Sukeban

Tomomi’s hands gripped the handle of her bag tightly, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip as she walked beside Mami down the sidewalk. She had no idea where Mami was taking her and while she should be scared of that, she was more scared of what Mami wanted to talk to her about. The blonde was acting eerily calm right now; it was a bit off putting to Tomomi.

The silence between the girls continued as Tomomi followed after Mami. The brunette’s eyes were constantly darting between looking at the ground and looking up at Mami. Tomomi wanted to say something to her, but she wasn’t exactly sure what to say. She let out a soft sigh, shaking her head lightly. This was so awkward and it was probably her fault for being such an awkward person.

“I’m surprised Haruna didn’t hit you,” Mami said finally, breaking through the silence that had weaseled its way in between them. Tomomi’s head snapped up to look at Mami, a gentle smile coming to her face when she saw her. Mami looked rather peaceful right now with her head tilted up towards the sky, her blonde hair falling down her back and her hands stuffed lightly into her jean pockets.

“What do you mean?” Tomomi asked. Mami chuckled softly, glancing down at Tomomi.

“She was so angry yesterday when I told her you weren’t coming, I was sure she was going to deck you for bailing on us. But I guess Rina really did work her magic on Haru in order to give you a pass, but I wouldn’t make it a habit of bailing though if you know what’s good for you. Rina’s magic won’t work forever, you know.”

“Her…magic?” Tomomi asked confused. Mami couldn’t control the laugh that escaped her at how confused Tomomi seemed by such a small and simple phrase. Tomomi was such a simple and naïve person, her naivety never got old though. Mami always found such sweetness and enjoyment in her naivety.

“You really are naïve, aren’t you?” Tomomi huffed at the insult, looking away from Mami. She didn’t understand why Mami insisted on saying such things to her. “What I meant is that Rina has got Haruna wrapped tightly around her finger. Haruna is completely in love with her, she’d do anything Rina desires. Haruna simply can’t say no to Rina.”

“It’s funny, I never thought someone like Haruna could fall in love,” Tomomi grumbled. She had said it so low that she had hoped Mami wouldn’t hear it but sure enough, the blonde had laughed, slapping her on the back.

“Are you begging to be hurt? Go say that to Haruna and see how quickly she hits you,” Mami told her with a grin. Tomomi sighed softly at Mami’s statement, simply shaking her head and refusing to give her a reply. The two girls fell back into a silence but this time, Tomomi felt like it was a lot less awkward.

The more they walked together – even if Tomomi was still unsure of where they were going – the more Tomomi felt comfortable around Mami. In a way, the brunette was almost beginning to enjoy the silence; it was awfully rare for Mami to have a moment when she didn’t have anything to say at all. This silence was peaceful.

There were things Tomomi was thinking of saying or asking, there was so much on her mind. But nearly everything she wanted to say she thought would confess to Mami that she’d been spying on her that day. She wasn’t quite ready to let Mami know of that. In a way, Tomomi wanted to wait for Mami to tell her about it. If Mami would do that then it meant she trusted Tomomi enough, and that’s really what Tomomi wanted.

“So what’s on your mind?” Tomomi jumped, her footsteps stopping momentarily from the sudden question. She didn’t stop for more than a few seconds before she was walking again, hoping that Mami hadn’t seen that reaction. “Is someone giving you trouble?”

“W-w-why would you think that?” Tomomi stuttered out. She wanted to curse herself for stuttering. Tomomi was making things so obvious that, at this point, she was surprised that Mami hadn’t seen right through her.

“Tomomi, I am more observant than you give me credit for,” Mami began. Tomomi could feel her heart sinking as Mami spoke; she was really hoping Mami hadn’t observed that much. “Your last text message was suspicious sounding, you sounded really upset. What’s more suspicious is the way you stopped responding to my messages after that. I don’t feel like that was a coincidence, Tomo. In fact, I know it wasn’t. So what’s up? Did something happen between you and Mao yesterday? Did someone give you two trouble?”

