Terrible Things

I sat up on the stool, pen and paper placed on the kitchen counter. To be honest, I was reluctant to pick it up, for I was about to do the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life.

Dear Harry,
Things are so different without you. I miss you so much. I don't think my heart will ever heal, I don't think that a day will go by that I won't think of you. I don't think I'll ever completely heal. Why did it have to be you?

You'll never read this, there's no way you could, but I need to get my feelings out. All the pain, anger, I just... I need to at least feel close to you again. I need to hold your hand, I need to feel you beside me, I need to talk to you.

That's just unfortunate, though, right? You're not here. You'll never be here again.

So... I guess there's no purpose to this letter, is there? I'm just some silly girl writing a letter to her dead boyfriend. Hah. I always was silly, wasn't I? I assume I always will be.

Anyway, after you died, I couldn't bear to stay in our flat. So I moved out, and Niall is letting me stay with him for the time being, but it's not the same. It'll never be the same. All the guys are mourning, they loved you so much, Harry. So did I. We still love you. The boys have cancelled the rest of the dates of the tour. The fans are mourning so bad, Harry. We lost three of them to suicide. They knew how much they meant to you, you saved their lives, and now, with you gone, they've got no reason to be here, or so they think. You were their strength, heck, you were my strength.

I can't believe it's been two months already. It's felt like a century. The days are long, but the nights are even longer. I keep having nightmares about the crash... one second we're singing as loud as we can to some song on the radio, and the next our car is a wrecked semblence of steel, blood running across the pavement, me shouting your name frantically, you not answering. That's the worst part. Then, I wake up, finding myself in a pool of sweat. It's horrible, Harry. Absolutely horrible. Why did you have to go? Why?

I better wrap this up before I start crying. Wouldn't want to stain the paper.

I guess the moral of all this is, life can do terrible things.
Love,
Bella.

I set my pen down, then took the piece of paper, crumpling it and throwing it into the trash can as I heard footsteps making their way down the hall.

"Top of the mornin' to ya, love." Niall said, trying to be positive, but pain still quite evident in his voice.

"Good morning, Niall." I half whispered, a tear running down my cheek.

"Bella, please, don't cry." He pulled my small body into a hug, and I sobbed into his shoulder, because without Harry, nothing really made sense.

Nothing would ever make sense.

It was such a terrible thing.