Home Is in Your Arms

I tell Effie everything.

For forty-five minutes I pour my heart out to the woman. I tell her about my feelings for Peeta, about my awareness to the consequences, about how I wasn't even sure if I cared about the consequences. I admit to my raging jealousy towards Katniss and how much it kills me to watch them get too friendly, too close, with each other. I tell her everything because, for the first time in years, I finally have someone to talk to. To vent and cry and spill my emotions to.

Surprisingly, Effie is good for these forty-five minutes. She remains quiet, never cutting me off, with the exception of an "aww" here or a gasp there. Effie rubs my back or pushes hair out of my face when necessary, and to be honest, she's the closest thing I've had to a mother since my own mother.

When I'm finally finished my rant I sniffle and look up to Effie. A soft thud sounds in the hallway and I quickly advert my eyes, but nothing is there. I ignore it and look back to Effie, who is giving me a soft reassuring smile.

"I knew there was something going on between the two of you." she says.

"There was." I reply, dropping my head. "I don't think there is anymore."

"Well this is a bit of a sticky predicament, isn't it" Effie sighs. I nod. She seems spaced out for a moment, lost in thought, until something dawns on her. "But that doesn't mean we can't un-stick it!" I look at the colorful woman, confused.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, who really needs to know whether or not there actually are relations between you and Peeta? Keep everything behind closed doors."

"That was our original plan." I say. "But what about him and Katniss? Haymitch wants them attached at the hip."

"Yes, well," Effie quips, pursing her lips. "I don't necessarily agree with Haymitch's... tactics, but this might help more than you think."

"How?" I rub my runny nose on the back of my hand and Effie does everything she can to keep herself from cringing.

"Well... While everyone's eyes are on Peeta and Katniss nobody would ever suspect he's really with you. At least I wouldn't, anyway. Just give the crowd what they want." Effie grins, obviously pleased with herself. I have to admit, it does make sense. However, there are still two bigger problems. The problems that break my heart at the very thought of them.

"Do you think Peeta has feelings for Katniss? And what happens if he..." The words are so hard to get out. I don't even want to think about it. "If he doesn't..."

"Oh sweetie, don't even worry about whether or not he likes Katniss. Just focus on the fact that he's got eyes for you." Effie points at me for emphasis. "Keep being yourself and you'll have that boy wrapped around your little finger." She releases me and stands, brushing dust off of her skirt. "As for whether or not he comes home... Well... We'll just have to see what happens."

Effie sees my face fall and suddenly changes tune.

"But our tributes have such smart and talented mentors, not to mention an absolutely wonderful escort, that there's no way District Twelve won't have a victor this year!"

I can't help but laugh bitterly. Not necessarily at Effie; maybe just over this whole situation in general. Everything is just so stressful and confusing. Regardless of the outcome, I think I'll just be happy to go home when all of this madness is over.

"I do believe dinner is ready!" Effie suddenly says. "Why don't we go have a seat? I'm sure you're hungry."

"Not really." I reply, shaking my head. My stomach, however, betrays me and growls loudly. Effie gives me a pointed look and I sigh. "I think I'd rather eat in here. If that's alright."

The escort thinks it over before nodding.

"Alright." she says. "Would you like room service or should I send an Avox with a platter?"

"Well I kind of smashed my remote so a platter would be nice." My face turns a deep shade of red from humiliation and Effie huffs.

"Fine. I'll also make sure they clean your room and bring you a new remote." she replies. "But please Freya, no more breaking things!"

She turns to leave, but before she can go I call out to her.

"Effie?" She half turns to me. "Why are you helping me?" I mumble, looking at her from under my eyelashes.

"Because I care about you dear." she says. "And because no matter how much you try, you can't fight love."

The corners of my mouth turn upwards into a smile.

"Thank you." I reply softly, looking at the floor.

Effie smiles in response before turning and leaving the room.

With a sigh I turn and survey the damage. The floor is an absolute mess from things being knocked over or smashed. I brush some debris off of my bed and throw myself onto it.

For the next ten minutes I quietly stare at the ceiling before someone knocks on the door. Picking my head up, I see Peeta standing at the threshold, tray of food in hand.

"You're not an Avox." I mutter, then I drop my head back down.

