Everything's Changed

"Are your parents aware of this?" Brain asked with concerned.

"The only person I told was my shrink."

"And what did he do when you told him?" Andy asked.

"He nailed me."

Disgusting.

"Very nice," Claire said sarcastically.

"I don't think that from a legal standpoint what he did can be construed as rape, since I paid him."

"He's an adult," Claire protested.

"Yeah, he's married too."

"Do you have any idea how completely gross that is?"

"Well, the first few times..."

"The first few times? You mean you did it more than once?"

"Sure."

"Are you crazy?"

"Obviously she's crazy if she's screwing a shrink," Brian stated.

"Have you ever done it?"

"I don't even have a psychiatrist."

"Have you ever done it with a normal person?"

"Didn't we already cover this?"

"You never answered the question," Bender and I said.

"Neither did you Emily. Look, I'm not going to discuss my private life with total strangers.

"Fine. I haven't, and I'm proud of that."

"It's kind of a double edged sword isn't it?"

"A what?"

"Well, if you say you haven't, you're a prude. If you say you have you're a slut. It's a trap. You want to but you can't, and when you do you wish you didn't, right?"

"Wrong."

"Or are you a tease?"

"She's a tease," Andy said.

"I'm sure. Why don't you just forget it."

"Oh, you're a tease and you know it. All girls are teases," Andy argued.

"She's only a tease if what she does gets you hot," Bender said nudging me.

"I don't do anything," Claire proclaimed.

"That's why you're a tease," Allison stated.

"Ok, let me ask you a few questions."

"I already told you everything."

"No. Doesn't it bother you to sleep around without being in love. I mean, don't you want any respect?"

"I don't screw to get respect. That's the difference between you and me."

"It's not the only difference I hope."

Face it, you're a tease," Bender said while putting an arm around my waist.

Then Claire and Bender got into it.

"I'm not a tease."

"Sure you are. Sex is your weapon. You said it yourself. You use it to get respect."

"No, I never said that she twisted my words around."

"What do you use it for then?"

"I don't use it period."

"Oh, are you medically frigid or is it psychological?"

"I didn't mean it that way. You guys are putting words into my mouth."

"Well, if you'd just answer the question."

"Why don't you just answer the question?" Brian asked.

"Be honest," Andy said.

"No big deal."

"Yeah answer it," Brian said wanting to know.

"Answer the question, Claire."

"Talk to us. Every one: C'mon, answer the question. Come on. Answer it."

"C'mon, it's easy. It's only one question," Bender prodded.

Claire finally got fed up and yelled,

"NO I NEVER DID IT!"

"I never did it either. I'm not a nymphomaniac. I'm a compulsive liar," Allison confessed.

"You are such a Bitch. You did that on purpose just to fuck me over."

"I would do it though. If you love someone, it's ok."

Then Claire went on about Allison being weird. News flash preppy girl everyone's weird and bizarre in their own way.

"How are you bizarre?" Claire asked Andy.

Andy couldn't think of the right words so Allison and I spoke for him.

"He can't think for himself."

"They're right," He confessed.

"Do you guys know what I did to get in here?"

"I do," I chimed.

"Besides of you."

He started telling his story about how he taped Larry Lester's buns together. And then he started imitating our dad while crying,

"'Andrew! You've got to be number one! I won't tolerate any losers in this family! Your intensity is for shit! Win! Win! Win!' You son of a bitch. You know, sometimes I wish my knee would give. And I wouldn't be able to wrestle anymore. And he could forget all about me."

"I think your guys' old man and my old man should get together and go bowling," Bender suggested.

"How'd you get in here Emily?" Bender asked me.

"I got into a fight with one of the preppy cheerleaders for stealing my necklace that you got back for me," I said looking at Bender.

I grabbed the pendant and started talking again.

"This necklace means so much to me. It was my great grandmother's and before she passed away she went to a jeweler to get '#1 granddaughter' engraved on the back of it. So when she yanked it off my neck I flipped out and punched her in the face and used some moves Andy showed me."