Mami was right. She was a lot more observant than Tomomi had ever given her credit for. The brunette never could have guess Mami would have been able to get that much from her text. Tomomi really wanted to break down and cry to Mami. She wanted to tell Mami about Hana and her threats. She wanted to tell Mami all about the spying and knowing about her mother. But she didn’t. She knew the bad turn things could take if she dared to speak those words. So instead of doing what her heart screamed at her to do, she prepared a lie. She had to tell Mami something after that text; that was one thing she couldn’t get out of.

“Mao and I just got into a small fight,” Tomomi muttered bitterly, “It’s nothing.”

“It sounds like it’s something to you,” Mami mused. “Fighting with friends is something, you know.” Tomomi sighed softly, her grip on her bag tightening. She didn’t want Mami to continue pestering her about this. She had been happy to get some alone time with Mami but now she was regretting accepting the blonde’s offer. “Are you sure that’s all that is wrong?”

“I’m positive, Mami. It’s really not a big deal. Mao and I have our fights, we’ll make up. I just overreacted, I’m sorry for sending you that message.” Now it was Mami’s turn to sigh at Tomomi’s words. Why did Tomomi always have to treat her like she was so easily angered at everything? She thought Tomomi was past those ridiculous thoughts.

“I’m not angry about the message, Tomo. I was just worried.” Mami had mumbled the last part of her words, mumbling so lowly that Tomomi hadn’t been sure she had heard Mami right. Could Mami have really just said she was worried about Tomomi? Tomomi never thought she’d ever hear the blonde admit that.

“I’m sorry for worrying you,” Tomomi said. She giggled when she saw the surprised way Mami looked at her; clearly not have wanted Tomomi to hear the last part of her sentence. “Is that all you wanted to talk about?”

“Pretty much, I just wanted to make sure you weren’t getting yourself into any trouble,” Mami told her. Tomomi huffed in annoyance, finally looking away from Mami. The absolute nerve of Mami.

“You all get me into enough trouble, I don’t need to be making any by myself,” she grumbled. She could hear Mami chuckle from beside her. Slowly, Tomomi looked back over to Mami, gulping down the nervousness as she asked her next question. “Can I ask you some more questions of my own?”

“Hm? Depends on what your questions are,” Mami answered her. The blonde smiled at the annoyance that showed on Tomomi’s expression. “Let’s give it a shot, it’s not like your questions can get much worse than you’ve already made them.”

“Thank you,” Tomomi replied softly. She was slowly getting used to Mami’s odd compliments and answers. “Can we find someplace to sit though?”

“Tired of walking already, eh? Well come on then,” Mami said. Tomomi wasn’t able to respond before she felt Mami wrap a hand around her wrist, suddenly jerking her off to the side. The blonde pushed her way through the crowds of people, pulling the brunette along with her.

It didn’t take the two girls long to reach Mami’s destination, which was a small bench off to the side, nestled in between the rows of small shops lining the street. The blonde sat down with a small, content sigh and motioned for Tomomi to join her.

The brunette did just that. With hesitant movements, she joined the blonde teenager on the bench, letting her bag slip down onto the cement. Her hands laid flat on her lap, beginning to pick at each other. She took one deep breath before opening her mouth to speak.

Here goes nothing.

“Why did you join the gang? Why did any of you join?” Tomomi didn’t really know why she was bothering to ask this question, the answer would never really do anything for her. She was simply curious and wanted to delve further into the minds of these girls.

“Why are you asking that?” Mami asked as she leaned back into the bench. She crossed her arms over her chest, her eyes looking down at the pavement. She didn’t want to answer that question; she certainly hadn’t been expecting Tomomi to ask something like that.

“I’m just curious. I guess I just want to understand how all of you work a bit more.”

“So why are you always picking on me?” Mami groaned, reaching a hand up to ruffle her hair. Tomomi giggled at Mami’s actions.

“Well you’re the only one who has told me anything so…” Tomomi let her sentence trail off as she heard a scoff from the blonde beside her, but she knew Mami wasn’t angry.

“Fair enough.”

