not hurt," I shrugged, "is fine."

I knew it probably wasn't doing me any favours but I didn't care right now, my ribs would scream at me in the morning but it wouldn't stop me from holding my baby girl. Kieta was happy sitting on my lap, let me cut up her lasagne into bite sizes for her before I got manevouring around her to eat my own but I didn't mind.

Dinner was quiet and Natalie glanced across the table at me all the time like she was afraid I would disappear. Everything just felt wrong and I knew it would take a long time if ever for everything to feel right again.

I noticed Kieta yawning again in my lap before she turned to nuzzle her face into my jumper.
"You tired?" I peered down at her and ran my hand through her hair.
She nodded slowly and went straight for the thumb in her mouth.
"Don't do that sweetie," I pulled her hand away and held onto them so she couldn't do it again, "I finish dinner then we go bed, ok?" 
"Ok," she wrapped her arms around me and stayed quiet while I finished up.

"Don't worry about the dishes just go to bed," Ksenia smiled as I stood up with Kieta attached to my hip.
"Alright, goodnight," I gave the girls each a kiss on the cheek.
"If you need anything just let us know," Sergei pulled me in for a hug before I retreated upstairs.

I was hoping it would be second time is a charm with putting Kieta to bed and lucky enough for me my little princess was completely wrecked from today.

"Daddy," she mumbled quietly as I slipped under the blankets next to her.
"Yeah?" I put my arm out for her to come and snuggle into my side.
"I love you," she yawned and buried her face into my chest.
"I love you too princess," I dropped a kiss to her forehead and wrapped her up in my arms before succumbing to sleep of my own.

Kieta was my everything, she could do anything and I thought it was perfect. Her little stick figure drawings that covered our fridge, her smile, her giggle, everything about my little girl was perfect, just like her mother. I could never find it in me to yell at her or put her in time out, I always felt so guilty so Maria had to do it and the moment that timer went off she would be back in my arms in an instant. Maria always said I spoilt her but I was away all the time so I had to make it up to her somehow.