Then Brian started confessing on how he got put in Saturday detention. About getting an F in Shop class. I saw Bender roll his eyes and then got defensive with the Shop class.

"Why'd you think it would be easy?"

"Have you seen some of the dopes that take shop?"

"I take must be a fucking idiot."

"I'm a fucking idiot because I can't make a lamp?"

"No. You're a genius because you can't make a lamp."

"What do you know about trigonometry?"

"I could care less about trigonometry."

"Did you know without trigonometry, there'd be no engineering?

"Without lamps, there'd be no light," Bender shot back.

"Ok. So neither one of you are better than the other one," Claire said breaking up the bickering.

"I can write with my toes," Allison said changing the subject. "I can also eat..."

"With your toes?" Claire asked.

"Brush my teeth and play Heart and Soul on the piano."

"I can make spaghetti," Brian chimed in.

"I can bake delicious desserts," I said.

"She's right. They're good," Andy said.

"What can you do?" Claire asked Andy.

"I can tape all your buns together," He joked.

"I wanna see what Claire can do," Bender said.

"I can't do anything."

Bender finally convinced her. She pulled out lipstick from her purse and put it in her shirt. Next she put her head down to her chest and applied the lipstick to her lips. She looked back up and her lipstick was on her lips perfectly. Everyone applauded and Bender was doing a sarcastic one.

"Wow, Claire. That was great. My image of you is totally blown."

She started wiping it off her lips.

"You're a shit. Don't do that to her, you swore to God you wouldn't laugh," Allison spat.

"Am I laughing?"

"You fuckin' prick!" Andy said angrily

"What do you care what I think anyway? I don't even count... Right? I could disappear forever and it wouldn't make any difference. I might as well not even exist at this school, remember?"

Bender turned to Claire.

"And you... don't like me anyway."

"You know, I have just as, many feelings as you do and, it hurts so much, when someone steps all over them," She started tearing up.

Oh brother, I thought.

"God! You're so pathetic. Don't you ever, ever compare yourself to me, okay. You got everything, and I got shit. Fuckin' Rapunzel, right? School would probably, fuckin' shut down if you didn't show up. Queenie, isn't here. I like those earrings, Claire."

She then averted her gaze away from Bender.

"Shut up."

"Are those, real diamonds Claire?"

"Shut up."

"I bet, they are. Did you work, for the money, for those earrings?"

"Shut, your mouth."

"Or did your daddy buy those for you?"

"SHUT UP!" She shouted, now full blown crying.

"I bet those are a Christmas gift. Right? You know what I got for Christmas this year? It was a banner fuckin' year at the old Bender family. I got a carton of cigarettes. The old man grabbed me and said "Hey. Smoke up Johnny." Ok. So go home and cry to your daddy. Don't cry here, ok?"

I grabbed Bender's hand and nuzzled my head into his neck to make him calm down.

"My God. Are we going to be like our parents?"

"Not me. Ever," Claire said.

"It's unavoidable. It just happens," Allison spoke softly.

"What happens?" I asked.

"When you grow up, your heart dies."

"So, who cares?" Bender said.

"I care."

Then Brian wanted to know what was going to happen on Monday.

"Because I consider you guys as my friends. I'm not wrong am I?"

"No," me and Andy said.

"So on Monday, what happens?"

"Are we still friends you mean? If we're friends now that is?" Claire asked.

"Yeah," Brian said.

"You want the truth?"

"That would be nice," I said.

"Yeah. I want the truth."

"I don't think so," She said shaking her head at Brian.

"With all of us or just John?" Allison asked.

"With all of you," She said and looked at the floor.

"That's a real nice attitude Claire," Andy said getting pissed.

"Oh, be honest Andy. What would you do if Brian came walking up to you in the hall on Monday. What would you do?"

He said silent and Claire continued.