“Will you answer my questions?” The brunette could hear Mami let out a heavy sigh. The sigh had caused Tomomi to glance over at Mami and she could see the teenager had her head leaned back against the building the bench sat up again, her eyes looking up at the sky wonderingly.

“We all have our reasons, Tomomi. None of our reasons are the same and it’s not really my place to tell you what the others’ reasons are. Their lives are their lives. They’ll tell you when they feel it’s time to tell you,” Mami answered her. Tomomi was frustrated and upset by the vague reply but she really didn’t expect any less from Mami.

“I guess I should have expected that,” Tomomi grumbled. Mami felt bad for upsetting her so much but these were all sensitive questions. She couldn’t give Tomomi the type of answer she wanted, although she could give her some type of answer that may satisfy her.

“Let me put it to you this way… We’re all misfits. We never belonged anywhere else in the world so we went searching for where we belong. We could never get along with people and we could never fit in. Before this, all of us were alone in the world. We had to survive and we couldn’t survive on our own. Tomomi, you don’t get it. People like us have to stick together. If we don’t, we’ll never survive. Do you think we joined this life for fun?”

Tomomi turned her head away, not wanting to look at Mami. She couldn’t look at Mami right now; her emotions were running too high while she tried to process Mami’s words. She wanted to say something but her mind came up blank. She had no idea how Mami was feeling. Tomomi never felt that way. She never felt like she was alone in the world and she never felt like she was a misfit. She didn’t know how any of that felt.

“We didn’t join this gang for the fun of it, in case you were wondering. We joined to survive. We all have our own reasons as to what pushed us to such desperation but we all share one common goal now. To survive. It’s that simple. We were all alone; none of us had anyone… Until now. We all found a kinship in each other. We became like a family. We’re all messed up in our own ways and we understand each other in a way that no one else has been able to. Tomomi, it’s hard to get higher when you’re living at the bottom. Sometimes, when you’re this low, you get desperate. But sometimes that desperation can also lead you to amazing people.”

“Will you at least tell me specifically why you joined?” Tomomi asked her. She didn’t know how to respond to anything Mami had just said. She figured it was better to just not bother than say something she would regret. She saw Mami give her a small smile before chuckling softly.

“I joined because Haruna asked me to,” Mami said simply. She could see the confusion come clearly to Tomomi’s face. She knew that Tomomi probably hadn’t been expecting such a small and casual answer after what Mami had just said.

“How long have you and Haruna known each other?”

“Since grade school.” Mami felt satisfied as she watched Tomomi’s vision snap back to her, her eyes widening. She knew that the brunette would have a reaction to that.

“How did you two meet?” Tomomi watched as Mami let her head roll to the side, the blonde now looking away from her. There was a content smile on her face as she recalled the memories of the first day she’d encountered the small and meek child Haruna once was. Haruna wasn’t always the abrasive, near unemotional person she was today.

“I was six, so Haruna had to have been eight. It was a random encounter; I saw her getting bullied when my mom took me to a playground one day. I don’t know why I did but I felt an urge to help this girl. I kind of thought she was younger than me, she is awfully short after all.”

Mami let out a soft chuckle at her own joke. It was true though. Mami had originally helped Haruna because she had thought the older girl was younger than her because of her height, she was rather surprised when Haruna told her what her age really was.

“Haruna…got bullied?” Tomomi asked breathlessly. She shook her head at Mami’s statement, speaking with more confidence, “Why do I not believe that?”

“Believe it or not, it’s the truth. What good would lying about how Haruna and I met do?” Mami asked her.

The blonde had to admit that she was a little hurt by Tomomi’s implication that she was lying, but she couldn’t say she was surprised. Tomomi was still new by all regards; she was still learning everything there was to know about the girls and their lives. Tomomi was probably still holding onto some of those stereotypes their peers had about the girls. As much as she wanted Tomomi to be past all of that, she knew the brunette wasn’t.

“But it’s Haruna. Wouldn’t she just fight back?”

“Haruna wasn’t always like this, you know. You may not believe it but back when I met her, Haruna was the quietest person I had ever met. I didn’t even know it was possible for someone to be that shy. She wouldn’t even really speak to me at first. Whenever I would talk to her, she would just smile and nod. It took forever to convince her it was safe to speak with me.”

