Feel the Same
Love
You still don't understand how he got you to fall so deeply in love with him. You never were the kind of person that loves easily. You had always been stuck in your corner, admiring the other couples for being so strong and happy together. But then you understood how bad love could be too. You saw your dad completely crushing your mom, destroying every part of her soul that made her the person you loved so much. She became a crying shell of love for months after he left her, saying that she's never been good enough for him, when in reality, he just found someone else that he finds more attractive than her. You knew at that moment that love was not for you. When you saw how devastated your mom was for months after he left and stole everything that mattered to her, you just knew that you couldn't let that happen to yourself. You never bothered acting on the feelings that you had for someone because you knew that it would probably end in you getting your heart torn apart. And there is no better way to prevent someone from breaking your heart than to let no one in.
Sure, you got pretty popular, nobody can deny that you are quite beautiful and that you have one of the best personality traits ever…that’s what attracts people to you the most, and it always made it easy to not allow people in your heart if they didn't see you for who you are over the façade. It's easy to push away people that only want you because you are hot and hang with the most popular guys in the school. You thought that you could go on like that easily during the time you had left for school. You didn't expect him to come into your life like a savior and show you that you can do better than the misery that you forced yourself into.
Nobody cared about asking you how you truly are inside. If you feel lonely without anyone there to hold you, you did your best to avoid people getting close to you. But it was getting harder and harder every day to bear with the loneliness. You would be lying if you said that one of the reasons why you got with him is that you were lonely. It never was about that, sure, he filled every bit of loneliness that you ever felt, but he was also your protector, you never felt safer than curled in his arms, he truly is the one love of your life. It's when he kisses you that you know that fuck preventing what you can't prevent. The first time you felt his lips on yours, you knew that it was better than preventing any hurt could ever be. You knew that you needed him by your side too much to push him away. You needed him as much as someone needs oxygen to breathe. It may sound cheesy, but you've never been with someone before him, so you don't know how a normal teenager’s relationship feels like. But you know that the one you have with him is more pure and deeper than those. You know that it's the kind of relationship that you only have once during your entire life, and you have it with the most perfect person that you could imagine for yourself. He completes you so much, more than everyone that you could think of. He truly is the other piece of your soul. Sure you two are different, but just enough so both of your personalities don't clash together. They just fit perfectly, like the missing piece of the puzzle that is your heart.
It's not like getting to your heart was an easy process for him. It took over a year for you to allow him in, just as a friend. He was the first person you ever let in that isn't your mom. She's the only one that saw the real you, but not like he did, after you let him in, and he stuck by your side. You could feel that he loved you more like that. You knew that he loved you for months at that point. He told you one day, as you were crying because your mom yelled at you, and she matters so much to you. After all, at that point of your life, she was the only one you showed your true colors to. You were so depressed because you thought that she was the only one that would ever love you, and he started to cry too, and hit everything around you, calling you stupid and saying that you needed to open your eyes and see that even if you try to push people away, they still loved you, so much. And then he admitted it. He was on the verge of breaking down when he did, and the second that ''I am in love with you, you asshole'' left his mouth, he fell on the ground, and you realized that day that you weren't just hurting yourself by chasing people away. You hurt those people more than you ever wanted to. You love that man so much, more than your life, but you couldn't get yourself to admit it, not at that point, you couldn't let yourself get hurt by an asshole.
You were about to turn away and let him be to find someone that is truly worth his time and his love. As opposed to love as you are, you could see it in the way that he was moving toward you, and how he would touch you, like you are a precious pearl, that he does love you, maybe just as much as you love him. But you just couldn't allow yourself to let him in, no matter how much your heart and body ached for his touch.
But you couldn't leave him there crying over you either. You aren't that heartless, even if you come off as more heartless than that most of the time. You couldn't leave the man that you love alone at a place that you brought him to, that he has no idea how to get out of, and you couldn't help but feel your heart breaking at each step behind you would take.