"Picture this. You're with all your friends and sports. You know exactly what you would do. You'd say hi to him and when he left you would cut him up so your friends would think that you didn't like him."

"No way."

"Ok. What if I came up to you?" Allison asked Claire.

"Same exact thing."

Bender went off on her again.

"YOU ARE A BITCH!"

"Why? 'Cause I'm telling the truth, that makes me a bitch?"

"NO. 'Cause you know how shitty that is to do someone, and you don't got the balls to stand up to your friends and tell them you're gonna like who you wanna like."

"Ok. What about you? You hypocrite. Why don't you take Allison to one of your heavy metal vomit party's. Or what about Brian? Take him out to the parking lot and get high. Or what about Andy for that matter. What about me and Emily? What would you're friends say if they saw me or Emily walking down the hall with you? They'd laugh their asses off. And you would probably tell them that they were doing it with us. So they would forgive you about seeing one of us."

For some reason that stung me.

"Don't you ever talk about my friends. You don't know any of my friends. You don't look at any of my friends. And you certainly wouldn't condescend to speak to any of my friends. So you just stick to the things you know: shopping, nail polish, your father's BMW, and your poor, rich drunk mother in the Caribbean."

"SHUT UP!"

And as far as being concerned about what's gonna happen when you and I walk down the hallways of school together, you can forget it cuz it's never gonna happen. Just bury your head in the sand and wait for your fuckin' prom.

"I hate you!" She said and started the water works again.

He didn't say anything about me and him. What does that mean?

"Yeah? Good!"

I started rubbing my thumb over the top of his had trying to get him to calm down again.

"Ok. Then I assume that Allison, Emily and I are better than you guys? Us weirdos. You'd you two do that to me?" Brian asked.

"I would never do that to someone," I said glaring at Claire and Andy, "I consider you...all of you as my friends either way."

"I don't have any friends," Allison said.

"Well if you did?"

"No."

"Yes you do. I'm your friend now," I said smiling at her and she smiled back.

"I want to tell each and everyone of you that I wouldn't and will not. I think that's real shitty."

"You're friends wouldn't mind because they look up to us," Claire said.

That's when I lost it.

"You are so conceded Claire. You are so full of yourself. You're no better than the rest of us here or anywhere! Why are yo like that?"

"I'm not saying that to be conceded. I hate it. I hate having to go along with everything my friends say."

"Then why do you dot it?" Me and Brian asked.

"I dunno..."

"Don't give us an I dunno. We want a reason."

It was Bender's turn to settle me down.

"Calm down sweet muffin," He whispered in my ear, which made me melt.

"You don't understand. You're not friends with the same kind of people that Andy and I are friends with. You know, you just don't understand the pressure that they can put on you."

"Then that's not real friends," I said softly.

"What? You think that I don't understand pressure Claire? Well Fuck you. Fuck you," Brian started crying. and wiping his tears away with his sweater sleeve.

"You know why I'm here today? Do you? I'm here because found a gun in my locker."

I looked at Bender worriedly and he tightened his grip a little on my hand to calm me down.

"Why'd you have a gun in your locker?" Andy prodded.

"I tried."

"Tried what?" I asked gaining my voice back.

He started talking about the lamp project again.

"What's the gun for Brian?" me and my brother asked in unison.

"Forget it."

"You brought it up man," Andy said raising his voice a little.

"I can't have an F. I can't have it. My parents can't have it. Even if I ace the rest of this semester. I'm still only a B. Everything's ruined for me."

"Brian," Claire sighed.

"Killing yourself is not an option."

"Well I didn't do it did I?" He snapped.

I was taken back by that, I would have never guessed him to snap at somebody.

"It was a hand gun?" Allison asked.

"No. It was a flare gun. It went off in my locker."

"Really?" Andy said chuckling

"It's not funny."

Andy tried to stop, but the laugh came back and pretty soon everyone was laughing about it.

"You know what I did to get in here?" Allison asked.

"What?" I asked her.

"Nothing. I had nothing better to do."