“Safe to speak? What does that mean?” Mami let her eyes open, a soft groan slipping past her lips. Why did she say that? She knew Tomomi probably would question it. As much as she didn’t want Tomomi questioning it, the brunette was an observant person as well. Mami hadn’t been thinking at all when she said that, she wasn’t used to being around such observant people.

“You’re overthinking that phrase,” Mami said, faking the laugh that followed her words. She could hear Tomomi sigh, but it appeared that the brunette had taken her word for it.

“When did Haruna change? I mean… When did she start fighting back?” Tomomi was hesitant to ask her question, she could hear the tone of Mami’s voice and she knew she was pushing the limits already. But she intended to continue pushing until Mami made it clear no more would be tolerated.

“Haruna changed when she was 13… Something very bad happened to her, I’ll leave it at that.” Tomomi wanted to push the subject but she could hear the sheer pain in Mami’s voice and she knew not to push it. Whatever had happened to Haruna obviously still hurt Mami to think about. Mami could remember a time when Haruna was different, she could remember the time where Haruna would smile and laugh, and when she would mean those. But all of that changes only a few years ago.

Mami did want to tell Tomomi about what had happened; she wanted someone else to know. She had kept this secret from everyone for so long, not even Rina knew it. Haruna, Mami, and Haruna’s parents were the only ones who knew. She’d made a promise though, a promise to never tell anyone else. For five years, Mami had been keeping the dark secret locked away. Although for the blonde teenager, the small five years had seemed like an eternity to her.

Mami could still remember the odd phone call she had gotten from Haruna all those years ago. When she had picked up, the only thing she could hear was a soft crying before she heard what sounded like Haruna choke out an “I’m sorry” before hanging up suddenly.

Mami was only eleven at the time but even as a child, she knew something wasn’t right. She didn’t know what but she knew that she had to get to Haruna. She’d left to go find Haruna, not caring what her mother would do when she discovered that her daughter was gone. She knew how dangerous the streets were so late at night for a child but she didn’t care. Getting to Haruna was more important to her than anything at that moment, she couldn’t get rid of the feeling of dread Haruna’s call had left her with.

It hadn’t taken Mami very long to find her way to Haruna’s house; the two girls didn’t live very far from each other back then. Mami knew where her parents kept the spare key and she had instantly made her way up to Haruna’s room knowing that is exactly where the older girl was. But when she got there, a part of her wished she hadn’t.

Once she had opened the door, she could feel the scream rip through her when her eyes landed on Haruna’s seemingly lifeless body. Mami would never forget the way Haruna’s body looked. The young thirteen year old was curled up on the bed, one arm wrapped around her stomach as the other laid limp, draping itself over the side of the bed. Her face was paler than Mami had ever remembered it being. At first glance, Mami did think Haruna was dead just from the way she looked. It was only until she saw the older girl’s chest slowly rise and fall that she knew Haruna was alive, but only just barely.

The night was still very vivid in Mami’s mind, there was no way she could ever forget the night Haruna had tried to end her life. That night changed everything for the two girls. Haruna’s anger and pain only grew from the uncaring way her parents had responded.

Instead of taking it out on herself anymore, Haruna had turned to taking it out on other people. She began to feel resentment towards the world that was so cruel to her. Haruna let her tears become anger. Haruna began to try to stop herself from showing emotion. In her eyes, emotions only caused trouble and made her weaker. In that way, Mami wasn’t much different than Haruna. Mami took a more sarcastic and uncaring approach to life, but she too had let her tears become anger. They all had.

That night was the moment when Haruna had begun to change from a shy girl into the tormentor she was today.

Haruna closed herself off to everyone after that, including Mami. She stopped showing her emotions and she stopped letting herself get close to people. But Mami refused to leave, no matter how hard Haruna tried to push her away. Mami was determined to stick by her side. She was determined to someday bring back the Haruna who would allow herself to show emotion, who would allow herself to laugh and smile. The only one Haruna had ever let in since that night was Rina and Mami didn’t understand how Rina had done it. Not even Rina understood how she had broken past Haruna’s barriers. Mami had made a promise to herself though, she had made a promise that she would get Haruna to let her back in. She wasn’t going to give up on the broken girl.