That night, you showed him your true colors for the first time since he met you. You went back to him and told him that you can't promise him that it's going to end up in what he wants and that you need more time than he's probably ready to give you, but that you wanted to start something with him. A real something, not a rushed relationship based on people not knowing each other. You knew that that way, it would be hard for him to break your heart. So fucking hard because you planned to only give him a little part after a little part. You thought that he wouldn't stick around till your heart is completely his, but to your biggest surprise, he did more than sticking around. He showed the part of love that you never knew existed. It took time, way more than your body liked to adapt yourself to having someone by your side that love you just like you love him. He was so close, but you could never bring yourself to touch him. You were scared shitless.
But one night, seven months after that thing started, you went to visit him, and you found him crying in his room. He had a knife in his hand and you felt so much relief when you realized that he hadn’t hurt himself yet. You would had died if he had hurt himself. Even if he didn't tell you, you knew at that time that he was doing that over you. You could see the pain in his eyes each time that he would try to just touch you and you pushed him away, never caring about how bad it was breaking him. You didn't understand at that point that he didn't want to take any advantage of you, or make you sad. He just wanted to be able to have a piece of you, just a small one, because he loves you, more than everything he ever loved and he just wanted to be with you, more than everything he ever wanted. He just wanted to be able to hold you close to himself and just tell you how much he loves you. But he couldn't, because you wouldn't allow him to. You didn't allow him to do anything more than you did before. He spent seven months of his life doing everything in his power to get through you, to get you to allow him to just touch you, or hug you, he never wanted more, sure, he did want to kiss you, more than everything, but he would never had pushed you to do it. It wasn’t something that he needed. He just needed you to be in his arms, to hold him close, and to be able to tell you how he feels, each day so you end up believing him.
But that night, when you found him, it hit you so hard that you had stopped thinking only about yourself. You never realized how much you were hurting him, but you felt so blessed that even through the pain you were causing him, he would stick by your side. He never let you go or made you feel like you were hurting him. He put you first. He always did. You realized at that moment that if you had to give your heart to someone, it was him. Sure you already loved him, but you didn't let him own a part of your heart during those months. You would only open up a little with him, and then close yourself even more, and he deserved way better. But he stayed by your side. Because what he kept telling you was true after all. He did love you more than everything. He loved you so much to stick with you, even when it felt like he had no chances at all to ever be with you. He kept hanging on to the hopes that he had. You know now that he felt like there was no hope for you and him most of the time. But he would hang on to the smile you sometimes allowed him to see.
After you ran to him and picked the knife out of his hand. You just knew that you had to do something. You were so selfish and you couldn't make him suffer like that anymore. It was the man you love that you were hurting, not some stranger on the street that doesn't know a damn thing about you. You promised yourself and him that you would let him in. You told him that it would take time, but you hoped way less than it did before. You would try your best to let him in that time, and when he started to cry, there was nothing else that you could do than to hug him. He was the first person that isn't in your family that you ever hugged, and you felt like there were a million butterflies flying into your stomach. You felt so good, so much better than when he wasn’t with you. You came to the realization that maybe, you're made to be with him.
He's been so patient with you. He waited and waited without any complaints the year it took you to give him your first kiss, and his for the matter. You thought that you would regret it so much before you did it, but you couldn't bear with the hurt in his eyes anymore when he would talk to you about how much he wanted to kiss you, and you would just tell him that you still needed time, over and over again. But you didn't need time. You were just scared shitless to give him your heart, even if you knew that he loved you, no matter what and that he would stay by your side. You saw so many love stories go wrong and crumble into pieces and you just didn't want it to happen to you.
But one night, as you had your head resting on his legs and he was touching your hair, and you asked him what he wanted most in his life. He replied that the only thing he wanted and needed was for you to be truly his. You couldn't help but understand that you've been too selfish again, that you let your fears guide what you should do again, and that wasn’t good. That wasn’t at all what you wanted to happen. But it did, and he was so hurt. You were sure that we was truly broken that time. But as you kissed him, you felt him come back to life, like the only thing he needed to heal was your kiss, and just you in general.