"I thought I'd be better than an Avox." he responds just as quietly. When I don't acknowledge his answer he comes in and shuts the door behind him, then sits the tray on my bedside table. "Is this because of me?"

His voice sounds quiet and even though I'm not looking at him I know he's not looking at me, either. I also know he's talking about the state of my bedroom. However, I'm not sure how I should respond. After a moment I come up with a kind of legitimate answer.

"What do you think?"

Not a yes, but not a no. It leaves the decision to him, to figure out just how hurt I am. To see if he knows how much I care and that this whole ordeal rips me apart from the inside. Because, in a way, my insides look exactly like this room: torn up and in complete disarray.

"I assume it is." Peeta says after a few moments. When I don't respond he continues. "Look, Freya, I'm sorry. I really am. It's just that--"

"Stop." I hold my hand up to silence him, still not being able to look at him.

"But Freya, I--" he attempts.

"No, Peeta! Just stop. I don't want to talk to you right now." I say. My voice sounds so void of emotion. "I don't know how much of this back and forth game I can take. So please, just leave me alone for now."

Rolling away from him, I close my eyes and wait for him to leave. When he doesn't I decide to just ignore him instead, pretending he's not even there. Eventually I start to fall asleep, and just before I do, when I'm in that state of numbness, I faintly hear Peeta stand up. A slight pressure hits the bed and I feel him kiss me on the head before he finally leaves, closing the door on his way out.



The mountain is too quiet as I peer around the entrance of my cave. I shield my eyes from the light reflecting off the bright white snow, trying to look for any signs of the other tributes.

When I find none I step out, pulling my thick coat tighter around me. The air is freezing and my gear only does so much to keep my thin, hunger-stricken body warm. Just as I'm about to turn back inside I see birds take flight from the trees at the base of the mountain.

Squinting to get a better look, I see tributes running through a clearing next to the trees. One of them tackles another and picks that person up, gripping them roughly. Suddenly I'm taking off into a full run, my whip in my hand, trying not to stumble down the side of the slope. I don't know why it's so urgent that I get there and throw myself into danger, especially while being so hungry and weak, but something at the bottom seems so familiar to me.

A few yards away from the others I trip over a rock and tumble down the rest of the way, landing face first in the snow. I pick my head up and wipe my face with a gloved hand. When my vision clears my heart drops into my stomach like a ton of bricks at the sight before me. Now I know why it was urgent.

A boy from District 2 is holding Peeta against him, knife at his throat. His female counterpart stands by, laughing, and a boy from District 4 is advancing on Peeta with the biggest spear I've ever seen.

"What are you gonna do now?" the boy from District 4 mocks. "No one's around to help you. Nobody even cares."

The boy gets closer to Peeta, and the girl laughs and makes comments about killing him. Just as the boy is about to plunge his spear into Peeta's abdomen I'm off the ground.

"No!" I shout.

My whip cracks and wraps around the girl's waist, and with a hard pull I bring her falling to the ground in front of me. Quickly ripping her up I bring her back to my chest, like the boy from District 2 is holding Peeta, and position my arms around her head, ready to snap her neck. All three boys focus their attention on me.

"Let him go or the next cannon will be for her." I growl, my voice deadly calm.

"Please, Deron," the girl in my grasp cries. "Help me!"

The boy holding Peeta, Deron, gives me a look that would kill me if it could.

"You're either incredibly brave or incredibly stupid if you think you'll kill her and get away with your little boy toy." Deron says.

"Let's go with brave." I say, tightening my hands on her head.

"Freya, no! Get out of here!" Peeta shouts.

My gaze shifts to Peeta for a split second, but that's all it takes for Deron to throw his knife into an exposed part of my thigh. I howl in pain and fall to the ground, letting go of both the girl and my whip. She turns and rips the blade from my leg and straddles me, pinning me to the ground.

My once potential kill holds the knife to my ribs and forces the side of my face into the snow to make me look at Peeta.

"Do it!" she shouts with a breathless maniacal laugh. "Do it now!"

Smiling, the boy from District 4 whips around to Peeta. Eyes as wide as saucers, I struggle against the girl's hold. My heart pounds in my chest, faster and faster, my breathing rapid and labored.

Then the boy buries his spear into Peeta's chest and I shriek.