Mami felt comfortable around her, she liked Haruna. The two of them might have been dysfunctional as children, and still were, but at least they were together. Mami found kinship in Haruna, she could relate to the broken girl. For the first time in her life, Mami had felt like she had made a real friend in Haruna. Haruna was Mami’s first real friend.

Mami always knew that Haruna wasn’t a bad person; she was the farthest thing from it really. In her heart, Haruna was a good person. She was simply hurt and broken. She was only lost and scared.

“So why did Haruna ask you to join?” Tomomi asked, deciding it was time to divert the conversation back to its original subject. The new silence from Mami was making Tomomi more than just uncomfortable.

Tomomi had looked away from Mami now, her eyes training themselves on the ground. She wanted to ask what Haruna’s home life was like but she knew better, there was no way Mami was going to tell her that.

“She was scared,” Mami stated simply. She knew Tomomi would ask what she was scared of but Mami didn’t volunteer that information; she’d rather Tomomi actually ask if she wanted to know bad enough, even if Mami wouldn’t tell her.

“What was she scared of?” Tomomi asked the already known question. Mami pushed herself up into more of a sitting position, leaning over a bit and resting her arms on her legs. Her head bent itself forward, her golden locks flowing past her shoulders and down the front of her body.

“That’s enough questions, Tomomi. You’re going to get my ass kicked by Haruna if I tell you too much and she finds out.” Mami had said her words with a laugh, but Tomomi didn’t see how she could joke so casually about something like that.

“So she still doesn’t trust me, huh?”

“Tomomi, don’t take it to heart. It takes Haruna a while to trust anyone. If you knew her past, you’d understand why she is the way she is. Don’t rush anything, just keep proving to Haruna that you mean what you say and she’ll come to believe you. We all had to do it with her,” Mami explained to her.

Tomomi sighed in defeat, her head hanging. She had to admit that she was disappointed. Even after all of their conversation, Tomomi really didn’t learn anything knew. Mami might as well be speaking to her in riddles because Tomomi couldn’t de-code what the blonde was trying to say half the time.

“It’s getting kind of late, maybe you should head home now.” Tomomi looked over at the blonde who had spoken the words before looking up at the sky, the once blue sky now dotted with orange colors.

“The sun has set so quickly,” Tomomi mused. She hadn’t even noticed that it was going down; she’d been too engrossed in what was happening between her and Mami to notice. “Are you going home as well?”

“Nah, my mom won’t be there for a few hours and I don’t feel like being alone. I’ll probably just go bug Haruna and Rina for a few hours,” Mami said with a shrug. Tomomi smiled at the casualness of how Mami had spoken her words but deep down, her heart was breaking for Mami. She knew the reason why Mami didn’t want to go home but despite that reason, Mami kept smiling and acting like she was strong.

“I guess I’ll see you tomorrow after school… Isn’t your suspension almost up?” At her words, Mami groaned loudly.

“Don’t remind me. Just a few more days and then I have to be trapped in that hellhole again,” Mami groaned. Tomomi giggled at the reaction Mami had to her words. The brunette pushed herself off the bench and grabbed her schoolbag before turning to Mami.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then,” Tomomi told her. Mami looked over at her before pushing herself into a sitting position.

“Tomorrow then,” Mami agreed with her. Tomomi nodded in satisfaction before giving Mami another small goodbye and a wave. She turned on her heels, setting off down the path towards home.

As she walked, she ducked her way through the crowds, her mind beginning to swirl. All the words she had held back began to come back to her, crashing into her mind and pulling at her being. She’d missed her opportunity to beg for Mami to protect her from Hana. But she still didn’t know what she wanted to do. She didn’t want to hurt Mao but she didn’t want to hurt any of her new friends.

She knew though that soon, she’d have to make a choice between her best friend and her new group of friends.