You are madly in love with that man. And now you know that he feels the same about you, not that you ever doubted it, but you know that as insane as it is, you will be able to face the storms together. You just need to let him in and trust him.
Sure, you got pretty popular, nobody can deny that you are quite beautiful and that you have one of the best personality traits ever…that’s what attracts people to you the most, and it always made it easy to not allow people in your heart if they didn't see you for who you are over the façade. It's easy to push away people that only want you because you are hot and hang with the most popular guys in the school. You thought that you could go on like that easily during the time you had left for school. You didn't expect him to come into your life like a savior and show you that you can do better than the misery that you forced yourself into.
Nobody cared about asking you how you truly are inside. If you feel lonely without anyone there to hold you, you did your best to avoid people getting close to you. But it was getting harder and harder every day to bear with the loneliness. You would be lying if you said that one of the reasons why you got with him is that you were lonely. It never was about that, sure, he filled every bit of loneliness that you ever felt, but he was also your protector, you never felt safer than curled in his arms, he truly is the one love of your life. It's when he kisses you that you know that fuck preventing what you can't prevent. The first time you felt his lips on yours, you knew that it was better than preventing any hurt could ever be. You knew that you needed him by your side too much to push him away. You needed him as much as someone needs oxygen to breathe. It may sound cheesy, but you've never been with someone before him, so you don't know how a normal teenager’s relationship feels like. But you know that the one you have with him is more pure and deeper than those. You know that it's the kind of relationship that you only have once during your entire life, and you have it with the most perfect person that you could imagine for yourself. He completes you so much, more than everyone that you could think of. He truly is the other piece of your soul. Sure you two are different, but just enough so both of your personalities don't clash together. They just fit perfectly, like the missing piece of the puzzle that is your heart.
It's not like getting to your heart was an easy process for him. It took over a year for you to allow him in, just as a friend. He was the first person you ever let in that isn't your mom. She's the only one that saw the real you, but not like he did, after you let him in, and he stuck by your side. You could feel that he loved you more like that. You knew that he loved you for months at that point. He told you one day, as you were crying because your mom yelled at you, and she matters so much to you. After all, at that point of your life, she was the only one you showed your true colors to. You were so depressed because you thought that she was the only one that would ever love you, and he started to cry too, and hit everything around you, calling you stupid and saying that you needed to open your eyes and see that even if you try to push people away, they still loved you, so much. And then he admitted it. He was on the verge of breaking down when he did, and the second that ''I am in love with you, you asshole'' left his mouth, he fell on the ground, and you realized that day that you weren't just hurting yourself by chasing people away. You hurt those people more than you ever wanted to. You love that man so much, more than your life, but you couldn't get yourself to admit it, not at that point, you couldn't let yourself get hurt by an asshole.
You were about to turn away and let him be to find someone that is truly worth his time and his love. As opposed to love as you are, you could see it in the way that he was moving toward you, and how he would touch you, like you are a precious pearl, that he does love you, maybe just as much as you love him. But you just couldn't allow yourself to let him in, no matter how much your heart and body ached for his touch.
But you couldn't leave him there crying over you either. You aren't that heartless, even if you come off as more heartless than that most of the time. You couldn't leave the man that you love alone at a place that you brought him to, that he has no idea how to get out of, and you couldn't help but feel your heart breaking at each step behind you would take.
That night, you showed him your true colors for the first time since he met you. You went back to him and told him that you can't promise him that it's going to end up in what he wants and that you need more time than he's probably ready to give you, but that you wanted to start something with him. A real something, not a rushed relationship based on people not knowing each other. You knew that that way, it would be hard for him to break your heart. So fucking hard because you planned to only give him a little part after a little part. You thought that he wouldn't stick around till your heart is completely his, but to your biggest surprise, he did more than sticking around. He showed the part of love that you never knew existed. It took time, way more than your body liked to adapt yourself to having someone by your side that love you just like you love him. He was so close, but you could never bring yourself to touch him. You were scared shitless.