I shoot upright in bed, still screaming my head off. Peeta and Katniss burst through the door and rush to my side. Eventually I stop, but tears begin to cascade down my cheeks in place of the screams. My body is trembling and I just can't seem to hold it together.

"Are you okay, Freya?" Katniss asks, lightly touching my knee.

Taking a few shaky breaths and forcing the tears to slow, I nod, not wanting her to see me like this.

"Did you have a nightmare?" Peeta asks. I nod again. He looks to Katniss. "You can go back to bed, if you want. I'm going to sit with Freya for a little bit."

"You don't have to." I croak out, keeping my head down.

"I know I don't." Peeta replies. "But I want to." When my only response is a sniffle he takes that as my acceptance. "It's alright, Katniss. You can go back to bed."

Katniss nods and gives me a small sympathetic smile before leaving. Peeta turns his attention to me and lifts my chin with his thumb and forefinger. I keep my eyes down, not wanting my gaze to meet his.

"You can look at me, Freya. It's okay." he says. Carefully, after a brief hesitation, I lift my eyes.

His blue orbs are filled with concern and his mouth is shifted into a small frown. In this moment I'm not angry or upset with him. All I want is for him to hold me and protect me from the nightmare in which I couldn't protect him.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Peeta asks. I shake my head.

"No." I reply. "I don't want to relive it."

"That bad?"

"You have no idea."

He wraps his arms around me and brings me to his chest. I sigh and lean into him, listening to his heartbeat and breathing in his smell.

We sit like that in silence for some time. Peeta doesn't pry or try to force information from me; he just lets me lean on him while he strokes my hair. The tears come to a stop and my breathing slows down, the panic slowly leaving me. His support for me doesn't make what happened earlier all better, but I'm too shaken up and tired to think about it.

Peeta glances over to the bedside table and sees that my dinner is still there, untouched.

"You didn't eat your dinner." he states, rather than asks.

"I fell asleep before I could." I reply softly. "I didn't have an appetite anyway."

"Would you like anything to eat now?" he adjusts to look down at me.

"No." I shake my head, then a yawn sneaks out.

"Well I'll let you get back to sleep then, okay?"

Peeta moves to let me go but I reach out and grab a fistful of his shirt.

"No." I whisper. "Don't go."

The boy stops and looks at me, a faint hint of surprise playing on his features.

"Are you sure?" he asks. I nod timidly.

"I... I want you to stay with me tonight. If that's okay." I mumble, picking at the bedspread. "I don't want to be alone."

It's the truth. I don't want to admit it to Peeta but I'm absolutely terrified to be left alone with nothing but the haunting memories my nightmares to keep me company. Because of my fear I also know I won't go back to sleep if I'm left by myself. At least with Peeta here I'll feel a little more comfortable, a little less afraid.

I also don't want him to know that these terrors are spawned from the Games, but I'm sure he already knows what they can do to a victor.

Peeta turns the light off, then pulls the blanket down and we both crawl in. He rests on his back and opens his arms to me. I move without hesitation and use his chest as a pillow; this definitely beats even the finest Capitol pillows.

"Are they about your Games?" he asks suddenly. "The nightmares?"

I'm not surprised that my earlier thought is correct. Peeta isn't stupid.

"Yes." I reply. "Sometimes with twists mixed in." He's quiet for a moment.

"Will I get nightmares too, if I win?" he wonders.

"Probably. Everyone handles things differently, but I think every victor will have nightmares." Then I add, "It's not something you can just forget."

"I'm sorry, Freya." he says. I lift my head to look at him in confusion. "For what you talked about earlier. I didn't mean to--" I cut him off by lightly placing a finger to his lips.

"We'll talk about that tomorrow after your training." I reply. "I'm still upset, but you need to sleep. It's late." I glance at the clock and it reads 2:38.

Peeta takes my hand in his and kisses my finger. Slowly, I lean up and press my lips to his in a soft, gentle kiss. He doesn't hesitate to return it, his lips soft and smooth. If it were possible I'd melt from the warm sensation running through me and the feel of his skin on mine.

When we break away he strokes my cheek once with the back of his hand.

"Goodnight, Freya." he whispers.

"Goodnight, Peeta." I reply. Laying my head back down, I thank the darkness of the room for hiding my blush and smile. Within minutes we both fall asleep.

With Peeta next to me, I feel like I can take the whole world on.