Suffocation.

I woke up to the loud sound of laughter and commotion that was coming from the kitchen. My muscles ached as I got up out of bed in search of who was making the noise.

When I appeared in the kitchen I saw Bobby, Frankie, and Daphne sitting at the kitchen counter and Graham was leaning against the cabinets opposite them.

"Hey, Lennon. Mom and Dad took Toby and Melanie to the movies. They were going to ask you but didn't want to wake you up because Bobby said you had a rough day," Daphne said kindly.

"Yeah, thanks. I was just going to get something to eat," I say as I pause for a moment to allow the pain in my leg and ribs to subside.

"Want me to make you something?" Daphne volunteers.

"I can manage, but thanks."

"We were actually talking about ordering a pizza, if you wanted to wait," Bobby said.

I knew that they could see the pain on my face and was just trying to help but it annoyed me that they thought I couldn't make food for myself. "I'll stick with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich."

Bobby and Daphne watch me like a hawk as I get the bread and peanut butter from the pantry then hop to the refrigerator to get out the strawberry jelly and begin to assemble my sandwich.

"Want to make me one too?" Graham asked without turning to look at me or even offering to help.

"Graham," Frankie starts. "We're going to order pizza soon."

"One PB and J is not going to interfere with me devouring an entire pizza."

"Here," I offer Graham the sandwich that I had originally made for myself and began making a new one.

"Thanks," he said as he threw a playful wink in my direction.

Bobby, Frankie and Graham continue the conversation they were having before I came into the room. Daphne sat there awkwardly, desperately wanting to join in but not knowing how to. I've only had a handful of conversations with her in the few days we've been living under the same roof, so I didn't really know Daphne that well, but that didn't mean she wasn't easy to read. From just observing I had already come to the conclusion that though she was beautiful and came from money, she probably wasn't the most popular in school due to the way she's been pressured to conform to this image my dad and her mom have for her. It's sad really, she isn't able to express who she really is because she's too busy living the life her parents never got.

The four of them didn't see me slip back down the hallway and into my room. I spent a lot of time in there, probably because it was the only place that reminded me of home. It was familiar where the rest of the house was foreign and expensive and there were so many rules to memorize. Like we weren't allowed in the formal living room or even in the dining room because those rooms were mainly for show or used during special occasions.

I changed from my leggings and sweater for something warmer. I pulled out a navy trench coat and a pair of furry moccasins from my closet that wasn't originally mine. I suspected that Denise bought some things for both Toby and myself so we'd have an easier time adjusting the climate change.

Once I changed I unlocked the French doors that led from my room to the covered deck that led to the pool and to the rest of the backyard. To my surprise Graham was occupying one of the couple chaise lounge chairs with a cigarette hanging out of his parted lips.

"Sorry, I can come back," I said about to make my way back into my room.

"Nah, you're good," he stopped me.

I took a seat on the lounge chair behind him and laid back. The cold air whipped around me causing me to draw my coat closer to my body.

"Nice coat," Graham said before blowing out smoke from his lungs.

"Thanks, I just found it in my closet."

"Yeah, Daphne and Denise went shopping. It was kind of pathetic how they were acting. I thought you were some kind of foreign exchange student at first but then Bobby told me about how Chris had two kids with another women and she got shot and died so you two had to come live with them. It was still pathetic but more understandable. Did they ever catch the shooter?" I stared at Graham in shock. "Oh, shit, I'm sorry. That was too forward. My bluntness is my worst characteristic."

I regained my thought process, "No, it's fine. I actually like your bluntness. Everyone inside is treating me like I'm some ticking time bomb. Like I know what I went through was traumatic but I don't need someone breathing down my neck every second just to make sure I'm okay."

"I understand but they're going through something traumatic too and they don't know exactly how to deal with it either. If you cut them some slack, maybe they'll cut you some too."

"You have a point," I tell me as I chew on my upper lip. "There were two shooters by the way and no they haven't caught them yet. I guess my house was the first house of many that they robbed and everyone who they robbed was out of town. I'm guessing that they were just checking if anyone was home before they broke in and when my mom answered they panicked I guess. But I think they've killed people before."

"Why do you say that?" Graham finished his cigarette and was now putting it out on the floor.

"The way the guy that killed my mom talked to me while I was lying on that floor. He said 'Don't worry Sweetie, you'll die soon.' And he was just so sinister and he laughed like me dying was funny or it brought him enjoyment," I said going off into my own little world of fear.

I didn't notice Graham moving to sit at the bottom part of the chair and I didn't notice that I had allowed tears to flow from my eyes. I was too late to stop myself and it was too late to spot Graham pulling me into him. As I cried onto his chest and breathed in the scent of his cologne and smoke, he stroked my hair and urged me to continue.

"I was just so scared. I kept thinking that they were going to find Toby and they were going to kill him too. How could you shoot someone so innocent and helpless? Then Toby came out of his hiding spot and I couldn't do anything. He isn't supposed to see that. He's not supposed to see his sister bathed in blood and scarred with bullet holes. He's not supposed to be burying his mom at this young of an age," I sobbed. "Now he's here and I know he's trying to be brave and he's doing his best to adjust to this new life that we've been forced into but he cries at night and that breaks my heart the most because there is nothing in this world that I wouldn't do for him but I can't do anything. I can't shield him from his memories."

I've finished my sad story and the last of my tears are frozen on my cheeks but Graham is still stroking my hair while my face is pressed against his chest. And suddenly I'm completely embarrassed. I've only known this man for a few hours. I didn't know anything but his name, where his favorite restaurant is and who is best friend is, yet I let him into head and into my heart. I told him the things that I refused to tell the therapist.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. You probably think I'm so pathetic," I say as I stand quickly and a sharp pain jolts through me that causes me to fall back to where I had been sitting.

"No, it's okay. I provoked it. I asked all those questions, its fine seriously. Are you okay?"

I shake my head, the pain is almost unbearable. I had slept through the time when I was supposed to take my next dose of pain medication and now I was paying for it. More tears dripped down my cheeks to freeze with the old ones.

"Hey, I'm going to pick you up and take you inside, okay?"

I nodded as Graham lifted me up bridal style from the lounge and carried me to the French doors that led into my room. I thought he was going to set me on my bed but instead Graham entered my bathroom and sat me on the toilet. Then he turned to start up a bath before turning back to me.

"I'm going to go get Frankie to help you undress and I'll get your medicine, don't move."

Frankie rushed into my bathroom with a worried expression on her face, my orange prescription bottle in one hand and a bottle of water in the other. Without saying anything she popped the top of the bottle and dispensed a few white pills into her hand and handed them to me. I gulped them down without protestation.

I tried not to whimper as Frankie takes off an article of clothing at a time until I'm in my underwear and the figure eight cast that is supposed to make my collarbone heal correctly.

"This is probably going to hurt," Frankie muttered as she started to take off the cast.

She was right, it hurt like hell. My muscles and bones and wounds threatened to give way it seemed until finally Frankie had me naked and walking towards the tub that was filling with warm water.

"I'm sorry, this is embarrassing," I turn dark shades of red but I doubt you could notice from the cold air that had turned my face pink.

"No it's not, Lennon. I do this every day. You are no different than any of my other patients."

I sink low into the tub and let the hot water penetrate my skin and soak my aches until the pain is just a dull roar. Frankie stays with me until I can feel the medicine starting to kick in. She dresses me again without there being too much pain and settles me into bed where I find comfort in the dark.