But one night, seven months after that thing started, you went to visit him, and you found him crying in his room. He had a knife in his hand and you felt so much relief when you realized that he hadn’t hurt himself yet. You would had died if he had hurt himself. Even if he didn't tell you, you knew at that time that he was doing that over you. You could see the pain in his eyes each time that he would try to just touch you and you pushed him away, never caring about how bad it was breaking him. You didn't understand at that point that he didn't want to take any advantage of you, or make you sad. He just wanted to be able to have a piece of you, just a small one, because he loves you, more than everything he ever loved and he just wanted to be with you, more than everything he ever wanted. He just wanted to be able to hold you close to himself and just tell you how much he loves you. But he couldn't, because you wouldn't allow him to. You didn't allow him to do anything more than you did before. He spent seven months of his life doing everything in his power to get through you, to get you to allow him to just touch you, or hug you, he never wanted more, sure, he did want to kiss you, more than everything, but he would never had pushed you to do it. It wasn’t something that he needed. He just needed you to be in his arms, to hold him close, and to be able to tell you how he feels, each day so you end up believing him.
But that night, when you found him, it hit you so hard that you had stopped thinking only about yourself. You never realized how much you were hurting him, but you felt so blessed that even through the pain you were causing him, he would stick by your side. He never let you go or made you feel like you were hurting him. He put you first. He always did. You realized at that moment that if you had to give your heart to someone, it was him. Sure you already loved him, but you didn't let him own a part of your heart during those months. You would only open up a little with him, and then close yourself even more, and he deserved way better. But he stayed by your side. Because what he kept telling you was true after all. He did love you more than everything. He loved you so much to stick with you, even when it felt like he had no chances at all to ever be with you. He kept hanging on to the hopes that he had. You know now that he felt like there was no hope for you and him most of the time. But he would hang on to the smile you sometimes allowed him to see.
After you ran to him and picked the knife out of his hand. You just knew that you had to do something. You were so selfish and you couldn't make him suffer like that anymore. It was the man you love that you were hurting, not some stranger on the street that doesn't know a damn thing about you. You promised yourself and him that you would let him in. You told him that it would take time, but you hoped way less than it did before. You would try your best to let him in that time, and when he started to cry, there was nothing else that you could do than to hug him. He was the first person that isn't in your family that you ever hugged, and you felt like there were a million butterflies flying into your stomach. You felt so good, so much better than when he wasn’t with you. You came to the realization that maybe, you're made to be with him.
He's been so patient with you. He waited and waited without any complaints the year it took you to give him your first kiss, and his for the matter. You thought that you would regret it so much before you did it, but you couldn't bear with the hurt in his eyes anymore when he would talk to you about how much he wanted to kiss you, and you would just tell him that you still needed time, over and over again. But you didn't need time. You were just scared shitless to give him your heart, even if you knew that he loved you, no matter what and that he would stay by your side. You saw so many love stories go wrong and crumble into pieces and you just didn't want it to happen to you.
But one night, as you had your head resting on his legs and he was touching your hair, and you asked him what he wanted most in his life. He replied that the only thing he wanted and needed was for you to be truly his. You couldn't help but understand that you've been too selfish again, that you let your fears guide what you should do again, and that wasn’t good. That wasn’t at all what you wanted to happen. But it did, and he was so hurt. You were sure that we was truly broken that time. But as you kissed him, you felt him come back to life, like the only thing he needed to heal was your kiss, and just you in general.
You are madly in love with that man. And now you know that he feels the same about you, not that you ever doubted it, but you know that as insane as it is, you will be able to face the storms together. You just need to let him in and trust him.