I Hate When They Call Me Snow White

I woke up to a cacophony of voices.

There was a steady chatter of what seemed like multiple voices. I picked up a somewhat coherent stream of conversation.

“What is it?” said a high-pitched voice.

“What do you think it is, fool? It’s a girl!” cried a gruff voice.

“A woman, to be exact,” said an remarkably posh voice.

“And not a very attractive one at that,” replied the gruff voice.

The chatter continued. I should probably feel a little insulted, but I’m sure I looked horrid. The atmosphere wasn’t tense, so I figured I was going to eventually have to wake up.

But before I could make the decision for myself, I briefly caught the grumblings of, “...had enough of this…” seconds before a bucket of ice cold water was unmercifully dumped on my face.

I shot up, coughing and sputtering the entire way. I heard some of the voices become enraged while the others were laughing hysterically.

“Here you go, dear. I am so sorry,” said the posh voice while thrusting a scratchy towel in my hand.

I wiped my face for a few seconds before looking up. I had definitely not been expecting the sight in front of me.

Men. Little men. I did a quick count- there were seven of them. They all looked similar, but vastly different.

“You’re…” I began.

“Dwarfs,” said the one with the posh voice.

He stood in the front. He was no taller than the rest of them, but his presence seemed larger, as if he was the leader. He wore a small green cap that covered a balding head. He had bright, intelligent blue eyes that twinkled behind a pair of small round spectacles. His complexion was ruddy like that a laborious worker, but he was smiling politely at my inquisitive stare.

“Yes, I’m sorry, please do forgive me,” I paused, trying to gather my bearings, “I’m just quite surprised...I’ve never met dwarfs before.” I said slowly, hoping not offend.

The gruff one from earlier, who I now saw was standing in the back, harumphed at my excuse.

The posh one turned to glare at him quickly before looking back at me.

“Of course you haven’t, my dear. There aren’t many of us in these parts.” He said kindly as he extended his arm before introducing himself, “Please call me Doc.”

I took his hand.

“I’m Ar…mie” I paused slightly in the middle.

Letting them know my real name could be dangerous. They probably knew of my reputation and I didn’t want them to kill me or worse, turn me over to the queen.

But seriously? Could I not have thought of a better name than Armie?

Doc raised his eyebrows as if he was not convinced, but he was too polite to mention it.

“Lovely to meet you, Armie. Let me introduce to the rest of the fellows here.”

He turned around and pointed to each of the dwarves.

“That’s Dopey, Bashful, Sneezy, Stealthy, Sleepy, and the surly looking one in the back is Grumpy.”

I stared at each of them. Their names were definitely fitting.

Dopey seemed unaware of the current situation. He sat staring at a wooden spoon and hysterically laughing. When I made eye contact with Bashful, he turned a shade of red I didn’t think possible and began to smile. Poor Sneezy had swollen watery eyes and a bit of snot dripping down his nose and past his grinning mouth. Stealthy was sitting in the corner looking out the window I hadn’t noticed before. Sleepy was curled on top of a barrel. Then finally, glaring at me with intensity, was Grumpy.

I had been laying on a small cot on the ground. We were in a quaint, cozy cabin. It was a bit messy, but I assumed the dwarfs all lived there so it could’ve been worse. I wasn’t exactly a neat freak myself. All of the furniture was smaller than I was used to, built for their size, but it all looked sturdy and well-made. The fire was roaring and cast a comfortable light on the otherwise questionable scene.

“It’s lovely to meet you all,” I said quietly.

They all began to speak at once.

“From where do you hail, lovely lady?” rang out Bashful, before pulling his small cap over his face and giggling.

At this question, they all got eerily quiet compared to the steady noise of before and looked at me.

“I...I…” I couldn’t tell them I was the Princess, running from my foretold demise.

“I am the daughter of a blacksmith in town. Far away from here.”

Doc cocked his head to the side.

“But why are you in the woods?”

“I ran away.”

“But why?” came Sneezy’s nasally voice.

I looked at him, but he had already gone back to blowing his nose. They were all sitting in front of me with earnest interest adorning their faces.

I had to think quickly. I hated lying, really. It made me nauseous, but survival made it necessary.

“Because my father was going to force me to marry a man I did not love,” I said as calmly as I could.

It seemed like a reasonable enough excuse. I’m sure there are plenty of girls in reality running away from their own awful fates. I couldn’t be the only one.

They all made sympathetic sounds except for Grumpy, who rolled his eyes.

“You poor thing,” Doc said softly.

“That’s horrible,” cried a passionate Bashful before blushing and burying his face into a pillow.

I felt uncomfortable accepting their sympathies for my fictional woe, but I did so with a small, uncomfortable smile.

“Where you heading towards a certain location?” Doc asked.

“Not really. I ran out of water and supplies and I just wanted to find the river. I haven’t got a place to run too,” I said softly.

This time the sadness was real. I didn’t have anywhere to go.

“Nonsense,” said Doc suddenly, “you will stay with us, right, men?”

His question was met with a combination of undecipherable shouts.

Doc frowned.

“One at a time. I’ll begin- I vote yes. Now Dopey?”

Dopey looked at me and then back at his spoon. He scooted a bit closer to me and got a bit too close to my face.

I could smell his breath, which smelled like an unsavory blend of fruit and dirt.

He widened his eyes and before I could prepare myself for it, he whacked his spoon against my forehead with a surprising amount of strength.

“Ow!” I shouted. Grabbing my forehead and staring at the little man in shock.

“That’s one ‘yes,’” said Doc calmly.

“That was a yes?” I shouted.

Doc smiled at me, as if he was amused by my ignorance of dwarf communication.

“Sleepy? Somebody wake him up!” Doc said.

Stealthy swiftly kicked Sleepy in the side which made him jerk awake.

“Will you allow the girl to stay with us, Sleepy?” Doc said quickly as if feared Sleepy would doze off before he finished the question.

“Ah...yesh,” Sleepy slurred before curling back up into a small ball.

“Bashful?” Doc said, moving on efficiently.

“I...oh...well...of cour...yes,” he stammered before giggling and covering his face with his hands, but peeking out through his fingers.

“Thank you, Bashful,” I said, while smiling.

The fact that I had spoken his name directly to him must have sent him over the edge because he stood up and ran into a wall, laughing the entire way.

“Is he alright,” I asked Doc.

“It happens,” Doc said while waving his hand nonchalantly.

“Sneezy?” he dogged on.

“I..achoo….vote...achoo...achoo...achoo…” Sneezy then broke into a fit of sniffles.

“Out with it, man!” Doc cried, he seemed to be losing his cool a bit.

“Yes! ACHOOOOO” Sneezy got his answer out just before he sneezed so violently he shot up two feet in the air before landing with a thud.

“Alright, Stealthy?”

Stealthy hardly looked up from his hands before mumbling a, “Sure.”

“Okay, six yes’s.” Doc steeled his glance at the ominous figure in the back.

“Grumpy? You’re the final vote.: He said carefully, as if he was dreading the answer.

“That’ easy. No.” Grumpy said simply.

Then all hell broke loose.